*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

[DarkJoy]

This lady is legit my relationship fairy godmother, she gives the best advice lol

The creepy contacts were Hella distracting but good advice.

I often get the "independent woman. what can I do for you?" comments from men when they hear of my career or where I live. these are insecure men who need ego stroking to stay alive.

the advice to keep your mouth shut about your job is a slippery slope. I mean I've done it but how long are you supposed to keep that up? eventually they find out and it's back to the independent woman comments. it's tricky.

well, not really. it's best to date up if you can at all times. then it becomes a non issue. usually.

anyways, like her and her delivery.

 

[DarkJoy]

When she said, "you're not going to be impressed by me. I can't impress you."

That struck a nerve. And it has been said to me on several occasions. I'll subscribe to her.

me too. as soon as I hear that or something like it, it's over unless I just decide to smash... then it's over

 

[LdyKamz]

So I got a random text from dude who cancelled on me saying he's sorry about yesterday but doesn't think we should go out because I'm pushy??? We've had all of like 2 conversations where we talked about work and chocolate. Lol and after those convos he asked me out so.... All the other texts from him were him telling me he couldn't wait to go out. I'm guessing it's because of the text I sent him yesterday about last minute cancelling. This is why young guys irk me. All of this indecision, non up-front bs, excuse after excuse to then blame me as the reason he's an ass. It's comical actually but he could have kept that text. His number wasn't saved but has now been put on the block list. Don't need a bunch of random texts when he gets it in his head to say something to me. And he's already been blocked on OKC which is probably why I got the text. Under 35 not happening again. I will not even entertain them. Just no.

 

[movingforward13]

Day 2 shenanigans. We are headed to D.C. for the night. Somebody's club. I stopped by to see Lee a bit earlier. I think he was annoyed that I was going out- I am looking really good with tight black pants and was like "how many numbers you think I am gonna get tonight". But he gave me a $100 bill before we drove off.

I need to find a girlfriend in DC. My bestie leaves tomorrow night.

 

[quirkydimples]

Welp. I just blocked #2. I thought he had potential, too.

(Kanye shrug) Oh well. Back to the drawing board.

 

[LdyKamz]

Welp. I just blocked #2. I thought he had potential, too.

(Kanye shrug) Oh well. Back to the drawing board.

What happened?! I thought you liked him. You guys went out at least 3 times right?

 

[quirkydimples]

What happened?! I thought you liked him. You guys went out at least 3 times right?

In a nutshell: he's young and plays too much. He was trying to prove a point and called me some names that I'm not ok with. Truthfully he was moving too fast and he has too much baggage. The name calling was an easy out because I was having second thoughts anyway.

 

[LdyKamz]

Next week I think I'll take myself on a couple after work dates. I'm tired of waiting for a date to go out in the evenings. I've been dying to go to my all time favorite restaurant for the past couple weeks.

 

[MzLady78]

In a nutshell: he's young and plays too much. He was trying to prove a point and called me some names that I'm not ok with. Truthfully he was moving too fast and he has too much baggage. The name calling was an easy out because I was having second thoughts anyway.

Say what now? Oh, hell no!

 

[quirkydimples]

Say what now? Oh, hell no!

I know! My jaw dropped, but if I've learned one thing it's to believe people when they show you who they are.

 

[MzLady78]

I know! My jaw dropped, but if I've learned one thing it's to believe people when they show you who they are.

I'm glad. Screw him.

 

[MzLady78]

Yeah, I'm falling all the way back.

I'm finding myself getting frustrated and I seriously don't need it right now. Probably would have been better off leaving it as an island fling. Well, it could ultimately still end up being that if neither of us makes plans to go see the other.

I spent 4+ years of my life constantly fighting for someone's attention, and losing 90% of the time. I have zero interest in doing it again.

 

[hopeful]

@MzLady78
Enjoy the memories. Let it just be what is was, a fun vacation fling. That guy is not long-term relationship material. Quietly ghost and move on so you can be open and available to the right guy.

 

[TwoSnapsUp]

I need to meet new people. I want to make new friends of the opposite sex, but that seems to be impossible after a certain age. Sometimes I just want someone to drag to a restaurant or new activity I want to try out.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

My law school bestie's wedding was yesterday so I flew out. I was a bridesmaid and I got to know the single groomsmen that I hadn't already met. One was cute, kept trying to get me to drink even though we both don't drink a lot. I did have a glass of wine with my meal. We danced the whole night and talked about our families and where we are in life. He was touching me the whole night, he wore good cologne and we both had gum in our mouths which was was good. Towards the end of the night he asked if he could kiss me, and I said yes, totally unlike me. So he kissed me. Not bad. My lips were dry though. He kissed me on my forehead when we parted. Most people who came flew out for the wedding so most of us are from the same area. I totally had fun with him but there's little relationship potential IMO. Career-wise we're in different places. But it was nice to flirt, dance and feel like a woman for a few hours. I had so much fun. If I see him again, which is likely it won't be awkward on my part.

Too bad I'm not the kind of woman men can be just friends with otherwise I'd hang out with him as a friend lol. I guess I've friend zoned him. I'd even do FWB but I'm not the type for that.

 

[LdyKamz]

Yeah, I'm falling all the way back.

I'm finding myself getting frustrated and I seriously don't need it right now. Probably would have been better off leaving it as an island fling. Well, it could ultimately still end up being that if neither of us makes plans to go see the other.

I spent 4+ years of my life constantly fighting for someone's attention, and losing 90% of the time. I have zero interest in doing it again.

It was fun. Don't stress yourself out.

 

[LdyKamz]

I need to meet new people. I want to make new friends of the opposite sex, but that seems to be impossible after a certain age. Sometimes I just want someone to drag to a restaurant or new activity I want to try out.

Do you have any male friends now? What about people you work with?

I just text one of my friends telling him he's coming with me to a restaurant next week Thursday because one of the places I miss is not a place to go alone. I mean, I could go alone but I don't want to be rushed along in order to seat all the couples and parties that will be going in. Other than that I'm on my own for the rest of the week. I've already planned my Tuesday and Wednesday alone and Friday I'll leave to the lovers and stay in.

 

[TwoSnapsUp]

Do you have any male friends now? What about people you work with?

I just text one of my friends telling him he's coming with me to a restaurant next week Thursday because one of the places I miss is not a place to go alone. I mean, I could go alone but I don't want to be rushed along in order to seat all the couples and parties that will be going in. Other than that I'm on my own for the rest of the week. I've already planned my Tuesday and Wednesday alone and Friday I'll leave to the lovers and stay in.

No more male friends. We have lost touch or they are married/in relationships/ have families.

There aren't many males I know at work and would prefer to keep my work and social lives separate anyway.

I've tried going to cooed meetups, but to no avail. I want friends, not just associates that I see here and there. Someone can call anytime and drag out with me. I miss having that.


I think seeing my friend's social media page has me in a rut. She is constantly out and about with male and female friends. All my closest friends are married with children. I only see them at family functions.

OAN: I wish there were Haitian spots near me where I can go and eat while listening to music. Most seem to be in Brooklyn, which can be a pain for me to get to.

 

[MzLady78]

@MzLady78
Enjoy the memories. Let it just be what is was, a fun vacation fling. That guy is not long-term relationship material. Quietly ghost and move on so you can be open and available to the right guy.

It was fun. Don't stress yourself out.

I know, I know. He's trying, but it's just never going to be enough considering the circumstances.

I'm also seeing a pattern with myself that I need to do something about, though, which is too much damn time on my hands. If I had more of a life, maybe I wouldn't feel so neglected ALL THE TIME. I'd be too busy doing my own thing to notice.

 

[quirkydimples]

Good lord. He's emailed me a super long apology...since he can't call.

 

[LdyKamz]

No more male friends. We have lost touch or they are married/in relationships/ have families.

There aren't many males I know at work and would prefer to keep my work and social lives separate anyway.

I've tried going to cooed meetups, but to no avail. I want friends, not just associates that I see here and there. Someone can call anytime and drag out with me. I miss having that.


I think seeing my friend's social media page has me in a rut. She is constantly out and about with male and female friends. All my closest friends are married with children. I only see them at family functions.

OAN: I wish there were Haitian spots near me where I can go and eat while listening to music. Most seem to be in Brooklyn, which can be a pain for me to get to.

Ahh you're right. Work people are more associates instead of friends. I suggested it because my best male friend I met at work but we were 2 of a handful of black people in the office and we don't work together anymore. But yeah you're right.

How far away from Brooklyn are you?

 

[TwoSnapsUp]

Ahh you're right. Work people are more associates instead of friends. I suggested it because my best male friend I met at work but we were 2 of a handful of black people in the office and we don't work together anymore. But yeah you're right.

How far away from Brooklyn are you?

I'm in Queens. Not too far from Long Island. I have to take a bus to the train station. Lol.

 

[LdyKamz]

I know, I know. He's trying, but it's just never going to be enough considering the circumstances.

I'm also seeing a pattern with myself that I need to do something about, though, which is too much damn time on my hands. If I had more of a life, maybe I wouldn't feel so neglected ALL THE TIME. I'd be too busy doing my own thing to notice.

So what's the plan? Any hobbies you're interested in that can take up your time? I remember a few years ago I got addicted to rock climbing. I wanted to hit the wall every day and couldn't think about anything else. Lol

 

[DarkJoy]

Good lord. He's emailed me a super long apology...since he can't call.

what he say?
are you responding?

 

[DarkJoy]

I know, I know. He's trying, but it's just never going to be enough considering the circumstances.

I'm also seeing a pattern with myself that I need to do something about, though, which is too much damn time on my hands. If I had more of a life, maybe I wouldn't feel so neglected ALL THE TIME. I'd be too busy doing my own thing to notice.

It's a good idea to go cold turkey and just ghost. There certainly is a pattern but you'll get a handle on it when you're ready.

Working on mines too so you're not alone!

 

[LdyKamz]

I'm in Queens. Not too far from Long Island. I have to take a bus to the train station. Lol.

Yikes, yeah kinda far. Maybe take a day you want to take yourself out and make a night of it. There is a place called Kombit that I avoided for the longest time because I stupidly thought it was an Indian place. Don't ask me why. Lol But that place is chill. It gets a few wp wandering in on the weekends but for the most part cool Haitian spot. I'm not Haitian and you probably can't take my word for it on the food but the atmosphere is nice, good music and sometimes eye candy in there. If you ever get the urge pm me and I'll go with you!

 

[MzLady78]

I don't think he deserves for me to go ghost on him. He's not a bad dude, there's just no way he can give me the attention I need given his job and the distance. I do think I need to either adjust my expectations accordingly or chose to leave it alone and let him know.

 

[quirkydimples]

what he say?
are you responding?

He said he wasn't serious and when I hung up he thought we were playing until he tried calling a few later and realized he couldn't get through on the phone and that I blocked him on Match and eHarmony and canceled a calendar invite he had sent me.

He said it was stupid and immature and he hopes I'll reconsider cutting him off but understands that actions have consequences. Says he hurt himself and can't believe he's already messed up with such a good woman, etc. and so on.

 

[MzLady78]

So what's the plan? Any hobbies you're interested in that can take up your time? I remember a few years ago I got addicted to rock climbing. I wanted to hit the wall every day and couldn't think about anything else. Lol

The list of more productive things I could be doing is long, I just keep BS'ing.

Example: I keep saying I want to get my Graduate Certificate in HR Management since I finally have a job that offers tuition reimbursement. So how about I sit my lazy arse down and write the statement of purpose I need to apply?

I've also said I need additional income so I can pay off these bills. How about I go take those TESOL classes?

Ugh, I need to get my life. Seriously.

I think last dude was just an a-hole who was perfectly content treating me like an option, but the truth is, I do take up with guys who have more going on than I do, and maybe as a result, I end up coming off as too needy. So yeah, this is something I need to work out.

 

[lavaflow99]

I don't think he deserves for me to go ghost on him. He's not a bad dude, there's just no way he can give me the attention I need given his job and the distance. I do think I need to either adjust my expectations accordingly or chose to leave it alone and let him know.

Maybe not ghost him but distance yourself. Don't initiate phone calls and not answer all his calls. And have zero expectations and make zero effort on your end about hanging out with him again.

I had a similar experience with a guy I met on a cruise early last year (he lives in FL) and he was laying it on so thick that for a second I thought he was truly interested and putting effort to try to meet up and I ended up sprung. Didn't end well at all and was very frustrating.

You must stay distracted. Hobbies, friends, gym, Netflix, a new guy (even if a casual meetup), something!! You will only drive yourself crazy. I have been on that emotional roller coaster and hated how I acted and gave too much of myself (emotionally, mentally) to someone who didn't reciprocate.