*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

LovinLea said:
Same!
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O.m.g!

I almost cursed him out 3 days ago! I matched with him and he sent some long message about wanting a freak and blah blah blah. I responded that "I rolled my eyes so hard I almost fell asleep" he asked why and I said....why are you sending essays? Why are you mentioning wanting a freak? If I met you at a bar would you say his to me?

He said yea and I unmatched him. He's gross...funny enough we have friends in common :rolleyes:
 
sgold04 said:
It's awfully dreary in here :/ I understand the despair, I've been there, but c'mon ladies! This is the time in our lives we get to be completely selfish and do whatever the *** we want! (Unless you have kids...but even then, you can kinda do selfish things sometimes maybe? I dunno).
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Sometimes it's like that. And I think that's ok. It's good to be honest about what you're feeling. Feel it, acknowledge it and then feel better. Just a couple weeks ago I was in here reading all the good news and singing the living single theme song. Lol all the sadness eventually passes.
 
shespoison said:
O.m.g!

I almost cursed him out 3 days ago! I matched with him and he sent some long message about wanting a freak and blah blah blah. I responded that "I rolled my eyes so hard I almost fell asleep" he asked why and I said....why are you sending essays? Why are you mentioning wanting a freak? If I met you at a bar would you say his to me?

He said yea and I unmatched him. He's gross...funny enough we have friends in common :rolleyes:
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He copies and pastes these essays but if you're going to do that at least make them good enough to actually attract women. Smh!

No I haven't matched with Vincent. Let us know how it goes!
 
KammyGirl said:
Sometimes it's like that. And I think that's ok. It's good to be honest about what you're feeling. Feel it, acknowledge it and then feel better. Just a couple weeks ago I was in here reading all the good news and singing the living single theme song. Lol all the sadness eventually passes.
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Oh yeah, I'm not saying it's not ok to feel these things. We all do. And I no longer try to mask the pain or use damaging coping mechanisms, just feel it and reflect. I just noticed that the comments recently have been consistently pessemistic and I wanted to add a positive perspective. I know some excruciatingly unhappy couples who stay together because of this fear of being single, and how our culture views singles, particularly women. So while I desire a partnership, I'd rather be content and alone than be in those situations. I realized a lot of the issues I have won't be "fixed" with a mate, even an awesome one. So I'm doing things that make me happy and foster wellness. I'll have moments of sadness and loneliness, but those moments are increasingly less frequent, or they last for shorter periods of time.
 
sgold04 said:
Oh yeah, I'm not saying it's not ok to feel these things. We all do. And I no longer try to mask the pain or use damaging coping mechanisms, just feel it and reflect. I just noticed that the comments recently have been consistently pessemistic and I wanted to add a positive perspective. I know some excruciatingly unhappy couples who stay together because of this fear of being single, and how our culture views singles, particularly women. So while I desire a partnership, I'd rather be content and alone than be in those situations. I realized a lot of the issues I have won't be "fixed" with a mate, even an awesome one. So I'm doing things that make me happy and foster wellness. I'll have moments of sadness and loneliness, but those moments are increasingly less frequent, or they last for shorter periods of time.
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You're right. I think there are valleys and peaks to our moods as single women, and right now many of us are just in the dumps. The warmer weather brings out the couples and families so it can get a bit tough. Who wouldn't rather sip margaritas on a trendy patio somewhere with a lover vs. Netflix and Chill solo? It'll pass and most of us will be in a better mood and hopefully start sharing some wins in either dating or personal growth pretty soon. :yep:

You make a good point about how culture views single women past a certain age. There really is nothing out there meant to empower and reassure us. Many of us are winging it and learning how to take on the world independently in a society where most people are coupled by now. It's tough and can get exhausting. I hope that I, along with others dealing with this, will learn how to manage these emotions in a healthy way with time. Until then, we're all just trying to figure this crap out. And it ain't easy.
 
Currently embracing single and starting to really enjoy it. Dating all the time was no longer fun.

That said, I went out to a house party last night and felt like the belle of the ball. My afro is getting longer and hangs to my shoulders in a twistout now, so I wore it in a kiddie style (two buns in the front and lose in the back). I wore a gray body suit, choker and boyfriend jeans and I felt super cute lol. There were lots of cute Cameroonian guys and I love to dance so it was great bouncing around from man to man. My hair was a great talking point--I resisted the urge to tell them not to touch it since today is wash day lol. I flirted a lot and ended up (somewhat reluctantly) giving my number to two of them. I'm not interested in either, but it was a really fun night and attention is always good.

There is another guy that I met at a party a few weeks ago. We have been hanging out but I let him know clearly that he is in the friend zone. He's still trying to wear me down, but he's been informed of my position so I don't feel bad about spending time with him. We're headed to a park today for some outdoor exercise.
 
My tinder date was so cute. I brought him to my favorite spot because he said he didn't know what afrobeat was. We ended up hanging out until 5 am and even though we drank a lot he didn't try any funny stuff.

He sent me a message today saying that he liked me and would like to see me again. I like him too but I'm not sure he is someone I should date. I'm just enjoying getting to know someone new.
 
So yesterday me and the guy I've been seeing had a housedate.

We originally had a real date planned, but he called and asked if he can bring over some (really good) pizza and chill at my place because he was tired. At first I was mad that he even asked. But he's been having health issues. He's been suffering from exhaustion and high blood pressure due to stress. Now, normally I'd say "that's not my problem" :look: but our last couple of dates have been great and he seems like a stand up guy. Also he had to go to urgent care earlier this week (which is how he found out about the HBP)...so I gave him a pass.

What's cool is that he's already planned our next date, and where it's going to be. He also hinted at meeting his brother this coming weekend...which dawned on me just now :lol:. I like this guy.

Ok, so it's not easily juggling these dudes. I'm only officially talking to one, but the other two negros are now being more attentive. Sigh. I'm trying to give an "appropriate" amount of time to each (cus I want to keep my options open), but they are getting neglected. Oh well, I guess.

**Ah, lemme respond to one of the alternate's texts now before I forget :perplexed:
 
*please don't quote*
So today, Lee and I drove up to Philly. My ex ended up taking my son for the weekend so we had to go pick him up. When we get there, Lee ask if I minded if he visited his Philly family that he hasn't seen in a long time on our way back home. I am cool with it, didn't know what to expect. Actually I was planning on just sitting in the car while he went in to say hi. So anyway we get there and he is like let's go in. The family is screaming loudly- and running to hug him while my son and me are behind him just watching. Then he introduces me as his girlfriend and the whole family is greeting me with hugs... But I just told him last night that we weren't in a relationship (we were discussing us).
Well any way, I spend two hours up there, chatting with his family and I was surprised at how easy it all was. It felt like talking with old friends, tons of laughter- it even surprised him how well we all got along.
His aunt, who is sort of like his mother- especially after his mother died, was showing my son some "grandma-like" love. She held my son's hands as we walked to the second house (I had to meet two sets of family) and that really touched me. She is an elderly woman and seemed to really pour that love soothingly into my child that she just met 2 hours prior. I felt calm with their interaction, when generally I watch people like a hawk with my son. She ask me (and my son) to come back up again and spend time with them. And she told him that she would like to make plans to visit DC.... It seems like after Lee's mother passed away, he went into seclusion and all family connections stopped. They hadn't seen him in a long time and it was amazing to see their reaction.

I know this all sounds like girl, go for it - the man wants me, his family likes me, etc., but Lee wasn't honest about his situation. And I am still harboring hurt. Sometimes I feel dumb for still dealing with him... I know if I was on the outside looking in, I would be telling myself to run. But there is something there. I really try to fight against it by dating other men and giving myself space from Lee but I love that man. And all of his actions shows me he loves me too. He is even being more vocal about it too. He tells me he loves me and I don't say anything back. I don't want to hurt his feelings but me speaking it is binding me more. He has done things to show me that he is sorry and has been more transparent. Our friendship has deepened over being together but I really just don't know. If I go all in, then it is just going to be my dumb @$$ fault if he hurts me again. I have never been so conflicted in my life.

Now I get why it is so hard for some women to walk away. I used to be the one judging someone for staying in whatever situation they are in and I guess I have met my karma. I am conflicted, I beat myself up, I start arguments when I am feeling like that and he just takes it all. I ask him to leave me alone and he refuses. He told me that he regrets the way he pursued me. He didn't think it was going to get so serious since we met on POF. I guess I need to get myself back in counseling and work on forgiving him. If I am going to continue dealing with him, I need to make a final decision and commit to it. Because all of this is just wasting my precious time. And I can't even blame him for that.
 
Please don't quote. The attached conversation made me very uncomfortable BUT I then feel like a horrible human for not continuing to chat to him. Unfortunately I wasn't feeling him BEFORE the conversation went left so this just makes me o_Oo_Oo_O. Thoughts?
 

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This same guy that I have spoken to on the phone always visits my profile when I come back online. I don't know why. You had your chance. Too late now since you are blocked.



There's another one who messages me every single time I come back. He is marriage "but separated". He tells me his "situation" and asks if I still want to continue getting to know him. I decline, then he deletes his pic from his profile. Same thing every single time. (I always forget it's him when he first messages. I won't forget anymore). I don't believe for a second that they are seperated. He just wants to cheat. No thanks.
 
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Made it through my first week in Dallas and I feel like I've been here forever! It's been a pretty seamless transition.

I went out with my homeboy last night and met a few ballers, one was sweet as pie but oogly :giggle: He told me to call him so he can introduce me to the movers and shakers around the city. This summer is going to be lit


IMG_6608.GIF
 
UniquelyDivine said:
Made it through my first week in Dallas and I feel like I've been here forever! It's been a pretty seamless transition.

I went out with my homeboy last night and met a few ballers, one was sweet as pie but oogly :giggle: He told me to call him so he can introduce me to the movers and shakers around the city. This summer is going to be lit


View attachment 396393
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Didn't know you were here already. Welcome!
 
shespoison said:
My tinder date was so cute. I brought him to my favorite spot because he said he didn't know what afrobeat was. We ended up hanging out until 5 am and even though we drank a lot he didn't try any funny stuff.

He sent me a message today saying that he liked me and would like to see me again. I like him too but I'm not sure he is someone I should date. I'm just enjoying getting to know someone new.
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This is the best way to go into this. Unless there are red flags, you have nothing to lose! Keep him on the roster.
 
UniquelyDivine said:
Made it through my first week in Dallas and I feel like I've been here forever! It's been a pretty seamless transition.

I went out with my homeboy last night and met a few ballers, one was sweet as pie but oogly :giggle: He told me to call him so he can introduce me to the movers and shakers around the city. This summer is going to be lit


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I'm so excited for you!
 
I am single, lol. I went to an African Carribean event and It was cold as hell but I had fun. First this Jamaican guy was hoovering around me trying to get my picture but I love his energy. He is so charming. He was like, "did you put love potion in my drink?" I joked and said maybe just a little.

While he was performing, my ex cutty was staring at me from across the yard. With his girl in tow. It was so creepy. I caught it on Facebook live. He eventually came over and gave me a hug. He is the photog for the Jamaican guy *ouch* He left suddenly. There was an art exhibition he went but I didn't want to subject myself to that awkward energy struggle again. We run in the same circles, but he is in my inbox every other day it seems...with a girl. His girl is a sister of the light yoga instructor and counselor. This man is manipulative, but the balance of our community is so fragile, I rather not say anything. He is well documented community peen.

Then everyone started to dance so I figured I get my Drake on lol. I did my little wine and this one African guy taught me some moves. He was cute. Nice smile. Very sweet. He mentioned he was a choreographer.

Yes numbers from all. The Jamaican guy is going on tour soon *ugh* but he is taking me out for my birthday. He is from Brooklyn, I picked up on the Non-rhoticity accent.

My sister is really good friends with Jah so she said just have fun with with him, because apparently he slept with his manager, big mistake. He told her as much, but she gets jealous and she has the connections so... and she was being sweet as pie to me with the "we are sisters now." She is setting me up for emotional blackmail. I just want to have fun. I am not looking for anything else right now.
 
When I was hanging out the other day I left my phone in my friends car and this guy said I could use his phone to call it. He was super nice about it and I said thanks & went on my way after I got ahold of my friend but I woke up from a text message from him today talking bout "It was nice to meet you, hopefully we can meet up again soon"

Ummmmmmm...
 
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