*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

Sighhhhh, so I've been reading the "Men don't love women like you thread" and I'm realizing some things. I'm guilty of hiding myself, like I just get sooo tired of n!ggas that I shut down and remove all avenues, I mean I go out and hang out but NOT with the mindset of flirting or trying to meet a man which I don't think there is anything wrong with that but I just really am so disgusted by the idea of even being bothered :drunk: :(

Even this last fiasco with ol buddy came about because he approached me, I would've never ever made the first move even though I was intrigued by him. I need to do better with putting myself out there but I just don't even have the energy, like I don't even know how to muster up the **** it will take to get myself back into the game, part of it is also my location as well though. I'm in the Midwest surrounded by white boys, which is fine but meh, and the quality black men that are here are typically taken which leaves the play too much types and the ones that are not on level. I'm moving to Dallas in a few months so I guess I'll just bide my time until then... but even then, I need to change my mindset but I don't know how.
 
TayMac said:
You can ask. They may or may not agree to it. If I want exclusive sex then I probably want a relationship.

For my own experience, I was a don't ask, don't tell. We use protection and that was that.
Click to expand...
Guess I
UniquelyDivine said:
A la Mary Jane? It doesn't hurt to ask, he might be with it
Click to expand...
I never really understood the concept of not being exclusive sexually. Even with condom use.
 
I am going to put this right here in case it helps someone
The anus is nasty
When it sweats, it stinks
If you don't use wet wipes to clean your anus when you sh**
You leave a doodoo coating that stinks
Same as if you touched sh** and just used tissue to wipe it off
It is even worse with the anus because it is enclosed in a warm place
so gets no airing like your doodoo hand or fingers would

So it is a good idea to shower and clean the nether region with soap, wash cloth
and a shower spray rinse
Right before inviting someone to go downtown
True this takes away the spontaneity
But it leaves a nice impression on your lover

There's no better confidence booster than that kitty neighbor
smelling clean-baby fresh
So that visiting the kitty becomes a pleasure for your "guest"
Plus you leave a wonderful image being très clean and considerate.
IJS
 
@qchelle your posts are some of the only 2+ paragraph posts on LHCF that I read lol.

@aviddiva77 no harm in asking I suppose, but it sounds like you want a relationship, based on a previous exchange between you and @girlonfire about quality time, cuddling and fwb. Those are generally desires we have for a partner, a mate, not just someone we're sleeping with who has an inoffensive personality. Its ok to desire an exclusive relationship and cut people off who aren't on the same page. I wasted years of my life settling for a piece of a man, just to have some form of companionship. It's not worth it.

Now if you JUST want some sex, ignore what I said :) I've discussed other partners with men I've slept with, but even if they say they aren't sleeping with anyone else, I don't believe them, or I know they'd jump at the chance eventually if offered some kitty.
 
PatDM'T said:
I am going to put this right here in case it helps someone
The anus is nasty
When it sweats, it stinks
If you don't use wet wipes to clean your anus when you sh**
You leave a doodoo coating that stinks
Same as if you touched sh** and just used tissue to wipe it off
It is even worse with the anus because it is enclosed in a warm place
so gets no airing like your doodoo hand or fingers would

So it is a good idea to shower and clean the nether region with soap, wash cloth
and a shower spray rinse
Right before inviting someone to go downtown
True this takes away the spontaneity
But it leaves a nice impression on your lover

There's no better confidence booster than that kitty neighbor
smelling clean-baby fresh
So that visiting the kitty becomes a pleasure for your "guest"
Plus you leave a wonderful image being très clean and considerate.
IJS
Click to expand...

:rofl: :rofl:
 
UniquelyDivine said:
Sighhhhh, so I've been reading the "Men don't love women like you thread" and I'm realizing some things. I'm guilty of hiding myself, like I just get sooo tired of n!ggas that I shut down and remove all avenues, I mean I go out and hang out but NOT with the mindset of flirting or trying to meet a man which I don't think there is anything wrong with that but I just really am so disgusted by the idea of even being bothered :drunk: :(

Even this last fiasco with ol buddy came about because he approached me, I would've never ever made the first move even though I was intrigued by him. I need to do better with putting myself out there but I just don't even have the energy, like I don't even know how to muster up the **** it will take to get myself back into the game, part of it is also my location as well though. I'm in the Midwest surrounded by white boys, which is fine but meh, and the quality black men that are here are typically taken which leaves the play too much types and the ones that are not on level. I'm moving to Dallas in a few months so I guess I'll just bide my time until then... but even then, I need to change my mindset but I don't know how.
Click to expand...

I feel you girl. Im reading the book, too, and am naturally ol' fashioned when it comes to meeting men, but I liked what the book had to say about being fearless and confident in flirting with a guy to get his attention. Although approaching men is something Ive always resisted, I think its important to learn how to flirt in a way that is comfortable for you. I like to do subtle stuff like smiling, complimenting and giving him the eye. Anything beyond that is outside of my comfort zone and even after getting his attention, I always let him take the lead and suggest we exchange info. This past wknd I was at a NABJ party when I saw a beautiful man looking down at his phone at the bar. I had a bit to drink (lol), so I walked right up before even thinking about it and ran my fingers over his screen as he was looking down at it. Now this is something I normally only do to friends to get their attention off their phone, but the beautiful man thought it was hilarious and thanked me for saving him cuz he was getting bored. Lol Of course he asked for my number and I obliged him although he lives in Chicago, but I had to pat myself for finally being able to comfortably flirt in my own non-conventional way.
 
Chocoluxe said:
I feel you girl. Im reading the book, too, and am naturally ol' fashioned when it comes to meeting men, but I liked what the book had to say about being fearless and confident in flirting with a guy to get his attention. Although approaching men is something Ive always resisted, I think its important to learn how to flirt in a way that is comfortable for you. I like to do subtle stuff like smiling, complimenting and giving him the eye. Anything beyond that is outside of my comfort zone and even after getting his attention, I always let him take the lead and suggest we exchange info. This past wknd I was at a NABJ party when I saw a beautiful man looking down at his phone at the bar. I had a bit to drink (lol), so I walked right up before even thinking about it and ran my fingers over his screen as he was looking down at it. Now this is something I normally only do to friends to get their attention off their phone, but the beautiful man thought it was hilarious and thanked me for saving him cuz he was getting bored. Lol Of course he asked for my number and I obliged him although he lives in Chicago, but I had to pat myself for finally being able to comfortably flirt in my own non-conventional way.
Click to expand...


I'm the same way, I prefer a man to be the hunter but most times the thought of someone approaching me annoys me:confused:, I typically keep it cute if I'm interested like you mentioned because I'm only bold when I've been drinking. I like what you did though, it was cute, fun and sexy! I need to take notes and hopefully I'll get over this "Don't talk to me *****" phase
 
My hobby is in pause right now I can't afford a sander and I l don't know anyone who has one. I think my neighbor is a carpentor. He's working on something but I don't know what. I might ask him but I really don't talk to my neighbors like that though. I need to just let some things be hobbies. Stop trying to make money out

So I just texted ... I don't remember what his alias is and I cannot be bothered to remember. His name is Paul and he's the guy who stood me up. I just texted him because today marks 2 months since we first met.
 
@girlonfire you remind me of myself. It's hard not to want to give attention to someone when you want attention from them. I have the same problem. But they should at least be as interested in you as you are in them. If Paul stood you up, maybe you should ignore him. If he wants to talk to you again then he will contact you, and then you should still ignore him lol.

ETA: I hope you can find a fun and cheap hobby. I'm looking for one too.
 
My fun and realtively cheap hobbies:
  • Hair
  • Knitting
  • Urban hikes (in safe areas) with or without Pokémon :look:
  • Adding light exercise at home (this is new)
Currently im also adding decor to our wall space. Spent $15 at the dollar store for frames. Will e-collage then print & frame a selection of this year's selfies and trip pics.
 
girlonfire said:
So I just texted ... I don't remember what his alias is and I cannot be bothered to remember. His name is Paul and he's the guy who stood me up. I just texted him because today marks 2 months since we first met.
Click to expand...
Chile... you are very young... and hard headed :pullhair::bighug:. I was too so no real shade there. But its hard to understand why you checkin for these little fools that's not checking for you?! He aint contacted you in 2 months... why are you even thinking about him? You dont even remember his screen name ffs :pullhair::abducted:

Stoppit!!
 
I have nothing to report. However, I just want to add that I may need an entire paradigm shift to get where I'm trying to go.

I was talking to a friend the other day and she has been walking me through some conflict resolution. We were practicing different ways to approach someone verbally but I just could not get the hang of coming across cordial. Well, I think I sound nice and cordial but I'm really starting to see that it's not coming across the way it's supposed to. I really have no interest in changing (y'all just need to get with it) but I'm up for the challenge of flipping this situation to my favor.
 
So, it's a numbers game, huh?

Well, I met a gentleman last weekend at an event. We danced. And we danced. And we danced...He was on me like white on rice. I think he's a Cancer :/ (I only mention that because I feel very strongly about them)
Anyway, we've been communicating via email today and he asked me on a date. For some reason i'm scared to go. Actually I'm just concerned that he's clingy. I like affection, but damn. He sure did make his interest clear. At one point I was sitting between two males and he had no qualms about coming over and snatching me up to dance :lol:. I appreciate the fact that he didn't beat around the bush and was straight forward about going out with me. I'll give the brother credit. And yeah, he black.

I already know the peanut gallery is going to encourage me to go out with him since I don't dislike him. I'm just lamenting.

But I did want to ask. Are we supposed to go out all willy nilly? At this point i'm only dating seriously, but iunno anymore. How else am I going to keep a rotation?
 
...that explains so much. His corny pick up lines. The cuddling. The bad kissing. He's only had sex one time 4 years ago "supposedly." Never had a bj. I know literally ONE man who has graduated college without experiencing one. This is so weird to me.
 
I have been told twice in the past 24 hours that I go 0 to 100, but one person was my ex husband and one was a fboi. I don't know what's going on with me but I have been pretty vicious. It so out of my character.

So yesterday, I was mentioning the Game to my cousin. She was like he super liked her on Tinder. We were joking around and I texted him. "Hey, you super liked my cousin on Tinder lol."

He was like small world. I said it's cool. Us [family name] are an attractive bunch lol. He was like well, I am single, what do you expect?

Look here, neg--...who said I give a damn about your single status? Still joking. He asked me what I meant. I said I am straight, she did not like you anyways lol. He said since I have a problem communicating, maybe there are certain things I shouldn't share, but he is not upset.

I said as if I remotely gave a damn about your feelings. He calls me dramatic. He goes I am laying in the bed watching power (he changed the subject). I said no, you were trying to shade me but okay... I just got off work, about to lay out myself. He offered to come over to "hang out." I said I haven't cleaned my house today, but I can go over there and he said his roommate has work company over. (You have a roommate?) I said if I start cleaning at 9pm I will not be in the mood to entertain. I am tired and I am hungry. He was like we can chill at my place next time. I said maybe in an hour or so. He was like just throw the clothes in the closet. Anybody that knows me, no. I don't invite people over to a dirty house. Not my style. He goes but you were down a few minutes ago. Quit changing your mind every two minutes. I don't like that. I say look, this is not working out
IMG_20160810_212721.jpg

And block.

I am generally a nice person and so accomodating, but this was too much. He was basically negging me. You don't want to see the stuff I responded to my ex husband.

So I have completely cleared my roster. With the exception of Sayed. That one is do hard to do. But I told love interest, if we are to go official we need to handle this stuff. If it doesn't work out, it was still a long time coming for me. I just erased all my boy numbers to make room for others, including Sayed, even though he emails me.


I am glad I blocked my love interest temporarily, because he can catch this fade too at this point.
 
I need to vent...

I can't stomach being single anymore. I'm seriously on the verge of becoming one of those miserable single people. It's been four years single and three years before my last relationship. That's 7 years single and 1 year coupled.

They say enjoy being single but I've done so much solo. I'm 30-- which I know is young, and I spent all of my 20s enjoying my single life. Went out of the country solo, did an East to West coast roadtrip solo, explored caves, went scuba diving, camped solo, moved 500 miles away from home solo... the list goes on. I wasn't thinking about men and now it's all I think about. I'm ready for romantic picnics on the beach and regular sex. I don't know why mutual attraction is so hard for me. Like most women, I have a fan club full of men I just don't want. When I do like someone, they are either taken or the feeling isn't mutual. I feel like I should just give up and settle for one of these dudes that keep blowing me up. Eventually I'll learn to love him.

I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. :cry:
 
ArcticFemme said:
I need to vent...

I can't stomach being single anymore. I'm seriously on the verge of becoming one of those miserable single people. It's been four years single and three years before my last relationship. That's 7 years single and 1 year coupled.

They say enjoy being single but I've done so much solo. I'm 30-- which I know is young, and I spent all of my 20s enjoying my single life. Went out of the country solo, did an East to West coast roadtrip solo, explored caves, went scuba diving, camped solo, moved 500 miles away from home solo... the list goes on. I wasn't thinking about men and now it's all I think about. I'm ready for romantic picnics on the beach and regular sex. I don't know why mutual attraction is so hard for me. Like most women, I have a fan club full of men I just don't want. When I do like someone, they are either taken or the feeling isn't mutual. I feel like I should just give up and settle for one of these dudes that keep blowing me up. Eventually I'll learn to love him.

I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. :cry:
Click to expand...


I could have wrote this entire post. So I decided to cry and scream into my pillow and have a full out pity party for a few hours.

Then I just released it all and signed up to a few dating sites. We will see what happens. Obviously I have little control in this area.
 
So he just made it back into town and called me, saying he arrived safely. Okay...I mean I was wondering, but nice that he gave me the heads up.

I was going to stick to my wits and maintain this " dude, don't contact me unless you are serious, you know where I am at when it comes to this relationship, I may have been tipsy, but the day after I made it pointedly clear, so until then, if ever, give me space" wall. But...

He wants to go on a date for his birthday. I asked probbing questions, like "are you going to spend it with your family? Your boys?" No, he wants to spend the whole day with me. I could probably gauge if he just wanted to spend a night. That would get a resounding "hell to the nah, naw." Is he a CME fboi? Or should I step out on faith?

I think I going to proceed with caution.
 
girlonfire said:
My hobby is in pause right now I can't afford a sander and I l don't know anyone who has one. I think my neighbor is a carpentor. He's working on something but I don't know what. I might ask him but I really don't talk to my neighbors like that though. I need to just let some things be hobbies. Stop trying to make money out

So I just texted ... I don't remember what his alias is and I cannot be bothered to remember. His name is Paul and he's the guy who stood me up. I just texted him because today marks 2 months since we first met.
Click to expand...

@girlonfire I'm about to be rude, so read it:
People in this thread keep giving you advice about how to not be treated in the sh*tty way these guys are treating you, and you keep doing the same actions that allow this rude treatment from these guys. Sounds like you want to be treated like sh*t at this point. I understand that you're young and hard headded, but you have to implement the advice you're getting at some point. Especially when you have a wealth of knowledge at your fingertips. There are threads with books, websites, women who are saying, "if you're in my city, let's link up," etc. USE THESE RESOURCES!

Please know that I am not saying this to discourage you from asking for help or a second opinion. Just that you need to reflect on what you've been doing, so that you can realize that you're doing the same thing and eliciting the same results followed by the same hurt feelings.

mz.rae said:
For some reason I really want to go on a date. Where the guy picks me up, has fresh flowers waiting for me when I get in the car, we go to a nice restaurant, then afterwards go to the park walk around, sit by some water and enjoy each other's company.
Click to expand...

I thought about this the other day too, but quickly realized that it's too damn hot here in Houston for the walk in the park. Dream was politely deffered. :lol: :lol:
 
*SkolarStar* said:
@girlonfire I'm about to be rude, so read it:
People in this thread keep giving you advice about how to not be treated in the sh*tty way these guys are treating you, and you keep doing the same actions that allow this rude treatment from these guys. Sounds like you want to be treated like sh*t at this point. I understand that you're young and hard headded, but you have to implement the advice you're getting at some point. Especially when you have a wealth of knowledge at your fingertips. There are threads with books, websites, women who are saying, "if you're in my city, let's link up," etc. USE THESE RESOURCES!

Please know that I am not saying this to discourage you from asking for help or a second opinion. Just that you need to reflect on what you've been doing, so that you can realize that you're doing the same thing and eliciting the same results followed by the same hurt feelings.



I thought about this the other day too, but quickly realized that it's too damn hot here in Houston for the walk in the park. Dream was politely deffered. :lol: :lol:
Click to expand...

Definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

There are just some people who learn the hard way and have to experience things for themselves.
 
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