Paying Bills And Marriage

doriannc said:
I know most women need for a man to provide for them, but they still need to watch out for themselves. I'm not saying that everyone is going to get a divorce in your lifetime, but the 52% divorce rate doesn't lie. I know too many ladies that let their man "take care" of them only to find that when the marriage goes south the house, credit cards, cars, etc are in his name.

It ok to look at the financial aspects of marriage as a business partnership, but at the end of the day you have to take care of you and what you want out of life. I just feel like I better be safe than sorry.
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That's what I dont get.:nono: Always have your own. Your own money, your own cards, your own existence. In the event of a death or divorce you need to be able to handle your business and not miss a beat. Not dazed, confused and incapable of finding work becuase you were all too happy to sit at home while your husband foots the bill for everything. Sure a husband can pay everything if thats what you are looking for...but...dang.

Where are y'all finding these men tho? :look: I have student loans that need to be paid off.
 
doriannc said:
I know most women need for a man to provide for them, but they still need to watch out for themselves. I'm not saying that everyone is going to get a divorce in your lifetime, but the 52% divorce rate doesn't lie. I know too many ladies that let their man "take care" of them only to find that when the marriage goes south the house, credit cards, cars, etc are in his name.

It ok to look at the financial aspects of marriage as a business partnership, but at the end of the day you have to take care of you and what you want out of life. I just feel like I better be safe than sorry.
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Then she's not really being taken care of. A divorce should not be leaving her destitute and in financial crises.

Name on deed, car title, Roth IRA or 401k being fully funded, emergency savings account, a few CDs, mutual fund etc etc etc
 
natura87 said:
That's what I dont get.:nono: Always have your own. Your own money, your own cards, your own existence. In the event of a death or divorce you need to be able to handle your business and not miss a beat. Not dazed, confused and incapable of finding work becuase you were all too happy to sit at home while your husband foots the bill for everything. Sure a husband can pay everything if thats what you are looking for...but...dang.

Where are y'all finding these men tho? :look: I have student loans that need to be paid off.
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I found him in Piggly Wiggly over some apples :love: tall slim thing

Now I will say I keep my name out there in my industry not in the event of divorce but if we stick to two littlies I plan to get back in by the time DS is about 6. I get new certifications and go to conferences when I can and keep in touch with vendors and my old company so if they have an opening or I need a reference they'll be more than happy to oblige.

I love the field I'm in and different jobs there are that I can do. Even with me taking out time to focus on being a mother, it won't count against me later in life.
 
IslandMummy said:
Then she's not really being taken care of. A divorce should not be leaving her destitute and in financial crises.

Name on deed, car title, Roth IRA or 401k being fully funded, emergency savings account, a few CDs, mutual fund etc etc etc
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So true. My sister just got divorced. Her dh had been putting money in her IRA the whole time they were married, plus her savings. She was able to live off of that until the divorce was finalized and now she's in school and only working part-time thanks to her settlement and she still has her IRA for down the road. It is SO important to set yourself up for unforeseen circumstances. :yep:

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I hope no one bumps this thread 5 years from now and says "Helllp, my husband left me for a gay White man and nothing is in my name!! How did this happen?"

Becuase I will DIE!!
 
IslandMummy said:
Then she's not really being taken care of. A divorce should not be leaving her destitute and in financial crises.

Name on deed, car title, Roth IRA or 401k being fully funded, emergency savings account, a few CDs, mutual fund etc etc etc
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That could be done while stuff is lovey dovey, but trust me when the d word is said, it becomes hatred and discord. Things get moved into family members names and assets are fought over.
 
Some women just don't have it like that and it bothers them to the core. That's when all the ASSumptions start rolling in, said woman must be "basic" or a unicorn, uneducated, hate her gig etc, smh.

I mean if you want tips, just ask :lol:
 
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SincerelyJane said:
oh @honeybee yes, he's great. I know you all would love him.
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SincerelyJane said:
Anyway, a conversation with my SO put this in perspective, we're likely coming from different vantage points. There are a lot of variables. We all have different goals/needs/standards in life. It could very well be that for the type of life that I want for myself and my children, your husband would absolutely suck as a provider. But it doesn't matter because I wouldn't marry a man like that. As long as you're happy, I'm happy for you. :)
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SincerelyJane said:
Lol at "toil". He also told me to stop arguing with basic broads looking for a come up. I thought he was being harsh, but he might have been right.
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:lachen: The 'g' is strong in this one. Have fun with that, I'm good. :up:
 
NOEChic said:
That could be done while stuff is lovey dovey, but trust me when the d word is said, it becomes hatred and discord. Things get moved into family members names and assets are fought over.
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I don't think this is as common as people think. My bil tried it. I mean REALLY tried it with my sister. But in the end (and yes, there is a gap period where a woman could have nothing to live on if she doesn't have access to her own money), the law is the law. She got half of everything plus attorney's fees. When the house sells, she will get half the proceeds. There are certain things you just can't skirt when it comes to the law.

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NOEChic said:
That could be done while stuff is lovey dovey, but trust me when the d word is said, it becomes hatred and discord. Things get moved into family members names and assets are fought over.
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How is he going move it out of your account though? That's not possible

DH can move anything into my accounts at all times but only my name is on it so unless my credit union wants a lawsuit filed they are not going to allow a non authorized user to withdraw funds.
 
Southernbella. said:
I don't think this is as common as people think. My bil tried it. I mean REALLY tried it with my sister. But in the end (and yes, there is a gap period where a woman could have nothing to live on if she doesn't have access to her own money), the law is the law. She got half of everything plus attorney's fees. When the house sells, she will get half the proceeds. There are certain things you just can't skirt when it comes to the law.

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My dad did it to my mom with my uncles help. I did it to my ex when we got divorced lol. It happens.
 
NOEChic said:
My dad did it to my mom with my uncles help. I did it to my ex when we got divorced lol. It happens.
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Either they had terrible attorneys, a biased judge, or they didn't know what was going on. You can't just take money or property in preparation for a divorce and get away with it unless the other person is clueless and the judge doesnt care. At least not in my state.

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Southernbella. said:
You would laugh at something like that?

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Yes. Becuase I am sadistic like that.
:lol:
Then I would offer them tips on how to get help, seek out local resources...as a single woman with children there is help. Legal help as well.

I would also advise them to get tested, becuase a dude just doesnt happen upon liking menz like its some chance encounter.:look:
 
IslandMummy said:
How is he going move it out of your account though? That's not possible

DH can move anything into my accounts at all times but only my name is on it so unless my credit union wants a lawsuit filed they are not going to allow a non authorized user to withdraw funds.
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That is how you have it set up. But the people with joint accts their spouse can take the money out anytime without your consent.
 
Is this some peoples real personality showing? :ohwell:

Why are people SO mad and upset about women saying they want a man to foot the homes bills? Like REALLY mad about it.
 
Southernbella. said:
Either they had terrible attorneys, a biased judge, or they didn't know what was going on. You can't just take money or property in preparation for a divorce and get away with it unless the other person is clueless and the judge doesnt care. At least not in my state.

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Or the husband could stop paying the mortgage, change the address and numbers on the bill/bills. File for divorce, let her deal with the foreclosure or not.
 
IslandMummy said:
I found him in Piggly Wiggly over some apples :love: tall slim thing

Now I will say I keep my name out there in my industry not in the event of divorce but if we stick to two littlies I plan to get back in by the time DS is about 6. I get new certifications and go to conferences when I can and keep in touch with vendors and my old company so if they have an opening or I need a reference they'll be more than happy to oblige.

I love the field I'm in and different jobs there are that I can do. Even with me taking out time to focus on being a mother, it won't count against me later in life.
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:yep::yep::yep:

I agree with this.
 
NOEChic said:
That is how you have it set up. But the people with joint accts their spouse can take the money out anytime without your consent.
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Oh ok. Well most of my accounts were set up before we got married except my 401k which he's only a beneficiary on. We have a joint account but that's for family expenses.
 
NOEChic said:
Or the husband could stop paying the mortgage, change the address and numbers on the bill/bills. File for divorce, let her deal with the foreclosure or not.
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Why put your name on the mortgage though? LOL name on deed leave the mortgage to him
 
Mortons said:
Then you must have some people on ignore...because the shade and rudeness is crystal clear.
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I have 1 person on ignore but I havent seen her in a while. I dont see any anger at all, I just see differing viewpoint and some posters cant reach a middle ground. I can see the merit in both sides...but I obviously prefer 1 over the other. If what they have works for them, meh...not my problem.
 
NOEChic said:
That is how you have it set up. But the people with joint accts their spouse can take the money out anytime without your consent.
Click to expand...

That's true (that's the gap I was referring to), but as long as you have bank statements showing what was in there, the judge will make them put it all back. So the taker may have the upper hand initially but they can't just keep that money.

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