Non-Virgins who stayed celibate until marriage

[loolalooh]

Brighteyes35




I surround myself with people that have the same interests as me. I want to be right before God and keep myself pure, I'm not going to be hanging around a bunch of sexually active people.Then they want to tell you they stories about this one and that, and I dont have time for that. People can influence how you think and feel. I dont watch love movies with people hugging and kissing, because that can arouse things in you.I watch what conversations I entertain as well. You can not do this without prayer and fellowship with believers. You find yourself getting the "itchies"get into prayer, ask God to strengthen you, go hang out with some friends. But DONT sit and dwell on it. You ever heard of out of sight, out of mind? God can keep, but you have to want to be kept and not looking for reasons to fall.

Cosign. I do the same. After becoming celibate, I also had to cut contact with certain male friends :looks: and certain music. Whenever I get the itchies, I just pray and read Scriptures. The itchies have waned over time to the point where I actually can't bear to have sex with a man unless he's my husband. Once you're focused on pleasing God, those fleshyly desires begin to die.

 

[kweenameena]

bumpity bump bump

 

[TashaNikki]

Bumping one of my favorite threads

Smiley79 where are you girl?

Anyone need an accountability buddy? All of my friends who were on the six month cilibacy journey with me decided that those six months were enough. They stopped and I was the only solider that kept going

Im here for all of the ladies who are finding the strength to keep going.

 

[Smiley79]

I'm here girlie! Been super busy with work...I am hanging in there strong. On three years now. I have been getting temptations these past few months but I refuse to give in and compromise. Thanks for the support; we all need it!

 

[Smiley79]

 

[DrC]

FlyyBohemian (sigh) youth pastors ugh erplexed. Back in the day, I have been on dates with a couple youth pastors and two sons of preacher men....they were the worst ones trying to get into my pants. A friend I knew in college caught an STD from one and he was a part of the celibacy group. Wolves in sheeps clothing lurk in the House of God. erplexed

 

[FlyyBohemian]

FlyyBohemian (sigh) youth pastors ugh erplexed. Back in the day, I have been on dates with a couple youth pastors and two sons of preacher men....they were the worst ones trying to get into my pants. A friend I knew in college caught an STD from one and he was a part of the celibacy group. Wolves in sheeps clothing lurk in the House of God. erplexed

Lol! He was part of the celibacy group? Be real with yours! My thing is why rush to become a pastor? Why can't you wait until you had your fun like I'm doing! Lol!!!

 

[Ivonnovi]

Wow! @ the posts. Im currently pinning for someone who's currently celibate. Reading you alls perspective on this has enlightened me on factors to avoid being perceived as a challenge.
Sidenote. * Ive gone through periods of celibacy before. Not so much for religious purposes but for other related issues. He & I recently reconnected (found me aft 8yrs). I've not even dated much lately & for the first time in a l-o-n-g long time I'm excited and lets just say it is very interesting to have the shoe on the other foot. Thanks for the refreshing incite.

 

[Smiley79]

bumping...I really hope all who resolve to remain celibate until marriage truly stick to this plan and goal. No matter what your reason for doing it is...hang in there!!!

 

[Ivonnovi]

I just wanted to add the following regarding my earlier post.

I guess over the past few weeks I've walked in the guy's shoes.
With that said, it has occured to me that perhaps my "innocent" flirts might also be viewed as a direct challenge to his "walk". I.e. He has stated recently that He doesn't trust himself (with me); now that I've read the remarks posted in this thread, I think I have a much better understanding of the weight of his statement; along with the understanding that though I had no intentions of following through, my joking flirts may have presented him more of a challenge than I realized oops: introducing suggestive thoughts/feelings he'd rather not have).

When you're in the "world" holding hands , hug , and /or a Kiss IS NOT A BIG DEAL; HOWEVER when you're in the "word" these are like a gateway drug for ..... for like of a better description.

Again, I'll try to do better;....now how do I discuss this with him to make sure I'm on point.

*** As far as the fundamentals , "we" know we are still in Love with each other, but we agreed to "catch-up" before diving headfirst into "E" or "M" words. LOL

 

[DrC]

Lol! He was part of the celibacy group? Be real with yours! My thing is why rush to become a pastor? Why can't you wait until you had your fun like I'm doing! Lol!!!

Yes ma'am. I asked her how in the hec did she fall for that okie doke. Her response: 'I loved him'. It was something we least expected because he was such a gentleman and known as a very easy going kind of guy. A pure tree hugger. It surprising at how much people use religion to mask their natural impulses like sex addiction, denial of sexuality, and pedophile ways, which is what I think he was doing.
what I did noticed about the young pastors I came across come from religious and strict families.

 

[FlyyBohemian]

Yes ma'am. I asked her how in the hec did she fall for that okie doke. Her response: 'I loved him'. It was something we least expected because he was such a gentleman and known as a very easy going kind of guy. A pure tree hugger. It surprising at how much people use religion to mask their natural impulses like sex addiction, denial of sexuality, and pedophile ways, which is what I think he was doing.
what I did noticed about the young pastors I came across come from religious and strict families.

A lot of men use religion as a crutch. My parents are very religious and strict but they were so loving to me and my sisters. I guess that's what contributed to the free spirit nature I have now. I'm a Christian but I've never fit in with people who were too "churchy", if you know what I mean. Those tend to be the worse ones. I knew a guy from gospel choir in undergrad. Real sweet dude. He killed his 1 year son that he had out of wedlock.

 

[menina]

bumping, anything new?

 

[B_Phlyy]

Thanks for starting this thread. I decided to start on this journey about 6 months ago and I plan on seeing it all the way through. I am not a Christian or religious person, but God put it in my heart that the purest way to the trust, love, and intimacy I was craving could only come from him blessing me with a husband. Right now I'm focusing on my schooling/career, but I do entertain men specifically on a friendship level. If they want more than that, I politely let them know that's all I can offer and they can take it or leave it. I'm perfectly fine with them leaving because it just lets me know that that's not what God wanted for me anyway.

 

[BrandNew]

Still hanging in there...

 

[greenandchic]

So glad I stumbled into this thread. This is something I've been contemplating for a while now. Having been married + a couple of long-term relationships that followed, its good to know that I'm not alone in at least thinking about it.

Like others who have shared here and in other threads, my sexual abuse and rape led me to make decisions I wish I haven't made at an age that's too shameful for me to mention online. I wish I made other choices in my young life.

I do wonder if there is anyone who's willing to wait until marriage which can be 2-3 years after first meeting. I don't believe in rushing into marriage. I know I could preach about "I'm worth it, he'll wait!" and "he can go to he11 if he doesn't want to", etc, but I also need to be realistic. Do I really want to risk spending the rest of my life single? Which percentage of guys are willing to wait? Which percentage of those guys are men are NOT religious - because that's a requirement for me too. Which percentage of those guys have the other requirements for me: good looking, certain age range (which is pretty up there for me), attractive, healthy (not a couch potato) financially stable, liberal, etc.

Its almost like a shot in the dark for me.

...snip....

Just read through this thread and for those who returned to celibacy, hang in there. Sometimes sex can cloud judgment and influence our choices, not always for the best.

That is so true.

I wish you brightest blessings....as for me...there are just some mysteries I cannot take into a marriage. Wondering what our sex life is going to be like is but one of them.....I gots to know what I'm signing up for...

That's another thing. I've had a HORRIBLE sexual relationship with my ex-husband. It was sickeningly awful. Boring at its best. We didn't have sex before marriage..

 

[TashaNikki]

Thanks for starting this thread. I decided to start on this journey about 6 months ago and I plan on seeing it all the way through. I am not a Christian or religious person, but God put it in my heart that the purest way to the trust, love, and intimacy I was craving could only come from him blessing me with a husband. Right now I'm focusing on my schooling/career, but I do entertain men specifically on a friendship level. If they want more than that, I politely let them know that's all I can offer and they can take it or leave it. I'm perfectly fine with them leaving because it just lets me know that that's not what God wanted for me anyway.

Your story is very similar to mine. I started out on a six month celibacy journey and by the end of it I didn't even need to ask myself whether or not to say on the journey, it was more like it was spoken unto me- so I listened and now I'm living it.

Im focusing on finishing up my schooling and making a smooth transition into the working world. But really I'm focusing on me and making sure my relationship with G*d is all that it needs to be before a man comes into the picture.

One Sunday at church, the pastor had a sermon where he talked about Genesis and Adam and Eve. The point is, before Eve had a relationship with Adam, she had a relationship with G*d. While G*d was making Eve from Adam's rib, Adam was asleep! The Bible doesn't explicitly say how long Adam was asleep but we do know that Eve's first relationship was with G*d, not a man. That message just really stuck with me because it wasn't really something that I'd thought about before but I makes a lot of sense.

On another note, all of these fine manzes have been falling into my path for some reason recently. Sometimes it gets hard but I'm just taking it one day at a time.

 

[Smiley79]

Just popping in to bump the thread.

 

[Sanity]

BBBBBBUUUUUMMMMMPPPPPP!!!!!

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

Please see the link for the article "Why guarding your heart is not enough" for those ladies who are doing this exercise to honor God.

Basically, you need to be on the hunt for Christ so much, that you won't feel lonely, otherwise.

 

[tinkat]

Thanks for starting this thread. I decided to start on this journey about 6 months ago and I plan on seeing it all the way through. I am not a Christian or religious person, but God put it in my heart that the purest way to the trust, love, and intimacy I was craving could only come from him blessing me with a husband. Right now I'm focusing on my schooling/career, but I do entertain men specifically on a friendship level. If they want more than that, I politely let them know that's all I can offer and they can take it or leave it. I'm perfectly fine with them leaving because it just lets me know that that's not what God wanted for me anyway.

I feel the same way. At first I was practicing celibacy until monogamy but now I feel like its in my heart to wait til marriage.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[menina]

bumping

...

 

[Aicer]

I'm thinking about remaining celibate until marriage but I'm not very religious.
I'm thinking future DH will give me a major side eye if I don't want to have sex and it not be for religious reasons.

 

[tinkat]

I'm thinking about remaining celibate until marriage but I'm not very religious.
I'm thinking future DH will give me a major side eye if I don't want to have sex and it not be for religious reasons.

If he is the right one he wouldn't. I'm more spiritual than religious and I'm waiting. The guy that I'm talking to said he wouldn't mind waiting.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[B_Phlyy]

I'm thinking about remaining celibate until marriage but I'm not very religious.
I'm thinking future DH will give me a major side eye if I don't want to have sex and it not be for religious reasons.

I lost my religion when I was 13 and have no intention of picking one up ever again in life. I don't think I will end up with a man who is very religious anyway [I just want God fearing] so I don't suspect it will be a problem.

Plus in my very limited experience with dating while celibate, I find that letting men know my stance seems to weed out men who are not trying to be a husband anyway. I told two different guys this within the first week of them showing interest in me. Both completely stopped calling about 2 days after my disclosure. Yeah it sucks to know that that's the only thing they wanted from me, but I don't have time to sweat that. I figure the man who wants to marry me won't mind waiting a few months or years because he knows when we get married he will get to have all of me for the rest of his life.

 

[Enyo]

When I accepted Islam (horrible mistake), I remained celibate until marriage. My husband was religious too, so there was no pressure, but I will never do that again. My husband ended up being both impotent and sexually selfish when he could get it up.

 

[Renewed1]

When I accepted Islam (horrible mistake), I remained celibate until marriage. My husband was religious too, so there was no pressure, but I will never do that again. My husband ended up being both impotent and sexually selfish when he could get it up.

ohwell:

ETA: Gosh, I hope that doesn't happen to me, defeats the purpose of waiting. I could've stayed single for that.

 

[greenandchic]

When I accepted Islam (horrible mistake), I remained celibate until marriage. My husband was religious too, so there was no pressure, but I will never do that again. My husband ended up being both impotent and sexually selfish when he could get it up.

This.

Its easy to say you will stay celibate if you've never had that experience before. I remember mentioning here or in another thread how horrible my sex life was with my ex husband after waiting until we got married. Its a nice idea that I dabble with at times, but I can't put myself though that again.

 

[menina]

well dang yall i bumped this thread for encouragement and come back to these horror stories. i'm sorry about your past experiences and hope that you get partners who want to make you happy in all areas of the relationship.

i do believe there are ways to avoid that and get an idea of how your partner will treat you by how he treats you outside of the bedroom. since the actual the literal act isn't rocket science, most times it's the chemistry (emotional/physical) that's off.

 

[Enyo]

I do believe there are ways to avoid that and get an idea of how your partner will treat you by how he treats you outside of the bedroom. since the actual the literal act isn't rocket science, most times it's the chemistry (emotional/physical) that's off.

Actually, my ex was overally nice to me before we got married. Afterwards, he'd complain about little things like picking me up from work which was only 10 minutes to our house. He tried to get me to ride the bus late at night.

As for his limp noddle, that was caused by medications he took. It had nothing to do with chemistry.