My SO Really Put HIs Foot in His Mouth !

[msa]

Chill. I mean , I don't agree with Dominican09's comment either, but at the same time, that's just a risk she chooses to take.

I was just trying to say that I "get" where she's coming from now because of her own relationship status. That was all.

Are you saying that a man that signs a paper and swears before God, family and friends that he will be with you till death do you part is more trustworthy than one who doesn't?

Nope, that's not what I'm saying or meant.

My point was we like to pretend as a community that single parent homes are just as good as married parent homes when research, experience, anecdotal evidence, and the 6oclock news shows us that they aren't.

 

[LBoogie]

I read the OP as saying they talked about marriage, he said he wasn't ready and then she made the I'm in school so it cool right now settlement to herself. I think dude is a dumb arse for saying that mess and they are basically married without the paper.

I totally get what you're saying but to the bolded: There is no such thing IMO.

 

[honeycomb719]

EXACTLY! I won't even wait longer than 1.5 yrs before I get a ring, so I can't even imagine being with someone for 7 yrs and hearing them say 'they're not ready for marriage'. Why the hell am I with you then? Uh uh..I'm not about to play house like that.

Exactly!!!As the ole folks say," Piss or get off the pot"...

 

[firecracker]

True she will be dealing with him

but she is free to choose to not deal with him as her 'man' or husband

we all end up with a sorry mo-fo at one point or another

it aint best for the kids that she stay , if he wants ms hot tamale to settle down with

and sees her as inferior , with his lame $#%%

to the bold hopefully she only has a little while before she completes school. In this bad economy I would advise her to stick it out with a executable plan. Don't forgot I want her feed him sour condiments to send him to the toilet for a long time.l

 

[Msstarr718]

And I also feel that by him saying that " if he were to settle down it would be with latin girl" that he's just waiting for Maria to come along and when she does he might just give her the time of day and wont really think twice about being wrong because he feels like he's not ''settled down'' and has free reign to do what he pleases.. And he'll let her prove her worthiness which probably wont take much meanwhile you cooked, and cleaned, mothered his children and been a woman to him for 7 years and he'll let her in so much easier than he did you... Why because it seems that you are not what he really truly want but its convinient..

Op has he ever said anything remotely like this in the past? Is his thing for latin girls something new to you?

 

[firecracker]

I totall get what you're saying but to the bolded: There is no such thing IMO.

I know its called Playing House and getting over!

 

[LBoogie]

to the bold hopefully she only has a little while before she completes school. In this bad economy I would advise her to stick it out with a executable plan. Don't forgot I want her feed him sour condiments to send him to the toilet for a long time.l

....and put some Shug Avery pee in his lemonade.

 

[msa]

I predict that the OP ain't neva coming back in this thread.

And that she'll stay for another 7 years.

 

[Carrie A]

Boy I'm like why are there 50 people in the relationship forum. I just re-read that statement. It's just so disrespectful and hurtful. I feel very sorry OP.

 

[MissJ]

I'm so sorrry to hear this, but the 7 years with children and no marriage should have been a red flag. Men can be so heartless and trifling. That's why we need to look out for ourselves.

*going to read the rest of the thread*

 

[Irresistible]

too funny girl!

I do agree she has to have a plan, especially with kids, its hard to stay and fake it though, I feel bad for her, it would be great if she has a way out now, but if not yes a plan is needed

to the bold hopefully she only has a little while before she completes school. In this bad economy I would advise her to stick it out with a executable plan. Don't forgot I want her feed him sour condiments to send him to the toilet for a long time.l

 

[doll-baby]

Not to be nosey or anything, but how many kids do you guys have together?

We have a 3yr old together and I have a son from a previous relationship, he has a daughter from a previous relationship.

 

[Irresistible]

I predict that the OP ain't neva coming back in this thread.

And that she'll stay for another 7 years.

Sometimes this is how things begin , like endings and facing painful truths, healing etc

coming out in the open and speaking about the pain

you never know

I know it happened for me

I hope she does return to the thread

 

[LBoogie]

I predict that the OP ain't neva coming back in this thread.

And that she'll stay for another 7 years.

wronnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng!

 

[laCriolla]

doll baby, it sounds like he was afraid your mutual friends at the barbershop would run and tell you,
so he came home and told you first, with his own 'devil's advocate' spin.

maybe if you don't want to up and leave (which is probably best)
you can get your mutual friend's take on it. although if they are his BOYS they'll probably just stick up for him.

 

[JustKiya]

wronnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng!

Hopefully on BOTH notes.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

....and put some Shug Avery pee in his lemonade.

ummm....MissBoogie shuga...

dat der got me ova hea hollerin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! shug avery pee..... u is dead wrong fo dat chileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

u made me choke on my tea.....

 

[AngieB]

My only comment. When someone tells you who they are...please listen.

 

[MissJ]

Thank you ladies for responding, he still doesn't get why I'm upset. That makes me even angrier. And yeah since last night whenever he asks me to do something I'll say why don't you get a latin chick to do it !
And I still can't believe he had the nerve to say that to me, it would be better if at least he understood where he was wrong and apologized but he wants to chalk it up to me overreacting. He thinks because he is with me that should be testament enough that he wants to be with me, but now I kind of feel like he's just wasting time with me until he finds some latin chick, IDK

You won't know unless you are prepared to leave him if he doesn't propose in a certain amount of time... or until that Latin chick comes along.

This reminds me of a guy I know. He was with his black girlfriend for 6 years. She wanted to get married. He said he wasn't ready. She gave him an ultimatum. He never proposed, so she left him. So fast forward to a year and a half later. He gets this Latin chick as his girlfriend. Latin chick has 4 kids!!!!!!! He dated her for 3 months, and was in class asking the professor seriously asking our professor about what kind of inheritance his stepkids would get. Luckily, the Latin chick dropped him when she found out he was a loser. Still, he would drop the black woman who was with him through thick and thin and who has no kids for some Latin chick he just met with all those kids!!!!!!!

 

[Nyssa28]

I know men talk sh*t at the barber shop but about the one they "love" too? I don't think so. I'd have to question the type of man he is to even THINK he could come to me and say some ish like that and think I'd be cool with it. He had some nerve!

 

[msa]

Hopefully on BOTH notes.

She did come back so I was wrong on one...the other, only time will tell.


No but for real OP, I hope you figure out what's best for you. I know you can't just up and leave with 2 kids but staying isn't good either in the long-term.

I don't envy your position.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

erplexed At least it seems to indicate that both parties are on the same page. A man saying he wants to marry you, and a man proposing to you are two very, very, very different things. Esp. if he makes the effort to go out and buy a ring, too.

And I think a lot of women today don't see - or choose to ignore - the significant difference between the two. Esp. when the relationship is far from 'new', and they are living like they are married.
/quote]

This is going to be my new quote on facebook

There is a difference. Which I think he put her on to.

Marriage is a contract between you, your spouse and God.

Living together is ....living together. No disrespect OP and I of course do not want to demean your situation.

Your life should not stop or be on pause once you get married...it should be enriched.

OP, I'm concerned about the children...they need to be secure in who they are

You preachin' the truth!

Girl this is my favorite line.. I DO NOT PLAY HOUSE WITH NO MAN!!!!!!!

That's what I follow through and through. When my SO moves to Boston he's living by himself until we're married.

 

[Msstarr718]

I knowww!!!! and you know what...giving that much power to a comment is serious...that comment would have so much power over you that you would brake the home?...shoot knowing me, I would have been..."really?, I think for me, a white man would be the best person to settle with" and if he gets mad for me saying that, I would have been, "I just wanted to stir up our conversation, see! gotcha!! Give him something to think about.

Its not just a comment its his feelings.. It didnt just come up because they were watching the show and he struck up a convo for debate.. He actually had a real live convo with his homies prior to the show about it and belittiling the relationship he has with the mother of his children infront of them.. No bueno in my book... True feelings coming out is what it was not just a comment!!!!! NO MA'AM

 

[TayMac]

The fact that he would come and tell you this speaks volumes to me.

This is more than putting your foot in your mouth!

I imagine things are quite tense in the household or maybe not since he doesn't feel he did/said anything wrong.


If he was on really on his game, after he said that crap...he should have had a nice gift and a small box with a ring letting you know he didn't mean it and that he WANTS to settle down with you.

 

[Vanity1]

All I got to say is women have more power than they allow themselves, i.e. rationalizing actions and behavior.

I don't see dudes rationalizing a blaggone thing about a woman. If one titty sag lower than the other they will leave you and folks won't say squat to them about it. But women, ah, as long as he (xyz, bare minimum...fill in blank) girlll you better keep that man.

I very much so doubt men are having these conversation in sports forums lol.

I wish you the best OP.

 

[Irresistible]

All I got to say is women have more power than they allow themselves, i.e. rationalizing actions and behavior.

I don't see dudes rationalizing a blaggone thing about a woman. If one titty sag lower than the other they will leave you and folks won't say squat to them about it. But women, ah, as long as he (xyz, bare minimum...fill in blank) girlll you better keep that man.

I very much so doubt men are having these conversation in sports forums lol.

I wish you the best OP.

This is very true about our nature and it can be our greatest demise, but sometimes the pain gets too great to keep all that up and not just wake up and smell the coffee, face the truth and walk

when a woman is tired enough of it all, she will

 

[LBoogie]

This is very true about our nature and it can be our greatest demise, but sometimes the pain gets too great to keep all that up and not just wake up and smell the coffee, face the truth and walk

when a woman is tired enough of it all, she will

Sadly enough, MANY women don't tire easily.

 

[TayMac]

Because I guess it was the highlight of his day?? Sometimes women look too much into things...guys are not that deep. To me it is clear, the man said he wanted to expose the other side of the conversation, tis' all!

That's true. And he said exactly what he meant and furthermore his actions match up with his comment. He has not settled (married) his current black woman so WTH is he waiting for? He told her..simple as that.

Exposing the other side of the conversation and playing devils advocate does not include hurting and disrespecting someone else.

 

[bimbabe]

All I got to say is women have more power than they allow themselves, i.e. rationalizing actions and behavior.

I don't see dudes rationalizing a blaggone thing about a woman. If one titty sag lower than the other they will leave you and folks won't say squat to them about it. But women, ah, as long as he (xyz, bare minimum...fill in blank) girlll you better keep that man.

I very much so doubt men are having these conversation in sports forums lol.

I wish you the best OP.

Truer words have never been spoken!!! They may not walk right away but they certainly won't consider themselves as having settled down...they are still browsing.

 

[deltagyrl]

All I got to say is women have more power than they allow themselves, i.e. rationalizing actions and behavior.

I don't see dudes rationalizing a blaggone thing about a woman. If one titty sag lower than the other they will leave you and folks won't say squat to them about it. But women, ah, as long as he (xyz, bare minimum...fill in blank) girlll you better keep that man.

I very much so doubt men are having these conversation in sports forums lol.

I wish you the best OP.

Now ain't that the truth, Ruth.