I can understand that. I think this arrangement could only work for a settled person that has been married before.
As a divorced woman, I don't need the fantasy of the ideal marriage anymore.
Ok I'm going to do it- Could you be in a plural marriage?
- Thread starter FRO-EVER 21
- Start date
I can understand that. I think this arrangement could only work for a settled person that has been married before.
As a divorced woman, I don't need the fantasy of the ideal marriage anymore.
Serenity K
New Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by SugarBaby
I would really like to hear more about this from the women that have knowledge about it.
How could this work in this day and age? Are the women really happy under this arrangement?
I would to. In many past/traditional communities it worked:
1. because women outnumber men, but women could not be breadwinners, so it helped to keep all women supported by a man, even if it meant polygamy.
2. Due to misunderstanding of biology, women were often blamed for the sex of children, so if a woman had 3 girls, the man would marry someone else to try for a boy.
3. The more kids a man had, the better, so once one wife was past childbearing/barren/past her prime, the man remarried for more kids.
4. It was a sign of wealth because a man had to be rich to afford more than one wife.
So, I'm really curious to know why today, when all the above doesn't necessarily matter or is understood, how a woman benefits from a plural marriage.
Okay, I think this is something that will work for SOME people, not MOST. Thinking on past cultures/times where men had many wives/women, I really think it was just the way it was. Men had all the power (at least in some cultures) and women were at their disposal. And even if the women were not oppressed, it was sort of understood that men are prone to having multiple women, so women just dealt w/it. Even if you take the marriage part out of it, how many men had other women? MOST of them.
That being said, polygamy was always around, Islam just put parameters on it. It helps women nowadays more than then, in my opinion, because then men were gonna have many women, so women didn't have to worry about not having a man (even if it wasn't 50/50 relationship). But now in a time where men are shunned for cheating, or having women on the side, lots of women are left out, and simply will not be married (and some will continue to be the woman on the side, which is more accepted than polygamy). Polygamy ensures that all these women have a "chance" of being married to a good man. Also, polygamy can be looked at as a way to support the community. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), married women, not for sex, but to help the women.And just so you know, he was married to one woman for 25 years, loved and adored her, but she died. After that, he had a polygamous marriage, and the women were not all pyt's.
This is not anything that I want, at least not in my current marriage(too much dramatic history).Now lets say I remarry, and me and dh have a great relationship, no bad history, etc. I could see polygamy working in that situation because it would be more about the other woman needs a husband, not that I was not a good enough wife. It seems like the amount of eligible bachelors are declining every year, meaning less husbands for the women. Imagine if men really did not ever cheat, and polygamy was not invented. How many women would be without a man? SO many. Polygamy protects these women. So I just look at it like supporting my sisters. Yes, dh would benefit, but so what. If he is doing it right, it is a struggle for him, not just pleasure. Because he is married to both of us, and we know it, he is held accountable for giving both of us our rights. And if he is doing it right, he is able to make both of us feel loved, special, etc., so we both don't feel like we're missing out.
Serenity K
New Member
bumping...
queenbb
New Member
Mormons are NOT polygamistsThats a Mormon situation, In an Islamic situation that isnt the case. Actually, its condsidered cruelty to have the wives in one home. I know of a polygamous situation where the wives live in 2 different states onthe east coast. The wives have no real contact with eachother and they like it that way. Everyones happy.
They have a schedule for "husband time" and all, just no real line of communication between the wives.
Being seperate makes it easier I guess.
But to answer the OP, I dont think my husband or I would want to do that or are emotionally ready for the situation. But later in life, who knows?
. I'm Mormon and have been since the age of 16. We believe in one wife, one husband for time and all eternity, Not just death do us part. We DO NOT practise plural marriages. The church that does that has a similar name, thus people get very confused and keep saying Mormons are polygamists. If a Mormon did this he or she would be excommunicated from the church. The REORGANIZED Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter day saints are the polygamists. The name of the Mormon church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints. Those folks could not get with the rules and broke of many many years ago to form another church to practise polygamy hence the word Reorganized. 
I am very intrigued by this. VERY. As I said earlier, the ideal marriage fantasy has been removed from my thoughts long ago. I could deal w/ the companionship, and some of the other benefits of this very easily.
I have gotten to the point, I don't want a man living with me fulltime, so he is welcome to go to the other wife's house.
Anyone else feel like that?
I have gotten to the point, I don't want a man living with me fulltime, so he is welcome to go to the other wife's house.
Anyone else feel like that?
Serenity K
New Member
BrickbyBrick
Well-Known Member
I am with Qetesh on this one
I'll take two hubbies, the likes of Boris Kodjoe and **insert any chocolate thunder lover here**
I'll take two hubbies, the likes of Boris Kodjoe and **insert any chocolate thunder lover here**
LovinLocks
Well-Known Member
Coming from a Judeo-Christian standpoint I could refute this notion on so many front. But, Imo take it to da human/black woman standpoint . . .
The first time he's with me and "mistakenly" calls out her name in the middle of an orgasm, oh (*))*& naw . . .there would be (*__&^)) to pay. Nope, nada, not!
P.S. Not saying this could not happen in other stances; but . . .
The first time he's with me and "mistakenly" calls out her name in the middle of an orgasm, oh (*))*& naw . . .there would be (*__&^)) to pay. Nope, nada, not!
P.S. Not saying this could not happen in other stances; but . . .
LovinLocks
Well-Known Member
only if i am getting multiple husbands
WORD UP! A woman after my own heart. Yuppers!!!!!!!!!!
Mis007
New Member
No; I belive we have enough trouble with people creating harmonious monogomous relationships, without having to worry about people's philosophical views on making cheating acceptable or why humans cannot be monogomous please.... The only difference being that the woman/man will know that they are gonna share..what is so good about that.....Furthermore when we are all in these plural relationships then what...does the wives get pushed further down the line when the man wants to add to his harem...And would there be a discussion on how many signigificant others will join the group..lord help us
feelfree
Active Member
i was "scouted" to be included in one of these. he had 2 wives and 17 kids and the husband's family is well known in that particular area for their "multiples" (his dad has 5 wives, his brothers have 3 or 4, but the females are not allowed to have more than 1 husband).
after thinking about it for a hot minute (wanted to see what it was all about), i decided it did not fit my plans for the future. but it works for them.
after thinking about it for a hot minute (wanted to see what it was all about), i decided it did not fit my plans for the future. but it works for them.
Serenity K
New Member
I'm currently going through a divorce, and honestly right now, I don't know if I want to be an only wife anymore. It really just seems like too much work for the woman. And I'm getting really used to having my space all the time. I don't know if I'm just a little burnt out right now, but being a second wife seems ideal to me now.
This shall pass too...I understand your pain in your divorce.
I also understand the thoughts of being a second wife...sometimes it is just too much to deal with. I would like the companionship and the security, but the other stuff that goes along with marriage...
I can pass on.
tiara76
New Member
Anybody ever heard of polyamory?....Its different from polygamy where as its not just one man and a number of women..Just ran across this the other day but I know I always wondered why people thought it was impossible to love more than one person, even at the same time in a intimate way
Polyamory (pronounced "pä-lE'a-mrr E) is being called the New Relationship Paradigm. People everywhere are questioning the long-standing idea that love must be limited to a single individual. Is it possible to love more than one person at a tme successfully? Many people are asking this question, and some are pleasantly surprised to find that it is possible. Polyamory will not work for everyone, but there are many people in the world who are simply not compatible with the monogamous lifestyle. The members of that small group of people are beginning to reach out to one another, and seek support, friendship, and love.
Are you polyamorous? What is the most important thing in life? Read on, and learn more about what polyamory means, how polyamory is practiced, and even communicate with other polyamorists, you will find both answers within yourself.
What Polyamory Is Not
Polyamory is not swinging.
Polyamory is not about recreational or promiscuous sex. Most Polyamorists are not promiscuous people. Swinging is defined as recreational sexual activity, also called "sport sex" where partner(s) or participant(s) agree to have casual sex with each other(s). There is usually no emotional involvement as in polyamory. Swinging is a form of monogamy in which usually two primary partners agree to have casual sex with other couples or singles. Swingers have their own organizations, newsletters, and contact networks. They are not likely to find much of an interest in polyamory except by coincidence. The polyamory and swing communities are allies under the alternative lifestyles banner. Many swingers have transitioned to the polyamory way of life through their desire to be emotionally committed in a multipartnered relationship.
So, are polys "swingers"? Pali Paths of Hawaii answers this question with the following, which we think is an excellent explanation:
"Polyamory is about close intimate personal relationships rather than casual sex, and poly groups do not hold sex parties or serve as pick-up clubs. Polys vary a good deal in their attitudes toward casual or recreational sex, though most polys are sensuous, adventuresome people. Still, many swingers may find that polyamory is a natural step onward in their relationship path, carrying them beyond recreational sex to multilateral intimacy."
Polyamory is not polygamy.
Polygamy is the practice of having one dominant man with many wives and potentially more children. Polyamory is about allowing fully equal respect and freedom of the heart and soul for all partners allowing intimate love of others without domination in ownership or jealousy.
Polyamory is not a group, sect, or cult.
It is not a group, sect, or cult asking Polyamorists to isolate themselves from their loved ones or asking them to follow a specific dogma or doctrine. It is not about your family member isolating themselves away from their family of origin but about expanding the family.
OK, So Just What is Polyamory?
Polyamory means "loving more than one". Polyamory is the conscious espousal of more than one concurrent adult loving relationship which incorporates the agreed-upon option of sexual intimacy. It is the nonpossessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved with rather than simply accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person at a time. Polyamory is an umbrella term that integrates traditional multi-partner relationship terms with more evolved egalitarian terms. Polyamory embraces sexual equality and all sexual orientations towards an expanded circle of spousal intimacy and love. Polyamory is from the root words Poly meaning many and Amour meaning love hence "many loves" or Polyamory. Of course, love itself is a rather ambiguous term, but most polys seem to define it as a serious, intimate, romantic, or less structured, affectionate bond, which a person has with another person or group of persons. This bond usually, though not necessarily always, involves sex. Sexualove or eromance are other words that have been coined to describe this kind of love. Other terms often used as synonyms for polyamory are responsible, ethical or intentional non-monogamy.
Polyamory is about reality in human nature. People, by primal nature, are truly non-monogamous. If you study the first societies of the world, and 86% of Earth's cultures today, even the Old Testament of the Christian Bible, you will find the basic concepts of Polyamory practiced in loving relationships on many levels.
Polyamory is about total honesty and openness in relationships. Most monogamous relationships end in divorce or break-up due to cheating or jealousy. Polyamory allows mutual lovers to be honest and open about passions, desires and/or needs that differ from their significant other... and allows each person to explore what they need to be complete and happy. So, is loving someone a good reason to stop loving someone else? Polyamorists don't think so!
Polyamory is a self-awareness and understanding that every person has a right to be totally free, including the heart and soul, on issues of love and passion. It means giving the person you love the freedom to share themselves intimately with others as they desire, on an emotional, intellectual, spiritual and/or sexual level, based on the guidelines that you and your partner(s) agree upon.
Polyamory is a lovestyle and is a way of life.
Polyamory is a lovestyle and, as a way of life, is about taking the road less traveled. Polyamory is about community, honesty, ethics and about learning unconditional love. Polyamory is about future family models and the belief that human beings have the ability to love more than one person intimately in a committed, sustainable, multiple relationship. Polyamory is about maturity and overcoming our jealousies.
Polyamory is about committing ourselves to a group of people and purpose(s) that we identify with and love to be with. Polyamory is about mutually sharing one life with a group of people whom we believe in and identify with. Polyamory is about living a wholesome, healthy and responsible life. It is about leaving a foundation behind for other humans to build on when our era has past. This includes those that have consciously chosen to practice monogamy. Polyamorists, like most other minority groups in the world, face bigotry and discrimination in their lives by people who would choose to dictate how other's should live their lives.
Polyamory encompasses a broad spectrum of lovestyles ranging from near the edge of swinging on the one end of the spectrum, to polyfidelity at the other, which is much like monogamy except with more than two people involved. But in all cases, it involves emotional relationships among more than two people. In some poly relationships, some of the partners have no sexual relations and are typically "V" relationships. Poly is clearly about emotions and feelings above sex, but this author is not not aware of any purely spiritual poly-family. This authors own poly ideal is a filled triangle leaning toward the polyfidelity side of the spectrum. Poly is a concept rather than a method. Our own poly-mind finds its root in the concept, but its application is specific to us, adapted to the beliefs of each of us. The success of a relationship is dependent upon each member's willingness to adjust his/her beliefs with the others' beliefs.
Are We Ready for This?
We are here. We live among you, and have, some of us, for many years and you have not known us. We are among your close friends and valued parishioners, but there are essential things about who we are that you probably have never known. Unless, of course, you are one of us yourself.
Polyamory (pronounced "pä-lE'a-mrr E) is being called the New Relationship Paradigm. People everywhere are questioning the long-standing idea that love must be limited to a single individual. Is it possible to love more than one person at a tme successfully? Many people are asking this question, and some are pleasantly surprised to find that it is possible. Polyamory will not work for everyone, but there are many people in the world who are simply not compatible with the monogamous lifestyle. The members of that small group of people are beginning to reach out to one another, and seek support, friendship, and love.
Are you polyamorous? What is the most important thing in life? Read on, and learn more about what polyamory means, how polyamory is practiced, and even communicate with other polyamorists, you will find both answers within yourself.
What Polyamory Is Not
Polyamory is not swinging.
Polyamory is not about recreational or promiscuous sex. Most Polyamorists are not promiscuous people. Swinging is defined as recreational sexual activity, also called "sport sex" where partner(s) or participant(s) agree to have casual sex with each other(s). There is usually no emotional involvement as in polyamory. Swinging is a form of monogamy in which usually two primary partners agree to have casual sex with other couples or singles. Swingers have their own organizations, newsletters, and contact networks. They are not likely to find much of an interest in polyamory except by coincidence. The polyamory and swing communities are allies under the alternative lifestyles banner. Many swingers have transitioned to the polyamory way of life through their desire to be emotionally committed in a multipartnered relationship.
So, are polys "swingers"? Pali Paths of Hawaii answers this question with the following, which we think is an excellent explanation:
"Polyamory is about close intimate personal relationships rather than casual sex, and poly groups do not hold sex parties or serve as pick-up clubs. Polys vary a good deal in their attitudes toward casual or recreational sex, though most polys are sensuous, adventuresome people. Still, many swingers may find that polyamory is a natural step onward in their relationship path, carrying them beyond recreational sex to multilateral intimacy."
Polyamory is not polygamy.
Polygamy is the practice of having one dominant man with many wives and potentially more children. Polyamory is about allowing fully equal respect and freedom of the heart and soul for all partners allowing intimate love of others without domination in ownership or jealousy.
Polyamory is not a group, sect, or cult.
It is not a group, sect, or cult asking Polyamorists to isolate themselves from their loved ones or asking them to follow a specific dogma or doctrine. It is not about your family member isolating themselves away from their family of origin but about expanding the family.
OK, So Just What is Polyamory?
Polyamory means "loving more than one". Polyamory is the conscious espousal of more than one concurrent adult loving relationship which incorporates the agreed-upon option of sexual intimacy. It is the nonpossessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved with rather than simply accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person at a time. Polyamory is an umbrella term that integrates traditional multi-partner relationship terms with more evolved egalitarian terms. Polyamory embraces sexual equality and all sexual orientations towards an expanded circle of spousal intimacy and love. Polyamory is from the root words Poly meaning many and Amour meaning love hence "many loves" or Polyamory. Of course, love itself is a rather ambiguous term, but most polys seem to define it as a serious, intimate, romantic, or less structured, affectionate bond, which a person has with another person or group of persons. This bond usually, though not necessarily always, involves sex. Sexualove or eromance are other words that have been coined to describe this kind of love. Other terms often used as synonyms for polyamory are responsible, ethical or intentional non-monogamy.
Polyamory is about reality in human nature. People, by primal nature, are truly non-monogamous. If you study the first societies of the world, and 86% of Earth's cultures today, even the Old Testament of the Christian Bible, you will find the basic concepts of Polyamory practiced in loving relationships on many levels.
Polyamory is about total honesty and openness in relationships. Most monogamous relationships end in divorce or break-up due to cheating or jealousy. Polyamory allows mutual lovers to be honest and open about passions, desires and/or needs that differ from their significant other... and allows each person to explore what they need to be complete and happy. So, is loving someone a good reason to stop loving someone else? Polyamorists don't think so!
Polyamory is a self-awareness and understanding that every person has a right to be totally free, including the heart and soul, on issues of love and passion. It means giving the person you love the freedom to share themselves intimately with others as they desire, on an emotional, intellectual, spiritual and/or sexual level, based on the guidelines that you and your partner(s) agree upon.
Polyamory is a lovestyle and is a way of life.
Polyamory is a lovestyle and, as a way of life, is about taking the road less traveled. Polyamory is about community, honesty, ethics and about learning unconditional love. Polyamory is about future family models and the belief that human beings have the ability to love more than one person intimately in a committed, sustainable, multiple relationship. Polyamory is about maturity and overcoming our jealousies.
Polyamory is about committing ourselves to a group of people and purpose(s) that we identify with and love to be with. Polyamory is about mutually sharing one life with a group of people whom we believe in and identify with. Polyamory is about living a wholesome, healthy and responsible life. It is about leaving a foundation behind for other humans to build on when our era has past. This includes those that have consciously chosen to practice monogamy. Polyamorists, like most other minority groups in the world, face bigotry and discrimination in their lives by people who would choose to dictate how other's should live their lives.
Polyamory encompasses a broad spectrum of lovestyles ranging from near the edge of swinging on the one end of the spectrum, to polyfidelity at the other, which is much like monogamy except with more than two people involved. But in all cases, it involves emotional relationships among more than two people. In some poly relationships, some of the partners have no sexual relations and are typically "V" relationships. Poly is clearly about emotions and feelings above sex, but this author is not not aware of any purely spiritual poly-family. This authors own poly ideal is a filled triangle leaning toward the polyfidelity side of the spectrum. Poly is a concept rather than a method. Our own poly-mind finds its root in the concept, but its application is specific to us, adapted to the beliefs of each of us. The success of a relationship is dependent upon each member's willingness to adjust his/her beliefs with the others' beliefs.
Are We Ready for This?
We are here. We live among you, and have, some of us, for many years and you have not known us. We are among your close friends and valued parishioners, but there are essential things about who we are that you probably have never known. Unless, of course, you are one of us yourself.
gymfreak336
New Member
I could never do it. I don't agree with it from a biological standpoint. No society has ever truely been sustainable and stable with polygamy.
SouthernTease
New Member
I don't like to share.
Pat Mahurr
Pun intended
Nah, son.
Is you is or is you ain't my baby?
Is you is or is you ain't my baby?
*~*Afrolicious*~*
Well-Known Member
I want to marry my SO and my best friend who is a gay male. I want a shopping partner and that good lovin' lol
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