Ok I'm going to do it- Could you be in a plural marriage?

[bravenewgirl87]

It defeats the purpose of marriage to begin with.

 

[Shimmie]

That's fine Shimmie.

And for the record, I do see where you're coming from.

Personally, I wouldn't do it. But I can see why others go ahead with it.

((( Hugs ))) You have more compassion in this area for the women involved. I respect that more than it appears. You're the 'friend' to them who understands while others don't.

Me, I just don't have the tolerance...But what else is new? That's me.

Peace and Blessings to you...I mean this sincerely.

 

[**Glamourlicious**]

Only if I get to have several husbands....

 

[nappi]

i would do it
provided that i was being well taken care of

 

[Mortons]

Hopefully they aren't sexually involved, but unfortunately, that's not always the case. SOME men w/baby mamas are permanently attached to those women, not just b/c of the children, but b/c there are feelings or interactions that lead to indiscretions. NOT ALWAYS, BUT SOMETIMES. I've had friends that were dating men w/children, and they've come to find out that the man was still sleeping with his baby's mother. But men like that are childish!

I understand that. But men in polygamous marriages are ALWAYS sleeping with a different women. And the woman does not get to sleep with anyone else, she just has to wait til he chooses to sleep with her. With the "baby mama situation", she can sleep with other people and choose whether or not to sleep with her babys father.

 

[NoNapNique]

Only if I get to have several husbands....

Exactly!

Hubby #1 would be "well strapped" and energetic
Hubby #2... Ummmm... knows how to "dine" well and *makes LOVE* so good that I'm hypnotized for days
Hubby #3 has AWESOME listening and communication skills, and spoils me rotten

 

[DragonPearl]

Yes, two men/husbands and me.... sure darn could....

Me too.

 

[DragonPearl]

Exactly!

Hubby #1 would be "well strapped" and energetic
Hubby #2... Ummmm... knows how to "dine" well and *makes LOVE* so good that I'm hypnotized for days
Hubby #3 has AWESOME listening and communication skills, and spoils me rotten

Great minds think alike.

 

[zora]

That's a stupid woman too.... Just think more highly of 'yourself' (general you....not you McDreamy).

McDreamy, for the record. I read where you have family members in this situation. I can understand your sincerity and I respect your views on this so my comments and feelings are not directed at you personally and how you feel about this. You obviously have compassion and I do respect you.

But I don't (have compassion nor yield)! I don't believe a woman has to settle for less just to appease a man or to have a man.

I'm not sharing my husband with anyone. It's either 'just me' or I'm off to someone else, no matter what color/ race who is satisfied with me and only me. It's just dumb and weak for a woman to 'settle' for less and allowing a man to have the best of her and gives her less in return. It's just plain stupid.

No woman needs to be that desperate to have a man or a home...Please all that for a house! There are too many other men out there to be with... ALONE!

No disrespect intended, but there are some customs that bring women down to a level of disgrace and this is one of them. I'm sorry but it is. No man is going to disgrace me by making me subject to another woman. I DO NOT compete for a man's affections. There is no such thing as sharing a spouse. It's sick and it is disease bound in ones, body and soul.
Why is "Africa" so disease prone with AIDs? Multiple sex partners.

Anyway.... it's stupid!

Multiple partners outside of marriage. Let's state the facts please.

 

[cocoberry10]

Multiple partners outside of marriage. Let's state the facts please.

Multiple partners increase one's risk for STD's, including AIDS. And this is whether you are married to them or not. (no offense to your post)

 

[Afrolinda]

I understand that. But men in polygamous marriages are ALWAYS sleeping with a different women. And the woman does not get to sleep with anyone else, she just has to wait til he chooses to sleep with her. With the "baby mama situation", she can sleep with other people and choose whether or not to sleep with her babys father.

Men in monogamous relationships do that too ( the statistics are oh so high ) the wife just doesn't know of course.

 

[Hil84figer]

Multiple partners increase one's risk for STD's, including AIDS. And this is whether you are married to them or not. (no offense to your post)

Well, what my uncle told me was the in the mining towns like in South Africa. These man would have unprotected sex with women there. They had sex outside of marriage. One of my uncles has two wives. My grandpa had many too. You can't blame AIDS in the continent of Africa on plural marriage. AIDS is may not be as rampant in South Africa as lets say my family's country Ghana. We need to look at the statistics of each country in Africa to see the actual number of people dying.

 

[Afrolinda]

Multiple partners outside of marriage. Let's state the facts please.

ITA. People forget that black men who have been to prison and the ones with multiple girlfriends are the ones who are giving aids to Black women in America. It happened to Magic ( he was married and it was a monogamous relationship ).

 

[Shimmie]

Multiple partners outside of marriage. Let's state the facts please.

Fact: It happens both ways. No one is using protection in or out of multi-marriage.

 

[Afrolinda]

Well, what my uncle told me was the in the mining towns like in South Africa. These man would have unprotected sex with women there. They had sex outside of marriage. One of my uncles has two wives. My grandpa had many too. You can't blame AIDS in the continent of Africa on plural marriage. AIDS is may not be as rampant in South Africa as lets say my family's country Ghana. We need to look at the statistics of each country in Africa to see the actual number of people dying.

AIDS is everywhere. The numbers are high amongst black women in America too.

 

[Shimmie]

ITA. People forget that black men who have been to prison and the ones with multiple girlfriends are the ones who are giving aids to Black women in America. It happened to Magic ( he was married and it was a monogamous relationship ).

You are Totally Correct! Yet this is so sad.

I used to work in a clinical setting and it would break your heart in pieces to see the women (wives/girlfriends/casual partners/one night stands) of women who contracted AIDS from men newly released from prison. Sad...just sad. Wives having a conjugal visit with her husband in jail..... .

One of the saddest aspects of this was their worry regarding who was going to take care of their children being left behind if / when they died from this disease.

 

[cocoberry10]

Well, what my uncle told me was the in the mining towns like in South Africa. These man would have unprotected sex with women there. They had sex outside of marriage. One of my uncles has two wives. My grandpa had many too. You can't blame AIDS in the continent of Africa on plural marriage. AIDS is may not be as rampant in South Africa as lets say my family's country Ghana. We need to look at the statistics of each country in Africa to see the actual number of people dying.

I understand your points, and I agree especially with the bolded. I don't blame AIDS on plural marriages. I blame it on unprotected sex with plural partners. And plural marriages will definitely involve multiple partners, which CAN HEIGHTEN the risk. As much as we want to believe it, we will never control anyone but ourselves. Unfortunately, many women think they are in "monogamous" marriages only to discover their husband is having sex with others (again heightened risk). But that's not even really the reason why I'm against it (fear of STD's that is). I personally wouldn't want to share my man.

Those that do it--good for them. As some ladies said, they have family members where it works. And I can honestly believe that for some it can work. Here in the US, bigamy isn't legally recognized, but many couples have "open" marriages. For some, it works great. For others, it's a complete disaster. I believe it can only work if both people are committed to the plural marriage, and not just a situation where one tries to force it on the other! I just know it's not for me.

 

[Mortons]

Men in monogamous relationships do that too ( the statistics are oh so high ) the wife just doesn't know of course.

Note the ALWAYS. Married me may have sex with other people "a lot" (whatever percentage that is), but in polygamous relationships men are ALWAYS having multiple partners. A-L-W-A-Y-S

 

[Shimmie]

Note the ALWAYS. Married me may have sex with other people "a lot" (whatever percentage that is), but in polygamous relationships men are ALWAYS having multiple partners. A-L-W-A-Y-S

That's one of the things that ticks me off about it. I mean really 'ticks' me off. I'm not making it easy for him and heartbreaking for me. Nope!

The hell with that mess and him. Oh no!

Hence, one of my reasons for posting 'ticked' off posts in this thread.

 

[DahomeyAhosi]

I'm from Benin, West Africa. In Benin men can have many wives but only if they are prepared to financially support them. Polygamy is quite common there. My grandparents were married for about 30 years. My grandfather had 3 other co-wives. My grandmother was the second wife.
The co-wives shared parenting duties very well and often supported one another even against my grandfather.

Really? Would you mind giving us more info - like was it based on religion or culture? How many spouses were there?

 

[jasmin]

Imo once upon time this multi-wives was accepted in the old testament since people want to go on religion but in the new testament this is not accepted unless I'm wrong and need to re-read.

 

[isobell]

Why is "Africa" so disease prone with AIDs? Multiple sex partners.

wow! regardless of how I feel about polygamous marriages this statement is just ridiculous to me, how is the way AIDS is transmitted in Africa any different from how it's transmitted anywhere else in the world? Is this the reason why there is an AIDS epidemic in Africa? Not lack of sex education? Not the paucity of medical care and medications? Not poverty etc? The reason according to you is because of the cultural practice of polygamy, that has been mostly phased out over the past few generations? Please refrain from reiterating the stereotypes people have about Africa, there's more than enough misinformation out there!

 

[GoingNatural]

No, I'm selfish. But I am totally fine with others doing it if they can handle it well.

 

[FlowerHair]

wow! regardless of how I feel about polygamous marriages this statement is just ridiculous to me, how is the way AIDS is transmitted in Africa any different from how it's transmitted anywhere else in the world? Is this the reason why there is an AIDS epidemic in Africa? Not lack of sex education? Not the paucity of medical care and medications? Not poverty etc? The reason according to you is because of the cultural practice of polygamy, that has been mostly phased out over the past few generations? Please refrain from reiterating the stereotypes people have about Africa, there's more than enough misinformation out there!

ITA! Thank you. I doubt that Africans have more sex than other people in the world. That's part of the prejudice that follows black people all over the world.

There is a great deal of misinformation in Africa about how AIDS is transmitted, and that's the real reason there is an epidemic. Not to mention certain countries don't want to get real about promoting condoms etc.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Couldn't do it.

Not just because of the pettyness which wreaks havoc on woman to woman relationships, but I don't want competition when it comes to what my children would inherit upon his death. And for damn sure, I wouldn't want my children to have to compete for affection from a father who may or may not show preference to another womans children for whatever reason.

 

[CherrySBR]

I voted maybe. It depends on the woman and her medical history. I rather know where he is at and who he is with. I dont want details but just to know ok he is with his other wife tonight. I am one who dont like to sit around and wonder if he is cheating and with who. Thats just me though. How many of us can say We know our man is 100 percent faithful to just you? I doubt many of us can say that he is.

 

[CherrySBR]

Couldn't do it.

Not just because of the pettyness which wreaks havoc on woman to woman relationships, but I don't want competition when it comes to what my children would inherit upon his death. And for damn sure, I wouldn't want my children to have to compete for affection from a father who may or may not show preference to another womans children for whatever reason.

A man should have a will and inheritance should be divided equally amongst his children. I think a real man would love all his children the same. I am a mother and I love my children the same, why cant a man. I am one who dont worry about that other woman stuff you know. Hey if he had children with her they would be welcomed at my home to play with my children which would be their siblings. As for us women I think pettyness happens regardless the situation. Some of us a more mature than others. I know many woman who are in plural marriages and they get along great and some who dont. Not to mention you never have to deal with that other woman because that marriage is not yours its his and hers. I know for a fact that in Islam you dont even have to see or know this woman if you dont want to. To each you own you know. This post is not to start an argument just to help others think out of the box about the children and affection and stuff.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

A man should have a will and inheritance should be divided equally amongst his children. I think a real man would love all his children the same. I am a mother and I love my children the same, why cant a man.

In a rational world, you would be right.

However, people are flawed and there are many men with children by multiple women who treat the children according to how they feel about the mother. There is an old cliche about children of a first marriage being put on the back burner or damn near forgotten when daddy has brand new shiny kids by the new wife.

 

[CherrySBR]

In a rational world, you would be right.

However, people are flawed and there are many men with children by multiple women who treat the children according to how they feel about the mother. There is an old cliche about children of a first marriage being put on the back burner or damn near forgotten when daddy has brand new shiny kids by the new wife.

I have heard that before,but I dont know of any relationships such as those.

 

[hothair]

Quote:
Originally Posted by JCoily
In a rational world, you would be right.

However, people are flawed and there are many men with children by multiple women who treat the children according to how they feel about the mother. There is an old cliche about children of a first marriage being put on the back burner or damn near forgotten when daddy has brand new shiny kids by the new wife.

I have heard that before,but I dont know of any relationships such as those.

I have grew up in one and know over 20 families (off the top of my head) like these. If a dude is going to mess with another woman, he will - but bringing that mess and confusion into mine and my children's lives to deal with on a daily basis. The argument in our particular circumstance is that Islam allows a man to have up to four wives - yeah I read that verse it gives a list of things you can do as a good Muslim including taking in orphans. It says you MAY marry another wife (if you need to) to help care for those orphans; it also goes on to say HOWEVER [the convenient bit the dudes leave out] you cannot marry more than one wife UNLESS YOU CAN TREAT THEM ALL EQUALLY. Now i've got two dogs and cannot treat them equally so...and I sure don't remember any orphans in my house.