Non-Virgins who stayed celibate until marriage

O-ren said:
why not? If people can over financial woes, why not sex?

As for discussions, people always talk the big talk before then when it comes down to it..hot air.
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i see your point, but what about working it out...if you love eachother you're eager to learn to please eachother. there's people willing to do that without any commitment at all. IJS


ETA: yea what i said didn't add to the discussion, lol.
 
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O-ren said:
I have noticed women complain that men are only willing to wait for a virgin, if she's not..its like "why did everyone else get a taste yet I'm the scapegoat that has to wiat until marriage" etc
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Read: "She's not really a chaste woman. She's only pretending and playing me for the fool." A man who acts like he's getting the shaft because other men got to have sex with this woman is essentially saying that he doesn't deeply respect her choice to remain abstinent, and views her more as a means of sexual gratification than as a woman he loves.

Just think about it, "Why did everyone else get...and I can't"? What is this woman, a carnival ride? The fact that he feels he is entitled to sex, not because he's devoted to her, not because he's (permanently) committed to her, not because he's earned it, but because some other man "got to" is a bad sign. :nono:


This is yet another reason why women don't need to discuss their sexual history with men.
 
nicola.kirwan said:
Read: "She's not really a chaste woman. She's only pretending and playing me for the fool." A man who acts like he's getting the shaft because other men got to have sex with this woman is essentially saying that he doesn't deeply respect her choice to remain abstinent, and views her more as a means of sexual gratification than as a woman he loves.

Just think about it, "Why did everyone else get...and I can't"? What is this woman, a carnival ride? The fact that he feels he is entitled to sex, not because he's devoted to her, not because he's (permanently) committed to her, not because he's earned it, but because some other man "got to" is a bad sign. :nono:


This is yet another reason why women don't need to discuss their sexual history with men.
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I agree. Like I said in my 2nd post in the thread, she has the right to decide whatever she wants without guys making her feel like she owes them, just that she has to find someone who respect that because ALOT of guys think "unless she's a virgin, I shouldnt have to wait til marriage" and for those who want to it's unfortunate, buit Im sure if they are diligent, they will find those who are fine with it..he just might want marriage sooner :lol:
 
Okay my question is at what point do you bring up the celibate thing to a man you are dating. I get so nervous about this because with most men I have dated, it's a turn off and they wind up leaving. It's so difficult to date nowadays cause EVERYTHING centers around sex. It really adds a lot of tension to things and sometimes I find myself not wanting to be bothered with dating. There is pressure everywhere. There is pressure to kiss, there is pressure to come over his house and then there are these strange new rules. I had a girlfriend tell me that I should never let 3 months go by without having sex with a guy I'm with. So I just don't know. I could use some strength from you ladies. Thanks!
 
nicola.kirwan said:
Read: "She's not really a chaste woman. She's only pretending and playing me for the fool." A man who acts like he's getting the shaft because other men got to have sex with this woman is essentially saying that he doesn't deeply respect her choice to remain abstinent, and views her more as a means of sexual gratification than as a woman he loves.

Just think about it, "Why did everyone else get...and I can't"? What is this woman, a carnival ride? The fact that he feels he is entitled to sex, not because he's devoted to her, not because he's (permanently) committed to her, not because he's earned it, but because some other man "got to" is a bad sign. :nono:


This is yet another reason why women don't need to discuss their sexual history with men.
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well i have two friends who got married recently. she had gotten around before she became more serious with her walk with the Lord and he was a virgin. he wasn't happy when he first learned abt her sexual past, she was actually a little bit promiscuous before. he thought he was going to marry a virgin, and had kept himself accordingly. but they prayed throughout and got throughout and they're happily married now. they remained quite celibate through it all. though some of the choices they've made are not for me, i love them as a couple.
 
Brighteyes35 said:
Okay my question is at what point do you bring up the celibate thing to a man you are dating. I get so nervous about this because with most men I have dated, it's a turn off and they wind up leaving. It's so difficult to date nowadays cause EVERYTHING centers around sex. It really adds a lot of tension to things and sometimes I find myself not wanting to be bothered with dating. There is pressure everywhere. There is pressure to kiss, there is pressure to come over his house and then there are these strange new rules. I had a girlfriend tell me that I should never let 3 months go by without having sex with a guy I'm with. So I just don't know. I could use some strength from you ladies. Thanks!
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I usually tell the man I'm dating right away. I would say on like the second or third date, whenever its most appropriate/ comfortable. I feel like there's no sense in wasting anyones time.

Most of the time guys run the other way or just think im lying or "trying to be cute" and when they realize im being serious then they leave. smh. its tough out here, thats for sure.

But I feel you girl. I don't really know how to deal with this either. The mantra of "stay strong" starts to run weak after a while when sex is such common place in our society. I mean I cant give you any great advice, other than remember your purpose. Remember why you are celibate and as long as that reason is more important to you than sex than it should be easier to say no to it. Other than that, I can tell you you're not alone out there. There's a few of us who understand your struggle and we support you :yep:
 
I'm celibate. I "plan" to not even kiss a guy I'm dating until we are married. I'm over kissing guys that aren't mine or having sex with them, etc. It's not worth it to me and my emotions. I personally feel the person for me, will wait for me and maybe be willing to marry quicker.

But I do agree that both parties do need to be in agreement with the celibacy, no kissing, etc.
 
A lot of people here think that men will only wait for virgins but as a virgin, thats not what I see. I'll be 26 next month and I will still not have had intercourse. I engaged in oral coloring but because of relationship that I have developed with God I'm saving that for marriage too. There has been several times in which I'd meet a guy and hangout with him and he would just stop calling. He wouldn't even bother taking me out. I'm kind of talking to a youth pastor right now who is around my age. My second time meeting him after talking to him on the phone, I kissed and him we heavily made out and we would constantly do this when he visited. I had to stop him from giving me oral sex, and I think he's not calling me as much any more or trying to visit because he knows it won't go any further. It hurts but what can you do? I thought that maybe I kissed him to soon. It's hard waiting because sometimes I feel even people in the church are having sex and I will not be able to bring the man I want in my life unless I can please him sexually. It's also hard when you see your friends moving in with their fiancees and getting married. You wonder why no man chose you. Oh well. I'll be alright.
 
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FlyyBohemian said:
A lot of people here think that men will only wait for virgins but as a virgin, thats not what I see. I'll be 26 next month and I will still not have had intercourse. I engaged in oral coloring but because of relationship that I have developed with God I'm saving that for marriage too. There has been several times in which I'd meet a guy and hangout with him and he would just stop calling. He wouldn't even bother taking me out. I'm kind of talking to a youth pastor right now who is around my age. My second time meeting him after talking to him on the phone, I kissed and him we heavily made out and we would constantly do this when he visited. I had to stop him from giving me oral sex, and I think he's not calling me as much any more or trying to visit because he knows it won't go any further. It hurts but what can you do? I thought that maybe I kissed him to soon. It's hard waiting because sometimes I feel even people in the church are having sex and I will not be able to bring the man I want in my life unless I can please him sexually. It's also hard when you see your friends moving in with their fiancees and getting married. You wonder why no man chose you. Oh well. I'll be alright.
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Not sure how you talk about keeping yourself til marriage yet you are doing things that muddled this/put you in compromising positions. heavy making out, 2nd day upon meeting? and you expect these men to not expect intercourse sooner/later? Do you think you're being fair?
 
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O-ren said:
Not sure how you talk about keeping yourself til marriage yet you are doing things that muddled this/put you in compromising positions. heavy making out, 2nd day upon meeting? and you expect these men to not expect intercourse sooner/later? Do you think you're being fair?
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Wait...hold on. These men? That was one situation so please don't make it more than it really is or look for a loophole to judge. If you read my post closely you would know that. Another thing, when we were talking, sex didn't really didn't come up and when he tried to bring it up I changed the subject. You don't know me so why would you assume that I put myself in compromising positions?
 
I also made this commitment a few years ago and I've been single for the past 5 years. Once I'm in a relationship I know it will be difficult but right now I'm not even dating.
ETA I've actually only been celibate for 3 years and determined to wait until marraige.
 
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FlyyBohemian said:
A lot of people here think that men will only wait for virgins but as a virgin, thats not what I see. I'll be 26 next month and I will still not have had intercourse. I engaged in oral coloring but because of relationship that I have developed with God I'm saving that for marriage too. There has been several times in which I'd meet a guy and hangout with him and he would just stop calling. He wouldn't even bother taking me out. I'm kind of talking to a youth pastor right now who is around my age. My second time meeting him after talking to him on the phone, I kissed and him we heavily made out and we would constantly do this when he visited. I had to stop him from giving me oral sex, and I think he's not calling me as much any more or trying to visit because he knows it won't go any further. It hurts but what can you do? I thought that maybe I kissed him to soon. It's hard waiting because sometimes I feel even people in the church are having sex and I will not be able to bring the man I want in my life unless I can please him sexually. It's also hard when you see your friends moving in with their fiancees and getting married. You wonder why no man chose you. Oh well. I'll be alright.
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FlyyBohemian:

You made out (and heavily) with him too soon. Oral sex (though you stopped him from doing it) shouldn't have entered the equation upon only meeting him a second time. I know it hurts that he stopped calling, but this "youth pastor" was obviously after sex (be it oral, vaginal, whatever). Frankly, I encourage you not to entertain his calls, if he calls. You want to wait until marriage, he doesn't, and that is a recipe for disaster.

Unfortunately, there are people in some churches who are having sex. However, don't let that discourage you. Of course, God will bring you the right man without you having to "please him sexually" prior to marriage. There are men out there who will respect you enough to wait until the wedding night.

26 is still young. You've got PLENTY of time for the right man to come along. Trust.
 
loolalooh said:
FlyyBohemian:

You made out (and heavily) with him too soon. Oral sex (though you stopped him from doing it) shouldn't have entered the equation upon only meeting him a second time. I know it hurts that he stopped calling, but this "youth pastor" was obviously after sex (be it oral, vaginal, whatever). Frankly, I encourage you not to entertain his calls, if he calls. You want to wait until marriage, he doesn't, and that is a recipe for disaster.

Unfortunately, there are people in some churches who are having sex. However, don't let that discourage you. Of course, God will bring you the right man without you having to "please him sexually" prior to marriage. There are men out there who will respect you enough to wait until the wedding night.

26 is still young. You've got PLENTY of time for the right man to come along. Trust.
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I understand what you are saying, but he didn't try oral sex with me until he had been visiting me frequently. I'm not planning on talking to him or entertaining his calls. I realized that he's just trying to sniff around to see if I might change my mind about anything. I assumed that because of his "calling" he would automatically want to wait but his actions showed he's not really trying to.
 
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FlyyBohemian said:
Wait...hold on. These men? That was one situation so please don't make it more than it really is or look for a loophole to judge. If you read my post closely you would know that. Another thing, when we were talking, sex didn't really didn't come up and when he tried to bring it up I changed the subject. You don't know me so why would you assume that I put myself in compromising positions?
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I understand what you're saying because I lived it. The older I got the more compromises I made. They were mistakes and I learned from them. But I was horny and sometimes I just let my body dictate my behavior too much.

But these men do try you. They understand that you have desires and they are just hoping to catch you up and get you in a situation where you can't stop yourself.

Our youth pastors taught us that kissing before marriage was off limits and that really helped me. I was in love with my high school sweet heart and I wanted to be with him so bad. We would kiss so intensely, that I would just have to leave to keep from doing it. And I probably would have if he didn't have so much respect for me. He cheated like a dog and ended up leaving me for his own lifestyle but he didn't want to be held accountable for me compromising myself.

Every other man I knew after that tried me. All of them. The church ones, the worldly ones...all of them want to see if they can be the one to concur you. They do it on purpose and they don't care how you feel after making a mistake.

Be careful and guard your heart. Sometimes kissing is too much because it opens the door.

If you make a mistake or go to far, no man should expect anything from you that you have not promised to give. Even if you promise, no one should expect anything from you sexually. You are not a service provider. You're a woman, trying to do something very difficult in a very sexual world. Once you tell them upfront what you believe, they should respect that. They won't respect it....so that's why you have to limit touching almost to an extreme.

If y'all kiss, he's gonna get hard and he will try you. Grab this, squeeze that... And next thing you know you're going too far.

I would also stay away from the youth pastor dude. He is probably not worth the drama he would bring into his life. Churchy dudes with low character are worse than worldly dudes. Worldly dudes at least keep it real. It's the church dudes that you have to be careful with.

Just my opinion. I'm proud of you for waiting. It's hard, but it is so worth it!!! It really is.
 
SelahOco said:
I understand what you're saying because I lived it. The older I got the more compromises I made. They were mistakes and I learned from them. But I was horny and sometimes I just let my body dictate my behavior too much.

But these men do try you. They understand that you have desires and they are just hoping to catch you up and get you in a situation where you can't stop yourself.

Our youth pastors taught us that kissing before marriage was off limits and that really helped me. I was in love with my high school sweet heart and I wanted to be with him so bad. We would kiss so intensely, that I would just have to leave to keep from doing it. And I probably would have if he didn't have so much respect for me. He cheated like a dog and ended up leaving me for his own lifestyle but he didn't want to be held accountable for me compromising myself.

Every other man I knew after that tried me. All of them. The church ones, the worldly ones...all of them want to see if they can be the one to concur you. They do it on purpose and they don't care how you feel after making a mistake.

Be careful and guard your heart. Sometimes kissing is too much because it opens the door.

If you make a mistake or go to far, no man should expect anything from you that you have not promised to give. Even if you promise, no one should expect anything from you sexually. You are not a service provider. You're a woman, trying to do something very difficult in a very sexual world. Once you tell them upfront what you believe, they should respect that. They won't respect it....so that's why you have to limit touching almost to an extreme.

If y'all kiss, he's gonna get hard and he will try you. Grab this, squeeze that... And next thing you know you're going too far.

I would also stay away from the youth pastor dude. He is probably not worth the drama he would bring into his life. Churchy dudes with low character are worse than worldly dudes. Worldly dudes at least keep it real. It's the church dudes that you have to be careful with.

Just my opinion. I'm proud of you for waiting. It's hard, but it is so worth it!!! It really is.
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Thank you and love you!
 
Hello ladies! Well I have been single AND celibate for almost 5 years. God has been keeping me. My reason is to please God because I know that God isn't pleased with fornication. I must say I have never felt so complete and fulfilled before in my life. I was allllwaaaysss in relationship, but when I got saved, I decided to give me life to God completely. I will not have sex or even kiss UNTIL I get married. And I know it can be done, because a friend of mine just got married to a very attractive man, and they never even held hands. But he admired her chasteness and purity.

People laugh at me when I tell them this but wait and see:yep:. God will bless me because of my faithfulness to Him. I'm not going out and "looking" for no one. I'm waiting on God.

And just to encourage you ladies, this celibacy thing can be done with non virgins. Before I got saved I was very active. But God brings you to point where you begin to know your worth and value. You begin to see you are worth more than some man running up in you, who is not your husband. If he loves you, he will put a ring on it. you begin to see you have more to offer than your vagina, and if any man wants to take it that far, he is going to have to stand before God with me and commit to me. The next man I sleep with will be with me for the rest of my life.

I told God that I was giving Him my heart, and if any man wants it,he will have to go to God to get it.
 
Brighteyes35

Brighteyes35 said:
I wanna know how are yall being so strong cause I feel like I'm about to slip up.
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I surround myself with people that have the same interests as me. I want to be right before God and keep myself pure, I'm not going to be hanging around a bunch of sexually active people.Then they want to tell you they stories about this one and that, and I dont have time for that. People can influence how you think and feel. I dont watch love movies with people hugging and kissing, because that can arouse things in you.I watch what conversations I entertain as well. You can not do this without prayer and fellowship with believers. You find yourself getting the "itchies"get into prayer, ask God to strengthen you, go hang out with some friends. But DONT sit and dwell on it. You ever heard of out of sight, out of mind? God can keep, but you have to want to be kept and not looking for reasons to fall.
 
Alicialynn86

Hey lady thanks for that. Your post was so powerful! I remember when I used to be so strong when I was in my 20's. I wish I could get that back. People like you are truly inspiring. Now that I'm in my 30's, things are so different. I don't know whether I've just grown tired or weary or what. I'm coming into contact with less people who are walking a Christian walk. Also I think I come into less contact with women who are single and childless and trying to walk it and talk it and that may have had some wear and tear on me. And lets not even talk about dating.............I think when I was young, things were more vibrant and the future seemed bright. Perhaps reality has set in or maybe the walk has just grown difficult. I don't meet Christians who are vibrant and alive like it was when I was in my 20's. I remember being in college and we had campus crusades. We were not only walking the walk but talking as best as we could and when we slipped we kept each other accountable. We had ourselves in bible study through the week and on weekends. Girl it was fun. And we were strong in the most difficult area..........yep sex! A bunch of 20 something year old college students...........we were aware that sex was everywhere but like I said we kept each other accountable for real. I really do miss this. The problem I run into now even with Christian men is the whole you in your 30's and you wanna be celibate until marriage!!! You too old for that is the attitude I get. It was excusable to be celibate in your 20's but for some reason it seems like a crime in your 30's. I don't know, I could go on forever about this but again thanks girl!
 
Brighteyes35

Well u know when you walking this walk in Christ, majority of people gone think 1).You going too far, you extreme 2). You crazy. But thats why you cant do this thing trying to please men. But you have to be in it to please God. You have to know that God will reward you for your faithfulness to Him. He see your desires but you must first be proven faithful before He gives you your desires.

I am a testimony that God can keep you. but I have remained strong because I dont put myself in positions to fall and I keep myself in communuion with God. You win this battle through His strength, not yours.


Brighteyes35 said:
@Alicialynn86

Hey lady thanks for that. Your post was so powerful! I remember when I used to be so strong when I was in my 20's. I wish I could get that back. People like you are truly inspiring. Now that I'm in my 30's, things are so different. I don't know whether I've just grown tired or weary or what. I'm coming into contact with less people who are walking a Christian walk. Also I think I come into less contact with women who are single and childless and trying to walk it and talk it and that may have had some wear and tear on me. And lets not even talk about dating.............I think when I was young, things were more vibrant and the future seemed bright. Perhaps reality has set in or maybe the walk has just grown difficult. I don't meet Christians who are vibrant and alive like it was when I was in my 20's. I remember being in college and we had campus crusades. We were not only walking the walk but talking as best as we could and when we slipped we kept each other accountable. We had ourselves in bible study through the week and on weekends. Girl it was fun. And we were strong in the most difficult area..........yep sex! A bunch of 20 something year old college students...........we were aware that sex was everywhere but like I said we kept each other accountable for real. I really do miss this. The problem I run into now even with Christian men is the whole you in your 30's and you wanna be celibate until marriage!!! You too old for that is the attitude I get. It was excusable to be celibate in your 20's but for some reason it seems like a crime in your 30's. I don't know, I could go on forever about this but again thanks girl!
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Sorry girl! I must have missed your post

sweetvi

But honestly she didnt do anything. I know this may be against popular belief. But she didnt do anything but tell God how she felt about this particular guy and that she wanted to marry him. She just believe God would do it for her. She didnt flirt with him, half way ignored the guy to be honest. She just stayed focused on the things of God. She isn't amazingly beautiful, just your average looking girl. One day, he called and proposed to her.

sweetvi said:
@Alicialynn86

Do you mind telling us more about your friend if she does not mind? How did she do it?
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Wow@ alicialynn86

Did they date? How long? And he just proposed??? Are they both Christians? Sorry I'm being nosey..it amazes me the awesome power of God but yet it is hard to obey.. Thx!
 
sweetvi

No they didnt date, they were engaged for about a year to get everything in order. Yes they are both Christians, they both attend my church.He just prayed and asked God and God showed him that was his wife. He began to have feelings for her. But this the best part, God showed him that was his wife, but God told him that it wasnt the time. he waited 3 years to propose her!!!!! God let him know when it was time. But he didnt know that she felt the same way about him and he did her.They was both praying for each other and didnt even know it. He testified that he was scared to ask her because he didnt know if she would say yes. He seen her love for God, love for people, they way she labored in the ministry, her passon and devotion to God and thats why attracted him to her....so yes it can be done :yep:.They are happily married now..

sweetvi said:
Wow@ alicialynn86

Did they date? How long? And he just proposed??? Are they both Christians? Sorry I'm being nosey..it amazes me the awesome power of God but yet it is hard to obey.. Thx!
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