*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

Is anyone seeing more young-ish widowers out there? I just turned 50 in November. The last four guys I dated on Match were widowers and the oldest was only 10 years older than me.

(And I get that four in a row sounds weird, but all four men approached me. I'm not targeting them.)
 
Random thought.. so as a single lady, I will ask for an itemized list of what the dentist will charge before agreeing to any procedures or treatments. I got a bill, and it’s not too bad, but this is why I waited so long to go because of this, and I have a background in charge captures/reimbursement processes.. I don’t need health providers thinking it’s ok to run up a bill on me…
 
OhTall1 said:
Is anyone seeing more young-ish widowers out there? I just turned 50 in November. The last four guys I dated on Match were widowers and the oldest was only 10 years older than me.

(And I get that four in a row sounds weird, but all four men approached me. I'm not targeting them.)
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I know of 4 men that recently passed in their 40’s.. that’s why I’m trying to take my dental health serious..
 
yaya24 said:
I was listening to Lewis Howes' podcast last week & this particular episode featured the author of a book called -Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection by Charles Duhigg

I wrote this note down about listening when someone comes to you with a situation or venting etc.

"Ask if they want to be Helped Heard or Hugged"

That was really great advice...that I'm moving with.

& I plan on making that book my March read.
Click to expand...

^^
started that book, but it was too "text booky" for me. Like an assigned book in school. Not my style of reading. I might give it another chance later.

I'm listening to this one now and I'm hooked:
How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen by David Brooks

Screenshot_20240306_091242_Spotify.jpg
 
yaya24 said:
^^
started that book, but it was too "text booky" for me. Like an assigned book in school. Not my style of reading. I might give it another chance later.

I'm listening to this one now and I'm hooked:
How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen by David Brooks

View attachment 494721
Click to expand...
I have that book need to read it but since I’m in school books don’t relax me. Textbooky is def a type that make me gag like stop putting on and get to it lol.
I was talking to a coworker we are such the odd pair but it’s like she has been the only one I can be me and as much as I’m a ghost to most it’s endearing.
 
I love a good romance book with a good plot and well developed characters.

even General Hospital is on point lately yasss. Kristina's storyline with the surrogacy is giving! and I wanna see whats going to happen as her due date gets closer. Of course I'm rooting for her and Allie

I like the whole Spencer/Trina relationship and I can't wait until he "comes back"
 
yaya24 said:
^^
started that book, but it was too "text booky" for me. Like an assigned book in school. Not my style of reading. I might give it another chance later.

I'm listening to this one now and I'm hooked:
How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen by David Brooks

View attachment 494721
Click to expand...
I am listening
to this too.
Heard the author
discussing/sharing
excerpts of it on
some radio show
(or was it YT? :scratchchin: )
and immediately got
it on Audible.
 
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Today I was talking to a guy I dated whom I’m friends with now. He was saying in 5 years he plans to get married because that’s when he feels he’ll be financially and mentally ready. I asked him won’t he need time to meet the right person and get to know her for a while to make sure she’s the right fit. He said it takes a man no more than 6 months to know if she’s the one he wants. This same man once thought he was gonna waste my time but I didn’t let him. I’ve always heard men waste no time when they are actually ready (she may not even be his perfect choice) and it was nice further hearing it from him. The way I date is if he’s not intentional I keep walking. A lot of the women in my family married men who made marriage their intention early upon meeting and proposed in less than 6 months to a year. I know not everyone dates that way nowadays but it really is a cheat code if marriage is the goal. For me this let’s go with the flow rhetoric is for the birds. Now I know some may fake like they’re serious but actually be time wasters in disguise but there are usually red flags present to pick these guys out. Men are pretty stupid at hiding their hands.
 
Don’t quote
In all my years I never imagined I would be where I am. I have always been chasing this notion of acceptable yet now almost 40, yet I know age is very relative but for me is big as I have always been about my biz, but I’m now in a flow of doing what’s acceptable for me. So much I wouldn’t try look wise as I was trying to have respectability yet always loving the vixenesque look. I’m still chunky so I’m not at my height but it’s been interesting making looks that appeal to me as I’m invisible to the world. I want to try color hair ie pink,blue. Color contacts moreso green and blue lol. Never did I think I would be comfortable enough to express but it’s my reality.
 
brg240 said:
Sometimes I deeply dislike men. Like even good ones. :( In theory I would like to be with someone but every other day I'm like no thanks :nono: There is little I hate more then seeing women (especially women I care about) hurt bc of man that loves her callous actions or words
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Sometimes I feel like that myself because I've been so hurt and traumatized by men about my looks. I would say that men are only nice to you when they want something (sex) but I would be lying. Although they are rare, multiple men have helped me within my career. I wouldn't be in the position I am now without the help of men.

Romantically or personally, they haven't been that kind at all. Within my career they've been very nice. So that's that lol

I still feel disappointed about the last guy I dated, although I can't understand why. I felt sad about it even until today. We weren't in a relationship and we barely saw each other. I guess I feel sad over what could have been. I just wonder when it will be finally my turn to date. I'm getting older and older every day so I don't feel my chances getting any higher. It just feels pathetic. I know I have low self-esteem but I'm not sure of how to do that. I want to raise my confidence since I have so little. I doubt myself in everything I do.

CoiledOrchids said:
thank you sis @Plushottie. I've been having a really rough time lately. I'll keep trying in hopes that one day i'll find some solid friends or at the very least 1-2 really good friendships that can stand the test of time.
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I don't have many friends I talk to. I only had 2 people that I really have consistent contact with. One of my friend invited me on a trip, all expense paid by her. Big mistake. We got into a HUGE fight. She blew up on me twice for what I thought were minuscule things and accused me of being ungrateful. Then she started crying randomly throughout the entire trip. She called me afterwards and spoke to me as though she was doing me a favor by reaching out first. I offered her the money back but she refused.

IDK I just think that maybe I didn't know her as well as I think. I feel like she requires constant care and attention and lashes out when she doesn't receive it.

I don't know. I just feel incredibly lonely.
 
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I hope you meet someone both romantically and friendship wise @GraceJones! Loneliness is hard and sometimes being around healthy people helps boost you to be even better.

I find calm in solitude but even I as of late would like a nice chit chat but accept this is my life and isn’t meant to blur with others but a nice brunch would be nice. All the suggestions people make aren’t quick fixes ie join a group, go out and be cute etc. I have tried connecting with a few and yet could sense the resistance so it’s just an indicator it’s not time for connection. I will focus on improving and creating and try again next yr.
 
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How do you build true connections with people. I don't think I've ever had "real" friends like that. Ride or die friends. Just associates and people I hang out with sometimes.
 
I know I’ve said this before but I just kept going to the skate rink. I mean, I made myself get up and go. And kept doing it. Finally people started nodding. And I kept seeing the same people.

3 women. I’ve made friends with. 21 years ago. Raised our kids together, skating. The last one , I met online like 10 years ago because we followed the same people on Instagram. She Turned up at the skate rink one day and I was like , I knowwww you!! The love of skating gave me the best blessings ever.


met my ex fiancé there. He, not so good but I got the sweetest little boy.

And I just love @IDareT'sHair She’s a blessing that LHCF gave me.
 
Oh and I have friends online that I have never met. Around 25 years from AOL. We followed each other from MySpace to Facebook. Some of them have met over the years but I’m lazy and if you ain in a city im visiting , I ain’t coming lol.
 
I might have to buy this dress in a 3X and have it tailored because they don’t have any large. It’s a fire dress!!! I just don’t wanna spend extra to tailor it, lol.
 
I just feel like I’m slowly spiraling. I just don’t now how to stop it. I’m going to therapy every week, but my therapist says it’s normal to feel the way that I do because I’ve had a few rough years.

I want to see the psychiatrist he referred me to, but I’m afraid to be on prescription meds again. I was on them during college and it gave me suicidal ideation. But at the same time I cry nearly all night. Then I’m not functional during the day because I’m tired.
For some reason I feel like all of the problems I have in life are because I’m unattractive. Maybe if I were more beautiful and had a more vibrant personality, I would have a more fulfilling life.
I want to have deeper relationships with people but I just keep getting disappointed. Again and again and again. I want to keep trying and be open, but my heart has grown cold and bitter. Sadness has overtaken me.

I’m so confused. What do people look for in developing relationships? Why do they not see those qualities in me? It hurts really badly.
 
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