Okay, If you cheated and he didn't suspect, would you still tell?

I do not know.
Morally, I would like to think yes.
Practically, it would not benefit our relationship and would push him away from me (regardless of what he said). On the other hand I loath the idea of another person being able to hold something over the head of an unsuspecting spouse/SO.

I guess, my answer would be that I wouldn't cheat so I wouldn't have to deal with the guilt or any of these questions. I would feel really terrible.
 
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vivmaiko said:
The whole notion of telling is just to make yourself feel better. That's the truth. To ease your guilt. If it was a mistake and isn't going to happen again and the other person isn't going to tell and you didn't compromise your health....:nono:
Click to expand...


I agree that it does ease a sense of guilt, but its also about being accountable for your actions and accepting the consequences...ie allowing the other person the option of dealing with it or leaving.
 
I would not tell. That brief affair is a secret and probably would be smart to remain a secret. The only thing I would do is repent like Dlewis said and move on.

In a sense, telling is selfish (if the affair was brief and you had no plans to get with him any way further). Your just telling for yourself. Let's not be selfish and be smart about the situation. Only God needs to know and needs your heart to change for the better in my opinion. Then the next person......boyfriend.
 
This happened to me once and I told. Yeah it was hard but the guilt was killing me. If one doesn't feel a since of guilt after cheating, that is a big, flashing, bright, sign that maybe the person needs to re-evaluate the relationship. Q
 
Wow, this is sooo deep. I just don't know. Telling might jeopardize everything you've worked so hard to build...but on the other hand, if you've cheated, you've already done that. :ohwell:
 
Honestly, no I wouldn't tell A-N-Y-B-O-D-Y! I like living too much:look:

You need to take that one to your death with you.
 
I stepped out before, when the man was treating me bad. That's the only time I've ever look outside. Never slept with the other guy or anything though.

Later on, when the relationship was done, my ex finally admitted that he was cheating on me with more than 1, 2, 3...it was a long distance relationship. So then I told him that I stepped out. It's crazy but we're the best of friends now. And to be honest, he holds me (& one other) as his special girl. He's learned to be much more honest with women, b/c he's not ready to settle down. But no matter the girls he dates - I'm always the special one, the marriage material. He treats me *wonderfully* because he knows that he hurt me a lot, and that I deserve to be treated well.

Maybe I need to reevaluate myself, but guess I just don't feel bad. Not when I am being treated bad and hoping that he will change. Maybe I should have left at that point. Hate to say it but as my father said "what one man won't do, a next man will."


(I'm single though, marriage is different)
 
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gymfreak336 said:
Okay, but what if you didn't feel really bad per say
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if you didn't feel bad that indicates a lack of love for your partner...hell, the cheating part does too. but i can understand some people who do feel terrible after cheating. however, it's possible that isn't just down to feeling they've betrayed their partner but their own guilt. anyway, if you didn't feel bad then it's time to move on, imo, and no - still don't bother telling...
 
I don't get it? Women get so angry when the guy lies about cheating. How come it's okay for us to lie? I'm confused.

So if your man cheated/cheating, would you ladies rather him lie & take it to the grave?
 
secretdiamond said:
I don't get it? Women get so angry when the guy lies about cheating. How come it's okay for us to lie? I'm confused.

So if your man cheated/cheating, would you ladies rather him lie & take it to the grave?
Click to expand...

Maybe I'm just in a mood lately but I have been cheated on. I really don't know what I rather...whatever. Plenty of them lie anyway, even if they choose to tell the truth later on...
 
secretdiamond said:
I don't get it? Women get so angry when the guy lies about cheating. How come it's okay for us to lie? I'm confused.

So if your man cheated/cheating, would you ladies rather him lie & take it to the grave?
Click to expand...


Gym you already no my answer, hell no, only if you're half crazy :lol:

But anyway, in response to the answer above, lying is wrong, oh most definitely, but the reality is as much as I say I would want my SO to confess, in reality, if he doesn't and keeps it cool the relationship would remain intact and I could go on be happy me.

So basically, if you want to keep your relationship intact, the honorable route doesn't mean a damned thing :drunk:
 
NO! Take it to a God, a therapist, and/or the grave!

Honestly, I wouldn't want my SO to tell me if he cheated on me...I couldn't bounce back from that betrayal, and you know men are even bigger babies than women(even if they dont show it)
 
dlewis said:
NO, take it to the grave.

I have a friend who just had to tell her husband. He paid her back by bringing a woman into her bed and leaving the condom there for her to find. I tried to tell her.:nono:
Click to expand...

Wow, to go that extreme, that quick must have been a thought for a while. I know that he was hurt but that was a little to easy. Are you sure they were cheating on one another and when she told him she bruised his ego. Maybe he decided. "I am not going out like that."

I don't know. I just don't get it sometimes. I hate the madness.
 
Nope. I would not tell him at all. Ever. And I wouldn't tell anyone else (except maybe my mama) because most people can't sit on a secret that juicy. They have to tell someone else (who will then out you) or wait for a fight to turn on you and out you. I aint trying to live in that kind of fear.
 
H@LLLL NAW! I can't believe you asked. And I aint tellin no one else. Not mama not daddy nor sister nor brother
 
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gymfreak336 said:
If you cheated, no matter to what extent and it only happened once, and your SO didn't suspect a thing....Would you come clean?
Click to expand...

I'd come clean IN A HEARTBEAT (and I have...) I don't need that on my heart and mind. I become like Lady Macbeth (Out damned spot! lol :spinning:) where I believe I see signs everywhere- and I feel countless guilt. I'd rather be the person I KNOW and BELIEVE I am rather than disappoint myself just because I couldn't keep it in my pants. Another person I loved wouldn't be worth my pitiful inabilities. Not in the least. I would expect the same courtesy back- even if it was jsut a kiss. Honest people are certainly hard to come by but when it comes time to be judged against Heaven and Hell, all that matters is I was as good a person as I could be...lol:look::ohwell: and keeping secrets, isn't the start of that. Just my two cents...
 
Well lets rationalize here- if it happened to YOU and the situation was reversed, wouldn't you honestly like to know so you could decide if the relationship was worth keeping or if it wasn't worth it at all?

Its not fair to the other person, AT ALL....I know i'd like to know if my SO did anything of that nature- its the only fair thing to do for someone that you'd claim to love....deception isn't the way...:nono:
 
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