LiftedUp
Well-Known Member
I realised this earlier on in the thread. Family setups are different. My father give my mother money at the end of the month for bills and food. She picks up the extra. I expect the same.
Paying Bills And Marriage
- Thread starter NOEChic
- Start date
I realised this earlier on in the thread. Family setups are different. My father give my mother money at the end of the month for bills and food. She picks up the extra. I expect the same.
CarLiTa
Well-Known Member
But what exactly is it telling of?
Some people think X and assign value judgments to those who think Y.
Some think Y and assign value judgments to those who think X.
Others are in either camp and don't try to extrapolate the views of those who disagree with having low self-esteem, not striving highly enough, doomed to be single for life, doomed to have a sexless, infidelity-filled marriage for life, etc. etc.
The psychoanalysis on this board!barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
Southernbella.
Well-Known Member
But what exactly is it telling of?
Some people think X and assign value judgments to those who think Y.
Some think Y and assign value judgments to those who think X.
Others are in either camp and don't try to extrapolate the views of those who disagree with having low self-esteem, not striving highly enough, doomed to be single for life, doomed to have a sexless, infidelity-filled marriage for life, etc. etc.
It's telling when people say "I wouldn't do xyz" and then others take it as a personal attack on their choices. I think you are secure in your decisions, you don't react that way.
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Priss Pot
Makeup + Bench Pressing
But that's the thing. Southernbella, girl, this is LHCF...it's never gonna be a simple "I wouldn't do xyz" and leave it at that. We always gotta add something extra onto the end to make sure it stings. I mean, it happened w/ yardy on the 1st page of this thread
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
well in case you're curious she said "OH HELL NO!" and a bunch of expletives. The chick should only use her income for groceries and household items. SHe told me to say this.
Southernbella.
Well-Known Member
But that's the thing. Southernbella, girl, this is LHCF...it's never gonna be a simple "I wouldn't do xyz" and leave it at that. We always gotta add something extra onto the end to make sure it stings. I mean, it happened w/ yardy on the 1st page of this thread
True.
But it happens to everyone (hence the ridiculousness of calling it a clique in this thread). If I had $1 for every time someone said they'd never sah, never depend on a man, etc because it's stupid or he'll leave...it is what it is. But in this thread, it's cliquish? Meh. On another note, I have 6 hrs of class tonight so can y'all keep going? I need something to read later. Thanx.
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SandCastles
Well-Known Member
I just know that different people have different priorities. I like big things - Big house, luxury cars, the best schools for my child, great vacations, etc. We're very social and charitable, and our overall expenses are pretty high. Our lifestyle requires two (nice) incomes. We could live smaller on DH's income alone (in fact, we did for a short while). My income has increased a lot over the years, and that has helped us both to live better and save more. DH & I make strategic decisions together about our finances, and we're both happy with our situation. As things change, we adjust our plans.
Some ladies would prefer to live smaller on one income, and that's ok too. Everyone gets to decide for themselves. I feel no guilt about my lifestyle, and you ladies should not either.
Some ladies would prefer to live smaller on one income, and that's ok too. Everyone gets to decide for themselves. I feel no guilt about my lifestyle, and you ladies should not either.
yardyspice
Well-Known Member
well in case you're curious she said "OH HELL NO!" and a bunch of expletives. The chick should only use her income for groceries and household items. SHe told me to say this.
Did she close her acct?
CarLiTa
Well-Known Member
But that's the thing. Southernbella, girl, this is LHCF...it's never gonna be a simple "I wouldn't do xyz" and leave it at that. We always gotta add something extra onto the end to make sure it stings. I mean, it happened w/ yardy on the 1st page of this thread
and besides, it isn't even that some posters took things personally. OTHERS chose to make it personal for them.
Phrases like "it's telling," "that explains it," "ew, but if that works for you
" (lol) all make it personal for other people. I might completely disagree with someone, Yardy for example, but I especially appreciate when they make their point clear. The posters with the aforementioned phrases with opaque, maybe non-existent and sometimes incorrect points -- that's different.
I don't know when this began happening, but I've only been noticing it this past year. Could be because I spend more time on here? (not even sure if that's true), but there's this constant: "Ohhhh, you think this/that? Must be why."
Southernbella.
Well-Known Member
It definitely gets personal such as saying people are fronting and cooking Hamburger Helper
But that's ok I guess.
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But that's ok I guess.
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CarLiTa
Well-Known Member
On a more relevant note, I'd rather be accountable to "us" than accountable to my man. That is why having only $400 in discretionary spending wouldn't work for me. Like I said, what if I need to pay for something expensive that is for me but will benefit both of us? Do I have to ask him? Like, for an allowance?
erplexed
In the same way, I would not feel comfortable with having no income of my own and having an allowance-style set-up with my husband. It's happened in my parents' household; I've seen it work and I've seen it not. I don't glamourize it and don't like it.
erplexedIn the same way, I would not feel comfortable with having no income of my own and having an allowance-style set-up with my husband. It's happened in my parents' household; I've seen it work and I've seen it not. I don't glamourize it and don't like it.
NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
On a more relevant note, I'd rather be accountable to "us" than accountable to my man. That is why having only $400 in discretionary spending wouldn't work for me. Like I said, what if I need to pay for something expensive that is for me but will benefit both of us? Do I have to ask him? Like, for an allowance?
In the same way, I would not feel comfortable with having no income of my own and having an allowance-style set-up with my husband. It's happened in my parents' household; I've seen it work and I've seen it not. I don't glamourize it and don't like it.
Why are you blowing your 400 discretionary every month. Plus you have a savings.
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
Where are all these "frontin'" and "perfect marriages" references coming from? Have ya'll seen the Married Ladies thread? Hell, we were accused of being too real and scaring single ladies.
I am so lost in this thread (that's what I get for actually trying to work at work, lol); so I don't know if you're referring to something I said or not. But I did reference happy marriages that weren't happy underneath. I certainly wasn't talking about LHCFers, but actual situations unfolding IRL. I thought it was something to bring up because people will say, "You need to take advice from a married woman!" but, really, people should be even pickier than that, until you can see the longterm fruit of that advice. And as this thread shows there are people who will say one way is fine and will be happy with it, but doing the same would make another miserable.
It definitely gets personal such as saying people are fronting and cooking Hamburger Helper
But that's ok I guess.
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Ain't nobody got time for Hamburger Helper- that would require defrosting meat. It's gonna be a chickfila night around these parts.
CarLiTa
Well-Known Member
I'M not
at least not every month (but I'm frugal). But if I were a weave-wearing, fancy-nail having, super expensive purse-wearing lady, that would be waaayyy too little. But really, what if the woman in the OP wanted to take a few classes one month. If the classes cost $200, then that just leaves $200. Having only $400 WILL be restrictive some months.
Another thing, that guy's budget is too broad. Most successful budgets are much more detailed than that. There's too much room for interpretation with his breakdown. Are car emergencies and household listed in bills, for example? Or will they be accessing savings for anything that comes up unplanned?
CarLiTa
Well-Known Member
It definitely gets personal such as saying people are fronting and cooking Hamburger Helper
But that's ok I guess.
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I'm not speaking for any one camp
They're all in it. All of the "you're probably this..." "I bet that..." should have a seat
FemmeCreole
Island Gyal
this thread has become comical
sunnieb
Well-Known Member
It definitely gets personal such as saying people are fronting and cooking Hamburger Helper
But that's ok I guess.
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What's funny is that I posted a a pic of some Hamburger Helper I made in the 'photos of things you've cooked thread'! I ain't shame.
DragonPearl
Well-Known Member
In case you've failed to notice, the issue is, some people are not just saying "I wouldn't do xyz". they have to be extra with it, adding psychobabble commentaries about people who don't do as they do. That's unnecessary, arrogant, and divisive.
DragonPearl
Well-Known Member
It definitely gets personal such as saying people are fronting and cooking Hamburger Helper
But that's ok I guess.
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I'll take credit for that. That was personal.
People who get personal about others' psychological state of mind should be expecting personal retorts.
Hmm...if some people would stop saying "some people" and just directly respond to the poster they're talking about, less people would take offense.
LOL so per your post, who are "some people" that should just directly respond?
I'M not
But really, what if the woman in the OP wanted to take a few classes one month. If the classes cost $200, then that just leaves $200. Having only $400 WILL be restrictive some months.
Another thing, that guy's budget is too broad. Most successful budgets are much more detailed than that. There's too much room for interpretation with his breakdown. Are car emergencies and household listed in bills, for example? Or will they be accessing savings for anything that comes up unplanned?
All of this would give me a headache.
At the end of the day, it comes down to personality. I am a pretty simple person and prefer a simple home life. MY personality cannot take coming home to calculations and such detailed adding and subtracting forever and ever. I am with who I am with because he fit what I need. But everyone's needs are different, which is why I don't understand why this is even an argument. 'Not for me for xyz reasons' and 'for me for xyz reasons' is the only valid conversation to have around this. Trying to argue people down about their choice because it is not what you do or what is accessible to you is ridiculous.
You is global you not you CarLiTa.
LovelyNaps26
Well-Known Member
DragonPearl
Well-Known Member
Please go back and read this thread since the beginning. The one sided cliquing was pretty obvious and fired quite a few salvo before they got a response from the other side.
DragonPearl
Well-Known Member
Hmm...if some people would stop saying "some people" and just directly respond to the poster they're talking about, less people would take offense.
Using your logic, plenty of people must have taken offense to your post.
CarLiTa
Well-Known Member
ITA with everything. Can you imagine having to go to your man saying: babe, I... can't put the agreed amount in savings this month. I needed to get ready for this ball, do my hair, yada yada, and the 400 weren't enough. Is that okay?
erplexed << does not capture the feeling of disgust that came over me typing that.SincerelyJane
New Member
Lol I say "some people." I'm sorry (not sorry) that I don't have your names memorized.
But if you feel like what I said applies to you feel free to engage me in a dialogue lol.
But if you feel like what I said applies to you feel free to engage me in a dialogue lol.
On the first page of this thread, people are responding to the question asked by the OP and basing their opinions on what worked for them.
There are a lot of things I believe in, people on this board do not. I never ever take it personal. I have had sex within a week of meeting a man, I have lived with men many times without marrying them or intending to marry them, and so much more
. When people state why they think these are bad ideas or what type of women they think these people are, I take it as their opinion formed by their experience and do not take it as a personal insult.Similar threads
