Paying Bills And Marriage

yardyspice said:
barbiesocialite This is the undercurrent that I was talking about.

There's nothing unicorn like in expecting a marriage to be a family union vs a roommate or equity partnership. My concern is that women either are distrustful of the relationship and so can't go all in or they don't believe their MEN should be willing to take care of the family.
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Woman stop. You like to take people's words and twist them. I don't know why you feel your definition of a family union is more valid than anyone else's. so expecting to contribute to my household income means I'm distrustful or don't believe MEN can take care of a family? No, I will marry a man that will take care of his family, and I will help him do it.

The line of thinking here can be so narrow and short sighted sometimes.
 
yardyspice said:
She might as well marry a real man who makes less.

I have seen these marriages years down the road so I think I know how it's gonna go.
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OMG, this post reminds me of Tasha Marbury's marriage. Her DH had an estimated worth of $45million and she said that she's always worked and always had to (including paying off the woman that slept with her husband) because he kept his money to himself. :nono::nono::nono:

She shoulda married a man with less money that treated her well for all of that. :nono:
 
barbiesocialite said:
I've technically lived alone since college. :look:

However, I don't pay the bills. My parents do. I also dont like staying there because I hate living alone (not for financial reasons). When I stayed at my place often, I was always in a relationship and had been engaged a couple times too. I dont like discomfort influencing my relationship decisions so now its not problem. Thinking of getting rid of my place all together and living full time with my mom. Dont think she likes that idea tho, seeing as I moved myself back in her house. :lachen: My life is kinda like a black less-rich version of that silly show "Princesses of Long Island." :look:

As a rule, I dont believe single women should live alone or on their own for too long. IMO, single women should be protected. Also, I firmly believe the excessive independence caused my long-periods of living alone can cause damage to relationships (including subconscious behavior that may possibly end up being emasculating to males).
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barbiesocialite said:
I understand exactly what you're saying and I agree.

However, Im VERY fiscally responsible (hence why I have no debt beyond a couple hundred of dollars in CC) and dont believe in living lavishly beyond one's means.

Also to put myself out there, I'll use my experience with pseudo who I was in a full-fledged relationship with about a year and a half ago. When I crashed my car and he found out I was driving a rental, he offered to buy me a new one. When I was looking into grad school in Texas, he offered to pay my tuition and fly be back and forth on weekends to visit home. Clearly, I find this behavior inappropriate since he isnt my husband (which is why we broke up), however, the point is he felt as if I deserved the best he had to offer and could give. It was my choice to take him up on his assistance and his choice to offer it in the first place (had I accepted, thus his stress he volunteered for). I care about how my actions affect other people which why I'm not known in my personal life for ridiculous expectations, but I cannot live for them and their decisions. If some things are too much everyone needs to learn to say 'NO.':yep: At the same time, it's impotant to note that it is important that a man is generous enough and invested enough to have consideration to incorporate his woman into his financial plans. A man that isnt/doesnt like the OP guy is a diff breed entirely and I dont see how a woman could marry such a man.
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You don't have any debt bc your parents pay your bills.
 
yardyspice said:
barbiesocialite This is the undercurrent that I was talking about.

There's nothing unicorn like in expecting a marriage to be a family union vs a roommate or equity partnership. My concern is that women either are distrustful of the relationship and so can't go all in or they don't believe their MEN should be willing to take care of the family.
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Your definition of "unicorn" is obviously different than my definition. As I did not elaborate, I find it interesting that you chose to quote me. :lol:
 
SincerelyJane said:
Woman stop. You like to take people's words and twist them. ...
The line of thinking here can be so narrow and short sighted sometimes.
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She didn't have anything to twist from me because I didn't say anything other than "unicorn" so how did she know how I was defining it!?!? As she laid out her thoughts, they are different from my own as to the definition.

Folks like to read other people's minds. :lol:
 
I was watching hgtv with this Jewish couple who lived their parents for 3 years until marriage saved all their income bought a mortgage free 500k house.
 
TopShelf said:
I would really like to know

1. how many women in this thread have ever lived alone and cared for themselves (not including college)

Or

2. went straight from their parent's house to living with a man

or

3. still live with their parents.

those answers would answer a lot of ?????? for me
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I went to college, lived on my own from 2003-2009 when I got married.

I've worked since I was 15, owned my own business, worked outside the home, worked at home.
 
DragonPearl said:
How many secretaries or nurses will be married to lawyers and doctors? Realistically, how many?

And what about the female lawyers and doctors, if their male counterparts are expected to go for "unequal" women, where are these women supposed to find their marriage partners?

And last question, if a woman doctor or lawyer does find a male lawyer or doctor to marry, will she expect him to pay most of the bills while she is hardly required to contribute? After all, that's what a "real" man is supposed to do...

The idea that a man has to pay most of the bills in a marriage is not a feasible occurrence in today's world. It's nice when they can do it, but it's not always possible.
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1) Plenty given that there are men in those fields who love to marry women in less demanding roles. At least men that I know....

As for questions 2 and 3, every person/couple is going to do what works for them. There are PLENTY of female lawyers/doctors who are single to this day because they are waiting to marry a man who makes more than them. Women turning 35, 40, 45 who are single, childless, and who regret not marrying sooner because the reality is that there are not many men who make more than them. Every female doctor is not married nor does she have the same dating/marriage pool as men in her field, especially as she ages.

I could care less what other folks do but I am not going to accept that: 1) men have to earn less than they do now for women to earn more in the workforce nor 2) that if men bear the burden for their family's expenses, they have to earn more as a result.
 
There is this cliquish mentality here that if people do things differently than you, something is wrong with them.

I think people need to get over themselves and curb some of this online fronting. I have lived long enough to know that nobody's marriage is perfect.
 
SophieDulce said:
I was watching hgtv with this Jewish couple who lived their parents for 3 years until marriage saved all their income bought a mortgage free 500k house.
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The parents contributed unless they both are, or one is a, high income earners. The former is probably the case as Jewish families tend to contribute to the welfare of their own, even as adults.
 
DragonPearl said:
There is this cliquish mentality here that if people do things differently than you, something is wrong with them.

I think people need to get over themselves and curb some of this online fronting. I have lived long enough to know that nobody's marriage is perfect.
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There are two different cliques. One on each side. I agree with the second paragraph although I'm not sure I've seen anyone imply that.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
 
Yes it's getting ignorant and borderline disrespectful. Think of all the marriages being insulted right now because the wife contributes.


DragonPearl said:
There is this cliquish mentality here that if people do things differently than you, something is wrong with them.

I think people need to get over themselves and curb some of this online fronting. I have lived long enough to know that nobody's marriage is perfect.
Click to expand...
 
DragonPearl said:
There is this cliquish mentality here that if people do things differently than you, something is wrong with them.

I think people need to get over themselves and curb some of this online fronting. I have lived long enough to know that nobody's marriage is perfect.
Click to expand...

true. that's universal. most responses in this thread are predictable and most responses clique-up.
 
DragonPearl said:
There is this cliquish mentality here that if people do things differently than you, something is wrong with them.

I think people need to get over themselves and curb some of this online fronting. I have lived long enough to know that nobody's marriage is perfect.
Click to expand...


The amount of fronting on LHCF is hilarious. Your life cannot be that perfect. It cannot. I refuse to beleive.:lachen::lachen: And in the miniscule chance that it actually is what the hell are you doing on LHCF? Don't you have a debutante ball to go to, perfect children to be homeschooling and horses to be breeding. Yanno, unicorny upper echelony activities. Not posting on a message board with ~common folk~.
 
Holla said:
The parents contributed unless they both are, or one is a, high income earners. The former is probably the case as Jewish families tend to contribute to the welfare of their own, even as adults.
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They were both high earners, and there parents and family did contribute to the renovation. I plan on doing the same for my children when they get married.
 
Holla said:
1) Plenty given that there are men in those fields who love to marry women in less demanding roles. At least men that I know....

As for questions 2 and 3, every person/couple is going to do what works for them. There are PLENTY of female lawyers/doctors who are single to this day because they are waiting to marry a man who makes more than them. Women turning 35, 40, 45 who are single, childless, and who regret not marrying sooner because the reality is that there are not many men who make more than them. Every female doctor is not married nor does she have the same dating/marriage pool as men in her field, especially as she ages.
I agree. That's why I side eye the idea that the woman must always marries a man who pays all or most of the bills.
I could care less what other folks do but I am not going to accept that: 1) men have to earn less than they do now for women to earn more in the workforce nor 2) that if men bear the burden for their family's expenses, they have to earn more as a result.
Not sure I understand your point here.
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My answers in red.
 
natura87 said:
The amount of fronting on LHCF is hilarious. Your life cannot be that perfect. It cannot. I refuse to beleive.:lachen::lachen: And in the miniscule chance that it actually is what the hell are you doing on LHCF? Don't you have a debutante ball to go to, perfect children to be homeschooling and horses to be breeding. Yanno, unicorny upper echelony activities. Not posting on a message board with ~common folk~.
Click to expand...

some women come here to get validated. hence the usual responses or the usual posts.

the things I read on here that people are proud of or boast about makes me shake my head but that's just me. Or the way people get at each other for personal decisions. you know something is not right.

everyone should just let each other be great!

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
I'm not a member of any cliques :lol:

I just call it as I see it. There are many people on this forum who have limited life experience/ exposure and it shows.
 
natura87 said:
The amount of fronting on LHCF is hilarious. Your life cannot be that perfect. It cannot. I refuse to beleive.:lachen::lachen: And in the miniscule chance that it actually is what the hell are you doing on LHCF? Don't you have a debutante ball to go to, perfect children to be homeschooling and horses to be breeding. Yanno, unicorny upper echelony activities. Not posting on a message board with ~common folk~.
Click to expand...

Some probably believe this message board is filled with other unicorns. :look::lol::look:
 
Where are all these "frontin'" and "perfect marriages" references coming from? Have ya'll seen the Married Ladies thread? Hell, we were accused of being too real and scaring single ladies.:lachen:

And no, I would not have married a nickle and dimer. Actually, money is one of the few things dh and I don't argue about. All goes in one pot and we go from there.
 
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