*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

crlsweetie912 said:
Whoa. I know it sucks, but there's nothing you can really do until he gets fed up. My sister was married to an abusive sob. We knew he was a sob but didn't know about the abuse until after they were married.
She didn't leave him till after he choked her until she was unconscious, and had a baby by him. He still beat her after she left.
But he got his.
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Damn, that's crazy. :nono:

Crackers Phinn said:
If sitting in jail didn't rattle some sense into your brother what exactly do you think that you can do? Jail. Girl. Jail. and he ran right back to her. Put your blood pressure, piece of mind and sanity first and stay out of this fkery.
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I feel you. I'm not supporting s**t. I didn't even know until my sister just told me that he had to get a freaking restraining order when they broke up.

I've been enjoying a drama-free existence since I got rid of my dead-weight 2 years ago, I'm not taking on anyone else's crap.
 
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cocomochaa said:
this will lead to nothing but o a girl can dream.

Two years ago i visited the states on holiday and went to the club. I was just walking through when this 6ft4 chocolate man stops me, looks at me like dammmn and says something like hello. I respond back and this guy loses his mind.

"uh uh i thought you were cute and you got that little dimple but you've got an accent too!! No i definitely need to talk to you!"
So that night we danced some, spoke some - he was out with his sister and her friends so tried to keep her happy to (yes it was his sister) lol). and he took my friends number as mine wasn't working. For some reason we didn't speak the remainder of my trip but a month later my friend tells me that guy from the states is messaging me so i text him from my number- we txt briefly, exchange instagrams and fade into nothingness.

Now fast forward to recent times - we've added each other on snapchat, he adds me on linkedin blah.
Then a couple weeks ago that changes and we've been talking.
And y'aaaallll this guy is just. I literally look at my phone thinking "NO but who sent you?!"

He's educated, aaamazing career, ambitious, fine, built, funny, intelligent, warm.
He is beyond my type not just to date but has the preliminary qualities of what i want in a husband.
Even trivial boxes he ticks.

I ask him best thing about his body, this guy goes "my hands...i can pretty much take of myself out in the wilderness, build stuff you name it" Now he doesn't know i have a thing about hands for that exact reason. And our convos are like that - his answers are tailored exactly to my specific wants and needs. If this was an exam I would be convinced someone gave him the answers and he was dumb enough to copy them word for word. He even remembers what i wore that night like bruh.

I'm moving to Switzerland next week so who knows what that might bring but daaamnnn I sure do hope the universe has us crossing paths again.
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So the universe had no objections and it looks like I'm flying to the States to spend Labour day weekend and some change with him...
I'm actually laughing to myself as I type this. What in the hell am I doing?!

We have a little routine down pat where we skype once a week and check in during the week. 7hours time difference is a b but he calls on the dot (i've usually slept through the first batch of ringing) and speaking to him early in the morning always brightens up my day.

Due to my emotional unavailability ( i crave for a relationship but true intimacy frightens me), him being far away is great. I have more control over the situation, my emotions and my expectations. I've always said I could never have a LDR but having looked at my dating history my ex's have always had high pressurised jobs requiring time away or long hours working. Them not being freely available gave structure to the relationship and managed my expectations.

I digress.

I'm so excited!!! Yet nervous! What if he doesn't think I'm pretty? What if he's a complete douch? What if I fall for him?

I'll be back with updates ...

SO I joined Tinder to meet new people and make new friends here. And apparently telling a guy you want NOTHING but his friendship is an odd concept for men. I've made it clear on my profile and have met up with a few guys who have showed me around even taken me hiking andfor the first time in a while they bring up my 'relationship status'. I know tinder is a dating site but to me its whatever you want it to be and if a man wants to waste his time entertaining me in a new city that's his problem - I'm having a whale of a time.

These are all on or post hanging out
Guy A"So, are you single?"
me " Yep with no intention of dating"
Guy A " why is that?"
me " It doesn't interest me, just looking to make new friends here"
Guy A " yeah but you never know when love might cross your path"
me *Side eyeeeeeeee*

Guy B " But I like you? why are you being stubborn? what the worst that could happen? Give me a try?"

Guy C "But you never know? Lets just see where it goes?"
Me: "But i don't want it to go anywhere"
Guy C " Wow


Funnnnnyyyyyy as hell. Men and their ego can't fathom a woman just wanting their friendship and a woman dictating the rules of engagement. Its liberating. It honestly is.
 
DarkJoy said:
Wooo chile!

You are overthinking way too much. Calm down! :lol:

Second, on the bolded, you dont let the man have control like that. Cuz most wont. You got very lucky.

Third, i think you might be touch starved. It happens when youre single for a long time so it's easy to make these mistakes. You may need to keep a cuddle buddy on the side or something.

Fourth. Calm down! :lol:
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Wait wait. Those things exist?! Like a real person? Do you pay them?

I overthink things constantly. I hate it. And I'm still on a 5 hour energy kick from last night so I am wired.
 
aviddiva77 said:
Wait wait. Those things exist?! Like a real person? Do you pay them?

I overthink things constantly. I hate it. And I'm still on a 5 hour energy kick from last night so I am wired.
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Well they DO exist for pay (there ate old threads in OT on this) but i meant some fwb or fb type dude so you get regular touch to avoid this frantic confusing behavior. Would hate to see you get took advantage of or assaulted by some crazy predatory dude cuz he sees a weakness.
 
DarkJoy said:
Well they DO exist for pay (there ate old threads in OT on this) but i meant some fwb or fb type dude so you get regular touch to avoid this frantic confusing behavior. Would hate to see you get took advantage of or assaulted by some crazy predatory dude cuz he sees a weakness.
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Aww thanks sis.

And I have been thinking about fwb since qchelle brought it up. Dude may be the perfect person especially since I don't have feelings for him.

He asked me if I was still up for the weekend. I'm gonna take him up on his offer and see where this goes.
 
aviddiva77 said:
*nods* Super virgin in the house.

I'm a virgin of course I would get worked up lmao. I naively thought what I said before the date would keep him calm. I guess not. Lesson learned.

Right. Lesson also learned.
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Men don't listen to words, they pay attention to ACTIONS. It took me a loooong time to get this. Telling him to have no sexpectations means nothing, they are always ready to pounce. Making out in the back of the car means-for him- that he will smash eventually. He just has to put the time in.
 
I went by myself to a brain health clinic. I enjoyed myself and don't think I would have enjoyed myself half as much if I had gone with someone.

Brad and I had a heart to heart. We both like the sex but it seems like because we're having it more and more that sex is 70% of this relationship. It should be 50% at most. I don't want an fwb. I want a friend who can f my brains out. Not the same. In this past month we've probably had sex at least 10 or 12 times. I think I caught feelings. Not exactly because of sex but just because he really is my friend and we have serious talks. I'm not good at expressing how I feel and he knows this. After sex we just chill and talk and he holds me close and I think that's really why I caught feelings more than anything. A different type of intimacy. Here's the shitty part. He'll never ask me out. No matter how much he likes the sex, or thinks I'm beautiful, or how interesting I am. Because his family is and I probably wouldn't get along. And the fact that there is "nothing to work towards no".

Aside: so is that the only thing relationships are about?? Sure that's s mukestone but let's pretend sex doesn't exist. What else is there? What reason is there to partner up with someone for life? Serious question. That can't be the only thing.

I don't have the holier than thou mentality but the way he describes his family, I think at a higher level, if you get my drift. He said because of that the chances of us being together or getting married are unlikely but "I never say never". But I've learned that if someone really wants to be with you there are no viable excuses to not be with you. So I'm chilling.
I've realized we have so little in common. Goals, interests (he's s huge wrestling fan). I just like when he holds me and we talk. Well really I talk and he comments on what I said. And damn the sex good. Jesus.

Question. I like the sex but I never cum. Why?

So that's where I'm at currently. I'm not mad. Just had my bubble busted up but it's fine, I'll live.
 
girlonfire said:
I went by myself to a brain health clinic. I enjoyed myself and don't think I would have enjoyed myself half as much if I had gone with someone.

Brad and I had a heart to heart. We both like the sex but it seems like because we're having it more and more that sex is 70% of this relationship. It should be 50% at most. I don't want an fwb. I want a friend who can f my brains out. Not the same. In this past month we've probably had sex at least 10 or 12 times. I think I caught feelings. Not exactly because of sex but just because he really is my friend and we have serious talks. I'm not good at expressing how I feel and he knows this. After sex we just chill and talk and he holds me close and I think that's really why I caught feelings more than anything. A different type of intimacy. Here's the shitty part. He'll never ask me out. No matter how much he likes the sex, or thinks I'm beautiful, or how interesting I am. Because his family is and I probably wouldn't get along. And the fact that there is "nothing to work towards no".

Aside: so is that the only thing relationships are about?? Sure that's s mukestone but let's pretend sex doesn't exist. What else is there? What reason is there to partner up with someone for life? Serious question. That can't be the only thing.

I don't have the holier than thou mentality but the way he describes his family, I think at a higher level, if you get my drift. He said because of that the chances of us being together or getting married are unlikely but "I never say never". But I've learned that if someone really wants to be with you there are no viable excuses to not be with you. So I'm chilling.
I've realized we have so little in common. Goals, interests (he's s huge wrestling fan). I just like when he holds me and we talk. Well really I talk and he comments on what I said. And damn the sex good. Jesus.

Question. I like the sex but I never cum. Why?

So that's where I'm at currently. I'm not mad. Just had my bubble busted up but it's fine, I'll live.
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I have a short attention span nowadays, and I been drinkin', so I'll need to revisit your post...

But I'll say this. My gma didn't want my dad to marry my mom, so he said, "fine, don't come to the wedding". Point is, his family isn't the "problem" as it relates to y'all, it's an excuse. But you know that already because you mentioned it in your post.

Have you read the "men don't love women like you" thread? I'm about to buy the book, and I think it will resonate with you too.

OAN: catching feelings is natural. That's what is supposed to happen actually. Biologically, women have a physiological response to sex, we excrete the same hormone that mothers excrete when breastfeeding that causes bonding (oxytocin). Men only release the hormone in trace amounts -_- (I wish people told me this stuff instead of "the Bible says nah" when I was coming up). Anyways, this is why I've learned it's important to filter before sexing someone (I learned this late). Now I will say the bonding isn't inevitable IMO, but I've only been able to remain detached when the man has a "fatal flaw" so to speak. Like one of my DC baes had a vasectomy and never wanted to remarry, so my brain was like "nope". We're still homies.

As far as orgasms. You need to know what makes you cum, and you also need a partner patient enough to get you there first. The magic is in the clitoris. Dudes be doin' too much today with random ramming of fingers, it's actually not that difficult, but they watch porn and porn is generally symptomatic of patriarchal fantasies.

I'm rambling.
 
sgold04 said:
As far as orgasms. You need to know what makes you cum, and you also need a partner patient enough to get you there first. The magic is in the clitoris. Dudes be doin' too much today with random ramming of fingers, it's actually not that difficult, but they watch porn and porn is generally symptomatic of patriarchal fantasies.

I'm rambling.
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Ugh i hate that ish. I be like STOP the minute they try. Smh. Too much porn indeed. Nobody told them those porn Queens take pain meds before a scene. That ramming is an instant turnoff.

@girlonfire not every woman can get off during intercourse without stimulation. Someone will have to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse or you will have to face paint before.
 
DarkJoy said:
Ugh i hate that ish. I be like STOP the minute they try. Smh. Too much porn indeed. Nobody told them those porn Queens take pain meds before a scene. That ramming is an instant turnoff.

@girlonfire not every woman can get off during intercourse without stimulation. Someone will have to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse or you will have to face paint before.
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*nods* @girlonfire have you masturbated before? Like explored with toys to kind of get a feel of what turns you on?

And how is the foreplay? Is there any at all?
sgold04 said:
I have a short attention span nowadays, and I been drinkin', so I'll need to revisit your post...

But I'll say this. My gma didn't want my dad to marry my mom, so he said, "fine, don't come to the wedding". Point is, his family isn't the "problem" as it relates to y'all, it's an excuse. But you know that already because you mentioned it in your post.

Have you read the "men don't love women like you" thread? I'm about to buy the book, and I think it will resonate with you too.

OAN: catching feelings is natural. That's what is supposed to happen actually. Biologically, women have a physiological response to sex, we excrete the same hormone that mothers excrete when breastfeeding that causes bonding (oxytocin). Men only release the hormone in trace amounts -_- (I wish people told me this stuff instead of "the Bible says nah" when I was coming up). Anyways, this is why I've learned it's important to filter before sexing someone (I learned this late). Now I will say the bonding isn't inevitable IMO, but I've only been able to remain detached when the man has a "fatal flaw" so to speak. Like one of my DC baes had a vasectomy and never wanted to remarry, so my brain was like "nope". We're still homies.

As far as orgasms. You need to know what makes you cum, and you also need a partner patient enough to get you there first. The magic is in the clitoris. Dudes be doin' too much today with random ramming of fingers, it's actually not that difficult, but they watch porn and porn is generally symptomatic of patriarchal fantasies.

I'm rambling.
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*listens to Needed Me* women who aren't able to catch feelings are my superheroes.

And porn is horrible.

So @girlonfire. You're upset that you caught feelings because you just wanted someone who was a friend to have sex with right?
 
Yes. I know exactly what I like but he can't keep up lmao. Like he can't keep it going. Also he won't go down :(
aviddiva77 said:
have you masturbated before?
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aviddiva77 said:
And how is the foreplay? Is there any at all?
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The foreplay is on poinT.
aviddiva77 said:
*nods* @girlonfire You're upset that you caught feelings because you just wanted someone who was a friend to have sex with right?
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I mean I started that way. I'm not mad that I caught feelings because what I'm feeling isn't like "I wanna be with you forever to have and to hold" but more like, I want to go on road trips and go to carnivals and cuddle and just do stuff and now that I've caught feelings I'm starting to notice that we have sex more than we do that kind of stuff. I want balance.
I want a really good friend to experience things with and have sex with. A best friend and a lover. I just feel like we don't have balance in this companionship. He's like a wet bag of sand.
 
crlsweetie912 said:
Yall confusing my ass to levels I didn't even know existed.
You don't want a fwb, you just want a friend that can f--- your brains out...
But you caught feelings cause you like the intimacy
and you are friends but you have nothing in common????........:drunk::brainy::nono::rolleyes:
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Lmao I know it sounds cray but I've found that when people become fwb they really were not that good of friends in the beginning so it's really just all sex. I don't want that. I want a really close friend to have sex with.
Yes I caught feeling because I like the intimacy and cuddling. Idk I just like being help and he likes holding me so that's a good thing I guess.
Yeah that last part I can't even explain that to you lmao we grew up in the same subdivision, went to school together, We would walk home together and talk. Now a days it's really me talking and him commenting on what I said but whenever he talks it's about wrestling, aliens, video games, etc and idk where to go with that :/. Or his family and there craziness.

I guess we do have stuff in common otherwise we would not have gotten back in contact but I can't think of any at this point.
 
So I got a DM from a guy and I thought his conversation was decent so I gave him my number. I was all good with the texting but then he called me & the conversation was flowing but he isn't my type (looks & height) plus he talks about sex way to much for me. So after a week of texts and 1 time talking on the phone I'm trying to see how to back out of this.
 
girlonfire said:
Yes. I know exactly what I like but he can't keep up lmao. Like he can't keep it going. Also he won't go down :(


The foreplay is on poinT.

I mean I started that way. I'm not mad that I caught feelings because what I'm feeling isn't like "I wanna be with you forever to have and to hold" but more like, I want to go on road trips and go to carnivals and cuddle and just do stuff and now that I've caught feelings I'm starting to notice that we have sex more than we do that kind of stuff. I want balance.
I want a really good friend to experience things with and have sex with. A best friend and a lover. I just feel like we don't have balance in this companionship. He's like a wet bag of sand.
Click to expand...

It sounds more like you want a relationship.


And I agree with @dark joy

No oral no entry...that's a sex deal breaker for me. I mean doesn't have to be every single time but won't even do it at all naa aah.
 
girlonfire said:
Yes. I know exactly what I like but he can't keep up lmao. Like he can't keep it going. Also he won't go down :(


The foreplay is on poinT.

I mean I started that way. I'm not mad that I caught feelings because what I'm feeling isn't like "I wanna be with you forever to have and to hold" but more like, I want to go on road trips and go to carnivals and cuddle and just do stuff and now that I've caught feelings I'm starting to notice that we have sex more than we do that kind of stuff. I want balance.
I want a really good friend to experience things with and have sex with. A best friend and a lover. I just feel like we don't have balance in this companionship. He's like a wet bag of sand.
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Girl no. Why won't he go down on you? Not even once? And he can't keep it going. So he just says forget your orgasm then? I wanna punch him.

Are you touch deprived like me?

I get what you're saying regarding balanc though. A true FWB situation you are truly friends first. So yeah you hang out together and do stuff and then you have sex lol. There's caring and mutual respect.

Why oh why our generation has decided to call being fbuddies FWB is beyond me. The two are not the same.
 
aviddiva77 said:
Girl no. Why won't he go down on you? Not even once? And he can't keep it going. So he just says forget your orgasm then? I wanna punch him.

Are you touch deprived like me?

I get what you're saying regarding balanc though. A true FWB situation you are truly friends first. So yeah you hang out together and do stuff and then you have sex lol. There's caring and mutual respect.

Why oh why our generation has decided to call being fbuddies FWB is beyond me. The two are not the same.
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He doesn't have the stamina I guess. I like it in a particular angle and position which is awkward for him and he can't keep it going. If he could keep it going for a solid 5 or 6 minutes I would probably cum. He catches a cramp.

He claims its just something that he doesn't care for the idea. But as of late he says that he could be more inclined to do it if I was hairless. Now I'm not a bushy she woman I keep my stuff together and relatively presentable but just doesn't like that hair...but I deep throat his Sasquatch looking a s s no complaints *sips tea* personally I do not mind hair. He has A LOT of hair.

What do you mean by touch deprived? I mean I guess. I hug my mom but I guess I'm lacking that male attention because my father was always in and out of my life and I'm surrounded by men constantly but I don't have a real relationship with them they are customers and coworkers...did I just diagnose myself?? Whoa.

Idk man I'm trying to bring it back the best I know how
 
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