UmSumayyah
Well-Known Member
They can get identical material items (house, food, budget, etc.) and an identical amount of time. But he might have "mushymushy" lovey-dovey feelings for one a bit more than the other(s).
Ok I'm going to do it- Could you be in a plural marriage?
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carcajada
Well-Known Member
UmSumayyah said:
That's what I thought. That's not equal treatment to me.
The emotional part would seem harder to deal with than the materialistic part of the relationship. I wouldn't care if wife #2 got the same soap as me when the husband is passing me by to be all in her face more.
Proudpiscean
Well-Known Member
Nice & Wavy said:
Co-signing!
hothair
Well-Known Member
My point exactly. I'm sure there are people both male and female that exist nicely in polygamous situations but I'm not one of them, and I have studied the Hadith and Qur'an and still keep my dogs in the house. I believe its better for me to be a good person than to lose myself in semantics.ClassyND said:Your post was interesting. I wonder how a man can love one wife more than another, but yet not show it in his actions? (hence where he'd treat the wives differently in one way or another).
DragonPearl
Well-Known Member
The thing is, if you're living in a different household from the other woman, how do you know that he has more or or he less mushymushy feelings for you? There is really no way for the wives to answer that question, unless they go to the trouble of spying on him, so I suspect they don't concern themselves with that as long as he treats them equally.UmSumayyah said:
carcajada
Well-Known Member
Jessy55 said:
Don't the wives communicate? That show on polygamy showed the women helping each other out and communicating on a daily basis. They even knew the schedule of where he was going to be on what night. I guess other families with several wives don't talk to each other at all?
DragonPearl
Well-Known Member
ClassyND said:Don't the wives communicate? That show on polygamy showed the women helping each other out and communicating on a daily basis. They even knew the schedule of where he was going to be on what night. I guess other families with several wives don't talk to each other at all?
I think some communicate, but some don't. In any case, none of them have to be present when the mutual DH demonstrate his feelings to the other. So, I still don't see how they're going to know that he has more mushymushy feeling for one or the other.
But, why am I answering this? I have never been in a polygamous marriage.
UmSumayyah
Well-Known Member
I wanted to share some thoughts on this subject from one of my favorite bloggers, Margari:
"It is important to critique the abuses of polygyny because I see so many broken up families due to it. The fact is, that my brothers do not always understand the fiqh of marriage and how serious it is if they do not treat their wives fairly. You have to have separate houses for each of them, maintain them equally, rear and maintain the children from each of those marriages equally. This is why there are so few polygynous marriages in the Muslim world today. And in West African Muslim societies, the leading cause of break ups in marriage is the tensions between co-wives in polygynous marriages. Marriage is half of your Deen, but some people take it as a joke. The mothers of the believers had discord and jealousy amongst themselves and the best of Men (s.a.w.) mediated them. But he was also operating within the cultural context of 7th century Arabia So you are saying that modern day women are supposed to outshine the best of women from the 7th century? Respectfully, I have to say, come on.
I’m a reasonable Muslima. You bet I have solid arguments for and against polygyny. I’ve wrestled with this issue for 14 years. I’ve been disillusioned by seeing all the misguided attempts at folks attempting to make our religion fit their whims. That makes my critiques all the more sharper."
" I’m not saying that polygyny is bad. But I just find ridiculous when run-of-the-mill brothers who can barely handle one woman end up making two women unhappy for the price of one."
I agree that men are driven by a natural instinct to spread their DNA to as many women as possible. This drive occurs in both matriarchal and patriarchal societies. Likewise, women are naturally inclined towards cuckolding, where they pick stronger younger more attractive sex partners, but pick caring more established men to raise their children. I’ve seen studies, and there were jahiliyya practices that followed this method. The fear of cockholding is something that drives strict seclusion of women. In fact, scholars such of Ghazali point out that one of the aims of Shariah was to protect lineage. This is why there is such greivous penalties toards adultry.
"One of the innovations that Islam brought was patrilocal patriarchy. This meant that before Islam polygamy was more easily practiced because the women stayed with their family (matrilocal) they did not go to live with their husband. Islam made it so that the man did not go and visit his wife, but instead was responsible for her upkeep because she moved to his household. It looks like in America people are really about jahiliyya polygamy."
"It is important to critique the abuses of polygyny because I see so many broken up families due to it. The fact is, that my brothers do not always understand the fiqh of marriage and how serious it is if they do not treat their wives fairly. You have to have separate houses for each of them, maintain them equally, rear and maintain the children from each of those marriages equally. This is why there are so few polygynous marriages in the Muslim world today. And in West African Muslim societies, the leading cause of break ups in marriage is the tensions between co-wives in polygynous marriages. Marriage is half of your Deen, but some people take it as a joke. The mothers of the believers had discord and jealousy amongst themselves and the best of Men (s.a.w.) mediated them. But he was also operating within the cultural context of 7th century Arabia So you are saying that modern day women are supposed to outshine the best of women from the 7th century? Respectfully, I have to say, come on.
I’m a reasonable Muslima. You bet I have solid arguments for and against polygyny. I’ve wrestled with this issue for 14 years. I’ve been disillusioned by seeing all the misguided attempts at folks attempting to make our religion fit their whims. That makes my critiques all the more sharper."
" I’m not saying that polygyny is bad. But I just find ridiculous when run-of-the-mill brothers who can barely handle one woman end up making two women unhappy for the price of one."
I agree that men are driven by a natural instinct to spread their DNA to as many women as possible. This drive occurs in both matriarchal and patriarchal societies. Likewise, women are naturally inclined towards cuckolding, where they pick stronger younger more attractive sex partners, but pick caring more established men to raise their children. I’ve seen studies, and there were jahiliyya practices that followed this method. The fear of cockholding is something that drives strict seclusion of women. In fact, scholars such of Ghazali point out that one of the aims of Shariah was to protect lineage. This is why there is such greivous penalties toards adultry.
"One of the innovations that Islam brought was patrilocal patriarchy. This meant that before Islam polygamy was more easily practiced because the women stayed with their family (matrilocal) they did not go to live with their husband. Islam made it so that the man did not go and visit his wife, but instead was responsible for her upkeep because she moved to his household. It looks like in America people are really about jahiliyya polygamy."
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erplexed
BillyJay
New Member
ClassyND said:Don't the wives communicate? That show on polygamy showed the women helping each other out and communicating on a daily basis. They even knew the schedule of where he was going to be on what night. I guess other families with several wives don't talk to each other at all?
Thats a Mormon situation, In an Islamic situation that isnt the case. Actually, its condsidered cruelty to have the wives in one home. I know of a polygamous situation where the wives live in 2 different states onthe east coast. The wives have no real contact with eachother and they like it that way. Everyones happy.
They have a schedule for "husband time" and all, just no real line of communication between the wives.
Being seperate makes it easier I guess.
But to answer the OP, I dont think my husband or I would want to do that or are emotionally ready for the situation. But later in life, who knows?
bluebearfanatic
New Member
I'm too jealous and selfish for that...definitely that is not for me.
carcajada
Well-Known Member
BillyJay said:Thats a Mormon situation, In an Islamic situation that isnt the case. Actually, its condsidered cruelty to have the wives in one home. I know of a polygamous situation where the wives live in 2 different states onthe east coast. The wives have no real contact with eachother and they like it that way. Everyones happy.
They have a schedule for "husband time" and all, just no real line of communication between the wives.
Being seperate makes it easier I guess.
But to answer the OP, I dont think my husband or I would want to do that or are emotionally ready for the situation. But later in life, who knows?
Thanks for clearing that up. It was all the same to me until you broke it down.
cocoberry10
Well-Known Member
ClassyND said:
OT: When I saw you had posted in this thread I thought "I know she's not going to share her husband." You all look like you have too much fun together!
BillyJay
New Member
LOL!KissKiss said:
Well as one of my associates put it:
She wants to be married, but not committed to him 24/7
she wants the protection, love and everything that a husband can provide but not full time. Basically homegirl wants some SPACE!~
She is the type that needs her "me time" and she likes the fact that she can get guaranteed time away from her husband to just focus on herself.
They have a great relatonship and they connect on a different level. He has 2 other wives and they are all polar opposites of eachother in looks and personality. One wife is a true June Cleaver. The other is very quiet. My friend is very spunky, outgoing and FUNNY!
In each home he gets a different vibe. I guess he is just one of those men who needs variety. I'm just glad he has wives versus "kept women"
He is a nice guy and treats them all very well. The wives have met eachother but are not close. They call eachother if there is a pressing issue, ect but nothing more. If he has to speak to another wife during another wifes visiting time, he will leave the house and call on his cell.
I really like how he handels things because he respects thier feelings. Everyone seems to be happy and none of his wives are struggling (financially). They all have what they need and alot of what they want.
***I know I went a little off subject but since I know of a family like this first hand, I thought I would share.
Maa Maa omo mti
New Member
One thing that I would add is that it's not for the poor.
Much2much41
Well-Known Member
Never in a million years
BrownBetty
Well-Known Member
Maybe....It might be nice to have multiple husbands. I wouldn't allow my husband to have multiple wives, though.
Okaaay!
It is funny how the men can have as "wives", well I want "husbands"!
malibu4590
Well-Known Member
Sure...if my name was Nefertiti and my husband was the Pharaoh 
OT: A woman in my area just shot her husband to death because he was going to take another wife in Morocco so he could have more children.
OT: A woman in my area just shot her husband to death because he was going to take another wife in Morocco so he could have more children.
Princess Cherish
New Member
I voted hell to the no. I wouldn't want to share my man.
winterinatl
All natural!
I just got finished watching Big Love season one and two , and have been reflecting on it.
I find it interesting that those practicing polygamy talk about fairness between wives, yet for centuries there has been the need to label each wife "first, second, third" and so on. If all is equal, why bother? Those labels serve only to let the higher wives feel superior to the newer wives. I also thought this labeling was unique to the ancient Chinese ways, so I was surprised to see in Utah they do it the same way (I am assuming the show is based on reality).
I would love to have three sister wives
. But they could not be having sex with my man, uh uh. And this crap that Barb on the show goes through, being the first and only, in a monogamous relationship, and then these chickies want to override her decisions? Oh hell no.
I find it interesting that those practicing polygamy talk about fairness between wives, yet for centuries there has been the need to label each wife "first, second, third" and so on. If all is equal, why bother? Those labels serve only to let the higher wives feel superior to the newer wives. I also thought this labeling was unique to the ancient Chinese ways, so I was surprised to see in Utah they do it the same way (I am assuming the show is based on reality).
I would love to have three sister wives
. But they could not be having sex with my man, uh uh. And this crap that Barb on the show goes through, being the first and only, in a monogamous relationship, and then these chickies want to override her decisions? Oh hell no.
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
misspriss
Well-Known Member
I agree with this posting. If I wanted to be a kept woman then it would be all good, but in marriage I want a life partner. I want all the decisions we make to be "our" decisions. If I want to jet on an impromptu trip with my future dh, I'm not trying to check to see if it's my week to have him. I'm way too "selfish" to have a third of his time, emotional support, physical presence, etc. (3 for you and 1/3 for me is not fair in my mind). If he couldn't be satisfied with only one wife, then marriage wouldn't be an option for me. We'd have to have an open relationship, no kids involved, and set mutual (and comparable) boundaries. (And I don't want that at this point in my life, so I just need to find that 1 to 1 scenario). That said, I appreciate and respect everyone's point of view. This is quite an educational thread.
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SouthernTease
New Member
I would be if I could have multiple husbands.
Who wouldn't?
Who wouldn't?
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