MrsHouston
Well-Known Member
If I were in one, I'd want to be the one with two spouses (two husbands
LOL
just joking
LOLjust joking
Ok I'm going to do it- Could you be in a plural marriage?
- Thread starter FRO-EVER 21
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Seeking8Rights
New Member
Yes, I could as long as those heffas was doing some work around the house too. I'm serious too! We share the man, then we share the responsibilities--cook, clean, diapers, everything!
I could totally do several husbands. Sometimes I think that kind of situation would be ideal for me because I am dating several guys now, and I feel as if together, they all make the perfect man.
But as for being one of several wives? NO. I have to be #1 and the only one. My man's Goddess. I could easily flip the f-ck out and pull a double murder on or send a hit man after my husband and his mistress if he tried that mess with me.
I've seen the effects of polygamy in my own family and it is a mess. Women hating each other and each other's kids. Wishing and plotting for each other and each other's kids to die. Man's life cut short from the stress of his wives' drama or from getting caught in the crossfire of one of their plots. Children unloved and treated more like cattle than like humans, underachieving for lack of parental attention b/c the parents are too busy fighting each other. It's a mess. A terrible mess. I would leave and never, ever forgive any man who tried to impose that kind of situation on me and my future children.
But as for being one of several wives? NO. I have to be #1 and the only one. My man's Goddess. I could easily flip the f-ck out and pull a double murder on or send a hit man after my husband and his mistress if he tried that mess with me.
I've seen the effects of polygamy in my own family and it is a mess. Women hating each other and each other's kids. Wishing and plotting for each other and each other's kids to die. Man's life cut short from the stress of his wives' drama or from getting caught in the crossfire of one of their plots. Children unloved and treated more like cattle than like humans, underachieving for lack of parental attention b/c the parents are too busy fighting each other. It's a mess. A terrible mess. I would leave and never, ever forgive any man who tried to impose that kind of situation on me and my future children.
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temfash
Well-Known Member
Ditto, Polygamy is one of the most depressing experiences that could happen to any woman.
Sosa
Well-Known Member
Ditto. I can see myself out shopping or enjoying some "me-time" knowing that some other wife is taking care of the laundry or making dinner that day
.But I wonder about the unprotected sex part. Isn't it kinda hard to trust so many ppl in such a marriage?
That would be my issue.I could do this if I had to in order to survive. Like back in the day before women could work and would starve in the street if some man didn't take care of them. Now - hell to the naw. If you want a second wife then I'll be your ex wife eating most of your paycheck through alimony and child support. I'll make sure that there's nothing left for whoever's next.
If you want a second wife then I'll be your ex wife eating most of your paycheck through alimony and child support. I'll make sure that there's nothing left for whoever's next.
MD_Lady
Well-Known Member
Disclaimer: This is not directed at the OP, simply the topic. Now for my POV.
I couldn't do multiple husbands, that's too much work for me. As for the other.....
I get paid less than a man for the same work, my skills are second guessed because I'm a woman, there are places here and around the world where women are deemed undeserving of an education, places where it's acceptable for a man to beat or burn his wife, where women have no rights to even claim rape, old men marry young women every day. So, am I willing to give them another perk?
Hm....let's see. I respect him by being with only one man, but he gets to choose which flavor of love he wants for the night/week/month and I have to come to terms with it? What do I get? Less money, less time with him oh and a dirty member that's been up inside another woman. No. Thank You. What's next, if all women walk around naked it'll numb their senses to female sexuality thereby reducing sexual harassment cases
It's the male fantasy of female multiplicity and for "some" it's a way of being with another women without god's scorn. It's seem oddly convenient that it's still practiced even in instances where there's no practical purpose. My only real beef with polygamy is that often it accompanies a high level of sexism. If it were just a lifestyle I'd have no problem, but the men who have often "explained" polygamy to me are usually dead against Polyandry (1 wife, multiple husbands) regardless of circumstances. Not to mention, they also have some really disturbing opinions on women.
This, my friend, is a darn
! 
My answer... Hayle Nah.
Funny aside. Recently a co-worker how believes in Polyamory (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory) and was in a full page article on the group here in MD, even with a big behind picture. Do you not know that as soon as the higher ups saw it we all had to take ethics classes.
To look at her you would never believe that this southern white woman believes in loving multiple, men and women and they have their own little pod.
A M A Z I N G
Funny aside. Recently a co-worker how believes in Polyamory (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory) and was in a full page article on the group here in MD, even with a big behind picture. Do you not know that as soon as the higher ups saw it we all had to take ethics classes.
To look at her you would never believe that this southern white woman believes in loving multiple, men and women and they have their own little pod.
A M A Z I N G
ladylibra
New Member
girl please i don't even like some of SO's female friends. you think i'mma let him tell me that he's bringing home another woman who is of equal importance to me? 
i don't believe God ever said polygamy was right in His eyes, just because people did it doesn't mean it was sanctioned. and even with the religious part aside... i ain't tryna share! and i know everyone has their own beliefs and all, if it works for them then fine. but not this chick 
i don't believe God ever said polygamy was right in His eyes, just because people did it doesn't mean it was sanctioned. and even with the religious part aside... i ain't tryna share!
and i know everyone has their own beliefs and all, if it works for them then fine. but not this chick 
AstroQueen77
Well-Known Member
No never. Its just a convenient way for a man to have his cake and eat it too. Ive actually heard women explain to me that men are not meant to be monogamous , so they could role with it, but in each case, the woman was just desperate to have any man, even if she had to share 
erplexed
I know a relative who is going after a married man that is interested in the idea of polygamy, but hes just a weak man. He talks bad of his wife and has shown some very commitment phobic behavior, and plus blatant disrespect to his wife because he "plays" with this woman on the side. The sad part, the women is happy with this situation-shes either getting jollys out of "stealing" another womens husband, or shes just sooo desperate to have someone shell take a man in whatever form she can. I think its both. Either way I see a train wreck in the distance.
erplexed I know a relative who is going after a married man that is interested in the idea of polygamy, but hes just a weak man. He talks bad of his wife and has shown some very commitment phobic behavior, and plus blatant disrespect to his wife because he "plays" with this woman on the side. The sad part, the women is happy with this situation-shes either getting jollys out of "stealing" another womens husband, or shes just sooo desperate to have someone shell take a man in whatever form she can.
I think its both. Either way I see a train wreck in the distance.Serenity K
New Member
Yes I would consider it.This is often the topic of discussion in our Muslim gatherings. It is more of a fantasy, than reality. Big Love was a TV show. That is the ideal situation (of polygamy), and even it had drama. Men don't realize the struggle polygamy has. My dh always says men need to at least wait ten years before trying to go that route. Most older men only have one wife, either out of wisdom, or experience w/it and it not working.In my opinion it:
-is to benefit women more than men
-can work well when done properly
-can make the woman's life much easier
-Is not required,nor suggested
-can only be done by "special" men, and women for that matter
While this is not something I necessarily want, I could see myself in it. But not in my current marriage. We have too many issues, and him getting another wife would be directly related to me.( It has to be 100% to benefit the other woman). But if I get divorced I will probably be in a polygamous marriage next time.
ETA: After being married to highschool sweetheart, the next one would not be so much for love. I mean I would want to love him, but it would just be different. I would not mind sharing.
-is to benefit women more than men
-can work well when done properly
-can make the woman's life much easier
-Is not required,nor suggested
-can only be done by "special" men, and women for that matter
While this is not something I necessarily want, I could see myself in it. But not in my current marriage. We have too many issues, and him getting another wife would be directly related to me.( It has to be 100% to benefit the other woman). But if I get divorced I will probably be in a polygamous marriage next time.
ETA: After being married to highschool sweetheart, the next one would not be so much for love. I mean I would want to love him, but it would just be different. I would not mind sharing.
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MD_Lady
Well-Known Member
Just a little curious about the items in red... How?
Serenity K
New Member
Okay...1) it benefits the woman more because in my honest opinion it was allowed to stay to help women. Before Islam, women were at mens disposal. They could have as many as they wanted, and could leave them, mistreat them, and basically do what they wanted. The women had no rights. So it was revealed to the Prophet that men could have up to four wives, treating them equally. It was allowed to stay, but with specific "rules".This was/is to protect all the widows/orphans that were left after war. If this is/was not allowed, there would be PLENTY of women who would never have the opportunity to be married. Just take A.A. men for example right now. Of the total amount, how many are "eligible". Not many.Many are married, not even an option, or in jail. In my opinion, many of them being in jail, is equivalent to them being killed in war. What good can they do stuck in jail? And even if you begin to search outside your race, there is still no guarantee that you will find a husband. Polygamy assures that women will be taken care of.
But let me emphasize this point. It is NOT required of ANY man or woman. It is not even suggested. I think it is only mentioned ONCE in the Quran, which lets me know its not that important. And when He does mention it, is says that if you fear you won't be fair, one is BEST, if you only knew.(not a direct quote). Men ignore this part. In my opinion, it works best when this is really to help the other woman. That way, it has nothing to do with the 1st wife not being enough for him.
2)It can make the woman's life easier, because the Husband is around half the time. ( lots of women are happy to get a break from their husband.) I know when my husband is away for a day or two for whatever, when he comes back it's better. That break gives us a chance to miss each other, and quite frankly he's not here in my way or getting on my nerves. And when it comes to cleaning the house, or cooking the meals, its not as much pressure to have it done by certain time.
If the women are friends, which I think they should be in order for it to be most effective, they can help each other, by babysitting, doing laundry, cooking ,whatever. ( I don't agree with living in the same house, or even next door. just not enough privacy.) But them working together ensures that each ones rights are fulfilled, and they both are happy because essentially they have less work to do.
Serenity K
New Member
Okay, why does it time I last posted a reply on this thread keep changing? Its kinda creeping me out!!
Farida
Well-Known Member
I would to. In many past/traditional communities it worked:
1. because women outnumber men, but women could not be breadwinners, so it helped to keep all women supported by a man, even if it meant polygamy.
2. Due to misunderstanding of biology, women were often blamed for the sex of children, so if a woman had 3 girls, the man would marry someone else to try for a boy.
3. The more kids a man had, the better, so once one wife was past childbearing/barren/past her prime, the man remarried for more kids.
4. It was a sign of wealth because a man had to be rich to afford more than one wife.
So, I'm really curious to know why today, when all the above doesn't necessarily matter or is understood, how a woman benefits from a plural marriage.
One thing not commonly discussed about biology as well is that women are better off being promiscuous. I dont see how being in a plural marriage with 1 man many women benefits women biologically.
LunadeMiel
Well-Known Member
Sure does.. fastest and strongest sperm wins ---->better/healthier children.
I don't know...I am kinda curious...For a woman that is financially successful, not wanting any more children or want to be bothered a lot, want some companionship (sometimes), he can live with the first wife and leave me in my house, it sounds very interesting.
Seems like a comitted version of friends with benefits...
Where's Serenity K????, I would love to hear her thoughts or some of the other Muslim ladies.
Seems like a comitted version of friends with benefits...
Where's Serenity K????, I would love to hear her thoughts or some of the other Muslim ladies.
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