*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

yaya24 said:
Random- I've never been on a dating app.
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Lucky you. It's hell.
Plushottie said:
Omg yes! That’s basically how I’m living. In the past I did so much to position self to no avail. I have done apps and yea not a good use of time.
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Yeah, I've tried to position myself too but I haven't had much luck. I'll go on maybe 5 or 6 dates a year?? And usually it's only one date and they never call me back. Men don't really approach me in public unless I'm like really wearing a strapless mini dress or something with a lot of make-up. Who is doing that every day?

Anyway, I made bacon, egg, and cheese sliders today on brioche buns. Maybe tomorrow I'm make jr bacon cheese sliders with 96/4 beef. that should be tasty. i also finally have a junior league meeting this week. hopefully i can meet some friends. i really want to work on my communication skills and leadership skills.
 
Had the first phone call with #1 and it was really really good. He's very well-spoken and elaborates on everything LOL. He also asked me some good questions. He's a little guarded, but we vibe for sure.
 
Had phone call #2 last night. I appreciate that he stayed up to call me when I got off work, but he also asked if I'm free to talk around this time.

It was another great conversation. He laid out how he operates including him overthinking things and being socially awkward. We talked kids, relationship timelines, and what kind of weddings we want. We also talked about what we both need when it comes to communication. It's something else talking to a man who knows himself so well and can articulate it.
 
Plushottie said:
Don’t do it if that’s not your cup of tea. Like I will barf at anyone under 40 but I know some like 3-5 yrs either side of their age.
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Everyone has there preference! I'm a "very young at heart" 35 year old, so I need someone who isn't too serious or set in their ways. I'm definitely not going younger than myself, though my close friend just married a guy 6 years younger than her.

I want someone who's fun, more mature than me, but not so much that I feel like I'm hanging out with my dad's friends LOL!!! I can't do the jazzy uncle energy
 
ckisland said:
Everyone has there preference! I'm a "very young at heart" 35 year old, so I need someone who isn't too serious or set in their ways. I'm definitely not going younger than myself, though my close friend just married a guy 6 years younger than her.

I want someone who's fun, more mature than me, but not so much that I feel like I'm hanging out with my dad's friends LOL!!! I can't do the jazzy uncle energy
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Not jazzy uncle oh lord no. I swear I thought you were just 30. Yea maturity doesn’t have to be dull. I need me a I am a man I’m not here for the new fangled ones that I almost want to ask do y’all like women or nah.
 
Plushottie said:
Not jazzy uncle oh lord no. I swear I thought you were just 30. Yea maturity doesn’t have to be dull. I need me a I am a man I’m not here for the new fangled ones that I almost want to ask do y’all like women or nah.
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The acting like they don't like women thing is so real!! Some of the profiles I've seen are so aggressive. Like who hurt you. They need to be searching for a therapist.
 
I went to a Junior League meeting. I also went to a few mixers in my industry. I'm mainly just trying to build my network. I met a lot of people and I'm gonna try to ask them out for coffee. I also have some volunteer events this week. Anything to get my mind off of my lack of dating prospects.

It does allow me to see how much of my behavior was dictated around what men do or don't find attractive. I've held myself back in some ways professionally and financially because I didn't want to seem too intimidating. I also wanted to allow myself to find a man who is hypergamous to me. Not too many black men like that out there, especially in my area so I just decided to keep myself small. And if the black guy is successful, they typically don't like women that look like me.

For example, I was really mindful of the way I decorated my apartment. I didn't want guys to come and see my apartment decorated with beautiful furniture because they might find me too well-off and think it was too intimidating to pursue a relationship with me. Not many single women are able to live by themselves. I don't really tell people about what I do for a living either.

Much of my grooming was done to appease men also. I don't put as much effort as I used to anymore. I don't do the lashes, make up and weave anymore. It's kind of a waste of time. They don't offer me a better result.

I feel frustrated that you almost have to perform in order to have men interested in you. Be sexy, but not too sexy. Be successful, but not too much to intimidate the men. These are all just functions of patriarchy and a means to control women.

Anyway, since I'm not bothering with that anymore I have goals of buying my own apartment in the next 2-3 years. I would like a multi-level 3 bedroom with office space. I feel like I can absolutely do this if I work hard enough. I want to also travel more this year, hopefully attend more networking events, meet more interesting people.

Edit: I'm also doing a lot of community work with less fortunate people. So that helps also. As well as cooking. I'm making a chicken adobe burrito bowl with cauliflower rice and guacamole.

Double edit: That last experience really broke me, man. It just brought up all my bad memories from middle school and high school. Always feeling rejected or not good enough compared to my peers. Always being teased for my appearance. The guy told me that many times he wouldn't have spoken to me in over a week and he didn't even realize. He also said a bunch of other things that just placed the blame on me for the relationship never materializing. So detrimental and some of my worst fears come to life. So gut wrenching to be told by someone that you really don't matter to them. IDK what I did. Maybe I'm just not attractive enough for him. I still havent dated anyone since or tried to date. I just have to come to terms that I might not ever marry or have kids
 
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ckisland said:
Everyone has there preference! I'm a "very young at heart" 35 year old, so I need someone who isn't too serious or set in their ways. I'm definitely not going younger than myself, though my close friend just married a guy 6 years younger than her.

I want someone who's fun, more mature than me, but not so much that I feel like I'm hanging out with my dad's friends LOL!!! I can't do the jazzy uncle energy
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Gir!!!!!! l I'm not a spring chicken anymore but I sure did take one from the coop and I love it lol. He's very mature though but it's balanced with his actual age if that makes sense. I think because he married young and had kids he had to grow up but the energy he has...yassss Lawd.
I didn't intentionally seek him out and when I found out his age it did give me pause but as things progressed..well. ummm..yes age really did just become a number.
It definitely helps me not sink into boring auntie or mommy mode. He's a lot of fun and it's a lot of fun keeping up with him. Wink, wink.
I don't feel my age, in fact I refuse to believe it. Lol.
Ok back to my corner.
 
Plushottie said:
Oh my ok well if he comes back with evidence would you continue?
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I dunno honestly. Part of our last phone call was talking about communication, and I said if you're busy and won't be able to talk for awhile, just say so.
My feelings aren't hurt or anything like that. In all fairness, I've disappeared on a few guys on the apps. I'm just confused because this has never happened before to me LOL.
 
ckisland said:
I dunno honestly. Part of our last phone call was talking about communication, and I said if you're busy and won't be able to talk for awhile, just say so.
My feelings aren't hurt or anything like that. In all fairness, I've disappeared on a few guys on the apps. I'm just confused because this has never happened before to me LOL.
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That makes sense like all it takes is a heads up; but some people get so wrapped up. Holding your boundaries is wise.
 
Ugh can't sleep. Most nights I spend crying. I spent all day in bed. I want to get out of bed but I'm so tired.

I contacted the psychiatrist my phycologist referred me to. I have to wait until my Medicaid coverage begins. So a few more weeks. Maybe meds will help me. I'm scared to take them but I'm willing to give them a shot.

I've been trying to keep busy with networking. One of my associates is a job recruiter. He was able to find me a job, so that might keep me busy as well. I just have to apply and he will push my application to the front and grant me an interview. All I have to do is not mess up on the interview. I will start studying tomorrow.

I did volunteer work in remembrance of MLK day. Hopefully, I will do more of that.

One of my friends invited me on a weekend trip. I don't have to pay anything, she's paying for me. She says she just wants to cheer me up because I seem down.

I knew that men played games in order to get what they want, but dear God I had no idea they were so insidious. Do they even like us? I am trying very hard to keep myself away from thinking about relationships but it is difficult. Most of my YouTube feed is based on learning about dating, attractiveness, beauty or men. Most of the books I read are similar. I want to stop spending time on that. It's hard though. I just can't stop thinking that there is something that should be fixed. I feel like I've been fed a lie. I'm not even sure love exists in any capacity. Friends, family, romantic relationships, nothing. I feel really alone. Oh well.

My self-care has taken a dive. I haven't gotten my hair done in a really long time. I normally just cover it with a scarf or wear a bun. I don't really take care in my outfits either. I wear the same 3 outfits over and over. i just make sure they're washed. i figure i'm not attractive anyway, so it really doesnt matter. I try to focus on my regular things like showering, washing my face, brushing my teeth.
 
@GraceJones
While you are waiting for your script, try Calm. It’s a magnesium powder that you can mix with water or a beverage. (Non-caffeinated tea preferably). This may help to relax you and get a nice sleep. Please go by the directions or it could turn into a laxative that you didn’t ask for! lol You can purchase it at the Vitamin Shoppe, or Amazon I believe. They have different flavors. The raspberry lemonade is fine. It is not sweet, but tangy.
 
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