Non-Virgins who stayed celibate until marriage

[PrissyHippie]

Yup, that's where I am in my life now...a non-virgin who is staying celibate until marriage. No need to emphasize the challenges of this and how challenging it is to meet someone who is willing to do the same. However, I do find it encouraging when I hear accounts of people who were able to do this successfully. I know of only two such stories. But in both cases, the girls were virgins and they guys were not, but were willing to wait to until they married. In both cases, they are still together so that is good news for them. The guys both shared how although it was extremely difficult some nights, lol, they were at a point in their life where they wanted quality and a life time of pleasure, not just a night or a few weeks of fun. So it worked really well.

So far, Im on year three now of no coloring and I'm single; unfortuantely I haven't met anyone that's a good match for me (I'm a single mom, so they have to be a good match for my daughter too ). But I would like to know, for whatever your reason is, have any of you non-virgin ladies or gents resolved to wait until marriage before coloring again and succeeded at this? How did your partner cope with this?

Hola,

I am also a Celibate Single Mum. !

I have friends that remained celibate until marriage. Both parties entered into the courtship with the same goal. They set strict boundaries.

 

[mscurly]

I've been celibate for over a year now. Almost fell but turned out to be an intense make out session. Of course he wanted to go all the way but I started to feel extra guilty and stopped. I cut him off as well too. Glad I didn't go and have sex with him but I still had to repent for letting temptation bring me that close.

I'm back on track now, not even dating. Continuing to hold out for my husband.

Stay strong ladies it is possible

 

[Renewed1]

I'm here and still celibate almost 8 years (if not more) later. I think I'm going to stop counting.

But it's possible to stay celibate it takes ALOT of will power, but its possible.

My goal is to meet someone who is practicing celibacy until marriage as well.

 

[sweetvi]

Nine months here and I must say...it's easier for me. I read the word of God , and I think about the time I did not wait and how my life was affected (heartache, drama) because I developed that emotional bond via sex. As a result..I stayed too long and/or they should of never made it past hello lol

Now when I meet someone I'm attracted to is when the real test comes!!!

 

[trclemons]

I just found this post, but I have been in this club for 23 years and I have gone through many seasons as a celibate.

I recommitted my life to Christ in college and got involved in the single's ministry that trained me on how sex creates soul ties with the person you're with and with every person they've been with as well. And we had ceremonies to break those soul ties and commit ourselves to God and the spouse that He created for us. We watched the movie "Pretty Woman" and they showed us how prostitutes will have sex, but will not kiss because of the intimacy it creates. This encouraged us not to kiss and create intimacy with someone who may not be our spouse.

Also, we had dating guidelines to help us not set ourselves up in situations that we could not righteously fulfil. Therefore, we did group dating or dated in public settings and did not spend time alone. And we did not have late phone conversations. Likewise, I learned myself and knew what turned me on (ex. music, movies, etc.) and what seasons I was more vulnerable (i.e. holidays, birthdays, pre-menstral, etc.) and I established boundaries to protect myself during those vulnerable times. And what I learned in college is still what I practice today.

But this commitment is not for the faint in heart. In the course of these 23 years, I have walked through the hurt of people getting married around me who didn't abstain from sex. I've endured being left by men who walked away once they learned of my celibacy. I've cried at the rumors that I must be a lesbian. I've dealt with ignorant comments about something being wrong with me because I can't get or keep a man. I've been lonely. I've felt like I didn't want to do this anymore. I've gotten mad at God. But the thing that kept me grounded through all of that was always being honest about my feelings in prayer, journaling, or talking to someone.

Now let me be clear, I did not have a negative sexual experience, so that is not the reason why I decided to live a celibate life. I simply fell in love with God and made a commitment to do it His way. And although my husband has not come yet, I am able to trust God for him after 23 years of waiting because God has been so faithful to me in other areas of my life that I know I can trust Him with this area. And because I trust Him, there is no need for me to test anybody out before I marry them. Either God knows what He's doing or He doesn't. In the meantime, I'm still living my life, serving God, traveling, working my business, working on my doctorate, enjoying family/friends, etc.

Be encouraged ladies, but know that you can't do this in your own strength, you NEED God! So let's remember to pray for each other.

 

[momi]

Just stopping by to offer some encouragement ladies! Reading the posts here has been a blessing to me.

My husband and I were non virgins who chose celibacy until marriage. When you eliminate sex from the equation it allows you to see things about the person you could have otherwise missed - if there was a disagreement we had to actually work it out... we couldn't just have make up sex and sweep the issue under the rug. Sex can distort your view of the other person...

We've been married for over a decade and God willing will have a lifetime to make up for the years we held out. When I walked down the aisle to meet him - he was crying like a baby... it was really precious.

 

[ArrrBeee]

...............

 

[Maracujá]

How is everyone doing? I'm coming up on almost 8 years of celibacy and thought I had won the battle...I sang victory too soonit's getting harder and harder, not so much physically but mentally as I'm finding it hard to control my thoughts.

 

[Smiley79]

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[Smiley79]

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[Maracujá]

I had posted this in the Celibacy support thread but here's my update; I'm starting all over again. A little down but not giving up since around the time I started this thread:

Well folks, I'm starting over. I'm Refocusing and getting back on track; striving hard not to let distractions or temptations get me off track again. I prayed alot over my actions/decisions and now I'm ready to act on it. I was going strong for about 4 years and then I allowed the possibility of "true love" to get me off track by putting aside the promise I made to myself and God, . 6 months later, yet another disappointment in the love department but worst of all I gave up what was important to me along the way. (As unpopular and uncommon as it may be nowadays, I do believe that someone who truly loves me would be willing to wait for me sexually if that is my wish.)

Unfortuantely, what's done is done, but the bright side is that I'm getting back in the race and I'm going to try hard to stay on course. I took time to reflect on the things that I allowed to happen that eventually got me off course; so I am learning from those things. And I also realize that I need to pray more and read my Bible more; keep the roots that I'm trying to stand on as strong and healthy as possible. I thought I had my feelings and desires under control since I had made it to 4 years, but I soon realized, you're never fully prepared and you never have things fully under control at all times, it's very easy to eventually get worn down and then you can easily break if I dont take firm measures for myself. Especially being in my thirties I'm like a walking flame of fire on most given days, . So I definately need to build a stronger support system to help me stay focused and content this time around. More prayer, wiser choice of circle of friends, more Bible reading, more activities that pamper me physically and emotionally, more outdoor activities whether it be solo or with DD and did I say prayer, lol!!!

anywhoo, I'll let you all know how it goes! I'll try to check in more often.

Celibacy! Take 2!

The bolded is so true, this may seem unrelated but if you have some time to spare this week, listen to Paul Washer's sermon entitled 'Examine yourself' on youtube. This is one of the reasons why I made the conscious decision to date, not on a consistent basis but when a guy asks me out and I'm interested, I go. You see it was easy for me to go from work to home and home to work thinking I was being so 'strong' when in reality there was no temptation whatsoever. What I pride myself in these days is that even when I go out with a guy, I do my best to remain pure and really get to know him by asking the right questions. It is so true what they say: men are usually telling you all you need to know if you just listen instead of making up romantic ideas in your head. And about your response to momi, I've experienced the same in a different way, the first two years of my celibacy I kept running in to a Nigerian man on the bus who would always gush about how 'fresh' I looked. Trust me, it is a good thing not to be clouded by sex or sexual thoughts all the time.

 

[Highly Favored8]

The longest for me was five years. Then 18 months. Now today
It has been one year for me. No kissing or intercourse until I am married. I drew a ___________________________________________________________
in the sand.

 

[Smiley79]

The bolded is so true, this may seem unrelated but if you have some time to spare this week, listen to Paul Washer's sermon entitled 'Examine yourself' on youtube. This is one of the reasons why I made the conscious decision to date, not on a consistent basis but when a guy asks me out and I'm interested, I go. You see it was easy for me to go from work to home and home to work thinking I was being so 'strong' when in reality there was no temptation whatsoever. What I pride myself in these days is that even when I go out with a guy, I do my best to remain pure and really get to know him by asking the right questions. It is so true what they say: men are usually telling you all you need to know if you just listen instead of making up romantic ideas in your head. And about your response to @momi, I've experienced the same in a different way, the first two years of my celibacy I kept running in to a Nigerian man on the bus who would always gush about how 'fresh' I looked. Trust me, it is a good thing not to be clouded by sex or sexual thoughts all the time.

^^^Love that point!!!

 

[Smiley79]

Thanks for all the encouragement and motivation you ladies have shared in this thread! It's very refreshing to read these posts. And no matter what your reason is for staying celibate, I spread my 100% support to each and every one of you.

 

[Smiley79]

Bumping to read again.

 

[CaliiSwagg]

Bump bump bump

 

[Smiley79]

Still doing this. Just checking in.

 

[sounbeweavable]

This thread is my life right now. I have zero prospects for dating (or sex), but I'm exercising restraint by not having DIY sex

It's been 8 months since I've been 100% celibate, and it's been rewarding but difficult.

 

[Smiley79]

Reviving thread

 

[ArrrBeee]

Still holding out. It's difficult but I'm keeping my eyes on the prize.

 

[ItsMeLilLucky]

Me too.

 

[natural in ATL]

My DH and I (non virgins) practiced celibacy until marriage and like others have said, it was so worth it! We absolutely wouldn't have gotten to know each other so deeply and wouldn't have found ways to create intimacy without sex. We've been married almost five years and still going strong! Hang in there ladies, when you find the one you'll be so glad you waited! Praying for you all...

 

[Kindheart]

That's going to be a tough one in this oversexualized,narcissistic world we live in .instant gratification runs everything

 

[NowIAmNappy]

I am staying celebate until I get married. I met my fiancé last June and we get married this weekend. Best decision of our lives and I cannot wait until the honeymoon night

 

[Smiley79]

Yeahhh, let's keep it up ladies.

 

[natural in ATL]

I am staying celebate until I get married. I met my fiancé last June and we get married this weekend. Best decision of our lives and I cannot wait until the honeymoon night

Congratulations @NowIAmNappy!! You're married by now, hope you enjoyed your wedding night!!!

 

[trclemons]

Just checking in to say I too am still holding on after 26 years of celibacy, but my husband needs to find me this year because this is getting ridiculous.

 

[alex114]

My fiancé and I have been together for 5 years, and we were celibate for the first 6 months of our relationship. Another point when we were celibate was when I studied abroad in Paris (this spring semester).
Part of it was age, but I truly believe that having a long period of celibacy somewhere in ones relationship, especially with a Christian couple can really strengthen and firm the foundations of a relationship. Good luck and God bless you all! Your dedication to this is awesome.

 

[DarkJoy]

Just checking in to say I too am still holding on after 26 years of celibacy, but my husband needs to find me this year because this is getting ridiculous.

 

[ArrrBeee]

Regular massages aren't a close substitute, but they are keeping me sane.