Secret Email Accounts?

[Faithfullover]

My sister was on her husband's computer yesterday trying to get into her bank account but she lost the browser so she went into the history items to try to pull it back up. While he was in there she noticed that her husband was logging into a yahoo email address but she had no knowledge of this email address. He has this thing on his computer that saves his passwords so she went in and got the password, got on her computer and checked out the email account.

She didn't find any actual emails or anything but she did find the contact email address and phone number of a girl who works on his job that she questioned him about a few months ago when she noticed he was getting a lot of text messages from her. When she first questioned him about the text messages he lied and told her they were from no one because he didn't have any friends. They stopped soon afterwards. Now I guess he has resorted to emails because she doesn't use his computer.

She says he still comes home when he supposed to, he doesn't go out but he stays glued to the computer from the time he gets home until two or three in the morning. She called me last night asking me for advice and I have none to give her because I've never been in a situation like that.

Have any of you ladies dealt with this or had someone who dealt with this? Any advice you could give me to give to her would be greatly appreciated.

 

[1Aleeesha]

I hate infidelity. If her gut tells her that her husband is up to no good I would say that she needs to decide what she is going to do about it... Approaching him just for him to lie is going to piss her off... They typically from what I hear can't even or don't give a "good explanation" for doing it if they do admit it.

It's hardly EVER a "it's not what it looks like situation" when it comes to a man and another woman. They talked about this same ago, so that's another red flag.

Sometimes women are in denial that their husband is doing something like this. He sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. I think she needs to decide what she wants to about her marriage. Keep watching him if she is unsure without saying a word, to make sure that's what he is doing... He could be skipping work with this chick, or on his lunch break rendezvous. Men seem to when they WANT to do something not having any trouble finding a way to get it done... And they DONT seem to do anything that they dont want to do.

I wish this as painless as possible for her. I know it's rough to find out something like this about your husband. Her husband is hers and its a sacred thing... Any man that can not play by those rules aren't any good anyway and need to be left to the side dish that they thought was so appetizing to cheat on a wife with!

 

[SugarBaby]

My sister was on her husband's computer yesterday trying to get into her bank account but she lost the browser so she went into the history items to try to pull it back up. While he was in there she noticed that her husband was logging into a yahoo email address but she had no knowledge of this email address. He has this thing on his computer that saves his passwords so she went in and got the password, got on her computer and checked out the email account.

She didn't find any actual emails or anything but she did find the contact email address and phone number of a girl who works on his job that she questioned him about a few months ago when she noticed he was getting a lot of text messages from her. When she first questioned him about the text messages he lied and told her they were from no one because he didn't have any friends. They stopped soon afterwards. Now I guess he has resorted to emails because she doesn't use his computer.

She says he still comes home when he supposed to, he doesn't go out but he stays glued to the computer from the time he gets home until two or three in the morning. She called me last night asking me for advice and I have none to give her because I've never been in a situation like that.

Have any of you ladies dealt with this or had someone who dealt with this? Any advice you could give me to give to her would be greatly appreciated.

Wow, I am sorry to hear this.


If it is possible, Don't go "Crazy". It is easy to do, to get caught up in the emotion, the devastation and the details of what is happening.

Always remeber to protect your investment in your marriage. Alot of women forget this and just act out on pure emotion while the husband is 10 steps ahead.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I'm sorry but I would pull it up on the computer and very calmly ask him to explain himself. He's in for a terrible evening either way.

 

[Faithfullover]

Wow, I am sorry to hear this.


If it is possible, Don't go "Crazy". It is easy to do, to get caught up in the emotion, the devastation and the details of what is happening.

Always remeber to protect your investment in your marriage. Alot of women forget this and just act out on pure emotion while the husband is 10 steps ahead.

The irony of this situation is she is the one who has everything. She had the house before they got married and his name is not on it. He was out of work for about right months a couple of years ago and ruined his credit so he couldn't even buy a stick of bubble gum in his own name. She regretted marrying him about two years into the marriage but they already had two small kids and she didn't want to go through the pain and mess of a divorce. I never found out why she was going to leave them but maybe another woman was involved in that as well - she kinda got close mouthed when I asked her about it. I want her to be happy and I can tell that she's not in this relationship but its not up to me or anyone else to make her leave. She has to do that on her own. I'm just trying to give her some support until she makes a decision to what she has to do.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

The irony of this situation is she is the one who has everything. She had the house before they got married and his name is not on it. He was out of work for about right months a couple of years ago and ruined his credit so he couldn't even buy a stick of bubble gum in his own name. She regretted marrying him about two years into the marriage but they already had two small kids and she didn't want to go through the pain and mess of a divorce. I never found out why she was going to leave them but maybe another woman was involved in that as well - she kinda got close mouthed when I asked her about it. I want her to be happy and I can tell that she's not in this relationship but its not up to me or anyone else to make her leave. She has to do that on her own. I'm just trying to give her some support until she makes a decision to what she has to do.

Sounds like, she needs to get all that evidence, to show his unfaithfulness, so when it's time, she can fight against his attempts to get spousal support.

 

[infojunkie]

Faithful,

I think it mostly depends on what she wants to do and how much it means to her. She has to ask herself what's the worse that she can stand. If she can't bear the possibility of divorce at worse or discomfort for a while at best, then she should leave it alone and let him burn himself out. (Just insist that he use a condom when performing her familial duties.)

On the other hand if she's one of those women that believes in getting to the bottom of a thing even if she has to bring the noise, then I say bring it.

Now I personally would send a letter the e-mail address that I'm not supposed to do anything about. (That will get is attention in a hurry!) It would be short, sweet and to the point. Something like this:

Hi Hon,

Fancy meeting you here! I'm sure you're just as shocked to see this as I was to find this. It's pretty apparent now why you've been spending so much time with your computer as of late en lieu of your family.

Far be in from me to stand in the way of your happiness. It seems since you've gone to this much trouble to create avenues for (chick's name) to have access to you then maybe you should take your body to where you heart evidently is.

If I have misinterpreted the meaning of this hidden account then I suggest you close this account, log off, and see me A.S.A.P! We have lots to discuss.

Otherwise, the children and I will be at Chuck E. Cheese's while you pack and vacate the premises.

Yours in love,

Wifey

 

[Faithfullover]

Faithful,

I think it mostly depends on what she wants to do and how much it means to her. She has to ask herself what's the worse that she can stand. If she can't bear the possibility of divorce at worse or discomfort for a while at best, then she should leave it alone and let him burn himself out. (Just insist that he use a condom when performing her familial duties.)

On the other hand if she's one of those women that believes in getting to the bottom of a thing even if she has to bring the noise, then I say bring it.

Now I personally would send a letter the e-mail address that I'm not supposed to do anything about. (That will get is attention in a hurry!) It would be short, sweet and to the point. Something like this:

Hi Hon,

Fancy meeting you here! I'm sure you're just as shocked to see this as I was to find this. It's pretty apparent now why you've been spending so much time with your computer as of late en lieu of your family.

Far be in from me to stand in the way of your happiness. It seems since you've gone to this much trouble to create avenues for (chick's name) to have access to you then maybe you should take your body to where you heart evidently is.

If I have misinterpreted the meaning of this hidden account then I suggest you close this account, log off, and see me A.S.A.P! We have lots to discuss.

Otherwise, the children and I will be at Chuck E. Cheese's while you pack and vacate the premises.

Yours in love,

Wifey

I am going to copy and paste this in an email to her right now

 

[infojunkie]

I am going to copy and paste this in an email to her right now

Even if she doesn't use it, maybe it will lift her spirits.

 

[michelle81]

Like you said, it's up to her to decide if she wants to know what's going on and what to do about.

I hadn't been in this situation before, but I think infidelity would mean a divorce for me. And if it were me, I would want to know everything and have all the info I need before coming to that very hard decision. That's the only way I could have zero regrets.

I personally would have to find someway to get the e-mails. Of course when they are deleted, they aren't actually ever fully deleted. I'm pretty sure there is some program on the internet to help find those e-mails.

Also what about cellphone records. I never care to look at my husband's call record, but if I had suspicions, that's the first place I would look. Also, like another poster said, she would need some kind of proof to get out of possibly having to pay him spousal support, if it came to that.

Man, I also feel terrible for her. I don't understand men. They can have a woman willing to give everything and still mess it up.

 

[SqrpioQutie]

Hi Hon,

Fancy meeting you here! I'm sure you're just as shocked to see this as I was to find this. It's pretty apparent now why you've been spending so much time with your computer as of late en lieu of your family.

Far be in from me to stand in the way of your happiness. It seems since you've gone to this much trouble to create avenues for (chick's name) to have access to you then maybe you should take your body to where you heart evidently is.

If I have misinterpreted the meaning of this hidden account then I suggest you close this account, log off, and see me A.S.A.P! We have lots to discuss.

Otherwise, the children and I will be at Chuck E. Cheese's while you pack and vacate the premises.

Yours in love,

Wifey

lovin the letter...

OP, if she wants to know, she needs to just ask... but only if she's prepared for the answer... but if something has to be kept secret, then it's probably not in the best interest of the marriage...

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

Infidelity is wrong but having an email account that your spouse cannot access is not. Those are 2 separate issues. If you really wish to konw what's happening, text her back or email her from his 'sent' file. Read the contents etc. But I think that married adults should have their own privacy as well.

 

[Faithfullover]

Like you said, it's up to her to decide if she wants to know what's going on and what to do about.

I hadn't been in this situation before, but I think infidelity would mean a divorce for me. And if it were me, I would want to know everything and have all the info I need before coming to that very hard decision. That's the only way I could have zero regrets.

I personally would have to find someway to get the e-mails. Of course when they are deleted, they aren't actually ever fully deleted. I'm pretty sure there is some program on the internet to help find those e-mails.

Also what about cellphone records. I never care to look at my husband's call record, but if I had suspicions, that's the first place I would look. Also, like another poster said, she would need some kind of proof to get out of possibly having to pay him spousal support, if it came to that.

Man, I also feel terrible for her. I don't understand men. They can have a woman willing to give everything and still mess it up.

They actually share a cell phone plan which is how she found out about the text messages in the first place. She asked a casual question about who he was text messaging so much and he said no one which immediately made her suspicious. I guess that was when he switched to the email. She has no idea how long this has been going on but the text message thing happened last year in April I think. I'm guessing he just doesn't care since he obviously doesn't mind leaving the clues for her to find.

We tried to warn her before she married him that he was no good but she was in love so we respected that. When I told my other sister about it she wants to go tar and feather him . She thinks the same way I do about him cheating a few years back but my sister's pride wouldn't let her admit that she made a mistake. I love her and I want her to be careful because there are so many diseases out there that you can catch that can mess you up for life.

 

[Faithfullover]

Infidelity is wrong but having an email account that your spouse cannot access is not. Those are 2 separate issues. If you really wish to konw what's happening, text her back or email her from his 'sent' file. Read the contents etc. But I think that married adults should have their own privacy as well.

She told him that she was uncomfortable with him talking to her after he lied about who the text messages were coming from. Once she found out who the person was he told her he would stop but obviously he just changed his method of contact.

 

[SugarBaby]

The irony of this situation is she is the one who has everything. She had the house before they got married and his name is not on it. He was out of work for about right months a couple of years ago and ruined his credit so he couldn't even buy a stick of bubble gum in his own name. She regretted marrying him about two years into the marriage but they already had two small kids and she didn't want to go through the pain and mess of a divorce. I never found out why she was going to leave them but maybe another woman was involved in that as well - she kinda got close mouthed when I asked her about it. I want her to be happy and I can tell that she's not in this relationship but its not up to me or anyone else to make her leave. She has to do that on her own. I'm just trying to give her some support until she makes a decision to what she has to do.

STOP! STOP!

Right now.

Don't do anything. Don't let him know that you know.

Divorce laws are different in every state.

If she had a house before the marriage and his name is not on it, does not preclude him from having some monetary rights to it in the property settlement since they lived in it as husband and wife.

Go see an attorney regardless of even if you want to stay. Information is POWER.I have been where you are and because of God's Grace and Wisdom, I came out very well. I had lots of documentation and proof of it all.

Don't get ahead of yourself and allow all your proof to be gone or his attorney to be able to pull it apart because you didn't get enough documentation.



ETA: I am telling you because I know. Divorce is nasty and the things you thought he would never do, he will.

 

[Faithfullover]

STOP! STOP!

Right now.

Don't do anything. Don't let him know that you know.

Divorce laws are different in every state.

If she had a house before the marriage and his name is not on it, does not preclude him from having some monetary rights to it in the property settlement since they lived in it as husband and wife.

Go see an attorney regardless of even if you want to stay. Information is POWER.I have been where you are and because of God's Grace and Wisdom, I came out very well. I had lots of documentation and proof of it all.

Don't get ahead of yourself and allow all your proof to be gone or his attorney to be able to pull it apart because you didn't get enough documentation.



ETA: I am telling you because I know. Divorce is nasty and the things you thought he would never do, he will.

I honestly don't think she is going to divorce him at least now right now and not without proof. I know when I got divorced rrom my first husband for cheating on me I had a PI follow him around to get the dirt on him. I ended up with everything I wanted (we didn't have property). This time if I got divorced I know it would probably be different because we do have property and both of our names is on it. We also have two kids and two more on the way. If I ever get divorced again I think I'll take the same road I did the last time and get some concrete evidence.

I agree that divorce is nasty because my ex is still fighting me nearly 10 years later in court over our children. I didn't see the real "him" until I had the papers served.

 

[SugarBaby]

I honestly don't think she is going to divorce him at least now right now and not without proof. I know when I got divorced rrom my first husband for cheating on me I had a PI follow him around to get the dirt on him. I ended up with everything I wanted (we didn't have property). This time if I got divorced I know it would probably be different because we do have property and both of our names is on it. We also have two kids and two more on the way. If I ever get divorced again I think I'll take the same road I did the last time and get some concrete evidence.

I agree that divorce is nasty because my ex is still fighting me nearly 10 years later in court over our children. I didn't see the real "him" until I had the papers served.

You got it !

Good, I feel you have enough information to allow yourself to sit back and make an informed decision based upon your decision and not on your emotions.

Good Job, You are ahead of the game.

 

[SelahOco]

If he's not cheating already he will be very soon. He's going to lie to her if she asks him. If I were her, I'd keep it to myself and keep watching the accounts....it may be needed if she decides to divorce.

 

[Farida]

At first I was going to say, secret e-mails are no big deal, because it's not like my husband and I sat down and gave each other ALL our e-mail addresses and all our passwords. I don't get the sense that he is cheating on me and I don't think he is trying to hide anything.

However your friends' story is something else. It is suspect the way he is keeping this woman secret.
Were there any other e-mails from anyone else on this account?
Also, if he has one of those programs that keeps passwords and she was able to get into it, it can't be all that secret?? Either that or he is terrible at hiding stuff.

I would just try to calmly ask him to explain himself in the light of the evidence and the logical inferences that come from it. Even if he offers a satisfactory explanation, I would keep my eyes open. Women should trust their gut feelings more.

 

[Faithfullover]

At first I was going to say, secret e-mails are no big deal, because it's not like my husband and I sat down and gave each other ALL our e-mail addresses and all our passwords. I don't get the sense that he is cheating on me and I don't think he is trying to hide anything.

However your friends' story is something else. It is suspect the way he is keeping this woman secret.
Were there any other e-mails from anyone else on this account?
Also, if he has one of those programs that keeps passwords and she was able to get into it, it can't be all that secret?? Either that or he is terrible at hiding stuff.

I would just try to calmly ask him to explain himself in the light of the evidence and the logical inferences that come from it. Even if he offers a satisfactory explanation, I would keep my eyes open. Women should trust their gut feelings more.

She told me when she went into the email account everything was wiped clean. There was nothing in the inbox, the sent folders, the drafts or anything but when she checked the computer history he has been checking this email every day for the last two weeks. If she had found email in there from other people I think she would have brushed it off but considering this woman was the only one in the contact list and there were no emails at all in the account made her suspicious that he was trying to hide something. She rarely uses his computer for anything so maybe he didn't think he had to hide it or maybe that is why the email was clean? I have no idea.

I agree with you. I have about six different email addresses and I don't share them with my husband and I know he has email accounts that I don't know about and I don't really care cause its not that serious for me. If I ever get to the point where I have to go through the headache of checking up on him he needs to go out the door. Life is too short to waste it running behind somebody.