Would you check his email?

[life_is_great]

When you confront a cheater and say "I feel like you are cheating on me", you can come off as emotional and accusatory. Guess what, I'mma skip that scenario and come with the goods--You ARE a cheater, BRO, and this is how I know." You are right, you can be straight and ask, but will your mate be straight and tell? It's just not likely.

A true cheater will still deny it. I printed emails and showed them to my ex. He still denied it. He said I don't know how that got there, I don't know those people, somebody else must have used my email address.erplexed

 

[honeybadgirl]

simply put, stay out of it! marriage is between 2 people, not 3 or more. they'll be together and mad at you in the end!

 

[Naturallong81]

simply put, stay out of it! marriage is between 2 people, not 3 or more. they'll be together and mad at you in the end!

Yeah that's how i feel. If he want to know let him be the detective. Dont get get involved, you said you told him about the site let him figure the rest out. cause if its nothing hell be *****ing tell everybody you was all up at his house being a P.I.

 

[Caramela]

I wouldn't. The truth always comes to light anyway if you just sit back and be quiet. But if you have to go snooping, you have a trust issue above anything and everything else that may be going on.

 

[MissJ]

I've checked both people's e-mail that I've dated, and it served me well both times. It wasn't even my idea. I got the idea from this board for the first one.

The first one was trying to get back together with me, and I after I read his e-mail I didn't talk to him for years. I wish I had checked it a year and a half sooner.

The second one I was on his laptop, typing in a url when the url for another website came up. I was like, "What's he doing on that website?" Of course I went and checked it out. He wasn't doing anything illegal relationship-wise, but he was doing something he shouldn't have been doing.

I'm glad I checked it, because no one's going to look after my health and sanity but me. They weren't mad at me. They couldn't say anything, because they knew they were wrong. They both tried their best to rectify the situation.

 

[sunshinelady]

You're right, you shouldn't get involved. However, you can point him to the right site.

But, seriously, tell him not to check her email, he will be so ashamed of himself. If he feels something is wrong in his marriage, he needs to fix it or he needs to leave. If you can't trust your mate, you can't trust anyone.

 

[HollyGolightly1982]

I would. I'm nosy.

 

[MrsHouston]

If I suspected someone I'd check it out their e-mail if I could.

However, if you're not comfortable getting involved in their marriage (which is understandable) I'd tell him so. Give him the name of the software and let it be.

If he wants to get someone to install it then don't let it be you. If the wife found out, you'd be in the middle of it.

 

[UmSumayyah]

If you go looking for something, you'll find something.

If that were always true I'd never miss an appointment because I can't find my dang keys.

 

[jwhitley6]

If you go looking for something, you'll find something.

I agree with this....unless you have irrational trust issues, if you feel like something's going on, it is....your intuition should be evidence enough, the rest is just details. How you handle this "evidence" is up to you.


ETA...I have gone looking, and I have found...it was mild circumstancial evidence that I didn't know what to make of until a woman reached out to me with photos, email msgs and his wristwatch he left at her house . Next time, if I "feel" something isn't right, I'm out....lesson learned.

 

[PeopleTalkDaily]

I have read emails.
Glad I have read emails and will do it again...

 

[Laginappe]

If my gut told me something was up and I needed confirmation, yes I would absolutely check.

 

[Vinyl]

If you have good reason to suspect they're cheating on you, then I think yeah, you should.

Why does he need you to install the keylogger? He can just do it himself.

 

[sky_blu]

Havent read email before but I have read text, while the guy was right there (ok he was sleep but I was sitting right next to him) found out some news that I wanted to strangle him in his sleep for but we live and we learn.

 

[MzTami]

I check my husband emails. He tells me to check them. I don't see it as a big deal.(IMO)

 

[STLCoverGirl]

I would.

Heck I got a married man emailing me...thinking about forwarding them to his wife. The jury's still out on that one.

 

[aja1121]

But if something is there, wouldn't you want to find it?

Only if you are prepared for whatever you find. If you are not ready to leave then don't look, you will only have resentment. Trust, I know. If you are looking for a reason to leave, then absolutely yes, go for it.

I've dealt with men who never made me wonder and I'm dealing with one now that makes me wonder all the time. I have found things and then I would sneak and look and feel stupid. I've gotten passed that stage, thank GOD. Hallelujah!!!

I actually think my SO likes me to wonder a little...and now I like him to wonder too. People take advantage when "they know" they have 100% of you. I don't even stress myself anymore...I am 100% focused on me, my career, and my future with or without him.

 

[tocktick]

I check my husband emails. He tells me to check them. I don't see it as a big deal.(IMO)

i think that's different than checking without his knowledge though. your man actually gives you complete access. i get the impression that a lot of times when a woman checks her man's email/text etc he hasn't given her access and that's most likely because 1) he is doing something deceptive or 2) feels that it isn't her business anyway (and rightfully so - we are all entitled to our privacy). some times it's either the woman's intuition that's telling her her man is shady and that's why she goes to check or it could be that the woman doesn't trust her partner and is insecure - her man may not be doing anything bad at all.

now, if my intuition was telling me something wrong was up then i wouldn't waste my precious time hacking into some stupid dude's email account. i would be out of the door asap. imo, when you've reached that level where you want to snoop because you strongly feel something is wrong in your relationship then it's time to bail. i could never bring myself to go about checking emails for dirt. it is such a waste of energy to spend time on someone who you think is full of bs. i suspect some women do not trust when their intuition when it may be right.

the only way that i'd advocate this kind of behaviour is if the couple are married and the woman wants solid proof to take to the courts. otherwise, if you're just SO's then why bother? if you don't "play" with your sexual health and this leads you to check his emails then 1) don't sleep with someone you ultimately do not trust 2) if you still do, use protection 3) the best idea would be to leave him all together. people should be getting tested periodically anyway.

i get that some people are just plain nosy and will read their partner's emails just because, however their partner may already know about it and if they do then i see no problem with this. but to check even when you don't suspect suggests an underlying trust issue the woman is not allowing herself to admit.

my personal views are pretty much based off of watching my mum's ex-husband rifling through her stuff looking for anything and everything to convince himself that she was cheating on him. they had been separated for over a year and she had dated one person during that time. he was extremely jealous even though that relationship was over long before they reunited. she was not cheating on him but his distrust in her ultimately destroyed their relationship. that kind of distrust breeds comtempt and it is not happy enviroment for the partners (and if they have children for them also) to be a part of. i wish the fool had just left my mother if his unfounded "suspicious" (read: jealousy) were that strong. as it goes, i suspect as he was so shady himself, he was constantly checking her things because he was paranoid (like how a cheater accuses their innocent SO of doing what they are etc). i will never allow myself to act in the way that he did.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

Hell yeah.
If I have suspicions I will follow through and I would be understanding if a man took the same stance with me. I'd also own up to snooping. Then again, I wouldn't have to snoop. He would have already given me the passwords to all accounts. I'd be browsing

 

[Vinyl]

Whenever I see this thread I get the urge to check my boyfriend's e-mail. >>;

...Aww dangit he changed the passwords. It's been like a year since he told me.

 

[Theo]

I have checked e-mails and found out some very interesting things. I'm glad I checked them... and I probably will do it again.

 

[apemay1969]

I know this an old thread but I have done it and I just went over the top last week. I kept noticing adultfriendfinder in our history and I had found out that he had posted his ugly little picture on a profile which I abruptly changed to preferring both. I created a alternate personality and became a 21 year old friend of our children and he was trying to hook up with her not realizing that it was me. I was getting the emails!! It was very painful and I wouldn't recommend it unless you are ready to defend yourself and do something about it.

I feel vindicated but I'm also sad that I did that. I felt obsessed and I compulsed and that's all I thought about. I do plan to leave even if he thinks things are okay because you never know a guy's truly crazy until you try to leave him.

My suggestion - only do it if you are ready for what you may - or may not - find. Just like Eddie Murphy said, the oowee can blind us and we may find something and not be ready to give up. Its a vicious abusive cycle so be careful. This is my third time catching him and I still find myself feeling sorry for him and I am a very evolved, intelligent woman. I just got duped.

He also may be slick enough to be using a completely different email for that kind of stuff so you could find nothing and it doesn't prove anything. What's in the dark will come to the light eventually.

 

[envybeauty]

I know this an old thread but I have done it and I just went over the top last week. I kept noticing adultfriendfinder in our history and I had found out that he had posted his ugly little picture on a profile which I abruptly changed to preferring both. I created a alternate personality and became a 21 year old friend of our children and he was trying to hook up with her not realizing that it was me. I was getting the emails!! It was very painful and I wouldn't recommend it unless you are ready to defend yourself and do something about it.

I feel vindicated but I'm also sad that I did that. I felt obsessed and I compulsed and that's all I thought about. I do plan to leave even if he thinks things are okay because you never know a guy's truly crazy until you try to leave him.

My suggestion - only do it if you are ready for what you may - or may not - find. Just like Eddie Murphy said, the oowee can blind us and we may find something and not be ready to give up. Its a vicious abusive cycle so be careful. This is my third time catching him and I still find myself feeling sorry for him and I am a very evolved, intelligent woman. I just got duped.

He also may be slick enough to be using a completely different email for that kind of stuff so you could find nothing and it doesn't prove anything. What's in the dark will come to the light eventually.

Exactly. Men are not going to tell you about ALL their email accounts if they are doing this stuff. So, just because you know his yahoo and gmail account, does not mean he doesn't have a hotmail account for this purpose only. I found this out with two different guys.....both guys were ok with me and their main email accounts...but it was the one that they opened JUST for the women that I didn't know about ...the accounts that they FORGOT to close out of

 

[envybeauty]

I believe that is true, to an extent...a very small extent. I am married and I believe that a marriage is a partnership based on many levels. One of those partnerships is a "business-like" one, so to speak. Let me explain. I depend on my husband to do what he says, when he says, and respect our union. These are agreements that are implied, so to speak, and they are generally the basis of marriage vows. As a husband, he has an incumbent duty to protect our family, our finances, our future (so do I, but right now we are talking about "husband"). A marriage can be considered the "ultimate" of partnerships, in so much that some aspects of your life literally depends on your spouses compliance and cooperation (I know this sounds static, but it's the truth, LOL).

Now, if I have a suspicion that my partner is cheating, do you think if I ask (ASKED) him that he's going to tell me? Well, he won't (and did not). I have a VESTED interest to use whatever device necessary to separate fact from fiction. With children, bills, assets, liabilities and my time and livelihood invested I NEED TO KNOW. I don't need to guess and start wondering if maybe something is wrong with my ability to trust. Maybe what is really wrong is HIS ability to be TRUSTED. If you know your spouse like I know mine I knew before I looked he was cheating. But you know what, cold-hard evidence trumps a gut feeling any day of the week.

When you confront a cheater and say "I feel like you are cheating on me", you can come off as emotional and accusatory. Guess what, I'mma skip that scenario and come with the goods--You ARE a cheater, BRO, and this is how I know." You are right, you can be straight and ask, but will your mate be straight and tell? It's just not likely.

I agree with this post 100000000000% especially the bolded.

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

Any updates adequate?

 

[syze6]

If he is cheating you'll find out.

If he is not cheating, he'll find out you don't trust him, which might give him cause to suspect you. Sometimes people feel you don't trust them because you did something yourself. Make sure if you do go snooping you have all of your ducks in order.


What I stated earlier in the thread is what I ALWAYS tell my snooping friends. But to tell the truth i'm SOOooo NOSY that I seek even when I don't have cause to, but I do it in a way that cannot be detected

Hope I explained that well, I'm getting ready for class. Let me know if it needs to be clarified further.

There are some cheaters who never get caught but I wouldn't go looking for it. It takes too much energy to worry about it! That could prove detrimental to your mental state. WHo wants to think about beign cheated on 24/7.

 

[syze6]

Sometimes it's not worth it. If you fins soemthing and stay anyway, you've just made it harder on yourself. Now you have trust issues and are paranoid and thinking about it, That alone ruins the relationship for you,so what's the point.

Oh...I have to disagree with ALL cheaters getting caught. If I was a cheater, I would make sure I didn't get caught. After all I am a woman and who cheats better than a woman. Seriously...I know some cheating cases that have come and gone undetected Whether it was skills or just plain luck, it happened and some of my buddies will go to their graves with it.

 

[syze6]

I would.

Heck I got a married man emailing me...thinking about forwarding them to his wife. The jury's still out on that one.

Girl..you don't have to forward them. Tell that fool to stop emailing you or block him. If you need to get a new email get one, but let him know, you are not trying to join him in his trifeness!!

If that doesn't work, go head and forward them. I don't play when it comes to married men coming on to me. I tell them to go find them someone else who will entertain that crap, because I'm not the one. Phone calls, lunch dates, emails, texting....NADA!! If thry keep playing I will tell the wife!

 

[Moonxyz]

I would check
if you don't have anything to hide, than you won't mind....

 

[BrickbyBrick]

When I was younger and with some young idiot like me, I probably would've done it. I'm 32 and I'm so in love with myself right now, I can't BELIEVE anyone would want to cheat on me

I guess it helps that my SO a stand up kinda guy. He's been stalked by an ex and that mess has sobered him up for life.