*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

SuchaLady said:
This sounds silly I know but what do you look like? :lol: I dont mean post pics but what do you look like when you go out? It seems you are social so I doubt you are going out looking like Plain Patty. I hate that it comes to this but are you in shape? IME I can say that directly affects it which is annoying but I get it.
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I'm not in perfect shape but I was pulling men when I was 60lbs heavier so I don't believe that's it. Unless I looker older now, which is what I find when people who lose a lot of weight.

I'm thinking it's because I am natural now. I never had a problem attracting men with my long relaxed hair, no matter what size I was. With my natural hair, it's much shorter, and I don't look nice with most styles. I'm going to try to wear my hair straight for a while and see what happens.
 
TwoSnapsUp said:
I'm not in perfect shape but I was pulling men when I was 60lbs heavier so I don't believe that's it. Unless I looker older now, which is what I find when people who lose a lot of weight.

I'm thinking it's because I am natural now. I never had a problem attracting men with my long relaxed hair, no matter what size I was. With my natural hair, it's much shorter, and I don't look nice with most styles. I'm going to try to wear my hair straight for a while and see what happens.
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Isnt there a whole thread on this? I would hate to straighten my hair just to get more attention. However I do wear Senegalese twists around this time as a protective style so its a win-win.

Maybe that's what you can do instead? A crocheted style, wig or install?
 
TwoSnapsUp said:
I'm not in perfect shape but I was pulling men when I was 60lbs heavier so I don't believe that's it. Unless I looker older now, which is what I find when people who lose a lot of weight.

I'm thinking it's because I am natural now. I never had a problem attracting men with my long relaxed hair, no matter what size I was. With my natural hair, it's much shorter, and I don't look nice with most styles. I'm going to try to wear my hair straight for a while and see what happens.
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This could be it depending on where you live. I'm in Houston now and I've noticed short natural hair isn't as accepted among the menfolk as it was in other places I've lived. I personally haven't had any issues as a natural but I have A LOT of hair-- it's big and it's long so I get a lot of compliments--but if I were in my short phase I think it would be different.
 
keyawarren said:
Isnt there a whole thread on this? I would hate to straighten my hair just to get more attention. However I do wear Senegalese twists around this time as a protective style so its a win-win.

Maybe that's what you can do instead? A crocheted style, wig or install?
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I haven't been here for awhile so I missed that thread.
I'm not good with my hair period. For some reason, I feel I look like a child when I rock most natural styles. I have been single for the entire time I have been natural, including the time I transitioned. Got no play at all. I look tragic in wigs. LOL. I tried adding clipins to my natural hair, and liked it, but I feel like a fraud for some reason. This is because I look completely different with and without the length. I guess I realized that part of my "beauty" was my long hair. Sigh!
 
TwoSnapsUp said:
I haven't been here for awhile so I missed that thread.
I'm not good with my hair period. For some reason, I feel I look like a child when I rock most natural styles. I have been single for the entire time I have been natural, including the time I transitioned. Got no play at all. I look tragic in wigs. LOL. I tried adding clipins to my natural hair, and liked it, but I feel like a fraud for some reason. This is because I look completely different with and without the length. I guess I realized that part of my "beauty" was my long hair. Sigh!
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Hey lady! While the short natural hair may be a minor issue I suspect that the way that YOU feel about yourself is the bigger issue. The way we feel inside/about ourselves is totally reflected on the outside and people are drawn to confident happy people.

Case in point. I was in a wedding a while back. At the time I was going through a stressful period and had put on a little weight and in general wasn't feeling my most confident. Despite that my MOH dress flattered my extra curves, and I had my makeup/hair done professionally. I felt like an absolute princess. I got sooooo much play that day, from the announcer, to security, to the groomsmen! LOL! However, now having lost the extra pounds I look back at the pictures and think I looked happy but chubby hahah!! It has totally been my experience that when I am feeling happy and beautiful in my skin people are drawn to me. I think you need to fall in love with your hair, or find a style that you love on you. :)
 
KiSseS03 said:
Hey lady! While the short natural hair may be a minor issue I suspect that the way that YOU feel about yourself is the bigger issue. The way we feel inside/about ourselves is totally reflected on the outside and people are drawn to confident happy people.

Case in point. I was in a wedding a while back. At the time I was going through a stressful period and had put on a little weight and in general wasn't feeling my most confident. Despite that my MOH dress flattered my extra curves, and I had my makeup/hair done professionally. I felt like an absolute princess. I got sooooo much play that day, from the announcer, to security, to the groomsmen! LOL! However, now having lost the extra pounds I look back at the pictures and think I looked happy but chubby hahah!! It has totally been my experience that when I am feeling happy and beautiful in my skin people are drawn to me. I think you need to fall in love with your hair, or find a style that you love on you. :)
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I second this.

The men seem to love my short natural hair. I'm even pulling a lot of white men now. This is all a shock to me because I loved my long relaxed hair and always got complimented on it by men and now I'm darn near bald and they seem to like this more!

It has to be happiness or something.
 
So me and Bae spent Wednesday together and it was magical. But as soon as he dropped me home I called my young boo and talked for hours. I'm happy he's back home because I can't wait to see him.

Last night I went to a game night & met this guy that is sooooooo cute. He has a son though :( oh and the host of the game night likes me. Idk if I should push up on it or not.

Bae is half bf/ex bf. The cheater ass tramp I told you about @aviddiva77 :rolleyes:
 
:| this ninja

so Wednesday he's over at my house we've just eaten some mezze i put together and we're relaxing. (fully clothed).
My sister ,who I live, with comes in from work and sticks her head round the door to say good evening.

I say sis this is the ninja I was telling you about, ninja this is sis. she says hiya he says hiya and she leaves we carry on.
The evening carries on as planned. He goes home. We text the next day as usual. In the evening he calls.

There's some small talk about our day and he says so we should talk about what happened last night. I'm like o_O. Huh?

He say's Meeting your sister is a big deal.
I'm like that wasn't meeting her. She greeted you because you were in her house. It's being polite. I explained that from my point of view its more than nothing but less than everything. He said that he understands that. Anyway this lead to a whole conversation about what we mean to eachother and now he's acting weird. We left the conversation half finished.

FF to today. I say you have somethings to clear up. and I want to talk tonight. He says I'm busy today and tomorrow. Lets talk monday in person

Nevermind just typing this up is too much .
 
SlimPickinz said:
So me and Bae spent Wednesday together and it was magical. But as soon as he dropped me home I called my young boo and talked for hours. I'm happy he's back home because I can't wait to see him.

Last night I went to a game night & met this guy that is sooooooo cute. He has a son though :( oh and the host of the game night likes me. Idk if I should push up on it or not.

Bae is half bf/ex bf. The cheater ass tramp I told you about @aviddiva77 :rolleyes:
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But for why Slim?! I know why but POR QUE?

Push it. Push it real good.
 
llan said:
:| this ninja

so Wednesday he's over at my house we've just eaten some mezze i put together and we're relaxing. (fully clothed).
My sister ,who I live, with comes in from work and sticks her head round the door to say good evening.

I say sis this is the ninja I was telling you about, ninja this is sis. she says hiya he says hiya and she leaves we carry on.
The evening carries on as planned. He goes home. We text the next day as usual. In the evening he calls.

There's some small talk about our day and he says so we should talk about what happened last night. I'm like o_O. Huh?

He say's Meeting your sister is a big deal.
I'm like that wasn't meeting her. She greeted you because you were in her house. It's being polite. I explained that from my point of view its more than nothing but less than everything. He said that he understands that. Anyway this lead to a whole conversation about what we mean to eachother and now he's acting weird. We left the conversation half finished.

FF to today. I say you have somethings to clear up. and I want to talk tonight. He says I'm busy today and tomorrow. Lets talk monday in person

Nevermind just typing this up is too much .
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Girl you are good lol. Sometimes typing it up can help you find the answer.

At least you introduced him. I get what he's saying but it wasn't like a formal sit down/dinner where she could grill him so it's not that big of a deal. Jack hasn't done this and I've been over...a lot. Also something I need to talk to him about.

Why is he running from the convo though? What exactly do you want to say to him?
 
aviddiva77 said:
Girl you are good lol. Sometimes typing it up can help you find the answer.

At least you introduced him. I get what he's saying but it wasn't like a formal sit down/dinner where she could grill him so it's not that big of a deal. Jack hasn't done this and I've been over...a lot. Also something I need to talk to him about.

Why is he running from the convo though? What exactly do you want to say to him?
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He says he isn't running from the conversation he just wants to be fully present and he's preoccupied atm. He's very careful with his words. once he asked me what are we then said something I wasn't feeling and I called an uber. Since then he's been extra careful. This sounds like a break up convo in the making to me.

I'd like him to say that he's enjoyed getting to know me and that I mean a lot to him and that we should continue at the pace we're at. I can't see it though because I can't get a read on him.

I've already planned my dramatic exit for the break up.

If he calls time on me he's an idiot. You can't procreate with stupid people so.....

We'll see
 
KiSseS03 said:
2017 relationship goal - Meet Hubby.
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Mine too!! Well at least to be very open to men and dating.

That is if I can leave this job and find one closer. I am just realizing socializing is impossible with my current lack of work/life balance due to distance and commute time. Either that or I move closer to work but aint nobody wanna pay 2700+ a month rent.

On a similar note, took the train for the first time in many years and realized how little exposure I get to the actual public. it was a time i exchanged many a glance and phone number on public transportation. Will have to change this insulated life I've built up. Easier once the job sitch is fixed.
 
KiSseS03 said:
Random single girl thoughts and happenings lately:

  • My dm's have been pretty lively lately, from FB to insta and surprisingly Linkedin. I'm not overly active on Linkedin, and my pic is professional (wearing a blazer). There is this local engineer, that I have met once in person, that is pretty persistently asking me out, I like the attention but he's not what I'm looking for. There is also an accountant but he lives quite a distance away.

  • I've been in contact with Mr. Tenderoni from the summer. It's been 4 months since I had seen or spoken to him. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this. He is so fine though, so so so fine! He is absolutely NOT boyfriend material, I have no illusions about that lol.

  • I went to a formal event 2 weekends ago and saw this third year student that is physically everything I like, plus has a great CV to match (very tall, dark, handsome, fit, well-educated etc.) We have never really been officially introduced but attended the same meeting about 6 weeks ago. He unfortunately has a history of dating white women-- upon learning that I immediately paid him no mind. Anyway, I was feeling myself at the formal, dancing with the my platonic male friend. Mr. Handsome cuts in and starts grinding on me, then turns around to hug me and says, "it's really nice seeing you out." Crush, back on lol.

  • I met another guy over the summer, he's Nigerian and an Engineer in another city. He wants to visit my city and go out during his vacation in December. Again I'm a little torn because he's not boyfriend material. He's very handsome and his Naija+British accent and deep voice make me weak. It might be fun just to be wined and dined for a few days, as I've been dateless basically since school started.

  • Finally, I'm beginning to realize that there are more options for educated black men in my city than I thought. I've made some new Black girl friends lately and now I'm meeting their friends... it's been good.
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This post sounds so fun! :cupidarrow: Im very happy for you! Perhaps Ill get like you one day lol.
 
Random thoughts:

A former HS classmate keeps posting pics of her new baby and he's not cute. He literally looks like nosferatu :( (whew, got that off my chest)

I think this dude is being passive aggressive. :shrug:

I went out with friends last night. Straight to the restaurant. Straight home. But I looked goodt. I always, always forget to take selfies :wallbash:

I am going to embrace this current bout of d***lessness. I'm choosing to be ok with not having sex for however long before I'm officially boo'ed up.
 
So I did a lil Facebook/Social media stalking on my old/revived crush & it looks like he's been single for a while now, about 6+ months. Only problem is I have no idea how to make my move :( I could pop into his place of business but there is no guarantee he'll be in there and I don't wanna hop in his DM's. He seems way too grown for that. Ugh. :spinning:
 
Ok so the NEXT time I see him we'll have "the talk." He was so nice tonight though even when I couldn't stop laughing when we were kissing. (Chewing Gum scene popped up in my head).

A guy purposely tried to run me off the freeway and I started crying. I was still sniffling when we met up and he of course asked what was wrong. Then he hugged me, rubbed my back and kissed my cheeks and my eyes and said he was glad I made safe. I thanked him for comforting me and he said "well that's my job."

YES this is big deal to me. Outside of my friends group I don't get comfort when I am upset/crying WITHOUT having to ask for it. The rare times I cry in front of my mom she just sits there. I have to ask or I have to initiate the hug.

Yes I know that's the basics. But I'm not used to having the basics being taken care of.

I keep asking myself "are you sure you want this dude as your boyfriend?" And every time I start to hesitate he does something to put me back into the "yes" category.
 
aviddiva77 said:
Ok so the NEXT time I see him we'll have "the talk." He was so nice tonight though even when I couldn't stop laughing when we were kissing. (Chewing Gum scene popped up in my head).

A guy purposely tried to run me off the freeway and I started crying. I was still sniffling when we met up and he of course asked what was wrong. Then he hugged me, rubbed my back and kissed my cheeks and my eyes and said he was glad I made safe. I thanked him for comforting me and he said "well that's my job."

YES this is big deal to me. Outside of my friends group I don't get comfort when I am upset/crying WITHOUT having to ask for it. The rare times I cry in front of my mom she just sits there. I have to ask or I have to initiate the hug.

Yes I know that's the basics. But I'm not used to having the basics being taken care of.

I keep asking myself "are you sure you want this dude as your boyfriend?" And every time I start to hesitate he does something to put me back into the "yes" category.
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That's so awesome that you're getting comfort from him without having to ask since that means a lot to you <3

So are you bringing up "the talk"? or you mean he told you that next time yall are seeing each other, he wants to talk about being official?

What makes you hesitant about him being your bf?
 
qchelle said:
That's so awesome that you're getting comfort from him without having to ask since that means a lot to you <3

So are you bringing up "the talk"? or you mean he told you that next time yall are seeing each other, he wants to talk about being official?

What makes you hesitant about him being your bf?
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I'm bringing it up. Should I wait for him to do it or something?

I guess everything is going good right now. I'm afraid it will mess things up.

Also insecurities on my part. My first try at a relationship went horribly wrong. And I'm afraid I won't be a good girlfriend to him. Ah. Maybe I should talk to him about this and ask what he wants in a girlfriend.
 
SuchaLady said:
I need to lose weight. I don't think I look horrible now but I'd prefer losing a couple pounds. Interesting how weight creeps into other areas of your life because it's made me say meh on a couple things. I'm already unenthusiastic about dating so that was first on my "after I lose weight list" :look::lol:
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I be asking SO if I can get fat, please lol. he said sure after our 2nd kid :lol:
 
aviddiva77 said:
I'm bringing it up. Should I wait for him to do it or something?

I guess everything is going good right now. I'm afraid it will mess things up.

Also insecurities on my part. My first try at a relationship went horribly wrong. And I'm afraid I won't be a good girlfriend to him. Ah. Maybe I should talk to him about this and ask what he wants in a girlfriend.
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Hmmm idk...I guess I would wait for dude to bring up exclusivity. I would be thinking if he wanted to be exclusive with me, he'd make it known. And if he didn't (due to nerves or if he just wasn't sure or whatever) he wouldn't be the guy for me. I'm sure it's fine tho.

Have yall talked about previous dating and relationship experiences? That's what I did with my SO during dating stages...to glean what he liked and what he didn't like about his ex. and I did the same with my ex. So we got that information, but neither of us cane right out and said 'what are you looking for in a SO'. although again, I'm sure that's fine lol.
 
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