My Friends GF has banned him from speaking to me......

sky_blu

sky_blu

Well-Known Member
but he still does anyway. :look: Has anyone ever banned there boyfriend from speaking to certain people and why? I think its ridiculous because we are NOT messing around like that and I'm the one that encouraged him to stick it out with her. :ohwell: Ugh! Im annoyed.

ETA: I'm not asking for advice I just wanted to see whose done it and your opinion of it. Grazie!
 
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Looking from the outside in, do you see any signs why would she not want him talking to you?
 
Sometimes people feel threatened by their SO having a friend of the opposite sex.

I don't necessarily think it's fair..but it is quite common.

It depends on if you think men and woman can be friends..and friends only.

Ask yourself the question - Would I want my man talking to another woman..that's his friend?

There are a lot of sneaky women out there...not saying that you are...but I think she is scared of what might happen...

But...what she must realize is...that if a man leaves..he was never really there/supposed to be there.

2 cents...
 
I think its quite ridiculous. Maybe she has low self esteem. I really HATE (my dad would be so mad at me using this word, lol) when women do crazy things like that.
Bottom line if she don't trust him having female friends she just don't trust him and needs to end it.
Other than that she is just jealous! She needs to get her confidence level up. My man can talk to anyone he wants to on the phone all day if he wants but I know he ain't going no where because I know his character. If he finds somebody better than me I will pay for the date myself.

Note to women: If you can't trust him, leave him
If his character is shady enough for him to cheat, why are you with him???

Sorry this hit hm a lil My own Cousin baby moma don't like our close relationship, she calls me his lil girlfriend....That is not funny at all it is quite sick in my opinion. Just because she cant hold a decent conversation or he would never go to her for advice is not my fault :( Now he wont even pick up my calls if she is around. OMG, I would never do this to anyone let alone a RELATIVE I dont see how people can be with someone with issues like this, that would have me in a bad mood all the time.
 
So SAD! I'm sorry, she must feel intimidated by you and your relationship with him. I used to have this circle of male friends (3 guys) who where all my best friends and had been for years. Slowly but surely they have gotten involved with wonderful women (some I even set up), when their relationships started to get serious I backed away. I still talk to 1 everyday but we don't hang out. The other 2, we are still in touch and when we go on vacations we see each other but it is defiantly not the same. I understand and I am actually proud of them for being good men and having the women in their lives be number 1. I respect them for it, they each have really gotten to know the women they are with and take into consideration how our friendship would make them feel. I was introduced properly and even in a few weddings and I am the play "aunt" for a few kids. I have become really good friends with one of the wives and I'm friendly with the other 2. They were never put in a position to feel like I was a threat and I do my best to respect them. Christmas cards to the family, I say hello to her on any messages I leave at the house, and I include them in any girl stuff I can. I want my boys to always be apart of my life and I think that means our relationships have to grow with our lives and I want them to be happy and find love.
While I feel for you I can understand a women being insecure when another women gets to hear her mans secrets and dreams, maybe even before she does, if she does.
A male female friendship walks a thin line with emotional cheating, I know your angry, but hiding it, won't fix it. He needs to tell her and try to listen to her reasons and see her point of view, if he can't find a compromise with her then perhaps thats a sign of things to come.:ohwell:
 
Can understand you being annoyed, but remember you never know what the deal is between two people, even when you're a good friend. Seems like they were having some problems anyway? It may not have much to do with you personally at all. Kind of sad, really.
 
sky_blu said:
but he still does anyway. :look: Has anyone ever banned there boyfriend from speaking to certain people and why? I think its ridiculous because we are NOT messing around like that and I'm the one that encouraged him to stick it out with her. :ohwell: Ugh! Im annoyed.
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Then it's probably him. Is he talking constantly about you to her? That might be the problem.
 
Either way it's bad enough he would lie to her to appease her "fears". He should at least be honest and say he will talk to you any way. Because when she finds out he's been lying about not talking to you her insecurities will worsen because now he's a liar--even if there is nothing going on with you guys.
 
I've had this happen to me twice, both times I ended the friendship with the guy.

The first time I went out of my way to be friends with the girlfriend. I advised my guyfriend to stop cheating on her if he really loved her. I was a better friend to the girl (behind the scenes) than she knew b/c her man and I had been good friends for years, so he held my opinion in high regard. In the end, the girlfriend ended up being catty and started some really horrible gossip about me embellished, but loosely based on some things my guyfriend had told her.

After that situation I decided, I do not want to be in the middle of anyone else's relationship. HANDLING MY OWN IS ENOUGH. I have no need to be cool with some dude who is too flatballed to let his woman know explicitly that I'm his FRIEND ONLY. So, the 2nd time a guy friend told me his woman "didn't understand our friendship," I told him to sort it out with her and I'd talk to him if/when they broke up.

Sigh @ insecure women, and the men who love them. Sky your friend needs to reiterate to his woman time and time again that you all are friends ONLY. If he can't do it to the point where she accepts it, RUN AWAY SWIFTLY.
 
I can't express a well informed opinion about this without more information about your relationship with him. Why doesn't she want him to speak to you? It is pretty disrespectful for him to ignore her wishes.
 
It happens. In one instance, it was made obvious he was quite attracted to me, and I was perceived as a threat. He snuck and spoke anyway, and confirmed her suspicions by making a move on me. i stopped talking to him after that.

Other times, it wasn't that I was a threat to the relationship, it was that he obviously enjoyed "pal"-ing around with me. He is also friends with my DH, so it was never anything like that, but the fact we can never run out of things to talk about and joke around like "boys" (husband involved) made a few unhappy.

Just be positive and let it be where it lies.
 
Yep, but I also don't think men and women can have a strictly platonic friendship. I banned my SO from speaking to a girl he was friends with since college. They both played basketball and she currently working in a field he is interested in. I never trusted the girl and I found out that when we were on a break she confessed her love for him. She has eventually moved on and is now engaged but I told my SO that if he knew what was good for him he would stop speaking to her. Every male friend I have ever had has attempted to make an advance at me in some form. I feel that it is very easy for a man and a woman who have a great friendship to eventually fall for each other. I am my SO's best friend and he is mine, besides that I only have friends who are girls and his friends are boys. This works for me and my SO doesn't have a problem complying.
 
TheLaurynDoll said:
It happens. In one instance, it was made obvious he was quite attracted to me, and I was perceived as a threat. He snuck and spoke anyway, and confirmed her suspicions by making a move on me. i stopped talking to him after that.

Other times, it wasn't that I was a threat to the relationship, it was that he obviously enjoyed "pal"-ing around with me. He is also friends with my DH, so it was never anything like that, but the fact we can never run out of things to talk about and joke around like "boys" (husband involved) made a few unhappy.

Just be positive and let it be where it lies.
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Keeping it real, I wouldn't want you talking to my man either. Too much chemistry.
 
Ok Im going to answer all posts in one. Between me and him, we do have energy BUT Im NOT trying to do anything beyond that. We just are really good friends and we can talk for hours easily. She's a pretty girl so I don't see why she would feel insecure or even jelly about it, I mean he's her boyfriend. And he did tell her that he would continue speaking to me but I say that he's sneaking because he will only talk to me when she's not around. At one point we were intimate but that was years ago. I've already had him in every which way I wanted him BEFORE her and nothing has happened since. I don't even like shaking his hand now. Personally, like I said earlier I think its ridiculous to ban someone from speaking to someone else. I've never done it before but I know I'm probably different from alot of other females. I would also like to add that he has ALOT of female friends, his bestfriend is a female, and she doesn't like them also LOL. But they and I were here before she was. I think the fact that she tries to so call ban him is making him want to speak to others even more. But the way I see it is if you can't trust someone and you have to spend time worrying about where they at, who they with, and who they talking to you shouldn't be with them. :ohwell: Right now I'm not really speaking to him because of this situation but I just want my friend back.
 
I did this once in college. I don't know if he really stopped speaking to her or not. We've since broken up. Thankfully. :look:

She was his ex, and he told me that she had kissed him one time when they were just "hanging out". Freaked me out, and I ordered him to cease all contact with her. Looking back on the situation, if I were to go back, I would have just stopped dating him. Not necessarily because of that particular situation, but because that relationship ended up being so stressful and not worth all the hullabaloo. Soooo many other fish in the see. :yawn:
 
justNikki said:
Keeping it real, I wouldn't want you talking to my man either. Too much chemistry.
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The first situation: understandable.
The second situations: 1/2 the times these chicks had male friends of their own... so it makes no sense to get mad over your man if your male friend is all up on you and you're defending him.
 
Why did he even tell you that she wanted him to stop talking to you?

I wonder if men know that in revealing what their GFs/DWs want them to do (instead of simply doing it or not doing it) that they add fuel to the fire.
 
i'm in something similar but i don't know if there girl banned me. my kids godfather i've know since i was 16..now we 38. since he got with this girl he is with i don't hear nothing from him and we were TIGHT! never dated but there's a group of us that use to hang out alot. He doesn't even talk to the other guy in our crew.

i just leave it alone as folks growing apart i guess. kind of silly as him and i were really good friends but it is what it is.
 
v2.0 said:
Why did he even tell you that she wanted him to stop talking to you?

I wonder if men know that in revealing what their GFs/DWs want them to do (instead of simply doing it or not doing it) that they add fuel to the fire.
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We were conversing one day after I hadn't heard from him in a minute and I said it jokingly. He kinda laughed about it and was like yeah blah blah... she actually doesn't. :ohwell: I really don't like to get into their relationship but I listen when he needs someone to listen. I don't offer any advice unless he ask for some and even then Im hesistant. Also from what he's told me (the little he has bc I change the subject) I think they just need more communication so I told him he needs to talk to her and get it together. They have issues beyond him talking to me :ohwell:
 
I haven't banned anybody but right now I'm on the banned list too! We grew up together and he was my best friend and when we were young he had a thing for me but since meeting his now wife has told him not to talk to me (even though they live 3 time zones away)
 
uuuughghghgh...... I hate topics like this cause it always seems to be a "insecurity" issue according to those on the outside. I don't like my hubby2b communicating with a female friend he's had way before me and I made it known. It's not because I'm insecure, it's because of inappropriate things she's said and done in the past and during our relationship that was blatantly disrespectful.

You never really know what's going on OP on the other side as far as what he's told her about you, etc.... I say keep it cordial...hey, bye, nice to talk, etc....
 
arosieworld said:
...
They were never put in a position to feel like I was a threat and I do my best to respect them. Christmas cards to the family, I say hello to her on any messages I leave at the house, and I include them in any girl stuff I can. I want my boys to always be apart of my life and I think that means our relationships have to grow with our lives and I want them to be happy and find love.
While I feel for you I can understand a women being insecure when another women gets to hear her mans secrets and dreams, maybe even before she does, if she does.
A male female friendship walks a thin line with emotional cheating, I know your angry, but hiding it, won't fix it. He needs to tell her and try to listen to her reasons and see her point of view, if he can't find a compromise with her then perhaps thats a sign of things to come.:ohwell:
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I think you have a very mature approach to the whole situation.
 
My sister caught her husband sending sexually inappropriate emails to someone he claimed was an old friend from before. She banned him from having contact with her. Then she saw that he was sending text messages to another girl he worked with and he was stunned. He accused her of being insecure and not trusting him but her defense was she already caught him doing something he shouldn't have been doing. She said she never even considered the possibility that he would even consider cheating until she found the emails. The text messages just sent it over the edge I guess.

Long story short, she was pissed when he continued to send text messages from the girl. He claimed they were work related but she was sending him a text messages at 7 am. She then found an email address where he has obviously been keeping up with this girl.

His GF may have caught him in something before and that maybe why she's reacting the way she is. In my sister's case I understand her feelings because she's already caught him in some lies, they have been married nearly twelve years and have five kids together. In the case of your friend and his GF he would be looking for another one because I wouldn't ban him from talking to you I would kick his tail to the curb if it was me. If I can't trust him as a BF the relationship can't go any further and that would be a waste of my time.

Mya
 
sky_blu said:
Ok Im going to answer all posts in one. Between me and him, we do have energy BUT Im NOT trying to do anything beyond that. We just are really good friends and we can talk for hours easily. She's a pretty girl so I don't see why she would feel insecure or even jelly about it, I mean he's her boyfriend. And he did tell her that he would continue speaking to me but I say that he's sneaking because he will only talk to me when she's not around. At one point we were intimate but that was years ago. I've already had him in every which way I wanted him BEFORE her and nothing has happened since. I don't even like shaking his hand now. Personally, like I said earlier I think its ridiculous to ban someone from speaking to someone else. I've never done it before but I know I'm probably different from alot of other females. I would also like to add that he has ALOT of female friends, his bestfriend is a female, and she doesn't like them also LOL. But they and I were here before she was. I think the fact that she tries to so call ban him is making him want to speak to others even more. But the way I see it is if you can't trust someone and you have to spend time worrying about where they at, who they with, and who they talking to you shouldn't be with them. :ohwell: Right now I'm not really speaking to him because of this situation but I just want my friend back.
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I would not want you speaking with my man either if I was her. Ya'll were intimate before, you had him every way you wanted him before she did(your words). Why was this not in your first post....I am pretty sure the comments would have been a WHOLE lot different :laugh:

Who told you she did not want him talking to you? Him?.....that is sooooo much game. :yep:

I would leave both of ya'll alone if I was her.
 
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