NOT listening to girlfriends

[lana]

I just had to say this about my relationships with my "girlfriends". I am just now widening out more in my search for good friends. Well I have two that I went out with yesterday and as we were talking one described the man she's dating as "goofy". The other described this guy that has wined and dined her and treated her like a queen as "Stupid". Their outings have been dinner cruises, suites at baseball games, dancing under the stars, walks along the beach....need I say more. What it boils down too is that each of these ladies is dating someone that is not their ideal "type" of man. In fact, they view them as a "fixerupper". Like a broke down car that needs to be "pimped out".

I have found that although I enjoy associating with other women and doing "girly nights out" I don't often enjoy the conversation that shows me the true hearts of my friends. I would say that both of them are kind people and prior to discussing men with them I would have viewed them as "mature" (early 30's).

But after hearing my fellow black women disrespect two seemingly kind, intelligent black men....I lost RESPECT for them. On the way home, I called my man and he said what did you say when they asked you to describe me? I told him truthfully, "I said you were my dream come true and even with the ups and downs you're the best person I know". I could hear his smile over the phone.

But the truth is...that's the way I really feel. It was sad to hear how my friends viewed their men. I wonder what they told them later...?

 

[ThickHair]

Sounds like they want thugs. When they are all worn out and dogged they are going to want the "stupid" guy to take care of them.

Some woman just don't\can't appreciate a nice guy.

I was speaking with my one friend last night about this new guy that I met that happens to be a bit older than me and kinds of corny but he is very sweet, gentlemanly and everything. His looks are average, not ugly not cute. She told me that a guy has to be physically attractive to her b4 she would even let him holla. Now she was married to a very attractive, black doctor and most of the men she has dated have been attractive but it always in ends in disaster. I did a Dr Phil on her, "How is that working fo ya?" Not good. I told her maybe she need to try a different approach. I also told her, I hoped that her looks didn't fade or else she is going to be in a world of trouble. She said she will deal with it when\if it happens. I love her like a sister but geez.

All this to say is I was married and dated certain types of guys and I decided it was time for me to change because it wasn't working for me.

 

[FlowerHair]

I completely agree with you. I find it hard to believe that women who constantly down men in general (not to mention the so called Man in their lives) can ever be truly happy in a relationship

 

[cocoberry10]

I just had to say this about my relationships with my "girlfriends". I am just now widening out more in my search for good friends. Well I have two that I went out with yesterday and as we were talking one described the man she's dating as "goofy". The other described this guy that has wined and dined her and treated her like a queen as "Stupid". Their outings have been dinner cruises, suites at baseball games, dancing under the stars, walks along the beach....need I say more. What it boils down too is that each of these ladies is dating someone that is not their ideal "type" of man. In fact, they view them as a "fixerupper". Like a broke down car that needs to be "pimped out".

I have found that although I enjoy associating with other women and doing "girly nights out" I don't often enjoy the conversation that shows me the true hearts of my friends. I would say that both of them are kind people and prior to discussing men with them I would have viewed them as "mature" (early 30's).

But after hearing my fellow black women disrespect two seemingly kind, intelligent black men....I lost RESPECT for them. On the way home, I called my man and he said what did you say when they asked you to describe me? I told him truthfully, "I said you were my dream come true and even with the ups and downs you're the best person I know". I could hear his smile over the phone.

But the truth is...that's the way I really feel. It was sad to hear how my friends viewed their men. I wonder what they told them later...?

Sounds like they want thugs. When they are all worn out and dogged they are going to want the "stupid" guy to take care of them. Some woman just don't\can't appreciate a nice guy.

I agree with both of you.

 

[jnicole]

I know exactly how you feel. I have a friend who refers to men including her man as a bytch and a slew of other names. I think its so degrading for her to do that. I'm really starting to hate talking to her. I've lost a lot of respect for her.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Interesting..my friends, love them to death, have a great time with them but I find most if not all of them have a completely distorted view regarding sex & men than I do. I can't say I lose respect for them as people or as my friends because it's their life and it's what they choose and I try not to be judgemental, but at the same time I can't relate when going a week without sex because their man is away is just 'too long' and they need to sleep with the hottie they met at a club the other day. Or they've gone 2 months without it and are losing their minds and when I tell them it's been over a year for me they gasp like they saw a purple elephant in the sky and their eyes start rolling to the back of their heads and they tell me I'm too pretty to not be gettin noneerplexed. It's all good though, I just don't let them influence me and I don't try to change them either, we're just different .

 

[Naturallong81]

I completly agree with you. My friend keeps saying that her boyfiend who she's been with for seven years and has a child with is cheating on her, yet she wants to marry him and is secretly trying to have another child.

After she told me this i lost all respect for her and know when she talks i barely listen, and i def. dont waste time giving her my advice or symphathetic ear. i dont even want to be around her and i don't feel bad about it. i said to myself i'm not getting involed in anyone else's drama.

 

[lana]

Thanks for all the replies guys, I couldn't find my post until I did a search...but anyways, I agree with what has been said here. I'm just glad that others have noticed the same thing. But I think in a way you are who your friends are. Friends say a lot about us. I went out last night with three different ladies and we had a fabulous time and it was completely different from the other group! So I'm like if I have a choice (which I do) I'm going to hang out with these other ladies instead of the first two I mentioned in this post. Because I left feeling encouraged, happy and proud to be with them. They are just a little older and more mature and happy with their lives. I think that's the key.

 

[Evolving78]

I think next time you hang with them and they start talking about men in that way, ask if you guys can change the subject or lets not talk about the men tonight. They might get the hint. Women need to stop degrading the men that they are with. We need to speak more highly of our men or if we don't feel that way about them don't talk about them at all. People never forget what you say about the man in your life even after you did. I need to work on this more with myself. If I'm having problems with my Dh I don't need to discuss with my friends or family. That's what I have you guys for! LOL!

 

[Puddles]

I just had to say this about my relationships with my "girlfriends". I am just now widening out more in my search for good friends. Well I have two that I went out with yesterday and as we were talking one described the man she's dating as "goofy". The other described this guy that has wined and dined her and treated her like a queen as "Stupid". Their outings have been dinner cruises, suites at baseball games, dancing under the stars, walks along the beach....need I say more. What it boils down too is that each of these ladies is dating someone that is not their ideal "type" of man. In fact, they view them as a "fixerupper". Like a broke down car that needs to be "pimped out".

I have found that although I enjoy associating with other women and doing "girly nights out" I don't often enjoy the conversation that shows me the true hearts of my friends. I would say that both of them are kind people and prior to discussing men with them I would have viewed them as "mature" (early 30's).

But after hearing my fellow black women disrespect two seemingly kind, intelligent black men....I lost RESPECT for them. On the way home, I called my man and he said what did you say when they asked you to describe me? I told him truthfully, "I said you were my dream come true and even with the ups and downs you're the best person I know". I could hear his smile over the phone.

But the truth is...that's the way I really feel. It was sad to hear how my friends viewed their men. I wonder what they told them later...?

[size=+1] And then you wonder why some women are single forever?!!!

[/size]

 

[Kurlee]

Some women can't appreciate a good man....erplexed