*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

I think I need to be a tad more intentional about dating. My issue is that I don't know exactly where to go and be around men. I also am not a fan of female dominated spaces, as I like a mixed crowd. But men seem to be picky about where they be at (besides the sports bar, which isn't for me).

This is exactly why I've preferred online dating all of these years. There are 2-3 sites that have been good, but I'm tired of recycling those. I wonder where I can find my "type".

Fyi, I don't know if it has anything to do with location but, the Filter Off app seems to attract men who are in the music industry or are adjacent to it. So...not really my cup of tea.

ETA: I do have a life (I do sports and stuff) but as an introvert I have to be intentional about meeting people because I like to be in my house, ok? lol
 
It’s my 38th bday today. In the past 3 months it’s been very clear I may not be desired and it’s hard pill. Everything I have done has been to be seen and be valuable. This really amps up in my self worth and how I view me. At my big age it’s not ok. I expected things to work out for me by now but alas.
 
Plushottie said:
It’s my 38th bday today. In the past 3 months it’s been very clear I may not be desired and it’s hard pill. Everything I have done has been to be seen and be valuable. This really amps up in my self worth and how I view me. At my big age it’s not ok. I expected things to work out for me by now but alas.
Click to expand...
Girl...count your
blessings. The market
is full of rotten eggs.

You may have
seen me post
about some YT
trainers I subscribe
to. Lilly Sabri
is one of them.
Just saw this:

IMG_20231121_185831.jpg

I have seen
the guy and
they seemed happy
together and I
thought he adored
her (or maybe
I just imagined
what I wanted
to believe.)

So yeah...I
say where you
are now is
better than where
she is having
to deal with
betrayal at this stage.

So it is not
always greener
on the other side.
 
Last edited:
PatDM'T said:
Girl...count your
blessings. The market
is full of rotten eggs.

You may have
seen me post
about some YT
trainers I subscribe
to. Lilly Sabri
is one of them.
Just saw this:

View attachment 492779

I have seen
the guy and
they seemed happy
together and I
thought he adored
her (or maybe
I just imagined
what I wanted
to believe.)

So yeah...I
say where you
are now is
better than where
she is having
to deal with
betrayal at this stage.

So it is not
always greener
on the other side.
Click to expand...
I def agree. It’s the double edge sword glad not to be in a funny house of mirror relationship but also desire real connection. Then it compounds because all you see is the unbalanced. I do believe there are good men in the world.
 
Plushottie said:
I def agree. It’s the double edge sword glad not to be in a funny house of mirror relationship but also desire real connection. Then it compounds because all you see is the unbalanced. I do believe there are good men in the world.
Click to expand...

Kind of a rant---

I always tell my friends "men dissapoint"
Lol

That's been my story...and I will not settle just to divorce in 3-8 years.

I believe there are good men out here. We just have to live our lives & be the versions of ourselves we are proud of.

What's worse than being single is being in a relationship/engaged/married while deep down knowing you cannot show up as your authentic self.. knowing deep down you are NOT proud to be there. Why- bc often times men do not feel like they have to do the work.

Women are trying. Men dissapoint.
Keep your light bright.
 
yaya24 said:
Kind of a rant---

I always tell my friends "men dissapoint"
Lol

That's been my story...and I will not settle just to divorce in 3-8 years.

I believe there are good men out here. We just have to live our lives & be the versions of ourselves we are proud of.

What's worse than being single is being in a relationship/engaged/married while deep down knowing you cannot show up as your authentic self.. knowing deep down you are NOT proud to be there. Why- bc often times men do not feel like they have to do the work.

Women are trying. Men dissapoint.
Keep your light bright.
Click to expand...
I had to go walk after reading this. I agree the worst thing would be having a illfitted relationship that’s gross. Intimacy is something that can be vulnerable and being w the wrong one can damage.

I am at a place where I won’t betray self further, I do this enough at work. But in trying to integrate and process acknowledging my desire is hard.
 
Plushottie said:
I had to go walk after reading this. I agree the worst thing would be having a illfitted relationship that’s gross. Intimacy is something that can be vulnerable and being w the wrong one can damage.

I am at a place where I won’t betray self further, I do this enough at work. But in trying to integrate and process acknowledging my desire is hard.
Click to expand...

The right one will be here when the time is right.

Until then live and cultivate a life you love.

I pray for a reset of the minds of the "eligible bachelors" out here. Because alot of them are really dissapointing.. I blame the pandemic & the internet lol
 
Last edited:
yaya24 said:
The right one will be here when the time is right.

Until then live and cultivate a life you love.

I pray for a reset of the minds of the "eligible bachelors" out here. Because alot of them are really dissapointing.. I blame the pandemic & the internet lol
Click to expand...
The pandemic just amped what’s been going on. I’m in such an odd place. Understanding so much yet desires.
 
To keep myself busy, i've registered for school. Spring semester i'll be doing developmental psychology and in the summer i'm gonna take statistics 101.
I'll still be working my current job full-time while I do my online classes.

I did take my road test on Wednesday and it didn't go well so i've paid for another driving lesson package. I'm expecting to get my license in january if all goes well.
 
CoiledOrchids said:
To keep myself busy, i've registered for school. Spring semester i'll be doing developmental psychology and in the summer i'm gonna take statistics 101.
I'll still be working my current job full-time while I do my online classes.

I did take my road test on Wednesday and it didn't go well so i've paid for another driving lesson package. I'm expecting to get my license in january if all goes well.
Click to expand...

Girllll...I had to take that bleeping road test 3 times lol. Most of my peers got licensed at 17...I think I was 19. You'll get it. I'm in a must drive state and we didn’t have uber back then.

One time I ran a stop sign. I didn't see the darn thing.
The other time I don't know what I did other than I ran over a pot hole and got a lecture the rest if the time about my car was going to be out of alignment.

The 3rd time the examiner was very nice. I can understand the 1st time was an automatic fail but I still say I passed the 2nd time.

I'm a good driver now but back then I had some learning to do. Oh the memories of learning to drive. Esp drivers ed in high school. Oh boy.
 
Plushottie said:
It’s my 38th bday today. In the past 3 months it’s been very clear I may not be desired and it’s hard pill. Everything I have done has been to be seen and be valuable. This really amps up in my self worth and how I view me. At my big age it’s not ok. I expected things to work out for me by now but alas.
Click to expand...
Happy belated Birthday!
Girl don't make me put you in the corner for a timeout.

Seriously though, you have such a lovely spirit to yourself I hate to hear you're struggling with this piece but I understand.

And you still have everything you want in front of you.
 
Jmartjrmd said:
Happy belated Birthday!
Girl don't make me put you in the corner for a timeout.

Seriously though, you have such a lovely spirit to yourself I hate to hear you're struggling with this piece but I understand.

And you still have everything you want in front of you.
Click to expand...
You are very right. I don’t feel I have expressed myself properly. Today while journaling it hit me everything has been delayed because of intention and focus. I wanted certain things because I felt dwarfed in many ways of development but am grateful none of the desperation got me anywhere. Yes, I would love love but no longer to cover up what I feel I’m lacking but because of the true desire. Reflection has me seeing how ungrateful I have been and that I’m entitled to desire but just because it’s not what I want does it absolve me from gratitude. I didn’t expect to be single at 38 but life has given what it has and I will be ok with it.
 
Plushottie said:
You are very right. I don’t feel I have expressed myself properly. Today while journaling it hit me everything has been delayed because of intention and focus. I wanted certain things because I felt dwarfed in many ways of development but am grateful none of the desperation got me anywhere. Yes, I would love love but no longer to cover up what I feel I’m lacking but because of the true desire. Reflection has me seeing how ungrateful I have been and that I’m entitled to desire but just because it’s not what I want does it absolve me from gratitude. I didn’t expect to be single at 38 but life has given what it has and I will be ok with it.
Click to expand...
You might have a greater purpose than just being in a relationship.
 
Jmartjrmd said:
Girllll...I had to take that bleeping road test 3 times lol. Most of my peers got licensed at 17...I think I was 19. You'll get it. I'm in a must drive state and we didn’t have uber back then.

One time I ran a stop sign. I didn't see the darn thing.
The other time I don't know what I did other than I ran over a pot hole and got a lecture the rest if the time about my car was going to be out of alignment.

The 3rd time the examiner was very nice. I can understand the 1st time was an automatic fail but I still say I passed the 2nd time.

I'm a good driver now but back then I had some learning to do. Oh the memories of learning to drive. Esp drivers ed in high school. Oh boy.
Click to expand...
I try not to think about it too much because it's starting to get to me. my instructor thinks it'll be better to do the second road test in January since they can't take points off for driving slow in the snow. These NY winters are rough. I automatically failed because I hit the curb when I did the parallel parking. I actually have a driving lesson after work today.
 
Plushottie said:
I don’t know why 52 is such a big thing like what’s 52 look like? Like on life support? The more people get off the I need to be at x by x age which is hard if one wants spawns lol.
Click to expand...

Girl, we are spoiled. I suspect you also look young for your age because, lots of 52 year olds don't look as good or act as agile as the ones we know. Lol
 
C@ssandr@ said:
Girl, we are spoiled. I suspect you also look young for your age because, lots of 52 year olds don't look as good or act as agile as the ones we know. Lol
Click to expand...
I would agree I don’t look my age but never have unless I just don’t take care of self which I def hadnt over the past decade but thankful for restoration. I would love perfection aka being in some surgeons table but that’s not in budget. But I hear this omg she 40 and I’m like huh what we’re expecting in this modern day like her to look like 102?
 
Plushottie said:
I would agree I don’t look my age but never have unless I just don’t take care of self which I def hadnt over the past decade but thankful for restoration. I would love perfection aka being in some surgeons table but that’s not in budget. But I hear this omg she 40 and I’m like huh what we’re expecting in this modern day like her to look like 102?
Click to expand...
Maybe it's because
when others don't
take care of
themselves and don't
get a surgeon to
fix 'em, their 50's
look like this



Menopause can have
a speedy aging
effect too so...

So maybe that
is why youthful
looking 50's impress.
Although with everyone
getting fillers and
other cosmetic work,
I am not sure
why folks act
like looking young
at an old age
is an anomaly.
 
PatDM'T said:
Maybe it's because
when others don't
take care of
themselves and don't
get a surgeon to
fix 'em, their 50's
look like this



Menopause can have
a speedy aging
effect too so...

So maybe that
is why youthful
looking 50's impress.
Although with everyone
getting fillers and
other cosmetic work,
I am not sure
why folks act
like looking young
at an old age
is an anomaly.
Click to expand...

That last part is key. Like I watch YouTuber who are 50+ some have filler some don’t but the core is self care. Not all get to age and not all get to age w grace. As someone going through perimenopause I very much understand aging and the unfortunate feeling of it as I should have Botox by now and prep for lipo.
 
Plushottie said:
That last part is key. Like I watch YouTuber who are 50+ some have filler some don’t but the core is self care. Not all get to age and not all get to age w grace. As someone going through perimenopause I very much understand aging and the unfortunate feeling of it as I should have Botox by now and prep for lipo.
Click to expand...
I’m not getting fillers or Botox. The best I will do is maybe color my hair, but I’m happy to be the age that I and that I am still here. Like today, we are all still here!
 
I saw this recently on IG and it's so true


1701477212265.png
In a previous relationship, some of our early interactions made me start a journal. Not solely to keep a 100% mushy, lovey dovey account of what was happening in my life, but also to keep a record of the red flags to make sure I wasn't gaslighting myself and making excuses for bad behaviors. What's the saying? Once is a mistake, twice is a pattern, three times is a habit. Document the moments and feels, and see if actions are accidents or a true view of who a man is. In my past few breakups, I've been able to go back and re-read like "Girl, you figured that out on day 28. Why did it take you another 45 days to walk away?" :lachen:

I'm just ending something with someone who, in the first 30 days, appeared to be a complainer. And not just your average run of the mill complainer, but someone who would wallow in the misery. Something annoying happened, and 24 hours later he was still griping about it and mentally drafting the grievance he was going to email. A relatively successful man who made up reasons to stay steeped in unhappiness. I'm feeling emotionally drained just writing about this man. But we're done and I'm happy to have my peace back.
 
My depression keeps mounting. I've always struggled with self-worth and self-love but it seems that I've fallen more into despair as time passes. In my early 20s I felt like my time would come, but as I've gotten older I've lost hope. I keep blaming myself as to why I'm not more successful with men and dating. Too shy, too tall, too quiet, too this, too that. I just wish I knew the reason why they never want to date or approach me. I just feel pathetic. IDK what I've done wrong. I've only really "dated" one guy for an extended amount of time and I barely saw the guy. I don't even think I can say I dated him because it was so infrequent. But he was the only one who wanted to go out on dates and spend time, so I felt like he was the only option. He was so flippant when he broke up with me. I don't even think he cared.

It just reminds me of all the things the boys said about me in HS.

I don't get how this is so easy for some people. Perhaps I'm not meant for a relationship.

The holidays are coming. Then Valentine's Day. I wish I had someone to spend it with or exchange gifts.

I didn't accomplish much today. Woke up, took a bath, brushed my teeth, and washed my face. Had a small breakfast. I keep having to remind myself to do those things in the day and night. Did laundry. I went back to bed and pretty much slept and cried. Finally managed to get up in the evening and go to the gym and then class. I found a small paying gig from home, but at least it keeps me busy. I work at night until I'm too tired, then I go to bed. I feel like the depression gets worse around my cycle, so I'm trying to anticipate that. Maybe I should try to go on meds too. I cried last night too and tried to pray. I'm going to try to start reading the Bible also. I just want my pain to go away. I'm in so much pain.

I'm gonna make a to-do list tomorrow and tackle it as soon as wake up. Maybe if I jump out of bed as soon as I wake up I won't stay in.

I kind of just use this as a diary to talk to myself when I'm feeling low.
 
OhTall1 said:
I saw this recently on IG and it's so true


View attachment 492909
In a previous relationship, some of our early interactions made me start a journal. Not solely to keep a 100% mushy, lovey dovey account of what was happening in my life, but also to keep a record of the red flags to make sure I wasn't gaslighting myself and making excuses for bad behaviors. What's the saying? Once is a mistake, twice is a pattern, three times is a habit. Document the moments and feels, and see if actions are accidents or a true view of who a man is. In my past few breakups, I've been able to go back and re-read like "Girl, you figured that out on day 28. Why did it take you another 45 days to walk away?" :lachen:

I'm just ending something with someone who, in the first 30 days, appeared to be a complainer. And not just your average run of the mill complainer, but someone who would wallow in the misery. Something annoying happened, and 24 hours later he was still griping about it and mentally drafting the grievance he was going to email. A relatively successful man who made up reasons to stay steeped in unhappiness. I'm feeling emotionally drained just writing about this man. But we're done and I'm happy to have my peace back.
Click to expand...
That's actually something I've been doing for a while now and I find it very helpful in weeding out men. For the first few conversations I have on the phone with men I write all their red flags in red ink. As I'm talking to them and asking the important questions I write down the red flags. After the phone call I review the red flags, I think back to the call and how it made me feel. I noticed 9 times out of 10 you can spot the crazy in the first conversation. I did it for my ex and tell me why everything on that list was what basically broke us up. I should I have paid better attention, but I was in my feelings at the time. Now I'm more vigilante and will cut someone off in a heartbeat. I don't have time for the nonsense.
 
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