*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

I want microphones to be banned from the internet. The above genre of creator annoys me these dating coach’s/gurus disturb me as they help people remain unaware of self and put dating on such a pedal-stool. I know I sound mean but oh well and I have seen too much to know this trend of message just isn’t it.
 
GraceJones said:
When does “the work” stop? What happens when you work and you gain nothing in return? I’m tired of working.
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It doesn’t. The work isn’t transactional you just get better in adjusting and there is much ground to cover as they say there’s levels to this. I know many set out to fix thinking it will lead to happily ever after but it doesn’t in the sense of what one may be after. I’m 20 yrs in and def understand a lot of things. Now not to say you won’t get some things as you clear out you may have better alignment/magnetism but don’t do to get do because it’s best.
 
I wish I knew what was happening or what the cause of discontent is. Maybe I'm going through an early mid-life crisis. I'll fine for weeks and then at random I'll cry for the entirety of the night. Then before I know it, it's daylight. Of course, I'll have important things to do that day. So, I'll just walk around like a zombie for the rest of the day.

I just feel as though my personal life is nowhere near what I thought it would be at this age. That aspect of my life might never come to fruition and I just have to come to grips with it. I just feel a deep sense of shame and embarrassment that I've failed in such a major way. Bitterness just emanates from me, and I'm not sure how to reconcile. I don't even try to date or meet anyone. I'm not even sure I know how. People say you shouldn't focus on dating, just focus on having a fulfilled life. But if I don't try, men never show me any interest. I never get approached by anyone.

I think most people are just out to just manipulate or take something from you. Everyone has some type of game play. Human beings are predisposed to take power. I've been hurt too many times. Family, friends, men I've dated. It's just too much. I want to be away from society. But at the same time I crave companionship. What a conundrum.

I feel as though so much of your life is precipitated by your attractiveness as a woman. If you don't fit into that box of what is defined as beautiful, it's almost like you're invisible. You don't get as many mate selections, you don't get as much support at work from your colleagues and peers, you don't make as many friends. People don't treat you as a person.
 
@GraceJones your going through a bit of an awakening. So your life expectations and reality aren’t close which makes for such a painful life. Yes, I get the appearance piece deeply, I had to reconcile my disordered eating that stems from wanting to be beautiful. The world isn’t great when you are not compliant.
Releasing the shame may take time I’m talking years and it starts with acknowledging why unpacking it. It’s taking me time to forgive self I had to be ok with the concept of self forgiveness and as that grew dive deeper.
Society edges people on if your life doesn’t look like x then something wrong with you and you take yrs distracting yourself under the illusion of self development in hopes if you fix enough you will be redeemed and get the happily ever after dangling carrot.
For myself I had to accept still working on it that I prob won’t have what others get and that is ok. Even writing that just hit me. That even tho I aspired to be a certain way there isn’t anything wrong and it would serve me more if I integrate that and move. Your tears are your way of releasing.
 
I’ve always been viewed as attractive because of my figure. There are some men who love my skin tone and then ,There are some men that love my skin tone, eye shape and smile. It’s either going to be a black man who loves his sisters or a white man that love black women. I was teased for being dark growing up. I’m always the darkest out of my circle of friends and the , *thickest*.

I told my beau last night being attractive to a man is nothing. I care not that man says he’s attracted to me. It’s an outer appearance that you find appealing and sexy. I’ve been approached since I was 16 because I’m dragging a wagon. It’s the most absurd thing. If you approach me and call me sexy, it’s a wrap. It’s not flattering.

Have you traveled? Can you hold a conversation? What chains are you breaking? Are you thoughtful? Careful with your words? What inspires you to be a better human being? If all you know about me is my shape, then that indeed is pitiful.

I’ve been celibate this last time for 2 years. I’ve did it over the years when I felt the need to have calm/peace. Up to five years at one point. He was astounded. Lol
 
I felt so gorg today and it was amazing not getting any compliments while out today minus the ladies at my ortho office they are always amazed at my hair changes 6 weeks is a long time to not change wigs. Embracing I’m prob won’t ever date again has been hard as I wanted to not be seen as abnormal but I’m not one to wallow in fantasy. Now to create a life that may be a forever plus none.
 
@Bette Davis Eyes I would agree to an extent but I have def gotten you must be defective to not be able to land a spouse. It’s one thing when a person legit doesn’t want to be with anyone but it’s different when you do but just not in the path.
I think the main thing lately is now I can morph into what I want to look like as I’m not trying to be competitive anymore. There are a lot of experiences I won’t have like being fussed over for my special moments or having someone to go fetch things for me if I’m sick unless I pay someone which isn’t desired. But ultimately at my age I can’t be hopeful anymore as that takes energy and I need to focus on what can I do to be ok as I will be my only advocate.
 
Not in my circle. Mostly all the women I know that are over 30, have their own, hold their own and are not settling for less. everywhere I turn im running into women okay not dating because what's out here?? @Plushottie

I have a long time acquaintance who thinks Im gay because Im never in a relationship when she checks in

Honestly , I have no problem being single.
 
Oh, i was severely depressed in the most recent years. My mom passed in 2020 due to covid by herself because the senior citizens building was on lockdown so they wouldn't have too many exposures, days after my birthday. She didn't call me on my birthday and I knew something was wrong.

When I realized I have no emergency contact, something in me broke. Just sad, disappointed and bitter. Gained almost 75lbs in 3 years @Plushottie
 
Plushottie said:
I felt so gorg today and it was amazing not getting any compliments while out today minus the ladies at my ortho office they are always amazed at my hair changes 6 weeks is a long time to not change wigs. Embracing I’m prob won’t ever date again has been hard as I wanted to not be seen as abnormal but I’m not one to wallow in fantasy. Now to create a life that may be a forever plus none
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I'm planning on going to the st. Patrick's day parade and the circus in March. April starts baseball season so I can't wait for that
 
Bette Davis Eyes said:
Oh, i was severely depressed in the most recent years. My mom passed in 2020 due to covid by herself because the senior citizens building was on lockdown so they wouldn't have too many exposures, days after my birthday. She didn't call me on my birthday and I knew something was wrong.

When I realized I have no emergency contact, something in me broke. Just sad, disappointed and bitter. Gained almost 75lbs in 3 years @Plushottie
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My condolences to you. I wish this thread could focus more on how to thrive, learn, and grow as singles. Like what do we do in the event lose an emergency contact? How do we prepare for our senior years besides retirement, how do we handle things like repairs, etc… Man or no man, we still gotta live and eat.
 
I like that @Evolving78

Ive gathered a network of close tight friends around me. With skills that I dont have. Ive made myself MOVE more. Travel when I can. I've made myself step out of the norm as much as possible but the one thing that I find so much joy in , is telling my friends, that I LOVE them and showing up.

I show them how present we can be for each other no matter what.
 
Plushottie said:
I’m so sorry about your mom that experience is crushing @Bette Davis Eyes. The emergency contact, the getting older is hard. It’s like I have been single a long time shouldn’t be the end of the world but living in this world it can be interesting.
I love your zest to explore @CoiledOrchids. It’s fun to do what you want when you want.
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thank you. I'm still working on making friends but sometimes I feel stuck. I go out mostly to just have something to do to distract me from my feelings.

like, I'm not sure where to go to make friends anyway. How do childfree women like myself who are in their early 30s make friends? I don't smoke or drink and bars/clubs/lounges aren't places I'd wanna hang out.

I deal with major depression so I kinda have to hide how I feel at work and just put on a brave face to make it through the day. It's exhausting.
 
CoiledOrchids said:
I'm planning on going to the st. Patrick's day parade and the circus in March. April starts baseball season so I can't wait for
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@Bette Davis Eyes
sorry to hear about your Mom. Loss of a parent or close loved one is so hard.

---
@CoiledOrchids

In March I'm going to Chicago to celebrate St. Patrick's Day/weekend.

Decided to go yesterday and booked my flight.

I heard they color the river green. Looking forward to drinking, dancing and dining with friends.
 
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CoiledOrchids said:
thank you. I'm still working on making friends but sometimes I feel stuck. I go out mostly to just have something to do to distract me from my feelings.

like, I'm not sure where to go to make friends anyway. How do childfree women like myself who are in their early 30s make friends? I don't smoke or drink and bars/clubs/lounges aren't places I'd wanna hang out.

I deal with major depression so I kinda have to hide how I feel at work and just put on a brave face to make it through the day. It's exhausting.
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This hit me to my core. I so see me in you. Making adult friends is an odd thing as many aren’t open or they are busy with the hustle and bustle of busing kids or marriage. Then if you don’t do things like clubs/drinking it can be limiting. In my early 30’s I I tried meetup’s and going to cute places but it never amounted to anything. I def masked a lot until I broke down and a group I was trying to mix with said I was beyond the support they could give but in the most elite way. So I’m close to 40 and friendless. I chat with a coworker virtually but know once I’m gone that’s gone too.

You have a light about you and your thriving. Continue to do what you enjoy, you deserve that as I know how depression robs you of the gift of light. If you ever need to chat/vent my dm’s are a safe space.
 
Soooooo theres some news circulating that my ex fiance got the woman that he's been seeing pregnant and they are having a secret baby shower late March.

That means she's pretty far along.... and that he impregnated her less than 2 months after I broke things off.. sheesh men are gross.

Yall!!! Lol wtf ??

I am so thankful that I did not 2nd guess my decision & I did not spin the block after his many attempts to reel me back in. Thank God for discernment.

Not my business..& I did have to tell the person who called to tell me, please do not call me to update me on his life & that we have been over.

her husband is friends with him.

Thank God I did the work!!!! Bc omg.
 
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Sometimes I deeply dislike men. Like even good ones. :( In theory I would like to be with someone but every other day I'm like no thanks :nono: There is little I hate more then seeing women (especially women I care about) hurt bc of man that loves her callous actions or words
 
This is really a random thought but in my world I have seen so much that instills self hate because I’m the way I am. It’s taken so much reprogramming to move from such and sadly it’s often pushed by other people who may look like you. It’s wild to think of self as insecure but it’s only due to projection of others and how your handled.
 
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