*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

Spent the day in bed again. I usually muster enough energy to at least go to the gym and get some type of social interaction since I live alone. I didn't manage to do that, but I did cook for myself.

I spoke to my therapist and he wants to get me on meds. I'm a bit hesitant to do so because I was on meds in college. It made me feel like 10x worse, but perhaps the psychologist will give me a different prescription. I have to wait for Medicaid to kick in because I lost my health insurance.

I just feel completely drained. I was studying for pre-exams hard during the summer. Like 8+ plus hours a day 6 days a week. I didn't score high enough to be selected. I took the pre-exam again last month and still didn't score high enough to be selected. I understand the material, but when I take the exam I put so much pressure on myself and get anxious. I began thinking about all the bad things that would happen if fail the test.

Then I start to think about my other "failures" in relationships. Another year has passed. In 2023 I got asked out on maybe 3 or 4 dates. None of those went past the first meeting. I've never had a bf. Never dated a guy consistently. Never had a guy call me regularly. Never received any type of Valentine's Day gift. Nor birthday gift. I'm already near my mid-thirties. My fertility will decline soon. Maybe I should just freeze my eggs.

I guess I don't have a purpose in life either. I just wake up - stay in bed - go to sleep. I don't have any hobbies besides exercise. I tried joining friend groups but I didn't make any real connections with anyone. I feel most people join those meetup groups just to date. I would have liked to have a friendship with some of the ladies, but I got pushed out by one of the moderators. I also think there is a silent competition amongst the women for guys' attention. Even if the meetup is focused on a specific task like bowling or dancing, I think most people just want to meet people to date. I just feel like there is a pecking order based on attractiveness within social groups. If you're not beautiful, the guys planning the events generally don't want you around because they don't see themselves dating you.

No friends, no associates, no family members, no dating prospects. I just feel alone and I don't know how to rectify that. I guess I just don't know what to do with myself. I did join The Junior League, but those meetings don't start until later this month.

I started this new Charisma course that teaches you how to engage with people. They give you action steps to take, but I get so nervous when I need to implement the steps. I end up just freezing and forgetting about it. I guess I just lack self-confidence.

I'm going to go to Toastmasters this week. I'm also going to start substitute teaching to earn something.
 
Chicoro said:
@GraceJones I cooked for myself, too. What did you make? Was it good? Did you enjoy your food?
My food was so good. Cooking can be therapeutic.
Click to expand...
I made Japanese-style pancakes. I used a plant-based protein powder instead of whey powder, so they didn't come out how I would have liked. I also think I over-mixed the egg whites into the pancake mix. It's alright, I'll try again later. I also made a burger with 93/7 beef, egg whites, reduced-fat cheese, and a brioche bun. Next time I'll add bacon.
 
GraceJones said:
I made Japanese-style pancakes. I used a plant-based protein powder instead of whey powder, so they didn't come out how I would have liked. I also think I over-mixed the egg whites into the pancake mix. It's alright, I'll try again later. I also made a burger with 93/7 beef, egg whites, reduced-fat cheese, and a brioche bun. Next time I'll add bacon.
Click to expand...
Sounds yummy and interesting! Yeah, it’s like that. We try something and refine it as we go based on lessons learned. We take out the positives in the situation and ditch and drop what didn’t work.


I cooked a virtual feast for myself. My sage dressing tasted like butter and it was so moist and delicious inside and perfectly crunchy on top. But my potato salad not only came out nasty, it turned bad and spoiled! Although my ham came out divinely yummy!

I’m going to be on the lookout for your meals. I love how you experiment with food and how you refine your processes and make great assessments.

Let me stop derailing this thread. *Whispers to @GraceJones , “Tag me girl when you talk about your food and what your are making!”*
 
Never put 100% trust in your homegirls no matter how close you think you are. This girl who I’m pretty tight with doesn’t follow me on social media (I don’t follow her either) but when you introduce her to the guy you’ve been dating she proceeds to find him on social media and follow him. Although we get along well I have seen subtle signs of jealousy. This is why I continue to keep my circle small and view most people as acquaintances instead of friends.
 
Plushottie said:
That’s gross why go after someone else’s stuff like I can’t understand but sadly is common insecure women and men.
Click to expand...

We’re in the same organization and have to work together but I want no ties outside of that. She’s definitely now demoted in my life and I have no desire to hang out when she asks me. I think I would’ve been fine if she and I were already following each other and she knows my social media handle.

It reminds me of one of the reasons why some people don’t post their man on social media. You post him and next thing you know women are flocking to his page to follow him and slide in the DMs. I’m all for sisterhood but women can be so downright messy.
 
TrulyBlessed said:
We’re in the same organization and have to work together but I want no ties outside of that. She’s definitely now demoted in my life and I have no desire to hang out when she asks me. I think I would’ve been fine if she and I were already following each other and she knows my social media handle.

It reminds me of one of the reasons why some people don’t post their man on social media. You post him and next thing you know women are flocking to his page to follow him and slide in the DMs. I’m all for sisterhood but women can be so downright messy.
Click to expand...
That’s insecurities on ten because this competition energy. It’s sad a man can destroy quality connection. I look at another person as seconds why would you want that. I wouldn’t even chat with someone if I know they had any connection with someone I know.
 
being single isn't so bad. I like finding new things to do around town. I recently got back into Journaling and writing poetry.

I'd eventually like to take an adult dance class. I'll hold off on it for now and just focus on school.

I want to start working out as well. I put some weight and I'm feeling super self conscious and I hate that. I feel like crap and I don't want to look at myself

I'm kind of a mess right now
 
GraceJones said:
Spent the day in bed again. I usually muster enough energy to at least go to the gym and get some type of social interaction since I live alone. I didn't manage to do that, but I did cook for myself.

I spoke to my therapist and he wants to get me on meds. I'm a bit hesitant to do so because I was on meds in college. It made me feel like 10x worse, but perhaps the psychologist will give me a different prescription. I have to wait for Medicaid to kick in because I lost my health insurance.

I just feel completely drained. I was studying for pre-exams hard during the summer. Like 8+ plus hours a day 6 days a week. I didn't score high enough to be selected. I took the pre-exam again last month and still didn't score high enough to be selected. I understand the material, but when I take the exam I put so much pressure on myself and get anxious. I began thinking about all the bad things that would happen if fail the test.

Then I start to think about my other "failures" in relationships. Another year has passed. In 2023 I got asked out on maybe 3 or 4 dates. None of those went past the first meeting. I've never had a bf. Never dated a guy consistently. Never had a guy call me regularly. Never received any type of Valentine's Day gift. Nor birthday gift. I'm already near my mid-thirties. My fertility will decline soon. Maybe I should just freeze my eggs.

I guess I don't have a purpose in life either. I just wake up - stay in bed - go to sleep. I don't have any hobbies besides exercise. I tried joining friend groups but I didn't make any real connections with anyone. I feel most people join those meetup groups just to date. I would have liked to have a friendship with some of the ladies, but I got pushed out by one of the moderators. I also think there is a silent competition amongst the women for guys' attention. Even if the meetup is focused on a specific task like bowling or dancing, I think most people just want to meet people to date. I just feel like there is a pecking order based on attractiveness within social groups. If you're not beautiful, the guys planning the events generally don't want you around because they don't see themselves dating you.

No friends, no associates, no family members, no dating prospects. I just feel alone and I don't know how to rectify that. I guess I just don't know what to do with myself. I did join The Junior League, but those meetings don't start until later this month.

I started this new Charisma course that teaches you how to engage with people. They give you action steps to take, but I get so nervous when I need to implement the steps. I end up just freezing and forgetting about it. I guess I just lack self-confidence.

I'm going to go to Toastmasters this week. I'm also going to start substitute teaching to earn something.
Click to expand...
I can truly relate to your journey and I want to commend you for taking steps to improve your situation. I’ve been a Toastmasters member for a few months now, and it has significantly boosted my confidence. I’m also single around my mid-30s and not having an easy time dealing with it. It’s great that you’re trying different Meetup groups – I faced some challenges initially but found the right ones and made good friends.

I hope that you remember that even though your journey is unique, other people are facing similar challenges and the right path for you might take time to unfold. It seems you’re taking great steps for personal and professional growth. Wishing you strength and positivity on your journey!
 
Having delayed relationships connections has been helpful introspection. As of late I acknowledged I’m not sure if I truly want a relationship in the traditional way since I’m getting older but it’s not from desperation but it’s from knowing self. This site is still too conservative to lay things out but knowing thy self is so great.
 
Plushottie said:
Having delayed relationships connections has been helpful introspection. As of late I acknowledged I’m not sure if I truly want a relationship in the traditional way since I’m getting older but it’s not from desperation but it’s from knowing self. This site is still too conservative to lay things out but knowing thy self is so great.
Click to expand...
Knowing one's self is very powerful
 
Plushottie said:
Having delayed relationships connections has been helpful introspection. As of late I acknowledged I’m not sure if I truly want a relationship in the traditional way since I’m getting older but it’s not from desperation but it’s from knowing self. This site is still too conservative to lay things out but knowing thy self is so great.
Click to expand...
I'm curious.
Please share if you feel inclined to.
It'll probably be a good discussion:)
Screenshot_20240106_202738_Chrome.jpg
 
Don’t quote lol

So I’m real close to 40. I have no kids and do not desire any big head babies they cute but not getting to be free growing up always having to hustle and being in fight/survival the thought of care taking is no. When I think marriage I mainly think kids not always but most. Being alone the past almost 20 yrs I love my alone time and need a lot of space. If I were younger and snatched I would be about the suga life I know very much of the risk, pitfalls and all of that but since 40 is like girl what’s good I really would do great as a kept gf or a husband that has similar energy. I do believe I’m a bit different and part of my failure has been wanting to look a certain way by milestones. Like college, marriage, kids etc but only the college came because I didn’t get to have good body yrs or time to pivot, I’m going through perimenopause now so change is real.
I value security, I don’t find men of today masculine enough I have often energetically matched with soft men because I had to be more masculine but I’m repulsed by soft men. Soft doesn’t mean gay but the men today want to be baddies and it’s gross. I have met only a few men where if I test they passed and I can be more fluid.
So for me relationships serve as stability and fun. Marriage can be beautiful I have met couples that I know have so much love but most are married for the social status it brings, people treat you different when your Mrs John Smith. I value myself and the feminine essence I bring but that’s only if he brings the structure. I would rather be alone than be in status quo and it was hard to admit that as many women look down on such. As I get prettier as I lose weight and alter my looks more, it will be real interesting ride. As much as men feel they are owed something my thought is do you have some money that your giving me then I am busy. Yes, I know that sounds harsh and no one should be focused on that but again stability and fun is what I seek. But this is a condensed version a lot of nuance and other factors would be at play but I refuse to be stressed just so I can appear valuable. I wanted to be seen as normal validated after growing up so badly but I’m grateful I was and am invisible it can be lonely but I respect me.
 
yaya24 said:
Thank you for sharing ♡♡♡.

I don't think your views are far off from mine.

I'm still hopeful that a wealthy, kind, emotionally sane man will be in the cards, but I'm just living my life (happily) until it happens. No timelines. No searching, not seeking.. just knowing.

Random- I've never been on a dating app.
Click to expand...
Omg yes! That’s basically how I’m living. In the past I did so much to position self to no avail. I have done apps and yea not a good use of time.
 
@Evolving78 yes I use to follow a lot of stuff that was hyper focused on such and once I stopped it was good. I know in my day to day I don’t meet women who good alone and seeing you can create your path. I get the desire for love deeply but not at the expense of a warm body to stroke my ego, to say I’m better because I have a man.
 
Plushottie said:
@Evolving78 yes I use to follow a lot of stuff that was hyper focused on such and once I stopped it was good. I know in my day to day I don’t meet women who good alone and seeing you can create your path. I get the desire for love deeply but not at the expense of a warm body to stroke my ego, to say I’m better because I have a man.
Click to expand...
That love comes with too much work that I’m not willing to do. I would rather clean up the bathroom.
 
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