Okay, If you cheated and he didn't suspect, would you still tell?

[FLAME]

No...you should NEVER tell ..

I cheated on my ex, and the only reason I confessed was because I got caught (He came home early one night and saw the other guys shoes in the hallway). But, if he had stayed at work, you better believe I'd have taken that **** to the grave ....

So, if you want to keep your relationship..say not a word.

 

[Extremus]

Well lets rationalize here- if it happened to YOU and the situation was reversed, wouldn't you honestly like to know so you could decide if the relationship was worth keeping or if it wasn't worth it at all?

Its not fair to the other person, AT ALL....I know i'd like to know if my SO did anything of that nature- its the only fair thing to do for someone that you'd claim to love....deception isn't the way...

I so agree wit you!!!

 

[Kawaii1]

Nope never!!!! When you cheat that is your burden to bear, unless you plan on breaking up, keep it to yourself. Now if you plan on cheating as a way of life then break up. One time deal then you swallow it and bear the guilt.


MV

ITA , why stir up the trouble.

 

[Kawaii1]

I don't get it? Women get so angry when the guy lies about cheating. How come it's okay for us to lie? I'm confused.

So if your man cheated/cheating, would you ladies rather him lie & take it to the grave?

In a fictitious world yeah I want the truth but in all honesty if our relationship were the same and I wasn't looking like a fool then I suppose I could be happy. Once you know, there is no going back and I don't think I could ever be in a relationship with a man who cheated. I could be wrong but I can't live like that. If I didn't know then I could continue to be happy and loving this fool. If he had along term with another woman I would want to know about that. I would hurt him then.

I would hope he would tell me before it got to that point so we could fix the problem.

 

[honeybadgirl]

aw hell no!!!!

 

[*Happily Me*]

h@ll no!!!!

 

[cocoaluv]

repent and move on.................

thats for damn sure. I cheated in a past relationship and I told and did that sh!t blow up in my face. I only told cuz I thought I figured I was caught but I soon found out that I wasn't. Believe me just pray for forgiveness and never do it again!

 

[meia]

I so agree wit you!!!

Thank-you E!
I was pretty sure I was starting to hear crickets chirp in the background........I just don't think I could carry that to my grave. I'm too honest with everything and feel that if I plan on spending any more time with my SO I would need to know our relationship was built off of trust and honesty (even when it hurts the most) instead of lies and fear.

Otherwise, HOW or WHY could I expect the same courtesy back if he makes a mistake. I can understand all the women that say then won't but then, at the same time, would you want him to tell you if he cheated? Or would you rather him lie and hide it??

 

[Extremus]

Thank-you E!
I was pretty sure I was starting to hear crickets chirp in the background........I just don't think I could carry that to my grave. I'm too honest with everything and feel that if I plan on spending any more time with my SO I would need to know our relationship was built off of trust and honesty (even when it hurts the most) instead of lies and fear.

Otherwise, HOW or WHY could I expect the same courtesy back if he makes a mistake. I can understand all the women that say then won't but then, at the same time, would you want him to tell you if he cheated? Or would you rather him lie and hide it??

Thank-You!..... You're dead on it! This is exactly how I feel. I can't say anything more than "I so agree!"

 

[Maynard]

Nope never!!!! When you cheat that is your burden to bear, unless you plan on breaking up, keep it to yourself. Now if you plan on cheating as a way of life then break up. One time deal then you swallow it and bear the guilt.


MV

Cosigning...I would never tell

 

[carcajada]

Thank-you E!
I was pretty sure I was starting to hear crickets chirp in the background........I just don't think I could carry that to my grave. I'm too honest with everything and feel that if I plan on spending any more time with my SO I would need to know our relationship was built off of trust and honesty (even when it hurts the most) instead of lies and fear.

Otherwise, HOW or WHY could I expect the same courtesy back if he makes a mistake. I can understand all the women that say then won't but then, at the same time, would you want him to tell you if he cheated? Or would you rather him lie and hide it??

I agree as well.

 

[Priss Pot]

I don't get it? Women get so angry when the guy lies about cheating. How come it's okay for us to lie? I'm confused.

So if your man cheated/cheating, would you ladies rather him lie & take it to the grave?

LOL, you took the words right out of my mouth! I was sitting here reading the responses and wondering would they feel the same way if the roles were reversed.

Me, the guilt would get to me and I'd tell my SO. I know my SO, and he'd more than likely try to see if the relationship is worth saving before suddenly ending it.

If I cheated, I couldn't continue on telling him things like "I don't want any other man but you," "you're my one and only," you're my first of many things."

I couldn't say those things to him and lie to him like that knowing that I've cheated. He'd have to know the truth so that we could grow and move on with the relationship.

 

[Extremus]

LOL, you took the words right out of my mouth! I was sitting here reading the responses and wondering would they feel the same way if the roles were reversed.

Me, the guilt would get to me and I'd tell my SO. I know my SO, and he'd more than likely try to see if the relationship is worth saving before suddenly ending it.

If I cheated, I couldn't continue on telling him things like "I don't want any other man but you," "you're my one and only," you're my first of many things."

I couldn't say those things to him and lie to him like that knowing that I've cheated. He'd have to know the truth so that we could grow and move on with the relationship.

And I definitely wouldn't want to be hearing these things if he has cheated on me, and i didn't know of it.

 

[Shardonay11]

Yes I would tell. Not telling him would go against what I believe in and stand for within our marriage.

I feel the same way. It would be hardm but I made fows that I plan on honoring that includes throught good and bad.

 

[divya]

LOL, you took the words right out of my mouth! I was sitting here reading the responses and wondering would they feel the same way if the roles were reversed.

Me, the guilt would get to me and I'd tell my SO. I know my SO, and he'd more than likely try to see if the relationship is worth saving before suddenly ending it.

If I cheated, I couldn't continue on telling him things like "I don't want any other man but you," "you're my one and only," you're my first of many things."

I couldn't say those things to him and lie to him like that knowing that I've cheated. He'd have to know the truth so that we could grow and move on with the relationship.

I have to be honest. It depends on the reason why. In the case where I stepped out, he wasn't treating me right, and it really hurt. I was just really hoping and praying that he would come around. But in the mean time, I needed some comfort. Should I have just left? Sure, but it's a habit of mine to try to hold on till the last minute. Any little bit of remorse didn't last to long... Does he really deserve to know when he isn't acting right? Maybe but whatever...

 

[MzLady78]

I cheated on a bf once in my entire life and I ended up confessing.

He never actually said we were done but I found out later that in his mind we were. We were in college in different states so he probably started doing his own thing.
Karma kicked my *** so bad I've been an angel ever since.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

Hell no................

 

[bgsix]

I haven't read the entire thread. Yes, I would tell my Dh........while he was in deep deep sleep from working a double shift, otherwise that it would be a BIG FAT NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

 

[cocoaluv]

I cheated on a bf once in my entire life and I ended up confessing.

He never actually said we were done but I found out later that in his mind we were. We were in college in different states so he probably started doing his own thing.
Karma kicked my *** so bad I've been an angel ever since.

Same exact thing happend to me.

I been an angel as well and my current boyfriend has no worries at all because I learned my lesson.

 

[Divine_Order]

If you cheated, no matter to what extent and it only happened once, and your SO didn't suspect a thing....Would you come clean?

 

[sharentu]

i firmly believe that honesty is the best policy. i would want the truth told to me if that happened. so, i would have to tell the truth. yes the truth does hurt sometimes...

 

[gabulldawg]

If you are woman enough to cheat, you should be woman enough to face the consequences... You all know you would be HEATED if you found out later that your man cheated on your and never told you.

 

[Luvmylife]

I don't get it? Women get so angry when the guy lies about cheating. How come it's okay for us to lie? I'm confused.

So if your man cheated/cheating, would you ladies rather him lie & take it to the grave?

To be real with you, if it was a one time mistake and he was interested in preserving our relationship, I don't know if I would want to know.
I've been on the receiving end of similar news before in a previous relationship. Telling me did no good for either one of us. He could've kept that to himself.

 

[lizjoseph]

I would tell. The guilt would kill me. How do you kiss or make love to your SO/DH after that? I doubt it can be easy. Wouldn't the image in your mind make it hard for you to perform? And if it is that easy to just "pick up where you left off" with your SO/DH and have no remorse....hello....RED FLAG!

Also, like many ladies said, what if the roles were reversed? Some ppl mentioned that their SO told them when they cheated and that they felt that they didn't need to know and that by being told, it killed the relationship...WELL DUH!!..HE CHEATED!! What else did you think would happen? It would peaches and cream and you'd be making him breakfast in bed? (Yes, some people work it out, but the majority don't) And by saying "He ruined the relationship by telling me"...umm..did you want to be in a relationship with a cheater? The hardest thing is doing anything for the first time, cheating included. After that first time, what makes you think that the cheating wouldn't only get easier and easier (for whoever cheated, being either you or him)?

And also, like someone else mentioned, by not telling, you're taking away that person's right to decide if they still want to be in that relationship with you. Sure you "love him" and still want to continue on with the relationship. But if you REALLY "loved him", you wouldn't be cheating in the first place. There are TWO people in a relationship. It's not all about you or him. That is being selfish if either party thinks that.

I think telling the person that you cheated is the very least you could do. If you can't respect them any other way, at least give them that respect.

 

[meia]

Man, LizJoseph, YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD!
In fact, I made a spinoff-thread on this....check it, http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?p=3219891#post3219891
"For all those ladies who answered "no" (slight rant)

 

[Priss Pot]

I have to be honest. It depends on the reason why. In the case where I stepped out, he wasn't treating me right, and it really hurt. I was just really hoping and praying that he would come around. But in the mean time, I needed some comfort. Should I have just left? Sure, but it's a habit of mine to try to hold on till the last minute. Any little bit of remorse didn't last to long... Does he really deserve to know when he isn't acting right? Maybe but whatever...

Well if he isn't treating you right, then I doubt if you'd be telling him how you don't want any other man but him, how he's your one and only, etc. You would have to actually feel those feelings; and if you don't, then . But every relationship is different.

I just know that in mine, he IS acting right. I feel the things that I say, and he does too. That's why I'd have to be honest if I ever slipped up. He deserves to know, and I would to if he did the same.

 

[Sui Topi]

I agree with the ladies who say if you were in opposite land you'd be mad as hell if it were you....and you all know too if you were to have done it you'd be acting all kinds of crazy after. Everything would seem like some cocaine paranoid "omg...why is he looking at me like that" type ish to you. Anytime you guys watch tv and someones cheating youll be catching cold sweats and all that..eventually youll run outta steam and that relationship would be over. If I were in the situation, once I could bring myself to concider cheating..I know I would need to go read the bible and re assess my self and my relationship with my husband because I am NOT trying to be no adulteress...its a sin people not to mention totally unfair to the second and third party in the relationship..because I know my husband would be doing some brutal ish to my jump off.

 

[divya]

Well if he isn't treating you right, then I doubt if you'd be telling him how you don't want any other man but him, how he's your one and only, etc. You would have to actually feel those feelings; and if you don't, then . But every relationship is different.

I just know that in mine, he IS acting right. I feel the things that I say, and he does too. That's why I'd have to be honest if I ever slipped up. He deserves to know, and I would to if he did the same.

Yea, you are definitely right about that. I wasn't telling him a thing. I feel like if a man is acting right then he truly deserves to know. But if not...

 

[divya]

I agree with the ladies who say if you were in opposite land you'd be mad as hell if it were you....and you all know too if you were to have done it you'd be acting all kinds of crazy after. Everything would seem like some cocaine paranoid "omg...why is he looking at me like that" type ish to you. Anytime you guys watch tv and someones cheating youll be catching cold sweats and all that..eventually youll run outta steam and that relationship would be over. If I were in the situation, once I could bring myself to concider cheating..I know I would need to go read the bible and re assess my self and my relationship with my husband because I am NOT trying to be no adulteress...its a sin people not to mention totally unfair to the second and third party in the relationship..because I know my husband would be doing some brutal ish to my jump off.

Not really...I didn't act that way at all and it happened to me more than once. Honestly, I don't remember even shedding a tear over it. But then I'm not married so, it's possible that I just may not be so attached. Either that or something is terribly wrong with me...which is possible.

 

[Sui Topi]

I mean if you were the one to do it and if you really regretted it