Paying Bills And Marriage

Since they aren't married I think their situation is fine. If they were married then I would find this arrangement problematic.

In my home, all money is deposited into one account that we both have access. There is no "mine" in my home.
 
Who said their life or marriage was perfect? I've been here a long time and I've seen VERY candid posts from married members talking about their ups and downs.

Happy doesn't mean perfect. But on that note, why is someone else's happiness so insulting that people need to tell them to stop fronting or be real?

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sunnieb said:
Where are all these "frontin'" and "perfect marriages" references coming from? Have ya'll seen the Married Ladies thread? Hell, we were accused of being too real and scaring single ladies.:lachen:

And no, I would not have married a nickle and dimer. Actually, money is one of the few things dh and I don't argue about. All goes in one pot and we go from there.
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Thank you. I'm truly confused.:lol:

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SincerelyJane said:
I'm not a member of any cliques :lol:

I just call it as I see it. There are many people on this forum who have limited life experience/ exposure and it shows.
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I think sometimes it's not limited exposure but preference. The term "birds of a feather" and similar minds-think-alike. I know some women that would never associate with women that paid their own bills. :look: (<--and no, im not one of those women).
 
LunadeMiel said:
Since they aren't married I think their situation is fine. If they were married then I would find this arrangement problematic.

In my home, all money is deposited into one account that we both have access. There is no "mine" in my home.
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pretty much. IMO not too concerned about the OP. they're not married so the bf/gf can set up whatever arrangement they'd like. Equity etc matters in a marriage.

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SelahOco said:
I disagree with this. Carrying debt says a lot about a person. I think any man or woman should be careful not to marry a person deep in debt and cool about being bailed out of it.
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A home mortgage or medical school student loan is different than credit card debt for sprees at Sephora and Saks. The type of debt matters.
 
barbiesocialite said:
I think sometimes it's not limited exposure but preference. The term "birds of a feather" and similar minds-think-alike. I know some women that would never associate with women that paid their own bills. :look: (<--and no, im not one of those women).
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those women are so vapid. so so vapid.

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LaBelleLL said:
some women come here to get validated. hence the usual responses or the usual posts.

the things I read on here that people are proud of or boast about makes me shake my head but that's just me. Or the way people get at each other for personal decisions. you know something is not right.

everyone should just let each other be great!

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But why do you need to get your validation on a forum? It speaks to your insecurity and the lack of fulfillment in your life.
 
sunnieb said:
Where are all these "frontin'" and "perfect marriages" references coming from? Have ya'll seen the Married Ladies thread? Hell, we were accused of being too real and scaring single ladies.:lachen:

And no, I would not have married a nickle and dimer. Actually, money is one of the few things dh and I don't argue about. All goes in one pot and we go from there.
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yea that thread is disturbing. My homegirl recently got married and that was the first place I sent her. :lachen:
 
natura87 said:
The amount of fronting on LHCF is hilarious. Your life cannot be that perfect. It cannot. I refuse to beleive.:lachen::lachen: And in the miniscule chance that it actually is what the hell are you doing on LHCF? Don't you have a debutante ball to go to, perfect children to be homeschooling and horses to be breeding. Yanno, unicorny upper echelony activities. Not posting on a message board with ~common folk~.
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Lol. The reality is, I bet the TV is babysitting the kid(s) and the wonderful meal perfect DH will be eating when he gets home from his perfect job is from Stouffers, Lean Cuisine or Healthy Choice. No way some of y'all have the time to be concocting homecook meals with the time you spent on here.
 
natura87 said:
The amount of fronting on LHCF is hilarious. Your life cannot be that perfect. It cannot. I refuse to beleive.:lachen::lachen: And in the miniscule chance that it actually is what the hell are you doing on LHCF? Don't you have a debutante ball to go to, perfect children to be homeschooling and horses to be breeding. Yanno, unicorny upper echelony activities. Not posting on a message board with ~common folk~.
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Just have to take things with a few grains of salt. There is no such thing as perfection. Anyone talking about it, believing it, or seeking it is wasting her time.
Plus, a more-than-rosy aspect of someone's life or relationship doesn't mean that all aspects are rosy. People may not talk about it, and they don't have to, but sometimes you can just tell that things are less than peachy. What's left unsaid is sometimes more powerful than what is.

And just as some are making assumptions about other's people's lives, they should be aware that others are making invalidated assumptions about theirs too (though maybe not the same people they do it too. Some don't care).
 
barbiesocialite said:
I think sometimes it's not limited exposure but preference. The term "birds of a feather" and similar minds-think-alike. I know some women that would never associate with women that paid their own bills. :look: (<--and no, im not one of those women).
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Are they not limiting their exposure to people from different walks of life by doing so? Whether it's intentional or not, their perspective is still limited.
 
Holla Awww thanks girl! I'm just here posting my opinions and views. :yep: I don't really take anything relationship based here as the gospel. That's recipe for eternal singledom :yep:
 
Southernbella. said:
There are two different cliques. One on each side. I agree with the second paragraph although I'm not sure I've seen anyone imply that.

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2 different cliques? Where at? I haven't seen the clique where people are saying that something is wrong with you if you pool ALL your money into the family pot, something is wrong with you if DH is paying all of most of the bills.
 
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SincerelyJane said:
Are they not limiting their exposure to people from different walks of life by doing so? Whether it's intentional or not, their perspective is still limited.
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I shouldnt say they do not befriend such women, however, they do try to change "Ms. Indpendendents" because a woman paying for her own livelihood is sacrilegious. Like I said, there are well-off and broke women that subscribe to this mentality so you an meet all types of women from diff backgrounds easily.

To each her own. I'm not paying anyone's bills so I dont care what people do. :lachen:
 
DragonPearl said:
Lol. The reality is, I bet the TV is babysitting the kid(s) and the wonderful meal perfect DH will be eating when he gets home from his perfect job is from Stouffers, Lean Cuisine or Healthy Choice. No way some of y'all have the time to be concocting homecook meals with the time you spent on here.
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It's Hamburger Helper!!!:lachen::lachen:
 
DragonPearl said:
This is a very interesting thread. A lot of what I hear does not take into consideration that times have changed. Those saying that a "real" man takes prides in paying for most everything in their marriage are passing judgement on what manhood is like. Just like people love passing judgement on what womanhood is supposed to be.

The idea that men should foot all or most of the bills in a marriage has been used for centuries to support the idea that men should get better jobs then women and get paid more for doing the same, since men have the burden to support families. How is our society supposed to function if we keep demanding work equality for women, but at the end of the day, "real" men have to foot most of the bills in their marriage? As more women are climbing up the career ladder and leveling out the workfield, the men that fit those manly standards for husbands will have to make even more money than they are. Eventually, where are they going to find those men?
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This is what I was thinking. I make too much money to expect a man to take care of me like my dad would. I think I see a husband as a default provider. Like if I get sick or have kids and want to stay home, I want a man who would be cool with me doing that and happily pay all the bills. Otherwise, two married young professionals that are out here hustling and brining in good money - you're building together.

Me and DH just put our money together as a household income. Some years I make more and some years he makes more - but we don't think or talk about it. We decided to do a community pot - I do the budget and pay all the bills. We do cash for spending money and don't really halfen it up. Just take what you need.

We never fight about money and I don't care about the fairness of it.

His mom is a stay at home mom and I was raised without a dad. So, I know that plays into how I think.

I can see both sides. I think a man should be a provider. But if y'all both working, I can't see myself just keeping my paycheck and letting him foot all the bills. God forbid I leave him and I have stacks of cash and he has nothing.
 
Holla said:
This assumes that the men are marrying their equals. A woman secretary or nurse could make as much as men in her field but if she is married to a lawyer or doctor, then presumably her husband will always make more than she does without the husband needing preferential status.

This cracked me up.....you are telling folks not to take advice and giving them advice at the same time. :lol:

SincerelyJane and SuchaLady - I like your posts in this thread. There is the "unicorn" element on this site and it comes through more often than not in these type of threads. :yep:
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That was the joke :lol:
 
DragonPearl said:
2 different cliques? Where at? I haven't seen the clique where people are saying that something is wrong with you if you don't pool ALL your money into the family pot, something is wrong with you if DH is paying all of most of the bills.
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Lol it's silly because you can't put the many different ideas and perspectives that women have on the forum into two "cliques."

But I guess it's their view and then there's "other" :lol:. Can't process anymore than that.

Like I said.... Limited.
 
barbiesocialite said:
how so?

the women I know that are the worst are truly on the unicorn end of social status, education and intelligence. These are very very intelligent women. Very. --and they know it.:yep:
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one can be "intelligent" and vapid. they sound empty inside or as if their priorities are misaligned. and actually aren't very smart. book smart fine but life smart - nope. "I only hang out with other women whose debt was paid by their husbands". What the what!! Just IMO.

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barbiesocialite said:
why are people so sensitive about this topic? lol
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I'm not married, but I've noticed that my married friends are very sensitive about these sort of topics. What's funny is that they usually bring up a marriage-related topic and then have the nerve to ask me for my opinion. I stopped giving it a long time ago. They eventually get defensive.
 
SincerelyJane said:
Lol it's silly because you can't put the many different ideas and perspectives that women have on the forum into two "cliques."

But I guess it's their view and then there's "other" :lol:. Can't process anymore than that.

Like I said.... Limited.
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pretty much.

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LaBelleLL said:
one can be "intelligent" and vapid. they sound empty inside or as if their priorities are misaligned. and actually aren't very smart. book smart fine but life smart - nope. "I only hang out with other women whose debt was paid by their husbands". What the what!! Just IMO.

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sounds a bit judgmental?

however, doesnt matter. i doubt you care and neither do they. cant please everyone. people should do whatever makes them happiest.:yep:
 
LaBelleLL said:
one can be "intelligent" and vapid. they sound empty inside or as if their priorities are misaligned. and actually aren't very smart. book smart fine but life smart - nope. "I only hang out with other women whose debt was paid by their husbands". What the what!! Just IMO.

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Click to expand...

I mean when you put it like that :rofl:
 
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