Would you monitor your husband's computer usage

[jamaicalovely]

Yes, I have. I'm glad I did. I've learned to don't bother asking...men lie.

 

[Southernbella.]

Hale yeah!

Look, real talk, all that intuition and "if I have to do all that, it's time to go" is all well and good, but that ain't me. I want to know. I want to know details, dates, times, what was said, and why it was said. I guess I'm the only nosey chick in this thread, and that's fine. I'll be that.

Also, what makes you think a man who is doing dirt is just going to fess up and tell the truth when asked? Especially a man who knows he has a lot to lose? And are you really willing to break up, say, a 20 year marriage on a hunch with no proof? If so, good luck with that. Let me know what the judge says when you file for divorce on some "something just doesn't feel right".

Anyway, yes I would. Absolutely.

 

[1Aleeesha]

If I suspected my husband of Adultery yes I would monitor is computer usage, his bank accounts, his breath, his smell... His clothes, his dick the works. But once confirmed, I'd stop and meet his *** in court. 3 kids and one on the way. I despise this subject.

 

[DragonPearl]

If he was just an average cat, though, YES I surely would put some software on his computer. Having hard evidence of infidelity can prove helpful in divorce proceedings.

Yep!!

 

[DragonPearl]

Also, what makes you think a man who is doing dirt is just going to fess up and tell the truth when asked? Especially a man who knows he has a lot to lose? And are you really willing to break up, say, a 20 year marriage on a hunch with no proof? If so, good luck with that. Let me know what the judge says when you file for divorce on some "something just doesn't feel right".

Anyway, yes I would. Absolutely.

Yep.
..............

 

[PinkSkates]

If you supected him of cheating?

My co-workers and I got into a discussion a few minutes ago because one of my co-workers said she put a computer monitoring software on her husband's computer because she caught him sending emails to an old girlfriend and she later found out they were cheating. Instea dof getting rid of him she installed a computer monitoring software that monitors everything he does from the sites he visits to the emails that he sends. One of my co-workers said she thought it was wrong to spy on him because she obviously didn't trust him (his track record hasn't been the greatest).

So you know I had to come back to my computer and do a search for computer monitoring software and I was at how many are out there and what they can do. But my real question is it really this serious? Would you ladies go through these lengths to keep tabs on your husband or would you do like I did with my first one and let it go?

Mya

Absolutely not! I don't believe in monitoring grown folks!
I would simply woman-up and flat out ask him, and hope that he would be man enough to tell me the truth.

 

[Zaynab]

Hale yeah!

Look, real talk, all that intuition and "if I have to do all that, it's time to go" is all well and good, but that ain't me. I want to know. I want to know details, dates, times, what was said, and why it was said. I guess I'm the only nosey chick in this thread, and that's fine. I'll be that.

Also, what makes you think a man who is doing dirt is just going to fess up and tell the truth when asked? Especially a man who knows he has a lot to lose? And are you really willing to break up, say, a 20 year marriage on a hunch with no proof? If so, good luck with that. Let me know what the judge says when you file for divorce on some "something just doesn't feel right".

Anyway, yes I would. Absolutely.

Yeah, I hear ya, I do.

My point is, what would you do with the evidence? I think most women confront and then would say "please stop" while said man apologizes, says "honey baby, yes sorry" then keeps on doing it. My thing would be to only do it if you were gonna actually use the information to make a definite decision, however major. I just think confrontation alone is pointless.

How many times did your mom ask you to stop doing something just b/c you were caught? A person has to really want to stop doing something and you'd have to get to the reason as to why, etc.

 

[Southernbella.]

Yeah, I hear ya, I do.

My point is, what would you do with the evidence? I think most women confront and then would say "please stop" while said man apologizes, says "honey baby, yes sorry" then keeps on doing it. My thing would be to only do it if you were gonna actually use the information to make a definite decision, however major. I just think confrontation alone is pointless.

How many times did your mom ask you to stop doing something just b/c you were caught? A person has to really want to stop doing something and you'd have to get to the reason as to why, etc.

I agree with you, and I think it depends on the man and the woman. For me, confrontation is more about letting you know that I know, and that you have a decision to make. Either change or it's over. Until then, we are separated.

I'm the type of person who can't live with someone knowing there is a secret or an unresolved issue. The not knowing would eat away at me. Knowing is empowerment. Being in the dark is being in limbo. I can't live like that.

My question is, for those who would just come out and ask, what will you do if he says, "no, baby, nothing is going on!". Then what do you do? Accept it, even though your gut tells you something is wrong? Do you really think you'd be ok with making love to someone you don't fully trust?

 

[Zaynab]

I agree with you, and I think it depends on the man and the woman. For me, confrontation is more about letting you know that I know, and that you have a decision to make. Either change or it's over. Until then, we are separated.

I'm the type of person who can't live with someone knowing there is a secret or an unresolved issue. The not knowing would eat away at me. Knowing is empowerment. Being in the dark is being in limbo. I can't live like that.

My question is, for those who would just come out and ask, what will you do if he says, "no, baby, nothing is going on!". Then what do you do? Accept it, even though your gut tells you something is wrong? Do you really think you'd be ok with making love to someone you don't fully trust?

Yeah I agree with that, that's how i would approach it. But I think some that are just monitoring do it just to "know" what's going on, approach them about it and say "please stop, it's disrespecting me" etc. I think that's obvious but what are you gonna do? some wil just do that and not take any action which IMO is no deterrent. It will actually IME make them do it more or get defensive about it.

I think we have a thread floating around here about someone's dh and texting women, etc. Its like, if you confront, you have to confront with a plan of action.

 

[1QTPie]

If I were married, yes I would spy and I would have every right to. Women who are suspecting don't spy enough IMO. Shoot.

 

[Likeyouneverseenme]

I am not married.
I don't need to spy on anyone. Men are usually horrible liars. Him starting to act brand new is enough for me to know something is up.

 

[LadieCrn]

Absolutely not! I don't believe in monitoring grown folks!
I would simply woman-up and flat out ask him, and hope that he would be man enough to tell me the truth.

Men never ever man up and tell the truth. You have to have evidence in your hand and even then he might try to deny it. Eventually if you have evidence he will come around but not even the BEST of men would admit. I would monitor usage of my SO without any qualms about it. I want to know everything because anything he does involves me. I don't know, I guess it is all in who you are. I have always had my SO passwords, pin numbers, everything and not cause I dug around for them but because he gave them to me. I firmly believe that if you have nothing to hide it wouldn't matter if someone looked. He could smell my drawers if he felt so inclined, I don't care, I'm not doing anything

 

[tocktick]

If I suspected him of cheating, I'd already approached him about it and wasn't satisfied with the answers, then I would probably check out his 'net activities. However, this would be in order to get solid proof that something had gone down, so that I could leave asap without any "what ifs?" hanging in the air.

I believe my lack of trust would have been the beginning of the end anyway. However, since this isn't just a mere bf, I would need to have my suspicions confirmed before I went about dividing assets up, possibly becoming a single mother (if we had kids), battling custody and going ahead with divorce etc. With that said, if my lack of trust was just one problem in a long line of problems, I'd probably leave instead of snooping.

Imo, it is a pointless exercise to keep tabs on a deceitful husband after your suspicions have initially been confirmed without doubt if you're not going to take any action besides sticking with him. If you're not going to confront DH so you can work things out openly, then I think all the snooping should stop. What good does it do to be monitoring your man's activities if it's all for nothing anyway?

 

[Lebiya]

Yes, I would. But only if I plan to take Drastic actions afterwards- IF - the truth revealed confirms infidelity or dishonesty on his part….not to snoop just to snoop, then have him reassure me with lies. Repeat cycle.

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

I would...but honestly 9/10 times when u feel the need to do that...you already know whats going on...

 

[FlowerHair]

I don't have the energy for all that.
If I suspected him of cheating I would confront him and based on the answers he gave me I would stay or leave.

When there is no trust, there's no real relationship anyway.

 

[PinkSkates]

Men never ever man up and tell the truth. You have to have evidence in your hand and even then he might try to deny it. Eventually if you have evidence he will come around but not even the BEST of men would admit. I would monitor usage of my SO without any qualms about it. I want to know everything because anything he does involves me. I don't know, I guess it is all in who you are. I have always had my SO passwords, pin numbers, everything and not cause I dug around for them but because he gave them to me. I firmly believe that if you have nothing to hide it wouldn't matter if someone looked. He could smell my drawers if he felt so inclined, I don't care, I'm not doing anything

Well if he didn't man up and tell me the truth, then I would simply make a decision based upon my intuition; and take it from there.
I don't have the time or energy to play detective!
If I have to monitor his PIN numbers, computer activity, etc. then there is not much trust going on and there is no real relationship anyway.
And I keep myself so fly looking , that my hubby is the one worried about other...

 

[Jas123]

Hale yeah!

Look, real talk, all that intuition and "if I have to do all that, it's time to go" is all well and good, but that ain't me. I want to know. I want to know details, dates, times, what was said, and why it was said. I guess I'm the only nosey chick in this thread, and that's fine. I'll be that.

Also, what makes you think a man who is doing dirt is just going to fess up and tell the truth when asked? Especially a man who knows he has a lot to lose? And are you really willing to break up, say, a 20 year marriage on a hunch with no proof? If so, good luck with that. Let me know what the judge says when you file for divorce on some "something just doesn't feel right".

Anyway, yes I would. Absolutely.

i agree with this whole post- especially the bolded!

 

[jada1111]

If you supected him of cheating?

My co-workers and I got into a discussion a few minutes ago because one of my co-workers said she put a computer monitoring software on her husband's computer because she caught him sending emails to an old girlfriend and she later found out they were cheating. Instea dof getting rid of him she installed a computer monitoring software that monitors everything he does from the sites he visits to the emails that he sends. One of my co-workers said she thought it was wrong to spy on him because she obviously didn't trust him (his track record hasn't been the greatest).

So you know I had to come back to my computer and do a search for computer monitoring software and I was at how many are out there and what they can do. But my real question is it really this serious? Would you ladies go through these lengths to keep tabs on your husband or would you do like I did with my first one and let it go?

Mya

No. I. Would. Not.

It smacks of desperation, patheticness (I know it's not a word), low self esteem and unnecessary drama.

Unless you're married, know he's cheating and planning to get a DIVORCE, then spying on him for added ammunition is fine. If you don't plan on leaving him, then why bother?

It's pitiful actually.

 

[jada1111]

well i mean, if he already had cheated (and the evidence was discovered through e-mail) & you take him back...it seems pointless. either believe he has learned & will never cheat again or let him go. :-/ all that excess just proves you dont forgive/trust him & i would never want to feel like i have to go THAT FAR to keep him from cheating/know if he is cheating again.

if i suspected it but was unsure, im not sure. hes not a child and id be livid if he put some monitor on my computer

ITA your entire post, especially the bolded.

If he even fixed his mouth to say he had monitoring software on my computer, was reading my text messages, etc., the relationship would be OVER!!!!

No hesitation whatsoever and I don't care if we have children together. You either trust me or you don't and vice versa.

 

[jada1111]

Nope. What you look for you find, and then what are you gonna do with the evidence? Women kill me with "I need evidence" then they get it and what? Most say, well I need more or that's enough. HA, what you need to see penis in vagina?

That wife is still sitting there instead of getting rid of him, basically she just wanted to know "the specifics of what he was doing". The only reason to spy on someone is to use it for evidence in a divorce, otherwise, I don't have time. I am probably one of the few women who does not look through their dh's phones, check his email, etc. To be honest, I just don't have time and I don't care that much If dh is doing something, I will find out eventually. I focus on keeping dh on his toes, like I'm so flyy you need to be watching me instead of the other way around That's where women mess up, show these men that they are lucky to be with you and need to be checking you (well not really) but you know what I mean.

Agreed with snooping for divorce reasons and no, you are not by yourself with not reading your man's text messages, etc. I don't do that *ish either and find it ridiculous. If you're cheating, you're cheating and the truth will reveal itself sooner or later. I don't have to look for it.

 

[madamdot]

I think it depends on the man.

In my case. No. My husband never hides anything me. He is way more open than I am. He always leaves his email open and I have his password for everything. He has a program on his computer that brings up his most popular page when you log on so I know what he is looking at.

So he's pretty much set himself up. Because if he is suddenly changing his passwords without giving me the new one and hiding stuff from me then of course warning bells will go off and I'm gonna have to kill him like I promised.