*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

deediamante said:
Maybe not ghost him but distance yourself. Don't initiate phone calls and not answer all his calls. And have zero expectations and make zero effort on your end about hanging out with him again.

I had a similar experience with a guy I met on a cruise early last year (he lives in FL) and he was laying it on so thick that for a second I thought he was truly interested and putting effort to try to meet up and I ended up sprung. Didn't end well at all and was very frustrating.

You must stay distracted. Hobbies, friends, gym, Netflix, a new guy (even if a casual meetup), something!! You will only drive yourself crazy. I have been on that emotional roller coaster and hated how I acted and gave too much of myself (emotionally, mentally) to someone who didn't reciprocate.
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Yep, I just got finished doing that and realized that that I could very easily end up heading down that road again if I don't pump the brakes.

Ok, I know what I need to do now. Glad I talked it out with you guys.
 
MzLady78 said:
I don't think he deserves for me to go ghost on him. He's not a bad dude, there's just no way he can give me the attention I need given his job and the distance. I do think I need to either adjust my expectations accordingly or chose to leave it alone and let him know.
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We're not so much saying he deserves to be ghosted. We're saying doing it that way will probably be better for you. Make it easier for you to move on. The more you talk to him, the more attached and hopeful you might become. Also, trying to explain and discuss moving on may just prolong the inevitable as most people don't like being dumped and will try to hold on. He may be a nice guy, but maybe not? You don't really know him well enough to know for sure or to be overly concerned about his feelings. JMHO. We are concerned about you, not him.
 
hopeful said:
We're not so much saying he deserves to be ghosted. We're saying doing it that way will probably be better for you. Make it easier for you to move on. The more you talk to him, the more attached and hopeful you might become. Also, trying to explain and discuss moving on may just prolong the inevitable as most people don't like being dumped and will try to hold on. He may be a nice guy, but maybe not? You don't really know him well enough to know for sure or to be overly concerned about his feelings. JMHO. We are concerned about you, not him.
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I understand. :yep:
 
hopeful said:
We're not so much saying he deserves to be ghosted. We're saying doing it that way will probably be better for you. Make it easier for you to move on. The more you talk to him, the more attached and hopeful you might become. Also, trying to explain and discuss moving on may just prolong the inevitable as most people don't like being dumped and will try to hold on. He may be a nice guy, but maybe not? You don't really know him well enough to know for sure or to be overly concerned about his feelings. JMHO. We are concerned about you, not him.
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Right. I may tend to be fast on the trigger wrt cutting folks off (it bites me in the behind for sure). Its just it can be very masochistic. it's hard to want someone and know you can't have him... and try to wean myself off. I lose my damn mind. not saying you're masochistic @MzLady78 . just giving you reasoning behind my statement earlier.
 
DarkJoy said:
Right. I may tend to be fast on the trigger wrt cutting folks off (it bites me in the behind for sure). Its just it can be very masochistic. it's hard to want someone and know you can't have him... and try to wean myself off. I lose my damn mind. not saying you're masochistic @MzLady78 . just giving you reasoning behind my statement earlier.
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Oh trust me, no offense taken. I've had my moments where I felt like just that.
 
DarkJoy said:
Right. I may tend to be fast on the trigger wrt cutting folks off (it bites me in the behind for sure). Its just it can be very masochistic. it's hard to want someone and know you can't have him... and try to wean myself off. I lose my damn mind. not saying you're masochistic @MzLady78 . just giving you reasoning behind my statement earlier.
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Masochism shows up in tricky ways too. Pursuing a disinterested or less interested/ invested person is a form of unkindness to ourselves. It's more subtle than head on masochism, but it creates the same feelings of embarrassment, feeling unlovable, unappreciated, etc.
 
Physician bae and I planned to meet up last night and he pulled a no call no show.

I decide to go to a party by myself and just guess who was the very first face I see :)

This man has the nerve to smile when he sees me :lachen:I walk over to him, give him a hug and tell him he's raggedy but I accept him for who he is.

He was out with his "boys" and one of them asked me how he could see me again....and old boy had the nerve to tell him I was his lady.

Luckily for me....he was leaving. Because I sure enough had a boo at the party downstairs.
 
DarkJoy said:
Right. I may tend to be fast on the trigger wrt cutting folks off (it bites me in the behind for sure)
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This is certainly something i have a problem with even in my friendships and it definitely hurt me in the long run. One thing i learn as i get older is that everyone in your life is not going to play the same role in your life. Its ok to have a friend who isnt that great to talk to about serious issues...but is a great party animal. Or a guy who u couldnt see eye to eye romantically...but still remain friends with. Im not trying to say to keep toxic folks in your life...but some people really dont necessarily have to be cut off completely just because they didnt reach the level you expected them to. There have been a few folks i cut out of my life that i probably could still be friends or friendly with today. When u get older and start to lose friends due to marriage, relationships, distance, babies etc u start to reflect A LOT. lol
 
Dposh167 said:
This is certainly something i have a problem with even in my friendships and it definitely hurt me in the long run. One thing i learn as i get older is that everyone in your life is not going to play the same role in your life. Its ok to have a friend who isnt that great to talk to about serious issues...but is a great party animal. Or a guy who u couldnt see eye to eye romantically...but still remain friends with. Im not trying to say to keep toxic folks in your life...but some people really dont necessarily have to be cut off completely just because they didnt reach the level you expected them to. There have been a few folks i cut out of my life that i probably could still be friends or friendly with today. When u get older and start to lose friends due to marriage, relationships, distance, babies etc u start to reflect A LOT. lol
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Im there! I reflected. and my history is crazy so I tend to attract the crazy. every now and then I have to clear out the toxics. there were maybe only 2 or 3 I might should have reconsidered. live and learn I guess. working on changing me to not attract the narcissists and deeply wounded anymore.
 
KammyGirl said:
The man you had planned to meet up with (was it a date or y'all just friends?) stood you up and then you saw him at a party you went to? These dudes are bold! I don't know what I would have done if I saw him.
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Yep. We had made plans to meet up the day before. I was in bk for most of the day so i hit him up to see if we were still on and he didn't respond.

We're certainly not just friends.
 
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Trying to get over someone and put on a brave face is so ****** hard... especially when you see them 4 to 5 days out of the week (because we work together). I've never been in this ishty situation where I couldn't at least heal due to not being near them...but here I am, in this predicament I put myself but could've easily avoided. I'm so mad at myself.

Also learned that my personal perception of my self worth is in the pits; I need to fix that STAT. I'm thinking it's what's leading to me being treated as such.
 
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I am so depressed today. Doesn't really have anything to do with relationships and being single but I feel down today. I think it's because it's cloudy outside. I don't know but I want this feeling to go away. It's not even a bad mood. It's more like I feel like I want to stay in bed forever and ever and never get up.
 
KammyGirl said:
I am so depressed today. Doesn't really have anything to do with relationships and being single but I feel down today. I think it's because it's cloudy outside. I don't know but I want this feeling to go away. It's not even a bad mood. It's more like I feel like I want to stay in bed forever and ever and never get up.
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Awww, hugs, this too shall pass... Get up take a nice shower, try to encourage yourself today
 
I've been on 2 dates since joining OKC last week.

The guy lied about his height (why) I'm a thick woman that's 5'7 & he's like 5'5, plus he wasn't as cute as his pictures (won't be a 2nd date).

Taco Tuesday date was cool shorter than he posted also (so annoying lol) but he was at least my height & I had on heel boots. Had that high top fade going on (didbt like it) he was so pushy about settling down & now that I meet him for me to delete my account (like no sir I just meet you) I told him we can go on a second date he was very fun to converse with, we shall see tho.
 
KammyGirl said:
So I got a random text from dude who cancelled on me saying he's sorry about yesterday but doesn't think we should go out because I'm pushy??? We've had all of like 2 conversations where we talked about work and chocolate. Lol and after those convos he asked me out so.... All the other texts from him were him telling me he couldn't wait to go out. I'm guessing it's because of the text I sent him yesterday about last minute cancelling. This is why young guys irk me. All of this indecision, non up-front bs, excuse after excuse to then blame me as the reason he's an ass. It's comical actually but he could have kept that text. His number wasn't saved but has now been put on the block list. Don't need a bunch of random texts when he gets it in his head to say something to me. And he's already been blocked on OKC which is probably why I got the text. Under 35 not happening again. I will not even entertain them. Just no.
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This is what I was talking about in Insecure...Jidenna being an ass to Molly for no reason. I need to get over it, I know :lol:
 
MzLady78 said:
I don't think he deserves for me to go ghost on him. He's not a bad dude, there's just no way he can give me the attention I need given his job and the distance. I do think I need to either adjust my expectations accordingly or chose to leave it alone and let him know.
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I get what you're saying but I had to learn that this thought pattern is a thin-ice area. It may not be that he deserves ghosting per se, but you're not feeling great about the situation. You are number one. By you not feeling absolutely great, you have a reason to enforce a casualty.
 
Browndilocks said:
I get what you're saying but I had to learn that this thought pattern is a thin-ice area. It may not be that he deserves ghosting per se, but you're not feeling great about the situation. You are number one. By you not feeling absolutely great, you have a reason to enforce a casualty.
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Honestly, I think maybe my expectations were a little too high (for this particular situation) and I was setting myself to be disappointed. Not to make excuses for him, but I've seen what his life is like on a daily basis, it's crazy and it's very different from mine. But I kind of realized last night that aside from a physical attraction, there really isn't much there anyway. So I'm doing a Toni Braxton.



If he's serious about coming to see me, he'll make it happen. If he wants to talk to me, he knows how to find me. I'm not spending 2017 agonizing over any man, especially one that isn't even relationship potential.
 
MzLady78 said:
Honestly, I think maybe my expectations were a little too high (for this particular situation) and I was setting myself to be disappointed. Not to make excuses for him, but I've seen what his life is like on a daily basis, it's crazy and it's very different from mine. But I kind of realized last night that aside from a physical attraction, there really isn't much there anyway. So I'm doing a Toni Braxton.

If he's serious about coming to see me, he'll make it happen. If he wants to talk to me, he knows how to find me. I'm not spending 2017 agonizing over any man, especially one that isn't even relationship potential.
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At the first bolded, this is where the pain starts. Time to think of it as a vacation fling.

At the second bolded, a man makes time for what is important to him. He will move heaven and earth to make it happen. In the early stages, the guy I was dating (now BF) returned to the US from a business trip that took almost 24 hours of flight/transit time, then he drove 2 hours straight from the airport to where I was so we could be together. I was floored. I don't think I would do something like that :look: I need my rest. :giggle: Needless to say, he got some upon arrival. :blondboob:
 
deediamante said:
At the first bolded, this is where the pain starts. Time to think of it as a vacation fling.

At the second bolded, a man makes time for what is important to him. He will move heaven and earth to make it happen. In the early stages, the guy I was dating (now BF) returned to the US from a business trip that took almost 24 hours of flight/transit time, then he drove 2 hours straight from the airport to where I was so we could be together. I was floored. I don't think I would do something like that :look: I need my rest. :giggle: Needless to say, he got some upon arrival. :blondboob:
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I agree and if we were trying to seriously date/start a relationship, I would expect that. But let's be real, all this talk about him coming here or me going back there is because we wanna get our freak on again. There's no way it could ever be more than that.
 
MzLady78 said:
I agree and if we were trying to seriously date/start a relationship, I would expect that. But let's be real, all this talk about him coming here or me going back there is because we wanna get our freak on again. There's no way it could ever be more than that.
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:eek: Well alright then!! Nothing wrong with that. :lachen: Well in that case, I am all for it. Well let's make those necessary arrangements so he can service you and your needs. :yep:
 
deediamante said:
:eek: Well alright then!! Nothing wrong with that. :lachen: Well in that case, I am all for it. Well let's make those necessary arrangements so he can service you and your needs. :yep:
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:lol:

Yeah, I can't even pretend it's anything more than that. He's single by choice, and I don't have any interest in pursing a long distance relationship, especially with someone out of the country. His job isn't like mine, he doesn't get paid time off, that's why him coming here is so iffy. He went to Miami the day before I left and has a cruise in April. That's all time where he isn't making money. So we likely wouldn't see each other often enough for anything serious even if we wanted to.
 
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