Ok, I need to vent for a moment.
So as you all know from some of my posts on this sub-forum, I'm at a point right now where I'm learning how to be at peace with being single for now. Yes, I desire companionship badly, but I understand the importance of finding contentment in the journey-- which means enjoying being single while waiting on the right one to show up.
What I don't like is to have my concerns and occasional frustration with being a single woman invalidated by people who have not been in my shoes. There are a few people in my life who can be condescending with their "advice" to me about how to cope with single life. Just because I'm down occasionally about being a single woman does not mean I'm thirsty for a man, or obsessed with male validation, wasn't raised to be independent, or unhappy with myself.
I've been single for 8.5 of the last 10 years and didn't date before then. I've traveled solo, worked on my education, worked on my career, took myself on a bunch of dates, spoiled myself, lived in a few different cities, lived outside of the country, the list goes on. I busted my butt and have a career that I love that pays me VERY well. I have some business prospects in the works that I'm hoping will pay off BIGLY in the next 5-7 years. I'm starting my masters next fall and working on a bunch of certifications for my industry. I haven't been sitting around putting my life on hold for a man. I've been working on my future. So I think I've earned the right to desire a companion.
- If you've just come out of a 10+ year toxic relationship, and are now newly single and empowered, you can't tell me a dang thing about how I don't need companionship and about how being single is so exciting and liberating. You're preaching freedom to someone who has always been free.
- If you've always been in back to back relationships, and are now trying to find yourself and take a break from relationships, the same goes for you as well. I've found myself. I know who I am. While you were chasing partners, I was focused on me.
- If you are single and fill your weekends with partying, getting wasted, and having a lot of casual sex, you can't preach to me the joys of being single. I've been there and eventually you get burned out. If you removed the booze, the drugs, the night clubs, the bars, and the no strings attached sex-- how would you fill your time? You'd want a warm body to curl up to every night as well.
- If you are a man who claims to be single and happy, but you keep a harem of hopeful prospects around to sleep with, drink with, travel with, and party with-- but with no labels-- get out of my face with that "you need to enjoy being single" mess. You aren't single. You're in a bunch of situationships. Just because you haven't committed to those women doesn't mean it isn't functioning as a pseudo-relationship.
- If you have commitment and intimacy issues because you grew up in a broken home and around a bunch of people from broken homes, save your advice. For people who grew up seeing companionship and marriage as the norm-- it is natural to desire partnership.
- If you're bitter about the opposite sex because of past toxic relationships or watching your parents struggle through a bad marriage, you can also shut up about how I should feel about being single. Men work my nerves sometimes but I'm not bitter about love. I still believe it exists and that there are good men out there.
As I've become more enlightened in this process, I've realized that these people gots-ta-go. I've been there for many of these individuals when they were going through their crap and yet they've shown no empathy towards me with what I'm dealing with right now at this point in my life. I'm starting to think there is some jealousy there because I've accomplished a lot in the last 4 years and my perpetual singledom and occasional frustration with it is the only weakness they can point out and they exploit it. They are projecting their own issues onto me.
This is why as a single woman it is important to have friends with a healthy outlook on relationships if that is something you desire someday. They can offer useful advice instead of making it seem like you're desperate, thirsty, and have low self-esteem because you want a man. I'm starting to realize that keeping those toxic people around is probably why I haven't had much luck in dating in the last couple of years. Bad vibes and it ends today. I'm surrounding myself with people who have or are working towards all of those things which I desire-- and that includes relationships.
Whew, that was a mouthful.
. I didn't say that, but now that I know him better I may coax him gently into being more quiet. 
. Another guy text me the day I gave him my number. I let him know that I would be free after 7pm that night to talk. Fast forward 2 weeks later....he finally called and left me a voicemail at my bedtime. It's a dub. If you don't call me within one or two days I'm not interested. At least keep in touch.
I just had a $200+ date so he's right.
