My SO Lied....again

L

littlebit79

New Member
Ok, this is the second time that I have caught my SO other lying about going out. Last year, he went on a partying binge, he went out every weekend for the entire summer. I love to party too, but damn! I felt that was bit much when you're in a relationship and I told him he needed to slow down. We talked about it, and it seemed to calm down. Well I guess this summer he just decided he would lie about it. The first time, he lied and said he just hung out at home but when I was getting dressed I found the receipt for his drinks that my "brilliant" BF left laying on the dresser. I confronted him, he fessed up... we talked about it, and moved on.

Well this past weekend, this dude does it again. He says he was home, but I have a key and have free reign, so I asked him again what he did with a little more bass in my voice, to give the impression that I might know more than I did. He once again confessed that he was lying.

I love this dude, but I absolutely hate liars! One lie makes every truth seem questionable. I have never had any issues with him with infidelity and otherwise he's an open book. But this just doesnt' sit well with me. I am moments from walking away because I just feel like this is going to continue to happen and the lies will become more and more serious. I will admit, I normally run at the first sign of trouble. But this is the first and only issue that we have had. My friend says I'm over reacting and he lied because he thought he could avoid an argument, she says I should make him sweat a while but its not worth walking away from an otherwise good relationship. Am I over reacting?
 
Well maybe you gave him the impression that you didn't want him to go out at all. If you're calling him and he's saying he's at home, why aren't you guys hanging out?
 
I feel some kinda way about liars, but I also feel some kinda way about controlling another person's actions, especially if it isn't your child or husband.

He shouldn't have to lie to you because, first, he shouldn't have to get permission from you to go out and live his life. (Unless he's 40 + years old and/or has responsibilities at home like children.)

With that said, if you two aren't going the same direction, maybe there needs to be an overall talk about where the relationship is heading, not just about his partying.

He's wrong as heck for lying, he should man up in that aspect, but you're also fostering a mommy/son relationship with him and that concerns me. Stop trying to control that man. And if you can't deal with the occasional BS (because men sometimes get really darn stupid) cut him off.


Good luck ma. I have dealt with some true liars and con men in my life, your boyfriend has nothing on them.
 
Him lying to you is wrong but if he wants to party you can't control that. He's a grown man who is entitled to make his own decisions. If it was the other way around you would probably see it as controlling. Then again I don't know the type of standards that you and your boyfriend set for your lifestyle. Is his partying interfering with financial issues or are you two trying to live a more conservative lifestyle based on moral and/or religious standards? If that's not the case you can't really control what he does.


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I don't have a problem with him going out with his friends. We all go out together sometimes and sometimes just the guys or just the ladies go out, the problem is when it becomes excessive. The issue wasn't even that he was going out this time, it was that he lied about it. He's hasn't been out a lot lately (at least, thats what he told me :angry2:) so had he told me he went out, I wouldn't have had a problem with anyway. The issue was more so that he lied about it. I'm not one of those chicks that expects him to be under me 24 hours a day but I expect him to respectful of our relationship. If the tables were turned, he would be changing my ringtone to "deuces" as we speak.
 
Men lie to avoid confrontation. I know you love him, but in the back of my mind, I would be thinking, if he can lie about something like this which is nothing. Wow, he must be capable of lying about big things.

I don't understand why he just doesn't you he is going out. You have to figure out if this is something you can live with.

Heck, go out with him. If both of you are childfree and have little to no responsiblities, I would be living it up.
 
He should be man enough to own up to his stuff. Why is he lying?

Either he is what you are looking for or he is not. Again why is he trying to be something (someone) he is not?

Only you know the entire picture though but it's impossible to build a relationship without trust.
 
littlebit79 said:
Ok, this is the second time that I have caught my SO other lying about going out. Last year, he went on a partying binge, he went out every weekend for the entire summer. I love to party too, but damn! I felt that was bit much when you're in a relationship and I told him he needed to slow down. We talked about it, and it seemed to calm down. Well I guess this summer he just decided he would lie about it. The first time, he lied and said he just hung out at home but when I was getting dressed I found the receipt for his drinks that my "brilliant" BF left laying on the dresser. I confronted him, he fessed up... we talked about it, and moved on.

Well this past weekend, this dude does it again. He says he was home, but I have a key and have free reign, so I asked him again what he did with a little more bass in my voice, to give the impression that I might know more than I did. He once again confessed that he was lying.

I love this dude, but I absolutely hate liars! One lie makes every truth seem questionable. I have never had any issues with him with infidelity and otherwise he's an open book. But this just doesnt' sit well with me. I am moments from walking away because I just feel like this is going to continue to happen and the lies will become more and more serious. I will admit, I normally run at the first sign of trouble. But this is the first and only issue that we have had. My friend says I'm over reacting and he lied because he thought he could avoid an argument, she says I should make him sweat a while but its not worth walking away from an otherwise good relationship. Am I over reacting?
Click to expand...


Um, that you know of. Afterall, he is a liar.....just saying :nono::perplexed <shrugs>

Go with your gut...you already have the answers. Dont waste time verifying that the answers were right!
 
It sounds like he isn't on the same page about the excessive partying. That's the bigger lie that isn't being addressed. It sounds like he lied to avoid a confrontation because he doesn't agree with you. The lies he tells you about being home when he is out partying also support that first lie. If you aren't married and he doesn't have kids at home then there really is no reason for him to feel an obligation to cut back on the partying. It gets old after a while but everyone is different.

The real question is... do you think this is really about excessive partying or do you think he is doing something else? If you suspect he is seeing another woman or actively trying to meet new women then you already know what you need to do. If its really about him lying about partying but nothing else is going on, then you need to figure out what is causing him to lie about it because this is really not a big deal.
 
I would fall all the way back with this dude and let him be.If the relationship is imporant than he wouldn't want to do anything that would put it in harm.He wants to play and see what he can get into and feels pressured so he lies.He wants to keep you as he knows your great but still wants to taste others waters.
 
i'm confused. are u beefin because he goes out a lot and that he doesn't tell you, or are you beefin cuz he lied about it.

in either case, if you can't beat'em, join'em. it's that simple. instead of tryna track his every move down like lojack, and then question him about it, why don't u start goin out with friends or do whatever.

why isn't he taking you out on the weekends?

i dunno. maybe i'm missin something.
 
Are you guys in a long distance relationship? Do you guys go out a lot on the weekends: movies, out to eat, dancing, etc., or are you both at your own homes doing nothing? I can't quite wrap my mind around him going clubbing every single weekend. How did he find time to do that AND take you out? Or did you not go out the entire summer? I'm confused. Also, I couldn't be bothered with someone who partied that much without me. It sounds like he isn't ready to settle down. I think you guys need to have a heart to heart.
 
Unless he's breaking plans he had with you to go out with his friends, let him do what he wants to do. He'll get tired of it eventually.

I would think the two of you would have a standing date for the weekends and occasionally do the girls or boys night out without each other, but this seems to be the opposite. Is this a long distance rlp? I kinda don't understand, either.
 
Maybe you should address what's really bothering you...
This is why I don't give people keys...
 
Stop tracking the man calling to ask where he is. Do you. Why are you not spending the time together. I will be honest he may already see you as a nag. So he will lie to you to avoid confrontation. You said "We talked about it". Did he talk about it or you did all the talking? You are just boyfriend and Girlfriend relax fall back for a bit.
 
If everything else is fine in your relationship, then he is probably lying because he doesn't feel like fighting with you about it. He probably doesn't want to have to go through it just to get out of the house. Think about it? Haven't you ever agreed with someone just to get them off your back...but then turned around and did what you wanted to do anyway? It seems maybe you talked about it, and he listened and made changes...but it wasn't something he wanted to do. He just did it to make you happy...not the best reason for anything. He has to be tired of going out otherwise you'll come across as controlling, and make him resentful.
 
I agree with others; he is lying because its evident that he wants to party and you don't want him to. You guys may not be on the same page and this is a bigger issue.

You need to sit down and talk to see if you are on the same page or not.
 
littlebit79 said:
I don't have a problem with him going out with his friends. We all go out together sometimes and sometimes just the guys or just the ladies go out, the problem is when it becomes excessive. The issue wasn't even that he was going out this time, it was that he lied about it. He's hasn't been out a lot lately (at least, thats what he told me :angry2:) so had he told me he went out, I wouldn't have had a problem with anyway. The issue was more so that he lied about it. I'm not one of those chicks that expects him to be under me 24 hours a day but I expect him to respectful of our relationship. If the tables were turned, he would be changing my ringtone to "deuces" as we speak.
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Ok. I see where you a coming from, but don't let him be an issue. Like the other girls said do you.


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I agree with this.. he is not your husband, so i really don't see what the problem is, but the lying is not the business..

ThatJerseyGirl said:
i'm confused. are u beefin because he goes out a lot and that he doesn't tell you, or are you beefin cuz he lied about it.

in either case, if you can't beat'em, join'em. it's that simple. instead of tryna track his every move down like lojack, and then question him about it, why don't u start goin out with friends or do whatever.

why isn't he taking you out on the weekends?

i dunno. maybe i'm missin something.
Click to expand...
 
littlebit79 said:
I don't have a problem with him going out with his friends. We all go out together sometimes and sometimes just the guys or just the ladies go out, the problem is when it becomes excessive. The issue wasn't even that he was going out this time, it was that he lied about it. He's hasn't been out a lot lately (at least, thats what he told me :angry2:) so had he told me he went out, I wouldn't have had a problem with anyway. The issue was more so that he lied about it. I'm not one of those chicks that expects him to be under me 24 hours a day but I expect him to respectful of our relationship. If the tables were turned, he would be changing my ringtone to "deuces" as we speak.
Click to expand...
Then say that and mean it. "Look...I don't have an issue with you wanting to go with out with your boys...just be honest about it". And leave it at that.

If he felt like he had something to hide, he wouldn't be leaving a trail in his house knowing that you have a key...
 
I would think he is lying about every damn thing. I want to say move the hell on, but if you really love him maybe yall can sit down and talk and still work it out. He needs to cut that lying ish out tho if he feels you are controlling and he has to lie then he needs to leave.
 
Maybe it's me but I think the real issue is why is he going out repeatedly without you and then lying about it.What's in the club every weekend that he needs to go alone. I would fall back and focus on my entertainment. I would have him searching for me,especially since you guys aren't married,go out and be single instead of worrying about if and when he lies again.
 
He's lying because he's not being himself. He's trying to live the life he feels that you want him to live.
 
I don't think there's anything wrong with him partying as much as he does or you thinking his partying is excessive because it's all a matter of personal preference. IMO, the bigger question is how YOU feel about being in a relationship with a man who's opinion on an important issue is vastly different from yours. Reasons for lying aside, this issue has come up before and you've been dissatisfied with his handling of it both times. How would you feel about the possibility (because the decision to go out is ultimately his) of this happening multiple times in the future?
 
onyxdreams said:
Maybe it's me but I think the real issue is why is he going out repeatedly without you and then lying about it.What's in the club every weekend that he needs to go alone. I would fall back and focus on my entertainment. I would have him searching for me,especially since you guys aren't married,go out and be single instead of worrying about if and when he lies again.
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:yep:Exactly, why dont you guys go out together? I would be wondering what's so daggone important that he had to go every weekend without you. My SO & I went clubbing and to parties together for practically the whole winter and we dont go without each other so I'm confused.
 
This is one of the biggest problems I see with women in relationships: Trying to change a man. Look, he's a party boy, you met him that way, that's who he is. Why try change him?

You say you don't have a problem with his going out. But you obviously do, because

1) You refer to it as 'excessive'
2) You've asked him to cut it down

Because he knows this, he's trying to please you and avoid confrontation by not telling you about his going out at all. That's what you've turned the situation into. Of course he's a grown man and doesn't have to lie. But I'm pretty sure life is just easier for him if he doesn't have to tell you about his going out.

Look, you met this guy as he is. Accept that. If you can't and this is a deal breaker for you, maybe he is not the man for you.
 
Urban said:
This is one of the biggest problems I see with women in relationships: Trying to change a man. Look, he's a party boy, you met him that way, that's who he is. Why try change him?

You say you don't have a problem with his going out. But you obviously do, because

1) You refer to it as 'excessive'
2) You've asked him to cut it down

Because he knows this, he's trying to please you and avoid confrontation by not telling you about his going out at all. That's what you've turned the situation into. Of course he's a grown man and doesn't have to lie. But I'm pretty sure life is just easier for him if he doesn't have to tell you about his going out.

Look, you met this guy as he is. Accept that. If you can't and this is a deal breaker for you, maybe he is not the man for you.
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I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting your SO to stop clubbing as much. When you're in a relationship you can't act single. It's not trying to change him it's respect.

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Twinspired said:
I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting your SO to stop clubbing as much. When you're in a relationship you can't act single. It's not trying to change him it's respect.

Sent from my PC36100 using PC36100
Click to expand...
I completly disagree with you...
Just because he clubs doesnt mean he is acting single...
I think OP is in the wrong, and i wish she would explain what she means by 'excessive clubbing'.
If he doesnt want to be at home twirling his thumbs its up to him to decide if he wants to do something else, like you know...clubbing.
 
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