Would you check his email?
- Thread starter gone_fishing
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NYLegalNewbie
New Member
It's a touchy subject.
On the one hand, you've got to have trust in a relationship. And if you go snooping around in someone's personal stuff without their permission, that in and of itself is a violation of trust.
But if you have real suspicions that are solidly based and it is killing you to find out, then I suppose you should go ahead on and look. The person snooping around in someone's email is quite a bit less culpable than the person who's hanging around in someone else's bed...
On the one hand, you've got to have trust in a relationship. And if you go snooping around in someone's personal stuff without their permission, that in and of itself is a violation of trust.
But if you have real suspicions that are solidly based and it is killing you to find out, then I suppose you should go ahead on and look. The person snooping around in someone's email is quite a bit less culpable than the person who's hanging around in someone else's bed...
honeycomb719
New Member
I just went through something pretty similar with my boyfriend. He has trust issues and I put him on front. I told him I had nothing to hide and if he wanted to know something or see somethig just ask, but I said expect the same treatment from me in return. Long story short we exchanged email and myspace passwords, only for me to find dirt on him not the other way around.
He helped make my point that when you cant trust someone, its because your not to be trusted. His issues with trust stemed from what he knew he was getting away with. I had nothing to hide so I gave him what he asked for, stupid thing was he didnt know the sword could cut both ways
. Now, I told him when I want to look at his cell phone I will, cause now he opened up that door. I now have reasons to be untrusting of him, not the other way around,so I wont stand for anymore distrusting dialog from him cause I dont deserve it.
I told him if I get the feeling he stepping out of line its usually is because Im right. Im not a distrusting kinda person anyway, so Im not gonna dwell on the past. Im over it! but wont be no fool. I dont believe in snooping, cause if you wanna know just look. You "snooping" when you find info to use against somebody in a maliciuos way without their knowledge. Its "looking" to find out what you need to know and you address the person in which you found something on to get clarity. A mother "looks in" on there kids, just as a wife "looks in" on her husband. Its their right of both IMO.
But to answer the question, if he wants to know he should look.
He helped make my point that when you cant trust someone, its because your not to be trusted. His issues with trust stemed from what he knew he was getting away with. I had nothing to hide so I gave him what he asked for, stupid thing was he didnt know the sword could cut both ways
. Now, I told him when I want to look at his cell phone I will, cause now he opened up that door. I now have reasons to be untrusting of him, not the other way around,so I wont stand for anymore distrusting dialog from him cause I dont deserve it. I told him if I get the feeling he stepping out of line its usually is because Im right. Im not a distrusting kinda person anyway, so Im not gonna dwell on the past. Im over it! but wont be no fool. I dont believe in snooping, cause if you wanna know just look. You "snooping" when you find info to use against somebody in a maliciuos way without their knowledge. Its "looking" to find out what you need to know and you address the person in which you found something on to get clarity. A mother "looks in" on there kids, just as a wife "looks in" on her husband. Its their right of both IMO.
But to answer the question, if he wants to know he should look.
A.Marie
Well-Known Member
In this case, I really think you should mind your own business and stay out of this couple's business. If he wants to find out about his wife, then he will find out whatever he nedds to catch her in the act. I believe in staying out of married folks businees. If they break up, you will be the blame when things don't work out or if things cost them dearly. Just stay clear of it and don't offer any advice.
Adequate, you always seem to have some interesting friends.
Adequate, you always seem to have some interesting friends.
Lylddlebit
Well-Known Member
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Lylddlebit
Well-Known Member
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runwaydream
Well-Known Member
i've done it. i've checked text messages and found out that the guy was texting a bunch of girls the same thing (myself included) i wasn't serious about him anyway but it still hurt. about a month ago my bf left his fb up and went to the shower. i promise all i was gonna do was log out and go on my own fb but.. 
erplexed i changed my mind at the last minute and checked his email. on one of them i saw he wrote to this female friend of his that the only reason he changed his fb status was b/c he wanted to make his ex jealous and that me and him were in an "open" relationship... this was news to me 
i confronted him about it and he said some mess like he only wrote that b/c he thought that the girl liked him so he wanted to make sure thats what it was by pretending that our relationship didnt mean anything 
that sounded like a bunch of horse sh!t to me. he told me that if i just asked for the password he wouldve given it to me.. like he gave me his myspace. b/c i came on this thread it made me want to check his messages again.. (i havent done it in a long time) and he seems like a habitual liar. talking about job offers he don't even have..
maybe i should start a thread on this...
erplexed i changed my mind at the last minute and checked his email. on one of them i saw he wrote to this female friend of his that the only reason he changed his fb status was b/c he wanted to make his ex jealous and that me and him were in an "open" relationship... this was news to me i confronted him about it and he said some mess like he only wrote that b/c he thought that the girl liked him so he wanted to make sure thats what it was by pretending that our relationship didnt mean anything that sounded like a bunch of horse sh!t to me. he told me that if i just asked for the password he wouldve given it to me.. like he gave me his myspace. b/c i came on this thread it made me want to check his messages again.. (i havent done it in a long time) and he seems like a habitual liar. talking about job offers he don't even have.. maybe i should start a thread on this...
ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
As the others have said, I wouldn't get invovled. Talk about treading troubled waters, and still waters run deep. Imagine the drama when the wife finds out that her husband has snooped through her emails. Your name will come up and you've lost a friend, because when he finds out what he wants to find out, guess what? He will still stay with her when it's all said and done.
Me, when my intuition rattled my cage, I didn't question it, or him. I simply did not speak to him once my intuition alarm went off. I know it sounds strange, but the last we spoke, I told him "take care" and he was baffled like "huh?" It's been a wrap since. Too much for me to question it, and not get the truth, as they will lie anyway, so I kept it moving. I know the second part of this reply was non-related to the thread, but just wanted to throw it out there.
Me, when my intuition rattled my cage, I didn't question it, or him. I simply did not speak to him once my intuition alarm went off. I know it sounds strange, but the last we spoke, I told him "take care" and he was baffled like "huh?" It's been a wrap since. Too much for me to question it, and not get the truth, as they will lie anyway, so I kept it moving. I know the second part of this reply was non-related to the thread, but just wanted to throw it out there.
ellennicole
New Member
I know it's wrong, and I've never ever had an inclination to do so, however, after my last two dating experiences. . . I did what I felt I needed to do (there really is no justification for it, but sometimes if you have acess then you do what you have to do.
I realized just how little I knew him and his emails revealed that he was a truly sick individual . . . so, I did it, and I'm glad I did, end of story.
I realized just how little I knew him and his emails revealed that he was a truly sick individual . . . so, I did it, and I'm glad I did, end of story.
MissRissa
New Member
my ex (whom i love very much and still want to be with) hacked into my email acct, read some emails (none of which were even remotely sexual) and was so convinced that he couldnt trust me he broke up with me. by the way, i never cheated on him. oh and he read text messages of mine whenever i left my phone. he read all kinds of things into these communications and im like "where are you getting this stuff from?".
so if he's going for concrete evidence. it really needs to be concrete.
oh but to answer your question, DO NOT GET INVOLVED. all that software has dl and use directions, thats what he needs to use then.
so if he's going for concrete evidence. it really needs to be concrete.
oh but to answer your question, DO NOT GET INVOLVED. all that software has dl and use directions, thats what he needs to use then.
GoingNatural
Well-Known Member
If you feel the need to check then you have something more to worry about--whether he is cheating or not.
