Would you still feel beautiful if guys didn't approach you?

[racheljay1985]

I think sometimes I would, and sometimes I wouldn't. When men stare and approach I can get uncomfortable at times because I know that I'm attractive but it's like, okay, it's not that serious. There have been times when the staring becomes quite scary and you're thinking.."What the fug are you looking at?" For years I didn't have those stares and comments and those are the years I looked into myself and decided I was beautiful to me. I think beauty radiates from the inside out most of the time, even from the most physically unattractive people. If I was all dolled up and not one looked at me it wouldn't bother me as much because I liked what I saw when I walked out of the house and maybe I'm not his cup of tea. Even so, my boo loves me so at least I know I would be the bizness to somebody!

 

[Poohbear]

Now be honest.

I know validation is supposed to come from within, but if men didn't compliment you, stare at you, flirt with you, and ask you out on a daily basis would it make you question your beauty?

No. Being completely honest.

Also, what do you think comes first: you get attention from men, and then you feel beautiful ... or you feel beautiful, and then you get attention from men?

I think that you feeling beautiful should come first.

Also, advice for those who feel beautiful but still aren't getting attention from men. What could be the issue?

Not sure what advice to give since I could care less if I get attention from men or not. I sometimes get attention from men, and I sometimes don't. Most of the time, I try to avoid getting attention from men (I'm an introvert). So it's not a big issue for me.

 

[Prudent1]

Now be honest.


I know validation is supposed to come from within, but if men didn't compliment you, stare at you, flirt with you, and ask you out on a daily basis would it make you question your beauty?

Also, what do you think comes first: you get attention from men, and then you feel beautiful ... or you feel beautiful, and then you get attention from men?

Also, advice for those who feel beautiful but still aren't getting attention from men. What could be the issue?

If men didn't compliment you, stare at you, flirt with you, and ask you out on a daily basis would it make you question your beauty?
Naah, not for real. I like sincere compliments as much as the next chic but no, it wouldn't at this point in life. As a Christian, I base my self worth on what God has said about me.

What do you think comes first? You should feel beautiful then the men are drawn to you, even when you rockin a t-shirt and sneakers w/o makeup.

What could be the issue? It could be a lot of stufferplexed. Here's a general list my male friends shared once about things they find most attractive in a woman.
Quiet confidence conveyed through body posture, a nice smile, gracefulness- (Ladylike not dumb blond helplessness. Do you know where your spare tire is?) Not you gotta shut up quiet but I got this & I'own need to prove nothing to you boo quietness.
Intelligence- be well rounded. Ok, so you from NY or LA but you ain't neva been no where else, um okay
A portionate body- not perfect
Clean, neat appearance- look like you give a durn regardless to labels

Displays the type of strength only women can by knowing when it's time to speak up and when to remain silent until it is time to speak up.

Can you cook something that did not come out of a box and require water to be stirred in? No, you don't have to be an iron chef, you don't need to be in the kitchen slaving over the hot stove sporting a thong under your apron while he's off burping and holdin the remote but, dudes gotta eat too. At some point in time, your stomach will get you out of the bed tho.

Does not try to out manly her man. Sure we are equal but we are also different. I mean hammers and screw drivers are equally tools but who would purchase a home where the only tool used was a screwdriver? Who would engage in a debate on which tool had more merit and value between the two? Likewise, it is silly to try to do that with men. And yes, I know what mama 'nem had said. Just look at how well that worked out for them.
And yes.... (I know we live in a time of FWB and all that vajaay/peen sharing and just cause I'm loud, foul mouthed, and everybody can easily identify all of my body parts cause I constantly put them on display just cause I can that's how I am jazz) the vast majority of men still have women in 2 categories. The ones that are fine for temp use and the ones that are wife material. No amount of convo/ time/ evolution/ revolution is going to change that in a true alpha male. There are always exceptions to the rule but usually females that are doing all of that (unless they just don't know better) to garner attention are the most insecure and therefore unapproachable/ unappealing unless, depression, drugs & alcohol, or boredom are present in the male.

Seriously, you girls are awesome and you deserve better.

 

[MissMasala5]

Dang, Prudent! Your post was like, five thread topics rolled up into one

 

[Solitude]

I would feel like something was off with my looks/demeanor if I wasn't getting any attention from men. It's something that I notice. It's usually my demeanor - like I'm feeling kind of mean that day. But, even then I still get some level of attention. My SO says that I get a lot of looks, etc. that I don't even notice.

I think it's an inside out thing, but then again, a good looking person is good looking no matter the aura they put out there. And, honestly, most women can get some flirtation going if they just put on a dress and smile.

 

[brg240]

brg240

I got alot of validation from people growing up. But then there comes a point when it stops,lol. Either because you aren't trying to impress or you are busy doing other things. It is then that I had to learn to be my own cheerleader and self-validator. I can't rely on others to make me feel good. Thats giving them too much power.

I know some women who think they are the stuff because others have told them so their whole life. Nothing wrong with that. But alot of them would feel miserable if they never got that attention. That couldn't be me.

Readyone Yeah, but you had a foundation of it. While I think it's possible to think that you can beautiful without anyone saying that to you ever. I don't think that's the case generally speaking. If no one's spoken into your life at an early age and when you get older no one gives you any attention is it really odd?

I remember another thread that said if you don't think you're beautiful you had low self esteem. (Of course I've read people say things like she has too much self esteem when 'average/ugly' think they're cute)

But I wonder if this is true. If no one thinks you're beautiful. Why should you? Isn't beauty something decided on by society? Wouldn't it be lying to yourself to say you were something that no one considers you to be.

 

[RegaLady]

@Readyone Yeah, but you had a foundation of it. While I think it's possible to think that you can beautiful without anyone saying that to you ever. I don't think that's the case generally speaking. If no one's spoken into your life at an early age and when you get older no one gives you any attention is it really odd?

I remember another thread that said if you don't think you're beautiful you had low self esteem. (Of course I've read people say things like she has too much self esteem when 'average/ugly' think they're cute)

But I wonder if this is true. If no one thinks you're beautiful. Why should you? Isn't beauty something decided on by society? Wouldn't it be lying to yourself to say you were something that no one considers you to be.

brg240


While that is an interesting point, I don't believe it totally. I know very beautiful women who get told on a daily bases how attractive they are and when they are alone, you would be suprised to know how unattractive and insecure they feel. And I have also been around "unattractive" women who's confidence in themselves and their beauty will blow the top off a roof. They have never been told they were beautiful but they have validated themselves what others did not validate for them.

I can understand why someone would second guess their beauty if no one told them, but if one is waiting for that then they will be waiting their lifetime. I live by the motto, "I don't wait for others to crown me, I crown myself". After all beauty is subjective. Why wait for someone to call you something that is based on opinion? Trust me, if all the women who have been told they were beauty suddenly had no one telling them they were beautiful, many of them would crumble. Why? Because their self-esteem is based on pretenses fake validation, and what other people think about them. They have given their power away.

I don't like to get religious, but as much as I do compliment people, the Bible even says, Flattery is a form of hate.

 

[Detroit2Dallas]

i would and i do. i rarely get approached, i can honestly say its been a few years since some random guy has approached me and asked for my number usually its some long lost friend that surfaces back up. I'm not going to lie it used to get to me but now I cant really say that I care. Its just the way it is, but I still think I'm cute lol. I'm sure male attention would make me feel over the type but even without it I'm still cool. I'm probably more distracted with my kids tbh, its hard to care about my social life when I have 2 little people yapping my ear off er'day.

 

[DearJohn]

Funny I never felt beautiful even when a man complimented me, until the day I realized I was. It was after I kept hearing it from women. And till this day I appreciate a woman's compliment more than a man because I find it more honest and without motives as oppose to man who seem to have motives (not all but most).

 

[Glib Gurl]

You know what is so interesting? I am not approached all that often and it DOES impact my self-esteem. But for whatever reason, last week I was feelin' myself and looked great everywhere I went . . . and do you know I had TWO brothas approach me?? So, as cliche' as it sounds, it looks like there really is something to be said for having confidence and a nice smile

 

[DearJohn]

So true!!
A few years ago I woke up feeling myself too, something I rarely that at the time. So when.looked in the mirror I thought I looked awful, but didn't care. Went out feeling good and that's when I thought the world had gone mad. Dudes where cat calling, whistling and all that they do including guys I Hung around with who never looked at me like that before. The only difference that day was my mood and the smile. It really does work.

 

[lushcoils]

You know what is so interesting? I am not approached all that often and it DOES impact my self-esteem. But for whatever reason, last week I was feelin' myself and looked great everywhere I went . . . and do you know I had TWO brothas approach me?? So, as cliche' as it sounds, it looks like there really is something to be said for having confidence and a nice smile

Add some phermones.


But honestly, even on days when I'm feeling myself, looking good, and happy, not even worried about getting attention, I still don't get approached. So I don't know about that saying.

 

[HollyGolightly]

My self-esteem depends more on feeling intelligent/successful. I don't need attention from men to feel beautiful because I already know I'm pretty.

I get approached a lot, to the point where it's annoying. I don't know how to turn it off.

 

[mischka]

probably not.

i dont think about it because i know it happens, but if it didnt happen, id probably think about it.

 

[zoromo]

hmmm...I'm the opposite when SOME women compliment me especially when she is with another woman or female friend, I kind of take it with a grain of salt because it could be a back-handed compliment. for example the other day, i saw this lady leaning over whispering to her friend and staring at me. I stared right back. After she was done whispering, she says to me "I really like your hair" I was like "well thanks I guess!" Back-handed compliment. I could picture them after I left, "Chiiiiillleee her hair is a mess! She need to get a perm with that nappy..." I was wearing a braid-out fro hawk by the way and I thought it looked good.


as for guys approaching me, I rarely get approached. Probably like 4/5 times a year. I go to work, got to study, go to work out, and go home. However, I have gotten approached in the library, in my car, in the gym a few times during my routine. I usually keep a stone face though. I don't like these fools. Plus, I KNOW down south my "look" is not popular. I'm VERY DARK and extra DARK now that it is almost summer. I'm tall and slender/athletic. I wear glasses. I wear my natural hair shrunken and kinky. I don't wear makeup except for special occasions, I don't go all out with my outfits, I'm just plain jane jeans, shirt, flat shoes 98% of the time. Most of all, I don't look American. I've been told that countless times. I look like I'm from West Africa or the West Indies. I don't even know if I get looked at, I usually keep my eyes straight as an arrow when I see one of them approaching. I don't want THEM anymore!

I am sure you are a beauty and from what you say have a nice shape. Please, I had a friend who had the deepest brown skin, so dark she had a glow/shine and she knew she was the $%^&. When we would go out the guys of all races would flock to her crazy. She was a beauty, looked unique had a nice figure and sawg!
Ppl tell me that I look like I am from Africa and I am happy because my dad is and that is cool. It is funny, when I did not identify with that side, as a young person, no one ever asked me about it now everyone does.

I still think I am a beauty even when ppl do not say so. I know when I look good and when I don't. Like Mwedzi said, at times you may not get a holla, but you will get a look.

 

[StarScream35]

You cannot let a man define your beauty and self worth.

 

[karezone]

I haven't been approached in so long. I have kind of given up. It makes you feel more beautiful and wanted. It is an ego boost to know that other people find you attractive.

 

[Twinspired]

Guys never approach me, but i still think I'm HOTT!!

 

[aquajoyice]

A lot of times I don't even realize i'm being flirted with until someone flat out tells me. lol But I know that there is more to me than meets the eye and although it's nice to get attention it doesn't impact my value. Self-esteem is how you view yourself and shouldn't be the result of how someone else views you.

 

[LoveisYou]

well I'm not really interested in most of the men who approach me, but I'm not gonna lie compliments are nice

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I probably wouldnt feel beautiful if they didn't approach AND they vomited, cried, or ran in the opposite direction at the sight of me. Other than that, I think I am pretty beautiful.

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

I was just thinking about this lately. I notice that I don't get the same amount of attention upstate as in the city. I noticed recently that my self image jumped after getting my "attention fix" for the day at the mall. It's like I'm not sure if I'm hot if men don't verify it and frankly how else would you know you're hot? I'm with my husband the majority of the time so I can't expect too much attention then but I expect a level of ogling and talking to from men to let me know... sad I guess but how could I break the cycle...it's impossible. It's strange because men here have often disrespected my husband to make comments about me yet the attention level in general is not the same unless we're talking about "hood" guys who are the same everywhere lol. When it comes down to it though it's most important that my husband see me as beautiful because if he doesn't I would really have a low self image.

I remember a blonde blue eyed girl in high school who told me at least one guy has to yell or hit on her each day on the way to school for her to know she looked good. I was exactly the same way and didn't know other girls were like this lol especially the type she was.

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

I think that it's harder for women who get a lot of attention because one day it will cease and that will have to be a sad day. I'm terrified for the day I walk around invisible although my mom is in her late 50's and still looks young and still gets attention so maybe it doesn't stop for some women. Things like a shapely body can exist well into middle age and after so men will still notice. The thing is that losing something can be harder than never having it at all.
Who was that model who said recently how devastating it was that when she hit 40 or was it 50 young men stopped looking? That article has stuck with me...

Here's the article: http://www.starpulse.com/news/index.php/2010/10/20/paulina_porizkova_feels_invisible_and_

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

"She tells the New York Post, "Nothing ages as poorly as a beautiful woman's ego. When you have used your beauty to get around, it's like having extra cash in your pocket. I was so used to walking down the street and having the young guys passing by at least give me a flicker of a look. But once you're over 40, you become invisible. You're a brick in the building and it's sad. It just feels like the sun went down a little bit. It got a little cloudy outside."

That makes me sad and kind of scared.

 

[lushcoils]

That makes me sad and kind of scared.

You get used to it after awhile.

Don't worry, life could be a lot worse than not having young men lick their lips when you walk past them.