*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

deediamante said:
I now feel like that unicorn you ladies speak of. I have read about it but didn't think it would happened to me. :lachen:

He paid for and filled up my gas tank when we were out and about last night!! :toocool:
He is saying and doing ALL the right things. Putting MDLWLW to practice helped with the vetting process over the past 3 months and he passed all the tests. I will probably be hanging up my bachelorette/ho card shortly. :giggle:
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so... give us the deets with examples of what tests you put to him.

and congrats !
 
LovinLea said:
Ladies I need help...
I was in a long term relationship with someone and he would disappear randomly, it could be 3 hours, 3 days, or 3 weeks. I never knew when it was going to happen or how long it was going to last. Yes, I was very dumb.

Fast forward to now, as I'm dating, once a guy does not respond to me as quickly as he did before, I immediately end things before they even begin. I would rather end it right away then feel fear of not knowing whether or not he's going to do what my ex did. How can I get over this?
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You build a bridge and. . .get over it. Every man isn't your ex. In fact, before today, I had never even heard of any shenanigans like this going on. &Girl you good because when Casper pulled that disappearing act the first time it would've been over. Like df this ain't no I dream of Jeannie I don't want my man to disappear and reappear.

As for guys responding, I like a lot of attention so I don't really put up with that either. :lachen: I feel like if you can't respond to what I said or return my call within the same day obviously you too busy to pursue me and I'm SURE one of the many men standing behind you waiting on me to honor them with a second of my time would be glad to respond in an appropriate amount of time.

In short, don't put up with BS.
 
So I'm reading a book at the suggestion of another member and it has five points to prove whether or not a guy is playing games.

1. He's hiding you from family/friends
2. Avoids locations close to home/work
3. You aren't welcome at his place
4. You invest more time than he does... (he texts more than calls)
5. Lies and inconsistencies

The guy I just stopped dating would have passed all these tests... I met family and friends, went to games (he coaches), he wanted me to see where he lived and invited me multiple times before I actually visited. He texted and called multiple times throughout the entire day. I saw him several times a week... we went on dates. We went to very public places... Now, there were a few inconsistencies towards the end which lead to me finding out he has a girlfriend of two years! His pattern changed and I'm assuming it's because she was on vacation.

Those are nice clues but sometimes a guy could be putting in the effort (according to the playbook) and still be playing games. All this man talked about was being in a relationship with me... and he had a GF!

I really need to work on trusting my gut. I need concrete in your face evidence and sometimes it doesn't take all of that!
 
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1. He's hiding you from family/friends
2. Avoids locations close to home/work
3. You aren't welcome at his place
4. You invest more time than he does... (he texts more than calls)
5. Lies and inconsistencies

I really don't think there's a sure way or formula to figure these things out. As you said, I know people who can get around all of these points here and family please....my family wouldn't put me on blast that's for sure.
You'll know something's off as you go along though.
 
deediamante said:
I now feel like that unicorn you ladies speak of. I have read about it but didn't think it would happened to me. :lachen:

He paid for and filled up my gas tank when we were out and about last night!! :toocool:
He is saying and doing ALL the right things. Putting MDLWLW to practice helped with the vetting process over the past 3 months and he passed all the tests. I will probably be hanging up my bachelorette/ho card shortly. :giggle:
Click to expand...
Sigh

OK OK ILL READ THE BOOK
 
Fine 4s said:
1. He's hiding you from family/friends
2. Avoids locations close to home/work
3. You aren't welcome at his place
4. You invest more time than he does... (he texts more than calls)
5. Lies and inconsistencies

I really don't think there's a sure way or formula to figure these things out. As you said, I know people who can get around all of these points here and family please....my family wouldn't put me on blast that's for sure.
You'll know something's off as you go along though.
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You can't put too much emphasis on it if you actually meet the family. But, if he doesn't bring you around family... that might be a red flag.

In MDLWLY it says if you think you are being played chances are you've already been played.
 
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deediamante said:
I now feel like that unicorn you ladies speak of. I have read about it but didn't think it would happened to me. :lachen:

He paid for and filled up my gas tank when we were out and about last night!! :toocool:
He is saying and doing ALL the right things. Putting MDLWLW to practice helped with the vetting process over the past 3 months and he passed all the tests. I will probably be hanging up my bachelorette/ho card shortly. :giggle:
Click to expand...
Yesssssss ;)
 
pinkness27 said:
It would annoy me too if all of a sudden they stopped being less attentive just bc they're getting familiar.

But how slow are we talking?
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movingforward13 said:
By keeping your options in rotation so you don't care if one responds quickly or not. Once he sees your interest fading, he will probably make a move to get your attention back in him.
It is a dumb ass game. I hate these games.
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Fine 4s said:
In addition to the previous responses, you should address the baggage/fear that you're projecting onto a new person. I don't know the details of the slow responses but I'm assuming you mean call/text backs?
Can you tell us more.

Nothing from the previous relationship was normal, either he had another life or a drug addict on binges or something crazy. That crazy is long gone, don't bring him back!
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Maybe in the first few days they respond back in text or phone call in 5 minutes or less, then it becomes 3 hours or half the day.

I told this guy that I could not talk to him anymore because of that and he said he was hurt and just trying to spend time with his kids. SMH. So I apologized and asked him to give me another shot. Trying to break the cycle.

I did worry that my ex was doing something stronger than weed because of his family but he always denied it saying he didn't want to end up like that. Good riddance to him.
 
01111.0
princess_z said:
You build a bridge and. . .get over it. Every man isn't your ex. In fact, before today, I had never even heard of any shenanigans like this going on. &Girl you good because when Casper pulled that disappearing act the first time it would've been over. Like df this ain't no I dream of Jeannie I don't want my man to disappear and reappear.

As for guys responding, I like a lot of attention so I don't really put up with that either. :lachen: I feel like if you can't respond to what I said or return my call within the same day obviously you too busy to pursue me and I'm SURE one of the many men standing behind you waiting on me to honor them with a second of my time would be glad to respond in an appropriate amount of time.

In short, don't put up with BS.
Click to expand...

Dang....alright. I needed to hear that.
 
So I was running my mouth to a coworker about how single I am. She gives my info to a friend of hers. We had one phone call and boom, he calls me talmbout I bought you dinner and would love to bring it to you at your job tonight. WTF.

It's like men never want to commit or they try to act like you go together after the first day. No middle ground.

Also another coworker asked me to hang out for New Years Eve. This came out of nowhere because the last time I heard anything about him, a couple of months ago, he was in premarital classes with his LDR girlfriend. Then people were talking about they were having problems, now this.
 
llan said:
How do you do this?
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Still in the conversion process and it really depends on the situation, but we both had a good conversation about what our where we see ourselves in the next two years and were pretty frank (we're on opposite coasts now). I didn't attempt to do the "its not you, it's me" and just asked if it was still possible to be friends and see what happens... Guys don't like outright rejection, but are amenable to "let's see." But quite frankly... I'm moving on :yep: I can be pretty good about this type of stuff (I need no closure when things end. I just wash my hands and be out)
 
I just got a FB message from the mom of that coworker I mentioned dated the same guy as me (the mom retired from our company not too long after I started). I saw her at the Pats game last weekend with her fiance' and his brother, and it turns out the brother is interested in me. He's nice looking but umm...definitely older. I generally prefer older men but he looks older. My ex is about to be 50 and he could easily pass for late 30s, 40 something.

Anyway, she said he may send me a friend request, I told her I'd accept if he does. Guess it doesn't hurt to make a new friend, lord knows I don't have anything else going on right now. :look:

ETA: He sent the request. Ugh, he's religious. I don't do religion. He'll probably look at my page and be like "this girl's too much of a heathen for me" anyway. :rofl:
 
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Just got a creepy message from an older black guy on coffee meets bagel.

He said that we can meet up and go out, and if we click then go back to his place and be affectionate. Yes he said affectionate.

Umm no thanks.

Let me drop out of that convo real quick. So irritating.

Hopefully I'll be able to look back at this idiot and laugh.

Eta: He said go back to his place to cuddle and be affectionate. Double ugh.

@qchelle: I didn't respond and unmatched with him. I felt no obligation to respond lol.
 
I decided to partake in a little bit of the devils lettuce tonight since it's New Year's Eve and I've had a long year, and why did the plug ask me out? In the midst of that conversation he revealed that he has a masters degree, and is going to start on his doctorate soon & he is a licensed addictions counselor but sells weed. If that ain't job security then I don't know what is!
 
MzLady78 said:
I just got a FB message from the mom of that coworker I mentioned dated the same guy as me (the mom retired from our company not too long after I started). I saw her at the Pats game last weekend with her fiance' and his brother, and it turns out the brother is interested in me. He's nice looking but umm...definitely older. I generally prefer older men but he looks older. My ex is about to be 50 and he could easily pass for late 30s, 40 something.

Anyway, she said he may send me a friend request, I told her I'd accept if he does. Guess it doesn't hurt to make a new friend, lord knows I don't have anything else going on right now. :look:

ETA: He sent the request. Ugh, he's religious. I don't do religion. He'll probably look at my page and be like "this girl's too much of a heathen for me" anyway. :rofl:
Click to expand...

OMG, he's 60!!! :thud:

My mom just turned 62!!

Absolutely not. No way. WTF? :nono:
 
ok. I really need to block this friend/wannabe boyfriend. sometimes the temptation to answer or chat is too great especially if im bored :look:. last I told him point blank his lifestyle is unattractive and he's just doubled his efforts, calling every day texting every cpl hours.

anyhoo this last conversation just underscores it all and now my skin crawls. it was about his job (remember he is 53 yrs old, 10 yrs older than me):

Dude: [asks advice on job plan as I've been doing it 17 years to his 1]

Me: [gives detailed advice on doubling his salary by going indie within a year including scenarios and rough idea on financial plan based on experience]

Dude: you know that takes planning. I cant plan. I can't save money either to pay tax or for emergencies. how you expect me to do all that? that's way too many things to think of at once. you know I don't like to do anything.

Me: :look::confused::abducted:o_O:alcoholic:

I cant be bothered. I don't think any woman will be bothered.
 
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