*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

What we've been taught is such a big lie. Romance from men doesn't even exist. It's just a performance. It's all about what they need to perform in order to get what outcome they need. Men don't even seek the same things at their core as women do. Women seek companionship. Men seek is sex. I've even seen men plan out how they interact with a woman step-by-step in order to get the result that they want.

Women in turn are expected to perform chastity, demureness, and domestic ability in order to render themselves as relationship material. How to dress, how to do your hair, how to act, how to tiptoe around their ego, what hobbies to have, what places to go, wait to have sex, but remember that men want sex at the same time. It's such an exhausting and never ending game. I feel like I'm always acting. But if not that, then what? It's so confusing and tiring.
 
Men and Women will never be the same/ want the exact same things out of each other. Yes, this is true.

I think men and women want companionship at some level.. (some more than others).

Making romantic relationships the center (or a major part) of one's happiness is a recipe for disaster.

Men are flawed, women are too. We know (well I know for the most part) that relationships with men can be mental gymnastics lol. We are just different. The longer the "wrong ones" stay away is another good day.

Men are wired to want sex (and respect) from a woman... Women at the core want safety.. & that's just the foundation.
but that's not the end to the character of a multi-faceted, healed man or woman.

The dance is to merge with the right person.. YOUR person.. and enjoy the ride. The goal is for that situation to blossom into something beautiful where both people choose each other, every single day AS THEY ARE and weather any storms.. forever and ever :)

If this time comes, for some it happens earlier in life- for others later. For some of us it happens many times..for others it takes just once. Learn the lesson with each dance, and move on living a life without the lack of a partner being the foundation ... or you will get stuck in an endless loop of "why me?"

In the meantime live a full life and accept yourself as a single person. Grow and heal. Enjoy each day..and when you do decide to accept a relationship- still keep your life full outside of said relationship.

Bc if it comes to an end... it's back to YOU.. YOU are the home.
 
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I just saw these Sunday Affirmations online and they blessed me--

Sharing is caring, right ? :)

SUNDAY AFFIRMATIONS

• l am grateful for the opportunity to pursue my dreams

• I give myself everything I need to thrive

• I create space for myself to flourish

• Every day, I grow stronger, smarter, and more confident in myself

• I am exuding peace, calm, and
groundedness

• I’m going to feel guided by my intuition as I go about next
week.

• I’m letting go of anything that didn’t serve me as I step into this week

• I treat myself with love and compassion

• I release all the bad experiences from last week

• Today I choose to let go of everything that I can’t control

• I’m allowing myself to do what is right for me

• I don’t need to stress about what is ahead of me, I can feel at ease
 
The turmoil from being with the wrong man is beyond being single. @GraceJones

I haven’t been in a relationship for 7 years. What I have been is enjoying getting myself together.

I have no immediate family in this state. I’ve built a small circle of women and we are giving each other flowers now.

I would love companionship with the right one. It’s just not in the cards for me currently. What I do know is I will never settle again because the backlash is still felt. I’m working on losing more weight. I want to look good for me in my clothes. I lost 35 lbs last year. I have another 35 to go. I’m Working on a new job.I sacrificed 16 weeks for school after work. Got a few certifications under my belt. Just each day is a little more work on loving me.

I used to say men were raised on believing corn is the way and women believing Disney fairytales.
 
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Bette Davis Eyes said:
The turmoil from being with the wrong man is beyond being single. @GraceJones

I haven’t been in a relationship for 7 years. What I have been is enjoying getting myself together.

I have no immediate family in this state. I’ve build a small circle of women and we are giving each other flowers now.

I would love companionship with the right one. It’s just not in the cards for me currently. What I do know is I will never settle again because the backlash is still felt. I’m working on losing more weight. I want to look good for me in my clothes. I lost 35 lbs last year. I have another 35 to go. I’m Working on a new job.I sacrificed 16 weeks for school after work. Got a few certifications under my belt. Just each day is a little more work on loving me.

I used to say men were raised on believing corn is the way and women believing Disney fairytales.
Click to expand...
You got a new job?! I’m about to twerk y’all can judge your pets because I’m celebrating even if you haven’t gotten it you are.
 
Bette Davis Eyes said:
The turmoil from being with the wrong man is beyond being single. @GraceJones

I haven’t been in a relationship for 7 years. What I have been is enjoying getting myself together.

I have no immediate family in this state. I’ve built a small circle of women and we are giving each other flowers now.

I would love companionship with the right one. It’s just not in the cards for me currently. What I do know is I will never settle again because the backlash is still felt. I’m working on losing more weight. I want to look good for me in my clothes. I lost 35 lbs last year. I have another 35 to go. I’m Working on a new job.I sacrificed 16 weeks for school after work. Got a few certifications under my belt. Just each day is a little more work on loving me.

I used to say men were raised on believing corn is the way and women believing Disney fairytales.
Click to expand...
At least you had one. I can barely even get more than 1 consecutive date. I feel completely invisible.
I guess I've just become eternally bitter. I feel lied to. I felt like things would just "happen". That never happened. Half of a year has gone and I haven't met anyone else. I'm about to enter my mid-thirties. It doesn't seem like I'll be able to have kids in time before my fertility is gone.

I feel like men study you to see where your weakness and insecurities lie and then use them as a way to manipulate you to satisfy their own egos. There are men that really take pleasure in seeing how much you'll inconvenience yourself to appease them. Men have an infinite time to have kids. They're the ones that select the mates. They're the ones that determine whether or not the relationship gets serious. They have so much power.

I just feel lied to. I thought dating was about romance, talking on the phone, spending time with one another, getting to know each other. I don't even want anything incredible. Just small tokens. Maybe a valentine's day card, or a gift. Or maybe phone calls just because. Or a surprise to my favorite event. Thoughtful things. It would be nice to experience this just once.

In today's dating culture, men don't want to do any of that because they don't have to in order to gain access to sex. They can just go online and find someone else in a few seconds. Infinite access to women. If you don't seem available they just rinse, wash, and repeat. And they want the most attractive women available as well. Like incredibly attractive. I've seen the girls my associates date and they look great just waking up. It take me almost 2-3 hours to get ready. I have to work out 5x a week and watch what I eat. It takes up nearly all my time to even look somewhat. decent.

You're entire date-ability is determine by the way you look. Not who you are as a person, just how you present as arm candy. I think I'm a nice, caring person with a lot to offer. Nobody really cares about that. It makes me bitter.

I think it's also because I made fun of so mercilessly by my schoolmates in middle school and high school as well. I used to get called ugly and a man. I wish I can let it go but it hurts. I feel like I might be going through some type of life crisis. I feel so angry because I tried so hard for all for it to result in nothing.


To the bolded: Are you talking about adult films? IDK what you mean by corn...

Anyway, my insurance starts tomorrow. I'm going to try to schedule an appointment with the psychiatrist to see if I can get some meds.
 
Yes I mean adult films. @GraceJones

One thing I learned is you walking around holding on to all this turmoil and angst while the people/person that contributed to it sleeping like a baby. Stop letting people live rent free in your head. Each day remind yourself. It’s not something that happens immediately but over time but you have to break the cycle. You have to come to a place where you love you and if it’s taking all this effort is it worth it to you? At the end of the day it’s your choice

This comes from a woman who was teased/bullied because I was dark in elementary school.

The relationship I had was better off with me dating a literal dog. At least the dog would have stayed. Everything happens for a reason. Better now that I’ve experienced what not to fall for.

Have you thought about therapy? If you wanna talk you can message me and exchange numbers.
 
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I just on the scale, lol.

After Christmas and two cruises, ya girl gained 8.2 lbs. It's cool though. I have until June 5th to lose the 35lbs I want. It's completely doable in 4 months.

Anyone has an oculus, I'm about to get the Supernatural App today. I plan on waking up and doing that for 30 minutes a day before I start work. I thought about a gym but eh. I might still join a gym, but I don't want to pay $35 a month when the app is $9.99.

By the way B-12 and Geritol real is hitting for energy. While I'm on vacation, I have been really proactive and full of energy.
 
Well it happened.

Apparently my ex fiance has officially moved on.

I was on the phone with one of my close girlfriends that lives in Chicago yesterday evening & she told me that a friend of hers saw my exs IG story and she was confused (it was a pic of him with another woman & she had no clue we were no longer together) so she asked my friend WTH was going on.

My friend said this happened 2 weeks ago, but that she didn't want to bring it up to me at the time bc she knows how I don't like to dwell in the past. *Especially since she knew I truly loved that man for the year we spent together.

Of course I needed to see the picture.. she sent it..

The new woman is very pretty (as expected) & they look happy.
I still wish him nothing but the best.

It did sting a little bit.. but he moved on (as he should).

I know men move on faster & I ended the relationship bc I knew it was not going to work. I cannot believe its going to be 6 months! Aug 30th seems like it wasn't that long ago.

Our final communication was Dec 7th, I still have the txt (his final attempt to rekindle the flame and fix the relationship).

I'm actually really glad she told me & sent the pic (im soo being serious), bc it definitely helped with the random "did I make the right decision?" thoughts and wondering if he was ACTUALLY doing the work to be a better partner vs looking for the next beautiful woman to drape on his arm.

TBH, I needed to know-- it was just what my soul needed to quiet the human part of me that would randomly think that maybe in the end (if the stars aligned) we would randomly run into each other and talk from a healed place.

Full disclosure I had no plans on spinning the block, but it still stings.. just a little bit.

That chapter is closed. Full stop. I am still at peace with my decision, but now the quiet voice that whispers ever so often can fully rest.




IMG_20240209_021343_673.jpg
 
Bette Davis Eyes said:
Lol
Click to expand...
I’m nauseous reading that like I may need medical attention.

@yaya24 I sooooo value your introspection it delightful dance. You’re grounded yet attuned.

After recent acknowledgement of my ed and how I have been going about trying to lose weight in order to be attractive to a desired group, it may be a time or ever that I will be able to date as the risk I have taken to get to x size and still not there and the motive is just a lot. It’s hard to process that I may never have the desire if I can’t reach the aesthetics. 20 yrs of trying yet I’m not able to out run the sun. It’s much complex but I try to keep it light as for most it’s unrelatable.
 
yaya24 said:
Thank you so much.

My "word" for last year (2023) was actually attunement. I'm glad the lessons paid off.

Life is the greatest teacher.. & relationships (platonic and romantic) truly teach us a lot about ourselves.
Click to expand...
I so agree none of my relationships have been great but all are insightful. With every rejection I’m so grateful as they pushed me to grow independently.
 
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