Paying Bills And Marriage

SincerelyJane said:
I mean you already see some of that, as any household with a household income >$250K pays the same in taxes. 250K is way different than $1 million. For me it would depend on what the flat percentage was. Everyone has to pay taxes, whether you like it or not. So if the flat tax rate is not significantly different from the tax rate that lower income are already paying then what would be the difference?

Your scenario also doesn't take wealth distribution into account. In the US the 1% are terrible with sharing their wealth with the rest of the 99%. That's not the case in the OP. He's sharing his income and also improving her standard of living.
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It is a simple question. He is making double what she is, is it "fair" they pay the same rate?

Some could argue the rich provide jobs and the larger nominal value of their taxes improves all our lives to a greater degree than my measly middle income wages can. This nominal value will be higher even if they pay the same rate.

/I know in practice, because of tax avoidance strategies, the rich end up paying a lower rate. But in theory and law, we have progressive taxes to distribute wealth fairly.
 
I love this thread so much. I really really do. I hope it never disappears. I want reread it regularly. LOL.

I have learned so many things. My aunt and uncle have relationships much like I guess we'll call them "unicorn" types on here have (no shade, I envy you the looks, power, juju, whatever you're using). Til this day she doesn't even pump her own gas. She is great with money though, established a milionaire a few times over legacy on my on my uncle's blue collar salary and her odd/end jobs or investments.

Yet, I have always had this business/everything should be "fair" type relationships and had my aunt call me "entirely too independent." Even with the men nutball stalker crazy for me, I'd feel too guilty and end up paying for something...a pack of gum, something until they I'd wear them down and they say 'I know it'll make you feel better if you pay for something, so go pay for parking or whatever smh. I was turning down free-ish. LOL. Now free-ish is few and far in between.

Maybe I need to go back to therapy. LOL.

I think there are things to learned on both extremes. I'd like to figure out how to make that work for me. Any ladies giving lessons (after I get to my goal weight), I'm willing to take some. Hell I'm even willing to pay for lunch for tips. LOL. Cause on the real, I needed a hero when my kitchen sink disconnected itself from my granite countertop lastnight. Nothing like having stainless steel, pvc pipe and cast iron hit the base of your beautifully done cabinets. :-( And all I could think about while calling around for "specialists" was....

1. I need a man cause I don't wanna deal with this ish.
2. This is going to take some of fall project money....geez I need a man...even a george costanza type will do.
2. they are going to charge me more cause I'm a single woman, but wouldn't if I had a man
3. dammit, i really need a man....

LOL. Its fixed now with the help of referral, but still.....I needed someone shipping some juju to NE Bmore.

Last point, so many of nerdy male friends talk so much smack about wanting a woman with her own means, self sufficient, etc. Yet, I've noticed so many of them ended up as the primary bread winner for some woman wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy *inhale*yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy out of his league. So now I have to wonder, its all talk. Or there are some that as that fascinating womanhood book states..."inspires men out of their head."

I don't know, but anyway I love this dialogue.
 
barbiesocialite said:
That surprised me too.:lol: She would be no kind of understanding about this arrangement. not at all. I posted her reaction to the thread, if she were here it's pretty clear how she'd react.
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I didn't see any putdown of other people's choices in her reaction that you posted.

Yes I miss her, and I have no shame in saying it. ~Shrug. If she used to put people down who didn't agree with her, I didn't see those posts.
 
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I think the difference is the assumption that the man in the OP or any man who shares financial responsibility in a marriage is NOT proud to provide.
 
I'm confused. Some men are not looking to take care of a woman like their Daddy did. Some women are not looking to be taken care of like that. The only problem I see in the OP is the woman wants to be taken care of while the man doesn't want that type of relationship. They have two different ideas of what a relationship should look like. They need to deal with that before considering marriage.

It don't think the man in the OP is necessarily being cheap. One guy told me that he and any potential woman he became involved would understand that they were both adults. He wasn't looking to take care of anyone and didn't want a woman coming into a relationship thinking it was her job to take care of him. He wanted companionship, someone to travel with, someone with a similar faith, and someone who wanted kids. I could see him coming up with a budget like this. He wants what he feels is equality in a relationship. Money shifts the power dynamic. I can see him wanting to avoid this by keeping household contributions equal.
 
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dicapr said:
I'm confused. Some men are not looking to take care of a woman like their Daddy did. Some women are not looking to be taken care of like that. The only problem I see in the OP is the woman wants to be taken care of while the man doesn't want that type of relationship. They have two different ideas of what a relationship should look like. They need to deal with that before considering marriage.

It don't think the man in the OP is necessarily being cheap. One guy told me that he and any potential woman he became involved would understand that they were both adults. He wasn't looking to take care of anyone and didn't want a woman coming into a relationship thinking it was her job to take care of him. He wanted companionship, someone to travel with, someone with a similar faith, and someone who wanted kids. I could see him coming up with a budget like this. He wants what he feels is equality in a relationship. Money shifts the power dynamic. I can see him wanting to avoid this by keeping household contributions equal.
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I don't think the money you contribute shifts the dynamic. It's the money you make or the ability to make money.
 
dicapr said:
I'm confused. Some men are not looking to take care of a woman like their Daddy did. Some women are not looking to be taken care of like that. The only problem I see in the OP is the woman wants to be taken care of while the man doesn't want that type of relationship. They have two different ideas of what a relationship should look like. They need to deal with that before considering marriage.

It don't think the man in the OP is necessarily being cheap. One guy told me that he and any potential woman he became involved would be both adults. He wasn't looking to take care of anyone and didn't want a woman coming into a relationship thinking it was her job to take care of him. He wanted companionship, someone to travel with, someone with a similar faith, and someone who wanted kids. I could see him coming up with a budget like this. He wants what he feels is equality in a relationship. Money shifts the power dynamic. I can see him wanting to avoid this by keeping household contributions equal.
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No way on the planet would I marry and have a baby with a man like that..Wth? What if I have a rough pregnancy and can't work? What if I decide I want to stay home with them for more than the allotted 6 weeks? Bad deal. I'd rather be single.
 
FemmeFatale said:
No way on the planet would I marry and have a baby with a man like that..Wth? What if I have a rough pregnancy and can't work? What if I decide I want to stay home with them for more than the allotted 6 weeks? Bad deal. I'd rather be single.
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Why y'all just assuming dude is gonna drop you like a sack of potatoes if you become a SAHM? :lol:
 
FemmeFatale said:
No way on the planet would I marry and have a baby with a man like that..Wth? What if I have a rough pregnancy and can't work? What if I decide I want to stay home with them for more than the allotted 6 weeks? Bad deal. I'd rather be single.
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My point is what someone wants out of a relationship is personal. Just because it isn't something you would want doesn't mean it is wrong for someone else. The problem in the OP is the two people in the relationship have different ideas of what a relationship entails.

Besides, you are taking my example to the extreme. He was simply stating he didn't want to assume the Daddy role with his wife and she assume the traditional wife role where she takes care of man. It doesn't mean that if someone he loves was in a bad way he would leave her high and dry. I couldn't imagine anyone refusing to help a loved one in trouble.
 
BEAUTYU2U said:
Why y'all just assuming dude is gonna drop you like a sack of potatoes if you become a SAHM? :lol:
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Because the assumption is that if the man isn't shouldering the burden of the household he is on some level unworthy. I think any man who leaves his pregnant wife high and dry knows that he would be left with the quickness be most sane women.
 
dicapr said:
I'm confused. Some men are not looking to take care of a woman like their Daddy did. Some women are not looking to be taken care of like that. The only problem I see in the OP is the woman wants to be taken care of while the man doesn't want that type of relationship. They have two different ideas of what a relationship should look like. They need to deal with that before considering marriage.

It don't think the man in the OP is necessarily being cheap. One guy told me that he and any potential woman he became involved would understand that they were both adults. He wasn't looking to take care of anyone and didn't want a woman coming into a relationship thinking it was her job to take care of him. He wanted companionship, someone to travel with, someone with a similar faith, and someone who wanted kids. I could see him coming up with a budget like this. He wants what he feels is equality in a relationship. Money shifts the power dynamic. I can see him wanting to avoid this by keeping household contributions equal.
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I actually didn't see that at all. It seemed to me like she wasn't upset until it got to the unequal play money issue. I'd bet that if you kept their contributions the same and then averaged out the play money so they had the same, she wouldn't have an issue.
 
ladysaraii said:
I actually didn't see that at all. It seemed to me like she wasn't upset until it got to the unequal play money issue. I'd bet that if you kept their contributions the same and then averaged out the play money so they had the same, she wouldn't have an issue.
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I can see that. I also see he is basing his discretionary income on allowing them to continue to have the same interest/hobbies they have while single. He isn't asking her to give anything up and he doesn't want to either. He makes more money and he is used to having more expensive or more numerous hobbies. In reality she is holding out over $150. She will be upgraded in her lifestyle while he will have to give one of his activities. If you have a traditional view of marriage I can see where the man should and would want make this sacrifice. But if you look at the fairness of it downgrading his lifestyle so they can have equal play money that arrange isn't fair either.
 
dicapr said:
I can see that. I also see he is basing his discretionary income on allowing them to continue to have the same interest/hobbies they have while single. He isn't asking her to give anything up and he doesn't want to either. He makes more money and he is used to having more expensive or more numerous hobbies. In reality she is holding out over $150. She will be upgraded in her lifestyle while he will have to give one of his activities. If you have a traditional view of marriage I can see where the man should and would want make this sacrifice. But if you look at the fairness of it downgrading his lifestyle so they can have equal play money that arrange isn't fair either.
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If he really needs the 750, then maybe she can just contribute less to savings so she has an equal amount.

The whole thing just seems weird to me
 
Ogoma honeybee I don't have an issue with your husbands/boyfriends/fathers acting as a provider. Wasn't trying to imply otherwise.

Anyway, a conversation with my SO put this in perspective, we're likely coming from different vantage points. There are a lot of variables. We all have different goals/needs/standards in life. It could very well be that for the type of life that I want for myself and my children, your husband would absolutely suck as a provider. But it doesn't matter because I wouldn't marry a man like that. As long as you're happy, I'm happy for you. :)
 
SincerelyJane said:
Ogoma honeybee I don't have an issue with your husbands/boyfriends/fathers acting as a provider. Wasn't trying to imply otherwise.

Anyway, a conversation with my SO put this in perspective, we're likely coming from different vantage points. There are a lot of variables. We all have different goals/needs/standards in life. It could very well be that for the type of life that I want for myself and my children, your husband would absolutely suck as a provider. But it doesn't matter because I wouldn't marry a man like that. As long as you're happy, I'm happy for you. :)
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I am happy for you. I wish you a long and happy union. We all have different needs and I am happy you are with someone that will let you toil to your hearts delight.

We all need to do what works best for us.
 
So much shade in one thread
Carry on
Majic-Johnson-Confused-Popcorn-Gif.gif
 
I know most women need for a man to provide for them, but they still need to watch out for themselves. I'm not saying that everyone is going to get a divorce in your lifetime, but the 52% divorce rate doesn't lie. I know too many ladies that let their man "take care" of them only to find that when the marriage goes south the house, credit cards, cars, etc are in his name.

It ok to look at the financial aspects of marriage as a business partnership, but at the end of the day you have to take care of you and what you want out of life. I just feel like I better be safe than sorry.
 
doriannc said:
I know most women need for a man to provide for them, but they still need to watch out for themselves. I'm not saying that everyone is going to get a divorce in your lifetime, but the 52% divorce rate doesn't lie. I know too many ladies that let their man "take care" of them only to find that when the marriage goes south the house, credit cards, cars, etc are in his name.

It ok to look at the financial aspects of marriage as a business partnership, but at the end of the day you have to take care of you and what you want out of life. I just feel like I better be safe than sorry.
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I didn't wanna say it .... cause I know people gonna start going in about "planning for a divorce" but with the OP there's no grey areas. Everything is upfront and everyone's contribution to the family is clear. In case the worst did happen. I've had customers going through divorces and their finances are all out of wack. His name ain't on this, she "usually" pays this, etc. Drama.
 
Ogoma said:
I am happy for you. I wish you a long and happy union. We all have different needs and I am happy you are with someone that will let you toil to your hearts delight.

We all need to do what works best for us.
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Lol at "toil". He also told me to stop arguing with basic broads looking for a come up. I thought he was being harsh, but he might have been right.

Novel concept: there are some of us who work because our jobs are fulfilling, financially rewarding, and make a measurable difference in other people's lives. I'm happy doing what I do. It's a privilege and I love it.

But along that vein, occupation is an important variable. Sounds like some of you have to struggle just to bring home a salary that is essentially insignificant. So whether you put in "savings" or the little jar of money you're saving up to buy that Coach purse means very little in the overall scope of things :lol:. But hey, if that's what works best for you then who am I to comment? Keep on keeping on, sis :yep:
 
SincerelyJane said:
Lol at "toil". He also told me to stop arguing with basic broads looking for a come up. I thought he was being harsh, but he might have been right.

Novel concept: there are some of us who work because our jobs are fulfilling, financially rewarding, and make a measurable difference in other people's lives. I'm happy doing what I do. It's a privilege and I love it.

But along that vein, occupation is an important variable. Sounds like some of you have to struggle just to bring home a salary that is essentially insignificant. So whether you put in "savings" or the little jar of money you're saving up to buy that Coach purse means very little in the overall scope of things :lol:. But hey, if that's what works best for you then who am I to comment? Keep on keeping on, sis :yep:
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SincerelyJane, Tsk, tsk, so much anger in this post. You and your man sound like a perfect match. :yep:
 
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