Paying Bills And Marriage

Dreamer48 said:
Umm...the last few pages will give you an idea :lol:. But I do think "some people :look:" have been indirectly responding to yardyspice and I guess the people who thanked her post (??) throughout this discussion.
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It's more than yardy though. There were several women who were basically saying the same thing. I don't remember their names. But I'm generally pretty direct. I wasn't saying some people to be passive aggressive, I'm sure they know I'm talking about them.

Lol I can be a sarcastic [expletive] sometimes. I know this But I will own it. I gives no [expletive]. If I don't agree with you I will let you know.
 
Ogoma said:
On the first page of this thread, people are responding to the question asked by the OP and basing their opinions on what worked for them.

There are a lot of things I believe in, people on this board do not. I never ever take it personal. I have had sex within a week of meeting a man, I have lived with men many times without marrying them or intending to marry them, and so much more :lol:. When people state why they think these are bad ideas or what type of women they think these people are, I take it as their opinion formed by their experience and do not take it as a personal insult.
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it's your choice not to take personal insults as personal. Others have the choice to fire back. As opposed to be silent about it.

The shades about women who don't have a man paying everything for them didn't even apply to me. I am currently living with a dude that's paying almost everything, so I can save money while building up my career. I do find it irritating though, the constant snide remarks about women who don't have men doing everything for them and the implication that they are damaged. The constant pontificating, this is what a marriage is supposed to be like. Enough already.
 
DragonPearl said:
it's your choice not to take personal insults as personal. Others have the choice to fire back. As opposed to be silent about it.

The shades about women who don't have a man paying everything for them didn't even apply to me. I am currently living with a dude that's paying almost everything, so I can save money while building up my career. I do find it irritating though, the constant snide remarks about women who don't have men doing everything for them and the implication that they are damaged. The constant pontificating, this is what a marriage is supposed to be like. Enough already.
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We are >>here<<<. That's why I just roll my eyes at the people (i think it was barbie and yardy) who try to intimate "abandonement issues", or "trust issues". Or the one who said black women need to aspire higher. Lol if only you knew the half. Get on my level and then we can talk.
 
SincerelyJane said:
We are >>here<<<. That's why I just roll my eyes at the people (i think it was barbie and yardy) who try to intimate "abandonement issues", or "trust issues". Or the one who said black women need to aspire higher. Lol if only you knew the half. Get on my level and then we can talk.
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Haha, so thats what people are offended about.:lachen:

had no idea. lol

just my experience about women that insist on 50/50--usually daddy issues. (even if there parents are married). people can disagree if they want lol
 
barbiesocialite said:
Haha, so thats what people are offended about.:lachen:

had no idea. lol

just my experience about women that insist on 50/50--usually daddy issues. (even if there parents are married). people can disagree if they want lol
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The situation we were discussing wasn't 50-50 though. And no one is insisting on anything. You're trying to create issues where there are none.
 
SincerelyJane said:
The situation we were discussing wasn't 50-50 though. And no one is insisting on anything. You're trying to create issues where there are none.
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o ok. I can only go off my experience. People can say or believe whatever they like. doesnt negate my experience of encounters on the topic. I guess that makes me judgmental. eh. It's true, I'm judgmental. don't really care to change or change other people. to each her own....
 
Priss Pot said:
OT: What's with the sudden distaste for the word "fair?" So there's a new definition, now?

To ME, fair is knowing that should DH and I ever split, we aren't gonna have a D. Wade type situation where he's trying to ruin my image and take my kids from me. Taking the kids' feelings into consideration is fair. That's what I'd attribute to being fair and a main attribute I'd look for in a man in general. Or he isn't gonna get mad and post intimate pics to some website for revenge. That is fair. Y'all talking about "I don't want a fair man," or "everything in a marriage won't be fair" so casually as if he were to decide not to be fair in a situation that would put you at a disadvantage, then that'd be ok. You know you wouldn't accept that.
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i was confused by that too. Doesn't make sense to me, but different strokes for different folks, i guess.
 
Dreamer48 said:
Umm...the last few pages will give you an idea :lol:. But I do think "some people :look:" have been indirectly responding to yardyspice and I guess the people who thanked her post (??) throughout this discussion.
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I've been direct in my posts.

When I haven't been direct, it's because I don't remember who stated what and their comment was not THAT important for me to read back through 50 posts just to mention their specific names. For some, it's not about being indirect but really about being lazy. :look:
 
DragonPearl said:
This is a very interesting thread. A lot of what I hear does not take into consideration that times have changed. Those saying that a "real" man takes prides in paying for most everything in their marriage are passing judgement on what manhood is like. Just like people love passing judgement on what womanhood is supposed to be.

The idea that men should foot all or most of the bills in a marriage has been used for centuries to support the idea that men should get better jobs then women and get paid more for doing the same, since men have the burden to support families. How is our society supposed to function if we keep demanding work equality for women, but at the end of the day, "real" men have to foot most of the bills in their marriage? As more women are climbing up the career ladder and leveling out the workfield, the men that fit those manly standards for husbands will have to make even more money than they are. Eventually, where are they going to find those men?
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:yep::yep: social context is everything.
 
barbiesocialite said:
OMG, this post reminds me of Tasha Marbury's marriage. Her DH had an estimated worth of $45million and she said that she's always worked and always had to (including paying off the woman that slept with her husband) because he kept his money to himself. :nono::nono::nono:

She shoulda married a man with less money that treated her well for all of that. :nono:
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Aw shoots nawl. Couldn't be me!!!
 
Southernbella. said:
Who said their life or marriage was perfect? I've been here a long time and I've seen VERY candid posts from married members talking about their ups and downs.

Happy doesn't mean perfect. But on that note, why is someone else's happiness so insulting that people need to tell them to stop fronting or be real?
Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
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Yep. Many people always sound mad at women with provider husbands when this topic comes up, and they must be lying. :rolleyes:
 
UmSumayyah said:
Yep. Many people always sound mad at women with provider husbands when this topic comes up, and they must be lying. :rolleyes:
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I don't see it that way. From what I see, the women who have husbands paying 100% of everything seem to imply that their marriage is the blueprint to all marriages and if yours is not like that then your marriage ain't the real deal and you don't have a real man. That what it reads like to me.

There is so much snark in this one thread. Times like this I'm glad I don't pt too much of my life out there for public consumption.
 
FemmeCreole said:
I don't see it that way. From what I see, the women who have husbands paying 100% of everything seem to imply that their marriage is the blueprint to all marriages and if yours is not like that then your marriage ain't the real deal and you don't have a real man. That what it reads like to me.

There is so much snark in this one thread. Times like this I'm glad I don't pt too much of my life out there for public consumption.
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You saved me the keystrokes.
 
FemmeCreole said:
I don't see it that way. From what I see, the women who have husbands paying 100% of everything seem to imply that their marriage is the blueprint to all marriages and if yours is not like that then your marriage ain't the real deal and you don't have a real man. That what it reads like to me.

There is so much snark in this one thread. Times like this I'm glad I don't pt too much of my life out there for public consumption.
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:yep::yep: Don't forget about the part that implies that you have "issues", too:spinning:.
 
Dang, I forgot I had ground turkey in the freezer. Man, that would of been some good Hamburger Helper!

Ok, but forreal. I've run out of ways to state how logical the OP is. I guess people will keep insisting she's getting "nickeled and dimed" although they're doing percentages, half their salaries are going to savings so their living expenses are quite respectable, and he isn't a real man. Oh and apparently, women are like children with no accountability except inconvenient lil "chores" who can spend whatever cause their husband will cover them. That's economically sound :yep: :lol:
 
DragonPearl said:
it's your choice not to take personal insults as personal. Others have the choice to fire back. As opposed to be silent about it.

The shades about women who don't have a man paying everything for them didn't even apply to me. I am currently living with a dude that's paying almost everything, so I can save money while building up my career. I do find it irritating though, the constant snide remarks about women who don't have men doing everything for them and the implication that they are damaged. The constant pontificating, this is what a marriage is supposed to be like. Enough already.
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I don't take it personal because I don't care. I am living and enjoying my life - successes and mistakes - and no one needs to validate that or agree with it. My way works for ME. There is absolutely no reason for me to take offense because I like the outcome of my choices or learnt valuable lessons from them.
 
All I have to say is that I'm in my early twenties and have been paying all of my own bills since May and I hate it.:lol: I'm looking for a sponsor :look: I'm having lunch with a well connected older gentleman next week and I'm sure he'll broach the matchmaking subject.

I think it's weird that a man would expect his future wife to contribute to bills. Savings and rainy day funds, yeah sure. Mortgages and stuff. Hell no. A man should be prepared to foot the bills simply because if his wife decides to have children, it could be years before she works again. That's just the way I was raised. :ohwell:
 
I think the women here should just do what they've always done and just keep mum on these topics, let people figure out their own stuff.

Pa fout mande mwen.
 
wigsnatcha3000 said:
All I have to say is that I'm in my early twenties and have been paying all of my own bills since May and I hate it.:lol: I'm looking for a sponsor :look: I'm having lunch with a well connected older gentleman next week and I'm sure he'll broach the matchmaking subject.

I think it's weird that a man would expect his future wife to contribute to bills. Savings and rainy day funds, yeah sure. Mortgages and stuff. Hell no. A man should be prepared to foot the bills simply because if his wife decides to have children, it could be years before she works again. That's just the way I was raised. :ohwell:
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It's going to their savings either way. *shrug*
 
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