*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

barbiesocialite said:
@qchelle makes six figures and so does her SO.

Most of them don't marry under 30. Also I've noticed people with wealth aspirations don't marry young.

When I see young married couples I see young people who peaked hella early and will likely never escape anything beyonce middle class or barely upper middle. I don't envy them. When immediately caked at 45 they'll be divorced living paycheck to paycheck.
Click to expand...

Yea I feel no pressure to marry and have kids. Cuz my friends either aren't married, or they are and there's no way in hell I'd be envious/wanting to emulate that :lol:
 
qchelle said:
I don't understand the question :lol:
Click to expand...
LMAO - bad joke with reference to my new gig :drunk:
DarkJoy said:
Yea me too. even the white men. however I work in an industry where degrees, letters after your name and 6+ figures reign. then I get home and it's the same lame ppl.
Click to expand...
:yep: I agree. I am still learning how to "network" around here. But I finally feel official now that I have some letters after my name/salary. The huge thing here is "What do you do?" and *slyly* how much you make... If you don't do something impressive then you have to be "well-connected." The people back home think I made it... I am like- you can do it too... get some motivation to do more than what you see around you....
 
movingforward13 said:
LMAO - bad joke with reference to my new gig :drunk:

:yep: I agree. I am still learning how to "network" around here. But I finally feel official now that I have some letters after my name/salary. The huge thing here is "What do you do?" and *slyly* how much you make... If you don't do something impressive then you have to be "well-connected." The people back home think I made it... I am like- you can do it too... get some motivation to do more than what you see around you....
Click to expand...


I don't do anything impressive. I don't even have a real job but i refuse to lower my standards
 
barbiesocialite said:
I don't do anything impressive. I don't even have a real job but i refuse to lower my standards
Click to expand...
Being a Barbie Socialite isn't impressive? And I mean that sincerely... I don't know too many women that can get away without working/barely working so that is impressive to me. The only other woman I know that did it was my bestie... but she has since fallen off and trying to get back to heauxdom.

And not everyone is going to be a bombshell. If I was a bombshell, I probably wouldn't work either. Or just work in places to get me closer to rich older men who wanted to take care of a young beautiful woman while expecting little in return, like Tiger's ex wife. Living vicariously through.
 
movingforward13 said:
LMAO - bad joke with reference to my new gig :drunk:

:yep: I agree. I am still learning how to "network" around here. But I finally feel official now that I have some letters after my name/salary. The huge thing here is "What do you do?" and *slyly* how much you make... If you don't do something impressive then you have to be "well-connected." The people back home think I made it... I am like- you can do it too... get some motivation to do more than what you see around you....
Click to expand...

Ohhhhh :lol: I thought that's what you were talking about, but wasn't sure lol.

I never told dates what I do when they asked, and I rarely tell non-dates lol. I try my best to avoid the question.

One time it back fired lol. When I was in Atlanta over the summer with some friends. When we were at this bar and these guys came over and started talking to us. When it was time for everyone to announce what they do I said loudly: who cares?! :lol: nobody liked that and my friends ratted on me anyway. Jerks lol.
 
qchelle said:
I never told dates what I do when they asked, and I rarely tell non-dates lol. I try my best to avoid the question.
Click to expand...
Gotcha, this is something I have done for the most part ever since I got here - I would tell people something boring like "researcher" or gov worker because I was warned I would be judged on it. Even now people ask and I don't say exactly what, I talk around it- unless I am trying to get a client lol
 
movingforward13 said:
Gotcha, this is something I have done for the most part ever since I got here - I would tell people something boring like "researcher" or gov worker because I was warned I would be judged on it. Even now people ask and I don't say exactly what, I talk around it- unless I am trying to get a client lol
Click to expand...

Yea, that sounds good and vague lol.

I stopped telling people right away cuz some folks' eyes would light up and they'd say some variation of "ohh wow you must be really smart!" Only a few response options: 1. (Douchbag) Yes, I am thanks. 2. (Humble) Ohh, noooo I'm sure you're smart too 3. (Awkward) just laugh and ignore. I hate ALL of those options. I would rather lie from the beginning and say I'm trying to start my own farm lol.
 
I prefer not to tell men what I do at all. I am vague and say administrative support. Otherwise I get that "oh you real smart too" bs response like @qchelle and it goes downhill from there. Some get real curious and want to know my actual title and whatever. that's all a red flag these are broke dudes and I write them off. what's a real finisher is "oh well what you expect me to do for you then?!" either upon hearing my title or, if I've managed to evade the work stuff, seeing my townhouse :lol: they gets nothing but a fade to black.
 
qchelle said:
Ohhhhh :lol: I thought that's what you were talking about, but wasn't sure lol.

I never told dates what I do when they asked, and I rarely tell non-dates lol. I try my best to avoid the question.

One time it back fired lol. When I was in Atlanta over the summer with some friends. When we were at this bar and these guys came over and started talking to us. When it was time for everyone to announce what they do I said loudly: who cares?! :lol: nobody liked that and my friends ratted on me anyway. Jerks lol.
Click to expand...
movingforward13 said:
Gotcha, this is something I have done for the most part ever since I got here - I would tell people something boring like "researcher" or gov worker because I was warned I would be judged on it. Even now people ask and I don't say exactly what, I talk around it- unless I am trying to get a client lol
Click to expand...
DarkJoy said:
I prefer not to tell men what I do at all. I am vague and say administrative support. Otherwise I get that "oh you real smart too" bs response like @qchelle and it goes downhill from there. Some get real curious and want to know my actual title and whatever. that's all a red flag these are broke dudes and I write them off. what's a real finisher is "oh well what you expect me to do for you then?!" either upon hearing my title or, if I've managed to evade the work stuff, seeing my townhouse :lol: they gets nothing but a fade to black.
Click to expand...

Hmmm....maybe I should be more vague in my responses as well. I NEVER bring up my job or level of degree attainment, but when asked I tell them, and it's usually downhill from there...it seems to only be an issue with BM though* :look:

*I'd say about 70% have an issue, so not all :)

My career is my passion though, so I don't know how vague I can be in responses.

Question ladies: is it unrealistic to desire chemistry/sparks within the first real interaction or two with a potential? I've been encountering "good" men while out and about, but they do nothing for me. Usually because they are kind of boring. They have good jobs, they can discuss the list of topics educated black people are required to discuss, but that's it. No wit, curiosity, reflection, nada. I know the chemistry fades, but I'd like to feel excited to see someone, especially in the beginning.

Anywho, I went to Cuba and had a fantastic time. I met an AA man there who is smitten by me. He's 12 years older than me, and I'm not interested in an older man. He also liked to "pick my brain" on controversial topics so he could debate me, so that was annoying (I'm beginning to loathe the self-proclaimed devil's advocates). I've had plenty of intellectual dialogue that didn't feel combative, or like I was being tested--just engaging conversation, even when disagreeing--and my convos with him don't fit this mold. He seemed to enjoy it though, and got a lot more flirtatious after each conversation. He tried to smash but I had no desire to, and now he's talking about flying out to my city so he could "court me properly". I'm
tired of being pursued by men I have absolutely no interest in.
 
sgold04 said:
Hmmm....maybe I should be more vague in my responses as well. I NEVER bring up my job or level of degree attainment, but when asked I tell them, and it's usually downhill from there...it seems to only be an issue with BM though* :look:

*I'd say about 70% have an issue, so not all :)

My career is my passion though, so I don't know how vague I can be in responses.

Question ladies: is it unrealistic to desire chemistry/sparks within the first real interaction or two with a potential? I've been encountering "good" men while out and about, but they do nothing for me. Usually because they are kind of boring. They have good jobs, they can discuss the list of topics educated black people are required to discuss, but that's it. No wit, curiosity, reflection, nada. I know the chemistry fades, but I'd like to feel excited to see someone, especially in the beginning.

Anywho, I went to Cuba and had a fantastic time. I met an AA man there who is smitten by me. He's 12 years older than me, and I'm not interested in an older man. He also liked to "pick my brain" on controversial topics so he could debate me, so that was annoying (I'm beginning to loathe the self-proclaimed devil's advocates). I've had plenty of intellectual dialogue that didn't feel combative, or like I was being tested--just engaging conversation, even when disagreeing--and my convos with him don't fit this mold. He seemed to enjoy it though, and got a lot more flirtatious after each conversation. He tried to smash but I had no desire to, and now he's talking about flying out to my city so he could "court me properly". I'm
tired of being pursued by men I have absolutely no interest in.
Click to expand...
id give the boring men a couple of dates to account for nerves unless you find them really ugly :look:

same here with the BM in similar percentages.

devil's advocating is a dude being too much of a p....y to really disagree. it's obnoxious and infuriating. these are passive aggressive men.
 
DarkJoy said:
id give the boring men a couple of dates to account for nerves unless you find them really ugly :look:

same here with the BM in similar percentages.

devil's advocating is a dude being too much of a p....y to really disagree. it's obnoxious and infuriating. these are passive aggressive men.
Click to expand...
Hehe, no, they aren't ugly...but maybe not fine enough for me to give them one mo' chance lol. I didn't think about nerves and such. I've often been told that I'm intimidating so I guess I can give them wiggle room? I don't want a man who is intimidated by me though :/

ETA: awww yes, passive aggressiveness. I couldn't quite put my finger on why it annoyed me (beyond messing up my vibe) but that's it.
 
Last edited:
I'm rereading MDLWLY and I realized how lame & basic I've been about the dude I have my eye on. I'm lowkey dissapointed in myself.

On another note : I just came from a date with this guy I knew from undergrad that played ball with my ex & he just KEPT asking about him. I was so damn annoyed and finally told him I don't talk to him, don't keep tabs, have no idea what that man is doing & couldn't care less either! He still brought him up 2-3 more times :confused:
 
sgold04 said:
My career is my passion though, so I don't know how vague I can be in responses.
Click to expand...
Can you say something about what you do versus your actual title? For example- I am (last day is today) an internal auditor in DOD. So I tell people I research stuff and write reports about it for the government... semi sorta true.
Next job I am just gonna tell people I am self employed and do business consulting... which is also semi true.
I don't tell people I am a CPA unless I am looking for business. Most people think CPAs only do taxes and I HATE having to explain that CPAs do a LOT more than that. I also get the - you must be really smart/ a nerd a lot too, which is less annoying than assuming I do taxes and that is my only purpose in life lol.
I never had someone ask for an actual title though- they usually take what I give them and move on unless they have questions about the specific work itself.
sgold04 said:
Question ladies: is it unrealistic to desire chemistry/sparks within the first real interaction or two with a potential?
Click to expand...
I don't think it is unrealistic but thinking back on my dating experiences of the last five years- most started luke warm- like there was physical attraction so I wanted to get to know him more but no jumping off the paper chemistry. Lee was the only one I had that immediate chemistry with and I think because we started out with an intense conversation. Even my ex husband was luke warm until like a month in.
 
barbiesocialite said:
:up:

We went to Barcelona. The food was soooo good.

I'm supposed to see him again next week.

Girl, he actually lives right off Wisconsin---and his house has a pool.

I was like..... :spinning:

Oh yea and he's 65.:roadrunner:
Click to expand...

qchelle said:
:thud: omg!! :lol:

Im so glad you had a good time!!
Click to expand...

sweetvi said:
65!!!! Lol. Wait..what...
Click to expand...

UniquelyDivine said:
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!?!?!?
Click to expand...

I'm so damn slow. I'm like why do y'all keep quoting this.

Just realized he's 65 years old, not 6 ft 5 in. :eek:
 
DarkJoy said:
ok. I really need to block this friend/wannabe boyfriend. sometimes the temptation to answer or chat is too great especially if im bored :look:. last I told him point blank his lifestyle is unattractive and he's just doubled his efforts, calling every day texting every cpl hours.

anyhoo this last conversation just underscores it all and now my skin crawls. it was about his job (remember he is 53 yrs old, 10 yrs older than me):

Dude: [asks advice on job plan as I've been doing it 17 years to his 1]

Me: [gives detailed advice on doubling his salary by going indie within a year including scenarios and rough idea on financial plan based on experience]

Dude: you know that takes planning. I cant plan. I can't save money either to pay tax or for emergencies. how you expect me to do all that? that's way too many things to think of at once. you know I don't like to do anything.

Me: :look::confused::abducted:o_O:alcoholic:

I cant be bothered. I don't think any woman will be bothered.
Click to expand...
ok... think I ditched him. :clapping:
it took me hinting about the unhealthy relationship between him and his 30yo dd.

I mean, why he call and cuss her ex-fiancee out? they broke up 6 months ago but she invited herself over for a cpl weeks. she gave up the pooty, laid all up in his place like she still lived there for WEEKS. he kicked her out and she come home butt hurt and crying. and you call and try to check him?! lol. I wish my ex's mom or dad would call me with some ****.

anyways, it's been 4 days. the silence is golden.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Hairsnob
FB Read: My Thoughts on How a Man Chooses a Woman to Settle Down With
Replies
18
Views
1K
Hairsnob
Hairsnob
misskris816
Never thought I'd be one of those girls...
2
Replies
51
Views
2K
misskris816
misskris816
Tene
Great Hair Tips for Damaged Hair and Hair Growth
4 5 6
Replies
171
Views
104K
Ivonnovi
Ivonnovi
Back
Top