*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

Bette Davis Eyes said:
@lavaflow99 I could have been some man’s blessing but I wasted 7 years on being some man’s go with the flow.

the time I lost sucks that I can’t get back.
Click to expand...
We have all been victims of this sadly. And what makes it worse if time you can't get back....if it was money then those sunk costs can be recouped over time.

All we can do now is learn from those past experiences and make sure they don't happen again.

giphy.gif
 
Saw this quote on FB today and it made me smile.

“You can’t fake sexy; sexy is a grown energy, a weeping emotion, and a heart-pounding spirit. A flame that lights up the whole entire block when it walks, without any reference or context for the male ego. Sexy is, because it is, and will always be an embodied explosive state of simply ‘being,’ not to be confused with ‘doing’.”
 
I spend most of my time either learning languages, applying for career programs, or learning skills for my job. I guess this is what self-focus is?

A lot of the de-center men girlies say not to focus on men or try to model your looks or your personality to be attractive to them. They say to focus more on being true to yourself and creating self love.

Like this girl



That’s what kind of confuses me. I’m not the type of person that just attracts men naturally. Men are appearance based. If I put no effort in my appearance, how will I attract them? But then I get even more confused because I’ve placed so much time, money, and effort into my looks. I would literally spend all day getting my hair, nails, eyebrows, and make up done at the salon Saturday in order to prepare for going out for the weekend so I could try to meet guys. That never really yielded me any results.

I feel like guys won’t really like who I really am, because I’m not really high maintenance like that. I’m fine with just keeping my natural hair in a bun and wearing jeans and a hoodie, but men don’t tend to like that. Nobody looks at me when I’m like that. That doesn’t really give results either. I’m starting to think about surgery to try to become more conventionally attractive, but I’m not sure what to change.

So I feel stuck. I would appreciate if someone answered this.
 
Grace have you
ever seen someone
trying so hard
to be funny,
copying the stooges,
Martin or Jim Carey?

It backfires and
they just irk
the hell out
of the audience.

An example of
someone trying so
hard and failing
miserably at comedy
is Richard Gadd

Baby Reindeer on
Netflix is based
on his life.
He wanted so
badly to be
a star and
tried so hard
to be what
his idea of
funny is. #Fail

I say this
to try to
drive home the
point that you
cannot attract a
true, worthwhile man
by changing who
you are to become
what you think
they want.

There are so
many women who
are not cover page
or centerfold pretty.
And yet they have
men who have
loved them all
their lives and
been true to
them 100% just
as they are.

You cannot attract
the type of man
you are seeking
when you yourself
are not being
authentic you.
All you will
get is a superficial
waste of time.

I suggest you
watch Love is
Blind to see
how shallow men
can be.

So why do you
feed into their
bull, wanting to
wear a flashy
costume so you
lure them in?
And then? It
sounds like such
an exhausting
way to live.
Mr Right should
love you for you.

I wish you
knew people like
@Plushottie and
@CoiledOrchids
to show you how
to just be you
and live life
to the fullest
sans men.

Here is a
lady who may
not be many
people's idea
of attractive but
she found a
man who chose
to be with her,
love her, marry
her and build
a life with her.



You too can
find love like
this but I think
it will happen
when you quit
giving men so
much real estate
in your brain
and just learn
to enjoy yourself.
If you cannot
stand to be
by yourself, how
can you expect
anyone else to
want to be
with you?

Have you heard
that a watched
pot never boils?
It's no lie.

Take notes from
these ladies on
how to take
yourself out and
have fun by yourself.
 
@GraceJones so here’s my take.

We repulse what we try to chase esp when it’s not from a true self. So I have a theory that most people don’t suffer from imposter syndrome but fraud. When we try to be performative folks can sniff it out and either use you or go away.
Every woman has her core desire and what excites her. Some girls are glamour others boho and others something else but if it’s true to you then it attracts because it’s not an act but is.

I’m going to be very candid. So I’m not skinny and for a long time I tried a lot to get to a certain size and all that did was make me hate self and my lack of results. I also dressed in a conservative manner bc fat chicks weren’t seen as viable beauties. It wasn’t until last yr that I really started to curate my look to my true libido or passion. I love hyper feminine not that little house on the prairie dry stuff the kids are pushing as high value but I love pink, blonde hair, experiementing with contacts, clothes that hug. I have never felt beautiful in my life until now.
The decenter men thing is hilarious to me because what you put energy in even if your saying it’s not for men is still growing. It’s like look at me but coy. If it’s from a pure place then cool. I’m not doing anything to get a man. Not going out, not dressing for their validation, no apps no nothing.
You have a lot to work on for you. I would also highly suggest you cut out consuming content like above as these things aren’t adding to you and it’s adding frustration while your trying to decide what do you want life to be. The soft girl, decenter men, high value stuff is rubbish as most aren’t qualified to speak but bc they have some allure be it real or good marketing the get ladies. I feel they try to align themselves on the unconscious fears/insecurties of today.
Just my two cents.
 
Bette Davis Eyes said:
Someone explain Bubly water to me. Is it meant to be used in cocktails? It can’t be meant to be drunk by itself. It’s like if you wanted flavor in your water but couldn’t afford but 5 cents worth of flavor….
Click to expand...
lol I'm not sure if we have this brand in the UK, but your description brought these brands to mind; Fevertree, Aqua Libra, and cocktails is exactly what I use them for.
 
Bette Davis Eyes said:
Someone explain Bubly water to me. Is it meant to be used in cocktails? It can’t be meant to be drunk by itself. It’s like if you wanted flavor in your water but couldn’t afford but 5 cents worth of flavor….
Click to expand...
I use it
the same way
that I use
any unsweetened
sparkling water:
mix it with
100% juice and
call it soda. :lol:
Sometimes half
and half, sometimes
less juice. Depends
on what my
tastebuds want.

I am curious
about LaCroix Limoncello
I have had plain
lime and lemon
of the brand
but not this
fancy name which
is also unsweetened.
 
I’m an early riser. I kind of like it but I don’t. Up around 5:15-530 every morning.

I want to see if I will have the motivation to go to the gym around this time though.

got to see it thru my boy.
 
Plushottie said:
Wouldn’t be no spicy time as I wouldn’t respect him nor self to be in that situation. I know folks lie to get to I do and many stay to save face in our society but I would divorce if that happens.
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I'd just remain single as well. I'm childfree but even if I wasn't I'm not overworking myself taking care of an able-bodied man plus a kid. I don't even want kids. No ma'am. Throw the whole man away

He can have several seats. He can most certainly have divorce.
 
CoiledOrchids said:
I'd just remain single as well. I'm childfree but even if I wasn't I'm not overworking myself taking care of an able-bodied man plus a kid. I don't even want kids. No ma'am. Throw the whole man away

He can have several seats. He can most certainly have divorce.
Click to expand...
I just get grossed out by setting myself on fire for others comfort anymore in life. I know it seems dramatic but so much has been programmed into women then even deeper Black women and it’s almost repulsive to think of doing all that for unqualified males.
 
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