*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

TrulyBlessed said:
This thread has been quiet lately. Either y’all are in happy and healthy relationships or we have collectively agreed that men suck and are a waste of keystrokes. I’m with the latter.

Eta: Imagine someone telling you I don’t see anything long term leading to something serious and mentioning things they don’t like about you and then 2 hours later sending a song saying I’m thinking of you and still wanting to go on a date. Things were fine until I mentioned the other day that I need more in form of consistent contact and he took it personally. He believes 1-2 phone calls a week is too demanding lol. He wouldn’t admit it but I think he was offended because he took me expressing my needs from him as criticism. I turned down the date and told him I don’t feel emotionally safe to continue dating. He’s about to feel my absence real bad and I will make sure of it. He doesn’t have a lot of dating experience so he’s in the spoiled and taking me for granted phase. Good luck buddy!
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I don't think all men (just a lot :look:) suck but I value my peace above everything so I don't spend my precious time trying to date these days. I am good.

Evolving78 said:
I don’t think men suck, but I have better use of my body, time, energy, and resources. I have said this before and I’ll say it again, I love being celibate. It’s liberating. I enjoy my peace and my space. I feel much safer too.
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All of this!!!

Celibacy has been so lovely.
 
Evolving78 said:
I don’t think men suck, but I have better use of my body, time, energy, and resources. I have said this before and I’ll say it again, I love being celibate. It’s liberating. I enjoy my peace and my space. I feel much safer too.
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lavaflow99 said:
I don't think all men (just a lot :look:) suck but I value my peace above everything so I don't spend my precious time trying to date these days. I am good.


All of this!!!

Celibacy has been so lovely.
Click to expand...

The beauty about all this is I’m celibate as well and thank God I didn’t sleep with anyone! And boy was I pressured heavily. Winner, winner, chicken dinner :yay: And yes on emotionally feeling much safer and at peace. I’m seeing way too many women who have become wounded and traumatized from dating and I don’t want to become one of them.
 
TrulyBlessed said:
The beauty about all this is I’m celibate as well and thank God I didn’t sleep with anyone! And boy was I pressured heavily. Winner, winner, chicken dinner :yay: And yes on emotionally feeling much safer and at peace. I’m seeing way too many women who have become wounded and traumatized from dating and I don’t want to become one of them.
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It’s a good feeling to have a sense of physical and emotional autonomy.
 
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Maybe I'm not moving fast enough. So I met a guy in my neighborhood. He asked me to come outside Friday night but I was tired. Then Saturday he invited me to a Birthday party and I didn't go I had plans. Then last night on his what's app he posted a video of him and a girl in his car. Well I blew it again.
 
Ayesha81 said:
Maybe I'm not moving fast enough. So I met a guy in my neighborhood. He asked me to come outside Friday night but I was tired. Then Saturday he invited me to a Birthday party and I didn't go I had plans. Then last night on his what's app he posted a video of him and a girl in his car. Well I blew it again.
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You could look at it that way or just know that he was a man who wasn’t going at your pace. Was there anything particularly special about him or are you just tired of being single without going on dates? There will be other guys. Also, he might just show back up sometime down the road if it was meant to be or something.
 
DVAntDany said:
You could look at it that way or just know that he was a man who wasn’t going at your pace. Was there anything particularly special about him or are you just tired of being single without going on dates? There will be other guys. Also, he might just show back up sometime down the road if it was meant to be or something.
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I'd like to have "someone". I go on dates and everything I just havent really met anyone I like. So we met at a walking trail in my neighborhood he saw me and struck up a convo.
 
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Ayesha81 said:
Maybe I'm not moving fast enough. So I met a guy in my neighborhood. He asked me to come outside Friday night but I was tired. Then Saturday he invited me to a Birthday party and I didn't go I had plans. Then last night on his what's app he posted a video of him and a girl in his car. Well I blew it again.
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You dodged a bullet.

You deserve a proper courting. “Coming outside” is what middle schoolers do.
A birthday part is also very inappropriate at this stage.

If he can’t ask you on a proper outing, he isn’t worth your time.
 
Ayesha81 said:
Maybe I'm not moving fast enough. So I met a guy in my neighborhood. He asked me to come outside Friday night but I was tired. Then Saturday he invited me to a Birthday party and I didn't go I had plans. Then last night on his what's app he posted a video of him and a girl in his car. Well I blew it again.
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yeah you don't want this sis :nono:

kimpaur said:
You dodged a bullet.

You deserve a proper courting. “Coming outside” is what middle schoolers do.
A birthday part is also very inappropriate at this stage.

If he can’t ask you on a proper outing, he isn’t worth your time.
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1000% agree!!

Like how old are we? That is a juvenile way to date a grown :censored: woman.
 
Ayesha81 said:
Maybe I'm not moving fast enough. So I met a guy in my neighborhood. He asked me to come outside Friday night but I was tired. Then Saturday he invited me to a Birthday party and I didn't go I had plans. Then last night on his what's app he posted a video of him and a girl in his car. Well I blew it again.
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:bighug:
Nah, you didn't blow it. He didn't give you enough notice! I get it though, it's tough when you click with someone and you feel like you were the one that was out of step. But trust, he didn't do his part (proper planning) so you didn't get to do yours (responding to said invite), so you're definitely in the clear here.


Anywho...I came in here to ask y'all how do you go about running a background check on someone. Especially for marriage records?
 
C@ssandr@ said:
:bighug:
Nah, you didn't blow it. He didn't give you enough notice! I get it though, it's tough when you click with someone and you feel like you were the one that was out of step. But trust, he didn't do his part (proper planning) so you didn't get to do yours (responding to said invite), so you're definitely in the clear here.


Anywho...I came in here to ask y'all how do you go about running a background check on someone. Especially for marriage records?
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That’s a great question.
 
C@ssandr@ said:
:bighug:
Nah, you didn't blow it. He didn't give you enough notice! I get it though, it's tough when you click with someone and you feel like you were the one that was out of step. But trust, he didn't do his part (proper planning) so you didn't get to do yours (responding to said invite), so you're definitely in the clear here.


Anywho...I came in here to ask y'all how do you go about running a background check on someone. Especially for marriage records?
Click to expand...

Instant Checkmate - People Search & Reverse Phone Lookup

Official Instant Checkmate website. Try our People Search & Reverse Phone Lookup today to search anyone online. Enter a name or phone number to begin a search.
www.instantcheckmate.com www.instantcheckmate.com

You don't get much with the free service but a wealth of knowledge if you sign up for the monthly service :look:
 
I went on a date 2 weeks ago and wore a short red, white and, blue romper (to celebrate the 4th!). The next time I saw ol' boy he says "Oh, now I remember what your outfit reminded me of. It reminded me of a slushie! :think:"

And here I was thinking that I looked cute:cry3::handslap:

(Anyway, I let it slide cus baby he gave me the time of my life :look: )
 
:nono: Seems so futile out there.....

www.nbcnews.com

Most Tinder users are already in a relationship, new survey finds

Nearly two-thirds of Tinder users surveyed said they were already in relationships; some of them were married while they were using the app.
www.nbcnews.com www.nbcnews.com

Many on dating apps are already in relationships or aren't seeking actual dates, new study finds​

Nearly two-thirds of Tinder users surveyed said they were already in relationships; some of them were married while they were using the app.
Close-up of unrecognizable woman texting message on mobile cellphone and chatting on social online.

dikushin / Getty Images/iStockphoto



July 13, 2023, 5:22 PM EDT
By Angela Yang
Hopeful swipers looking to find their next partners on dating apps have grown increasingly disillusioned in recent years, and a new study reveals the potential root of their difficulties: Many dating app users aren’t seeking romantic meetups at all.
Half of nearly 1,400 Tinder users surveyed said they weren’t interested in actually finding dates, according to research published last month. Nearly two-thirds reported they were already in relationships, and some were married while they were using the app.

The researchers asked participants ages 18 to 74, recruited through online advertisements, a variety of questions about their motivations for using Tinder — the most widely downloaded dating app among 18 to 25 year olds — and the numbers of matches and dates they’ve had, as well as about psychological measures, such as loneliness and self-esteem. They then studied participants’ self-reported level of satisfaction with the app, all submitted through an online questionnaire.
"Tinder has been downloaded more than 530 million times and created more than 75 billion matches. Tinder’s in-app ‘Relationship Goals’ feature lets members signal their intent," a spokesperson for Tinder, which was not involved in this study, wrote in a statement. "Globally, 40% of Tinder members say that they are looking for a long term relationship, versus 13% looking for a short term connection."
In an email statement on Monday, a spokesperson for Tinder said the company disputes the study.
"Based on Tinder’s data, the figures highlighted in this study are highly misleading and do not accurately represent our members," the spokesperson wrote. "Study participants were only given three options to describe themselves — ‘celibate’, ‘in a relationship’ or ‘widowed’ — with no option for ‘single.’ This likely resulted in a completely skewed depiction of who Tinder members are and what they seek."
The study reported that many choose to stay active on dating apps even if they aren’t looking for dates or hookups for the same reasons they use social media. The platforms have become similar sources of entertainment and social connection while providing users with the confidence boost that comes with collecting likes and matches.

Study co-author Germano Vera Cruz, a data scientist and professor of psychology at the University of Picardie Jules Verne in France, said that dynamic results in a “game of deception.” Those who genuinely want real-life connections have a lower probability of finding success, he said, because fewer users are there with the same objective.
“Some people feel deceived with the use of dating apps, because each time you have a new platform, people think they might really find someone,” Vera Cruz said. “And then people go from platform to platform, but each time they are there, they are not satisfied.”

But those who start swiping merely as a form of distraction aren’t getting what they want out of the experience, either. The researchers found that Tinder users who reported the least satisfaction from the app are the ones using it to cope with negative emotions and other issues, such as avoidant attachment styles or psychological qualities like impulsivity.
Another co-author, Dr. Elias Aboujaoude, a clinical psychiatry professor at Stanford Medicine, said the findings line up with what he has heard from patients who’ve told him they decided to discard the dating apps after years of trying them out.
“There was the sense that they were spending too much time using them as entertainment or to distract themselves from other things,” Aboujaoude said. “It can be overwhelming, and in some cases, it can lead people to this notion that the grass is always greener on the other side, like there’s always better options out there.”
A 2020 Pew Research survey reported that online dating left significantly more people in the U.S. feeling frustrated than hopeful. People have also unleashed their frustrations online, with social media showcasing no shortage of posts from users lamenting their dating app experiences.
“It’s just, like, a cesspool of people not knowing what they want and just drama and weird intentions,” a person said in a TikTok video about why she got off the apps. “It’s become almost like social media, that it’s so toxic but you’re kind of addicted to it because you do it for attention or whatever.”
A Reddit user wrote in a recent post on the r/OnlineDating subreddit: “Maybe things will be different on a different app. I don’t even know [whether] it’s worth trying or just giving up for a while. I’m so tired of this process that seems to be going nowhere & just makes me feel bad about myself.”
But the study reports a silver lining: People who use dating apps for their intended purposes are still most likely to achieve satisfaction — even if getting there requires wading through all the matches whose goals don’t align.
“We can’t deny the fact, though, that a big percentage of successful relationships now start online, as well,” Aboujaoude said. “But you do need to approach dating sites with more circumspection and more selectivity and to approach them for what they say they were designed for, which is to find romantic partners.”
 
I think we’re starting to see the fall of dating apps. People are realizing that it’s a waste of time and they’re not getting any success from it after being on it for years and trying different platforms. The stats on Tinder is not surprising, it was previously known as a hook-up app, and still kinda is to some extent. I feel like the percentages of people actually looking for a relationship in other dating apps is probably the same as Tinder or close to it. It’s interesting that people are using it like any other social media app for likes, attention and just for talking. It seems like those people also have issues, which explains why there are so many creeps on dating websites.

I‘ve had many dates over the years from dating apps, but the men never know what they want. Like the article said it seems like they’re lonely, bored, and just need attention, but they’re not particularly looking for a relationship. They are like real life spam, or ads that bombard the webpage to distract you, and have no real substance. I think finding a suitable partner through online dating is probably like finding a needle in the haystack at this point. The apps have been bombarded with socially awakened, weird, unlikeable dudes that couldn’t get a date in real life and the probability of you dating those guys is more than 50%. I think I’ll just take my chances in real life, and participate in more activities, at least I can quickly and easily weed out the creeps in just one conversation, rather than wasting time trying to match with them online, connect and meet them in person.
 
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Don’t quote

I just need to write this out as I currently don’t have girlfriends to chat. A former coworker who I liked found me in a app recently and we have had thicc conversations which back when we worked together we did too but these have been much deeper and honest. I can see my growth over the past 7 yrs. We talked marriage last night and how my view of being a sahw is off as I believe if I’m at home I should be free to roam, go to the gym,etc. We talked for 4hrs and I have been mulling over so much but more on my fear of not working. I’m one of those unfortunates who didn’t get to enjoy childhood nor younger yrs by being pretty and free. My life is work nothing more.
One of my deepest prayers has been to know love esp safe intimate love where me at my current state was lovable and desired. The fear that I could be lovable as is and cherished for not what I can do but am is a hard belief to let go. I also want to love but that is scary too from past experiences.
He may not be the one but I do believe him popping up in such a random fashion and feeling like home instantly is a lesson.
 
@Plushottie
, :bighug:

I know I’m not your therapist, but be careful of arrogant, controlling men who try to mold you (I’ve learned this from my therapist). Your vision of that lifestyle isn’t off at all and especially not because some man says so. Are you supposed to just stay chained to the house?
I’m picking up on a lot of red flags here. Be careful sis
 
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