Over 30 and Never Married?

[keelioness]

Those of you who are over 30 and have never been married ..what are your thoughts? Do you think it will ever happen or have you lost interest in marriage? I will be 36 next week and have never been married. I own my home and have a degree and a well paying job. I' m really looking at men in a negative light..your thoughts?

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[jeanghrey]

34, never married and not looking. If I found someone who had the same vision of marriage as me I'd consider without a doubt but dealing with what's out there my faith is hanging by a thread.

 

[KEIONI'S MOM]

I'm 36 will be 37 in Oct. never been married and not sure if I want to be. Not saying I won't be open to it if the right person comes along but SMH men/relationships have left a nasty taste in my mouth and I'm not sure that I have it within me to give my everything to someone at this stage in the game.

 

[keelioness]

@Keoni's mom I feel the same way..even if the great guy were to come along...I don' t think I have it in ke at this point to be a " great" wife.. I haven' t even been in a good healthy relationship since 2006!

 

[Kindheart]

i wish i was single ...enjoy it til you can

 

[metro_qt]

I'm 34, never married, and i know i'll get married... someday.
lol. could be this year, could be 5 years from now, i'm not worried or angry...

I think the only thing i'm antsy about is the whole having kids thing before it's too late...

 

[sweetvi]

Kindheart why do you wish you were single?

 

[Etherealsmile]

I'm always curious to know why this question is asked so much on various boards. Is over 30 supposed to be old?erplexed

I'm not trying to be snarky but this question is so puzzling to me because I interpret it as women over 30 should have certain feelings(panic maybe?) about being their age and not being married which to me does not make any sense.

I'm glad the ladies in here are waiting to find the right man to marry and not just rushing to get married for the sake of saying they're married and ending up in a worse situation.

 

[Renewed1]

I'm always curious to know why this question is asked so much on various boards. Is over 30 supposed to be old?

Speaking for myself, I don't consider being over 30 as "old.", I spent my 20s unmarried and childless, I really don't have a desire to spend my 30s in the same manner. Additionally, I'm practicing celibacy until I'm married, so I'm about to explode.

But then I woke up and decided that when it's time, it will happen. I'm not worried about children either, if God did it for Sarah he can do it for ME.

 

[KEIONI'S MOM]

@Keoni's mom I feel the same way..even if the great guy were to come along...I don' t think I have it in ke at this point to be a " great" wife.. I haven' t even been in a good healthy relationship since 2006!

I feel the same exact way plus my tolereance level is non-existant. I can't with the men who are cheap, emotionally unavailable, inconsiderate, insecure and the ones who want to define themselves through you. I would rather just be by myself for now until I feel the need to open myself up again.

 

[keelioness]

I'm always curious to know why this question is asked so much on various boards. Is over 30 supposed to be old?erplexed

I'm not trying to be snarky but this question is so puzzling to me because I interpret it as women over 30 should have certain feelings(panic maybe?) about being their age and not being married which to me does not make any sense.

I'm glad the ladies in here are waiting to find the right man to marry and not just rushing to get married for the sake of saying they're married and ending up in a worse situation.

I am saying over 30 because that is MY age group... if I were over 40 I'ld ask about ladies over 40... I can only speak for myself...I am viewing men/ marriage differently at this age than I did in my 20s.I was just curious if other women over 30 felt the same way.

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[Kindheart]

@Kindheart why do you wish you were single?

@sweetvi When you re single you re in control with your life ,you can make choices that suits you best without the need of approval from another person ,you dont have to "communicate" and explain over and over the reasons of why you believe in ,choose to do something .
There are so many things i would love to do but probably wont never be able to because of my other half . We get along fine ,he s just became so stubborn these last couple of years .You never know who you re marrying .

 

[VelvetRain]

Speaking for myself, I don't consider being over 30 as "old.", I spent my 20s unmarried and childless, I really don't have a desire to spend my 30s in the same manner. Additionally, I'm practicing celibacy until I'm married, so I'm about to explode.

But then I woke up and decided that when it's time, it will happen. I'm not worried about children either, if God did it for Sarah he can do it for ME.

Hell I was at the stage of getting engaged when I was 30. I didn't let the relationship progress to the stage because I knew in my heart I would be marrying the wrong person and we would have definitely divorced by now. I don't believe in divorces and marriage is a long term arrangement for me. It's serious business in my eyes and I am no rush to marry anyone as of know. I am pushing 36 but truly feel I will meet the right person and the best person for me at some point. So I am content on waiting. I do feel though as I have wasted some of the best years of my life(early 30's on no good men and relationships that truly were dead end) that is my only regret as of right now.

The celibacy thing is killing me right now though. I refuse to give in to my desires so I invest my energies into other things. Kids were never something I wanted anyway so I truly feel as there is no rush for me as there is no loudly sounding biological clock going off internally. I do feel for those in their 30's who do want children but having difficulty being found by a great partner.

 

[sweetvi]

Kindheart okay thank you for your honesty

 

[babyu21]

I am over 30, have never been married nor do I have any kids. At this point I also have a very negative view of black men. All the single ones I know are full of *ish, just trying to color and think they are running game when I the truth about them. The lack of honestly has really left me giving the whole idea of being with someone the side eye.

Coupled with the fact that I haven't ran into a man that I find attractive who is also smart and kind has left me feeling that he may not be out there. I am now looking at investing my energies into other areas. Maybe if I step away from the whole idea I will gain a fresh perspective. I am just so over it all right now.

 

[BlackHairDiva]

What about Cable and internet, what is the cheapest deal in boston? (**Canadian asking**)

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

I still believe it will happen for me

 

[VelvetRain]

Oddly enough I see a very common theme among many posts so far. The lack of successful relationships with men leading to a negative view of men in general. I am curious as to why. Just because things didn't work out with someone doesn't necessarily mean it never will with anyone else. I think sometimes we get too caught up in such negative thinking it truly consumes you. Being negative only detaches people from you instead of drawing folks to you when you are positive. I don't know. Something to think and reflect about. I have no negative view of men anymore but it took me awhile to push through that.

 

[deltadreamland]

I am over 30, have never been married nor do I have any kids. At this point I also have a very negative view of black men. All the single ones I know are full of *ish, just trying to color and think they are running game when I the truth about them. The lack of honestly has really left me giving the whole idea of being with someone the side eye.

Coupled with the fact that I haven't ran into a man that I find attractive who is also smart and kind has left me feeling that he may not be out there. I am now looking at investing my energies into other areas. Maybe if I step away from the whole idea I will gain a fresh perspective. I am just so over it all right now.

@ the bolded...so very true!

 

[CurlyMoo]

Fear and trust issues play a huge factor in my ability to develop healthy loving relationships. I am single with no children and recently developed an understanding to why my relationships with men have been the way they are. I feel very fortunate that I know this now and can move forward. I still have some growing to do but I have progressed leaps and bounds in a matter of several months.

I'm glad I didn't get married in my 20's because I would be divorced by now. I know I will get married, still uncertain about having children but I do know I want to adopt a baby girl.

I have been asking and receiving the help I need, it's a beautiful thing to know that God is on my side.

 

[Renewed1]

My last relationship was in my late 20s, so I spent now 5 years of my 30s without a relationship. Not because I was afraid of being hurt, played, etc....more so, I knew the men I was associating myself with weren't the quality I needed in my life for long term.

Like most women, I did have a negative view about men and relationships a few years ago. But the realization is that I allowed those negative men in my life. I refuse to continue to let my past...hurt my present or my future.

I feel at this junction in life, I have nothing left but to be positive about being married and having a family.

 

[Bubblingbrownshuga]

I feel the same exact way plus my tolereance level is non-existant. I can't with the men who are cheap, emotionally unavailable, inconsiderate, insecure and the ones who want to define themselves through you. I would rather just be by myself for now until I feel the need to open myself up again.

OH
EM
GEE!!
Don't forget inconsistent

 

[VelvetRain]

Fear and trust issues play a huge factor in my ability to develop healthy loving relationships. I am single with no children and recently developed an understanding to why my relationships with men have been the way they are. I feel very fortunate that I know this now and can move forward. I still have some growing to do but I have progressed leaps and bounds in a matter of several months.

I'm glad I didn't get married in my 20's because I would be divorced by now. I know I will get married, still uncertain about having children but I do know I want to adopt a baby girl.

I have been asking and receiving the help I need, it's a beautiful thing to know that God is on my side.

I totally agree with you. I do like how you were able to self reflect about your life regarding relationships. I think we all need to self reflect. It's a healthy practice. While everyone is free to think the way they want and have their own free will and opinion it bothers me when I hear women say they are happily single or single by choice. I want to say are you really? Is that because you have been hurt so many times by men that you are giving up? There is a reason that those words are being said. Normally it's coming from a place of pain. I know that from experience.

God created us with the innante ability and want to love and have healthy and happy relationships with the opposite sex. We are hardwired to love and have companionship. You can't deny or fight that as much as you try to. We all need somebody in life.

Fortunatley my life is on the right path and direction I want it too now as I took a deeper look into what was making me unhappy and unfullfilled with regards to life and relationships. My belief system has changed. This is the happiest I have been in my entire life and wake with joy each morning.

 

[mstrublvr]

I am soon to be 40, never married, and have a teen son off to college next year. I had a few long term relationships that didn't end well. My last was the worst, but it made me take a long look at self. I realized.. I am good lol..he messed up, I didn't.. I just didn't see the ish soon enough. I know I am capable of being a good partner and loving wife. I know now more of what I want and darn sure what I don't. I truly believe I will be married sooner than later.

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[Avaya]

I'm so used to being single that I don't even know if I want to get married anymore. I was ready for marriage at 19-22. Now I'm old and set in my ways . I don't want to compromise, I don't want to communicate, I don't want anyone placing additional responsibilities on my shoulders, I don't want someone in my space making a mess, I don't want to be bothered with anyone else's family, I don't want to do anyone else's laundry, I don't want to cook anyone special meals, and I sure as heck don't want any children.

I haven't been interested in anyone in years. I feel pretty disconnected from people at this point in time, but that is another thread.

I think if I met the right person maybe, maybe my feelings on the subject would change. Until then, I like living single. The only thing is I think married women are treated with more respect than single women, especially at my place of worship. I really get tired of the double standards and biases that exists against single women, but what can one do about that?

And another thing, the older you get, the fewer quality men you have to choose from. I don't want to be marrying for the first time while the guy has had upteen ex-wives, baby mama's, kids, grandkids, etc., etc., etc. I don't want to be bothered with all of that extraness. I'd much rather be alone.

 

[Renewed1]

And another thing, the older you get, the fewer quality men you have to choose from. I don't won't to be marrying for the first time while the guy has had upteen ex-wives, baby mama's, kids, grandkids, etc., etc., etc. I don't want to be bothered with all of that extraness. I'd much rather be alone.

Not to derail the topic. But my friend and I were talking about this earlier today. My deal-breaker is a man with a child(ren); she told me in my age bracket most men may have children. And that I should change my train of thought....erplexed She feels a man with kids aren't that bad.

Let's see: some other woman's snot nose brat in my house taking up my breathing space. Dealing with said woman "rules" concerning her child...in my house. My money going to help DH take care of this child....HELL NO! I feel you on the bolded @Avaya. Dealing with a guys children and baby mamas isn't the goal for me. I simply feel if I avoided having children, he can too (be picky with who he sleeps with, keep it on lock, put on more than one "banana covering". )

SHEESH~~~I finally compromised on marrying a guy that was previously married. I'm not compromising the children thing.

 

[Sexyred]

I am 30, have no kids and has never been married (single and not looking either)..I have been single for so long I don't even remember how it feels when you have to think about someone else in a realtionship..At first I felt like something was wrong with me because most or all my friends are married or have kids..I used to hate going on facebook and seeing someone else saying congrats on a new baby or marriage...But not anymore in fact the more I think about it I am quite happy being by myself. I go and come as I please, I have no one to answer to but me, I can get up and go at the drop of a dime, and frankly I enjoy my me time. I swear society acts as if you should be burned at the stakes for being 30 or over and not married.

I am sure if there were eligible men around and I was actually meeting these men that things MIGHT be different but all I run into are frogs..I look forward to buying and living in my house by myself. I have very little patience for someone else's BS, and if I don't feel like dealing with anyone I go home close my door and call it a day. The longer I wait to have kids the more I think I don't want to have any. This might change in the future but as far as I can see not very likely.

 

[KEIONI'S MOM]

Oddly enough I see a very common theme among many posts so far. The lack of successful relationships with men leading to a negative view of men in general. I am curious as to why. Just because things didn't work out with someone doesn't necessarily mean it never will with anyone else. I think sometimes we get too caught up in such negative thinking it truly consumes you. Being negative only detaches people from you instead of drawing folks to you when you are positive. I don't know. Something to think and reflect about. I have no negative view of men anymore but it took me awhile to push through that.

Speaking for myself I don't feel that's my issue. I love Love, I love being in love, I love giving my all to someone who is deserving. I will not give up on that so that's why I do keep an open mind and heart but the men that I've encountered are just full of pure bullsh*t. They play way to many games and are complete idiots when you break down what you will/will not tolerate and what your expectations are when your committed.

OH
EM
GEE!!
Don't forget inconsistent

How dare I forget GIRL I could write a book on that one.

I am soon to be 40, never married, and have a teen son off to college next year. I had a few long term relationships that didn't end well. My last was the worst, but it made me take a long look at self. I realized.. I am good lol..he messed up, I didn't.. I just didn't see the ish soon enough. I know I am capable of being a good partner and loving wife. I know now more of what I want and darn sure what I don't. I truly believe I will be married sooner than later. Sent from my ADR6300 using ADR6300

Are we living the same life!!!!!! Except I have a DD off to college next yr.

That last relationship did me in I'm still a little distrubed by it SMH I can't believe someone could be so evil, selfish and uncaring but I know I was great to him and it was his issues not mine that turned the relationship sour.

 

[MizAvalon]

I will be turning 35 in a couple of months and have never been married. Never even really gave it any serious consideration until I got into my 30's.

I know I will be getting married though. I made it my business to work towards that and my efforts have paid off big time.

 

[ebonylocs]

I'm not trying to be snarky but this question is so puzzling to me because I interpret it as women over 30 should have certain feelings(panic maybe?) about being their age and not being married which to me does not make any sense.

Well, many equate marriage with children and there is such a thing as the biological clock. If you want those things together, sticking your head in the sand won't make the ticking stop.

@sweetvi When you re single you re in control with your life ,you can make choices that suits you best without the need of approval from another person ,you dont have to "communicate" and explain over and over the reasons of why you believe in ,choose to do something .
There are so many things i would love to do but probably wont never be able to because of my other half . We get along fine ,he s just became so stubborn these last couple of years .You never know who you re marrying .

If these things are important to you, why not do them anyway, not matter what he says? (If those things are nothing unreasonable). And if you truly wish you weren't married, why not get divorced?(I'm not saying you should, just asking). If you are still there, that shows that for you the pros outweigh the cons, right?

Let's see: some other woman's snot nose brat in my house taking up my breathing space. Dealing with said woman "rules" concerning her child...in my house. My money going to help DH take care of this child....HELL NO! I feel you on the bolded @Avaya. Dealing with a guys children and baby mamas isn't the goal for me. I simply feel if I avoided having children, he can too (be picky with who he sleeps with, keep it on lock, put on more than one "banana covering". )

SHEESH~~~I finally compromised on marrying a guy that was previously married. I'm not compromising the children thing.

I thought you said upthread that you were being positive.