Would you still feel beautiful if guys didn't approach you?

[MissMasala5]

I've gotten approached when I've looked my worst, or am not totally confident in my appearance. So the connection between physical appearance and how often I get approached isn't there IME.

^^^This. I think it may have to do with coming off as looking more approachable during the "down" days, and somewhat intimidating when you're looking your best?

 

[RegaLady]

In other words, YUP!

 

[GraceV]

Yes.


*Character limit*

 

[kittikat24]

I love to smile and feel the most beautiful when I do..usually THATS when I'm approached.

 

[Urban]

I hardly ever get approached. I've been told I have a "don't talk to me" face too. I'm fine with that. Lol, I don't want to get approached on the street like that. Ever! I think I also look young for my age. Someone the other day asked me where I go to school. I'm young, but not THAT young!! lol. I don't know.

Either way, I've never worried about being approached. And not to sound vain, but I actually really like what I see when I look in the mirror.

I think I perceive being approached differently. If someone approaches me on the street/ in a club ... I tend to think they think I'm easy or something. I'm almost offended when I'm approached by strangers like that. If we're at a party and it's a friend of a friend, then that's fine. But not a stranger on the street, I'm hardly ever receptive to that.

ETA: So yes, I would still feel beautiful because I think my perception of being approached is a bit different from most people's. Also, I've never relied on someone else's opinion of how I look. That's always been between my brain and the mirror.

 

[Rae81]

I hardly got approached and realized that it was the way i looked , i walked around with a dont talk to me sign on my forehead. whenever i would go out to the stores or even at work i walk fast like im on a mission therefore making me unapproachable. but since realizing it i have tried to calm my face down and smile more and its works. but to answer the question sometimes i did feel like maybe i wasnt all that attractive because i wasnt getting approached.

 

[anon123]

If I never got approached or even looks of appreciation, probably not. At this point, though, I've gotten enough outside validation of my looks that it would be pretty hard to convince me that I was not physically attractive. Female validation also counts to me. In fact, in some ways even more so since they aren't generally trying to get me in bed. I ordered Chinese food yesterday and the Chinese delivery lady told me I was beautiful. Any problems I have had in dating or attracting whatever kind of man, I put to some other flaw (social ineptitude mostly) than looks.

But yeah, I think if no one ever told you you're pretty (given at least U.S. culture), or acted like it, it would be hard to feel pretty. I mean, what, are everybody else's eyes not functioning?

 

[HauteHippie]

Exactly. I suppose I would get more interest if I was aware of my resting face. Men do ask at times why are you so mad? Hello I'm not mad just minding my own business. What's the lesser of two evils just do you or wall around with a plastered Ronald McDonald smile plastered on your face all day. No thanks. I would rather just be me.

VelvetRain

Tehehe, I hate that! Or when guys are like, "Put a smile on your face, girl. You too beautiful to be walking around like that." Umm.... I'm planning out my dinner or making a grocery list, so no, I will not be walking around like a post-op Lenny (Simpsons).

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[VelvetRain]

VelvetRain

Tehehe, I hate that! Or when guys are like, "Put a smile on your face, girl. You too beautiful to be walking around like that." Umm.... I'm planning out my dinner or making a grocery list, so no, I will not be walking around like a post-op Lenny (Simpsons).

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Exactly. I would be wealthy now determining how many times I have heard that statement or your pretty for a dark skin girl. Don't get me started on the latter statement.

 

[DarkVictory]

Female validation also counts to me. In fact, in some ways even more so since they aren't generally trying to get me in bed.

This. IME women give honest compliments. It's rare for guys to approach and those that do say what they think I want to hear, which is usually some dumb !@#$.

 

[qchelle]

I hardly ever get approached. I've been told I have a "don't talk to me" face too. I'm fine with that. Lol, I don't want to get approached on the street like that. Ever! I think I also look young for my age. Someone the other day asked me where I go to school. I'm young, but not THAT young!! lol. I don't know.

Either way, I've never worried about being approached. And not to sound vain, but I actually really like what I see when I look in the mirror.

I think I perceive being approached differently. If someone approaches me on the street/ in a club ... I tend to think they think I'm easy or something. I'm almost offended when I'm approached by strangers like that. If we're at a party and it's a friend of a friend, then that's fine. But not a stranger on the street, I'm hardly ever receptive to that.

ETA: So yes, I would still feel beautiful because I think my perception of being approached is a bit different from most people's. Also, I've never relied on someone else's opinion of how I look. That's always been between my brain and the mirror.

Same here! Depending on the type of approach/person doing the approaching, I may feel like something is wrong with me

If I never got approached or even looks of appreciation, probably not. At this point, though, I've gotten enough outside validation of my looks that it would be pretty hard to convince me that I was not physically attractive. Female validation also counts to me. In fact, in some ways even more so since they aren't generally trying to get me in bed. I ordered Chinese food yesterday and the Chinese delivery lady told me I was beautiful. Any problems I have had in dating or attracting whatever kind of man, I put to some other flaw (social ineptitude mostly) than looks.

But yeah, I think if no one ever told you you're pretty (given at least U.S. culture), or acted like it, it would be hard to feel pretty. I mean, what, are everybody else's eyes not functioning?

Definitely about the female validation part When women compliment my appearance it feels so much more genuine and that feels really nice. I usually walk away smiling and thinking about the compliment for a while after. When guys compliment me I oftentimes walk away rolling my eyes and feeling easy

And to the 2nd bolded, IA! I even account my feeling beautiful to when people would tell me this when I was a little girl. All of that really stuck with me lol.

 

[softblackcotton]

Same here! Depending on the type of approach/person doing the approaching, I may feel like something is wrong with me



Definitely about the female validation part When women compliment my appearance it feels so much more genuine and that feels really nice. I usually walk away smiling and thinking about the compliment for a while after. When guys compliment me I oftentimes walk away rolling my eyes and feeling easy

And to the 2nd bolded, IA! I even account my feeling beautiful to when people would tell me this when I was a little girl. All of that really stuck with me lol.

hmmm...I'm the opposite when SOME women compliment me especially when she is with another woman or female friend, I kind of take it with a grain of salt because it could be a back-handed compliment. for example the other day, i saw this lady leaning over whispering to her friend and staring at me. I stared right back. After she was done whispering, she says to me "I really like your hair" I was like "well thanks I guess!" Back-handed compliment. I could picture them after I left, "Chiiiiillleee her hair is a mess! She need to get a perm with that nappy..." I was wearing a braid-out fro hawk by the way and I thought it looked good.


as for guys approaching me, I rarely get approached. Probably like 4/5 times a year. I go to work, got to study, go to work out, and go home. However, I have gotten approached in the library, in my car, in the gym a few times during my routine. I usually keep a stone face though. I don't like these fools. Plus, I KNOW down south my "look" is not popular. I'm VERY DARK and extra DARK now that it is almost summer. I'm tall and slender/athletic. I wear glasses. I wear my natural hair shrunken and kinky. I don't wear makeup except for special occasions, I don't go all out with my outfits, I'm just plain jane jeans, shirt, flat shoes 98% of the time. Most of all, I don't look American. I've been told that countless times. I look like I'm from West Africa or the West Indies. I don't even know if I get looked at, I usually keep my eyes straight as an arrow when I see one of them approaching. I don't want THEM anymore!

 

[brg240]

I guess?

I waver in between thinking i'm pretty and thinking i'm not. It's a struggle of mine. I have to literally tell myself I'm pretty (i am personally one of those people that believe that everyone is beautiful...except myself I guess) :/ I don't get approached by men so it does make me feel like less. I have to remind myself that i can't rely on validation from them or others.

 

[EmeRaldPrinXess]

Honestly I rearly get approached by guys, for along time I questioned whether it was my looks, but after conversations with guys, it turns out I just look pissed all the time, therefore unapproachable. Who knew?

The bolded parts are why i'm hardly approached, or so i'm told. I am quite friendly, but I am qite shy initially before I really get to know some one and most people interpret my shyness for snobbery

I don't get approached very often, but I know for damn sure it isn't because of my looks! I tend to have a very focused look on my face that screams, "Don't talk to me, I'm on a mission." I think that intimidates a lot of guys that might want to approach me because they think I'm mean lol.


But I do still feel beautiful, even without constant attention. I know that my beauty does not stem only from my appearance, but my intelligence, my personality, etc... And when I struggle with that, I find reminders such as messages from friends thanking me for helping them, articles that I've written, graded assignments, pictures in which I think I look really beautiful (like my prom picture)... Little things that keep things in perspective.

^^^ well said!!

 

[Ladybelle]

I know this sounds weird, but I know how to get approached and how not to. Right now, I don't want to. I have no interest in dating, being approached, hollered at or none of that. So, I give off that vibe. I don't walk around with the eye-smile, when guys speak to me I speak without the smile, no prolonged eye-contact and I keep it moving. Although I keep myself up, am losing weight- men don't approach me because I'm not approachable and I know that.

On the other hand, when I want the male validation - I turn the indicators on and voila! They approach. Then I'm okay and I turn the switch back off. Have to make sure every now and then that I still got it.

 

[Oasis]

i think i would. there are times when i get dolled up and i think i look so hawt you prolly catch a tan around this mutha****a. then i go out and get nada. even though no one complimented or approached me it doesn't make me feel less beautiful. i guess, though, that's because i've already received a lot of validation about my looks. if i hadn't, it would probably be a different story.

hmmm...I'm the opposite when SOME women compliment me especially when she is with another woman or female friend, I kind of take it with a grain of salt because it could be a back-handed compliment. for example the other day, i saw this lady leaning over whispering to her friend and staring at me. I stared right back. After she was done whispering, she says to me "I really like your hair" I was like "well thanks I guess!" Back-handed compliment. I could picture them after I left, "Chiiiiillleee her hair is a mess! She need to get a perm with that nappy..." I was wearing a braid-out fro hawk by the way and I thought it looked good.

how is ''I really like your hair" a back handed compliment? assuming she was being malicious sounds really insecure. if you thought it looked good it's possible she really did too.

 

[reggierisk]

I usually do have my "don't mess with me" face on. I wear khaki pants every day. No makeup with hair in a bun. Too slender, with a not paricuarly large ***. I don't turn many masculine heads in those ugly duds. Now let me get dressed up and it's a different story. Throw on a bias cut dress, some heels. little lipstick, let the hair hang and i'm beating them off with a stick.

But to answer the question, Yes, even when I'm looking "unattractive", most times, I still feel beautify. Even when I'm the only ones that sees it. It's something I carry inside of me.

As a child, I always got teased. Nose to flat. Lips too big. (Now I feel my lips aren't big enough - They must have shrunk as I got older) But i still felt, those kids didn't know what pretty was. My face isn't what I think most blacks find pretty. (Large round eyes, button nose, oval/heart shaped face) My jaw is too square. Flat nose. But I do have my mom's beautify cheek bones. So because of that, I always felt beautiful. (My mother's beauty really did stop traffic) Once the teen years hit, men started staring and approaching and I did not like that at all. I agree with urban. It was not complimentary when strange men would try to pick me up. It's like they thought I was low class and trashy and that's why they felt comfortable talking to me like that.

As I've gotten older, I've learned to appreciate the masculine stares on the subway. Now I think men find my face interesting and different. The curve of a cheek, dainty wrists, suggestive waist as oppose to the obvious accouterments of femininity. In my mind's eye, I imagine them as particularly discerning artists and architects that truly appreciate my long lines and I am their muse.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

no. region is important. i could drive 20 minutes and receive a TOTAL different reception from the town i live in.

when i was a teenager i got approached TOO much...often by older men. now, i don't think much of it. when i put myself together i feel so confident and fly that i feel i ooze beauty. verbal affirmation is icing on the cake but i know i'm bad on the day to day, with no make up and casual clothes i don't think about it much. i've been blessed to receive enough verbal affirmation in my life that i don't doubt my general attractiveness. i'm not a stunner with a hoody and sweat but i know i COULD get there with a little effort and maybelline

 

[Aviah]

Yes I would/do still feel attractive. I don't get approached much-I prefer it that way, especially on the street. In a few cases it may be flattering but most times its just a street interview with which I could not bothered with even when I was single. Now I'm not looking for anyone, its a waste of time for both parties lol.

 

[brg240]

those that say i already know i look good do you get a lot of validation from women? Or have you gotten a lot in your life prior? because i think that has a lot to do with it.

Or were you the type that never really had validation but you just know your beautiful?

 

[lushcoils]

Also, I've seen this posted on the board several times, ..."whenever I want a guy to approach me, I can get him to do it." How is it possible that any guy you are attracted to is single, straight, attracted to you, and wants to talk to you when you want him to? Someone school me on the secret.

 

[knt1229]

I don't get approached by men very often. But I know it has more to do with me and my attitude than it has to do with my looks. Whenever I get compliments from random strangers it tends to be from men because women rarely ever give me random compliments unless they are related to me.

I feel good about myself anyway. I think I look aiight. I don't need a man to tell me for me to feel good. But it does feel nice to hear it from a man every now and then.

 

[Okay]

Imma be honest and say no. But dont really get approched that often but im not the ideal here in vanilla land. I think i do give off the 'im not going to get approached anyways so i will not smile and flirt' kinda vibe and i think that maybe puts guys off?

 

[RegaLady]

those that say i already know i look good do you get a lot of validation from women? Or have you gotten a lot in your life prior? because i think that has a lot to do with it.

Or were you the type that never really had validation but you just know your beautiful?

brg240

I got alot of validation from people growing up. But then there comes a point when it stops,lol. Either because you aren't trying to impress or you are busy doing other things. It is then that I had to learn to be my own cheerleader and self-validator. I can't rely on others to make me feel good. Thats giving them too much power.

I know some women who think they are the stuff because others have told them so their whole life. Nothing wrong with that. But alot of them would feel miserable if they never got that attention. That couldn't be me.

 

[Katherina]

Not sure. Maybe I'd blame it on my locale or my facial expression or my style? I'd probably never consistently (because I do have my days) think I'm ugly even if I doubted that I'm beautiful.

 

[Ladybelle]

Also, I've seen this posted on the board several times, ..."whenever I want a guy to approach me, I can get him to do it." How is it possible that any guy you are attracted to is single, straight, attracted to you, and wants to talk to you when you want him to? Someone school me on the secret.

Didnt say all of that, I said or meant get hit on. Theres a difference between getting hit on by random men and getting hit on by a certain dude u may be crushing on. That may happen to some, but not in my life because I will be the first to admit that I dont live in a perfect world.

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[drappedup]

With 100% honesty, nope, I wouldn't. *shrug*

 

[PeaceFlow]

Hmmm. I think it was women who initially built me up to see I have something nice about me Nowadays my self esteem comes from myself. Theres no point relying on hype and I don't care about compliments either.

Also I see women who aren't particularly beautiful/maintained getting men complimenting them in droves so not sure the two are connected. I really don't believe male attention and technical beauty go together.

Don't get outright approached very often. By this I mean men are often enough nice to me and give attention, but hardly go in for the kill. Went to a few big house parties recently. My friend who was a co host kept telling me guys were coming up to her asking who I was
When I said I had no idea I mean it! None of these guys came out and boldly chatted me up although they made effort to talk. Many of them were confident types. Apparently I could have had my pick. If my friend wasn't there I would never know though.

Theres always a chance that more people like you than approach you for whatever reason.

 

[lesedi]

This is hard

 

[Lynnerie]

No...I tell myself I'm beautiful and I grew up hearing my father tell me also. I could not and would not base my esteem off guys who approach me because I don't care about their opinion.

Oh I should feel beautiful NOW because some old man or some dude with his pants hanging off his *** tells me I'm fine? NOW I'm beautiful because you said so? Not in this century.