My friend wants me to straighten my hair for her wedding!

[sweetlaughter]

I would want to know why she asked me to straighten. Does she not want nappy hair in her wedding pictures? Relatives talking? Or is just a case of bridezilla? I can understand not wanting to flat iron or even wear a wig. Have you considered roller setting? You'd still have a curly look and it would be your hair. (I'm guessing she doesn't know that even if you have your hair flat ironed, it might very well be a fro by the middle of the wedding)

I didn't even think about this. OP, your friend might not even consider this. I do not know where or when this wedding is happening (for humidity considerations) but you should let her know if you decide to straighten your hair what might happen. In all odds even if the humidity is low you'll be running around doing last minute things for her and helping everyone out to make the wedding great and your roots will start to revert. AND if you do decide to straighten your hair, make sure you either do it yourself or go to a trusted stylist. You do not want to end up looking a HAM for the pictures, ceremony, or reception!

 

[bimtheduck]

We all need to vent sometimes OP. With that said I don't think its unreasonable to ask a braidsmaid to wear her hair a certain way for the wedding. As long as it temporary. Is it too late for you to back out of the wedding if you feel strongly about this?

 

[changingSeasons]

How good of friends are you? If she knows that you wear wigs, then I feel that this is a reasonable request. If you are good enough friends, then I dont see the big deal. She is not asking you to do something that you dont already do. Being in somesones wedding is sacrifice, you are there to support the bride.

Is there a background, has she made comments, about your hair before? i feel like there has to be more ...

Most brides want their bridesmaids to be uniform and to not stand out during the wedding.

If you are questioning her intentions, what is it based upon? On that day you will already be sacrificing your time, dress, makeup, shoes....

Well as they say, now you know, so that you can make a decision in future situations.

And in regard to the as she is comments, is the OP just her hair curly?, she has already said that she changes the styles sometimes, is she not the same friend then?

 

[applebananas]

I wouldn't straighten sht! my friend tried that bull and i kindly told her as$ i wasn't going to attend her wedding. i refused to mess up my hair just to make someone else happy..that's crazy! as long is your hair is well groomed and looking pretty for the wedding ..I don't see the problem.

 

[SleekyHair]

Wow, some of you ladies are oversensitive about hair. It's not like she asked the OP to do something permanent like cut it, relax it, or dye it. If you don't want to straighten it, just wear the wig and be done with it. It's not that serious.... *shrugs*

 

[Curlee_lurker]

What's with the attitude and difficult and "that's what's wrong with black women" stuff?

My comment had more to do with the people getting up in arms like "*** that! she's trying you". It's not that serious. Hell I didn't know black women were so touchy and extra about their hair until I joined this board.

Its not just hair. If that was the case then you would not be on this forum. This is not directed at anyone in particular. Its just an observation.

I'll answer to this because I said that as did others. Hair isn't that serious. I probably have more posts per day in the Random Thoughts (OT) thread than I've made total in the hair forum. It's RARE for me to post about hair. I have been here since 2006 (lurking in 2005) and I've posted possibly 3 pictures of my hair the entire time. I was directed here by another site and joined for OT. There's more than a handful of those types of posters.

I will cut my hair, straighten it, bleach it, not comb it until it dreads...for me personally it's just hair. Don't get me wrong, mine is gorgeous, but it doesn't make me.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Just like how I don't want my bridemaid to be in all different dresses they found in their closet...i don't want them to have all different kinds of hairstyles. it's not a personal jab against them. I'm sure they all ahve nice dresses in their closet, but I would prefer for them to wear MY dress i picked out for them and some kinda similar hair style. It makes the wedding pictures look more uniform. They can show their personalities in different ways such as jewelry, makeup, and shoes.

 

[Chan_USMC]

You could think of it as a production(which it is). Everyone has a role to play and needs to look the part. Throw on a wig (with protective styling as a bonus) and party all night loonng in support of your friend on what should be the happiest day of her life, and she wants you to be there with her more or less by her side. And hey with your hair in braids you don't have to worry about it for a week at least. And for that week you could be someone different everyday. LOL. ( I look for ANY excuse to play dress up.)

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Why is this so terrible to ask? I think it's because she's white. If it makes you this mad, don't go to the wedding. I just think she wants everyone to look uniform. Did you talk to her and tell her how you feel? A real friend would go through the fire for you. Maybe she will understand and yield to your wish. You won't know until you ask. Most people prefer the strait look for their wedding. I don't think it is a personal attack. I know some black people who have done the same thing. It's not about YOU personally. It's about her. It is her wedding. I'm laughing as I imagine this woman in an afro wig for your wedding. I hope you can peacefully solve this issue. She thought enough of you to ask you to be in her bridal party. That's a real privilege.

 

[PJaye]

Wow, some of you ladies are oversensitive about hair. It's not like she asked the OP to do something permanent like cut it, relax it, or dye it. If you don't want to straighten it, just wear the wig and be done with it. It's not that serious.... *shrugs*

I certainly understand your points. Similarly, many will become quite prickly and authoritarian with respect to the planning of their weddings.

Further, I never understood the oft-used sentiment that a person should feel honored when asked to be a part of someone’s wedding; if anything, the reverse is true – the people being wed ought to feel honored that others are choosing to support them on that day.

 

[CollegeGrad]

I hope OP comes back and tells us whether or not the bride wants all the bridesmaids to have the same hairstyle.

 

[Lovelylocs]

I hope OP comes back and tells us whether or not the bride wants all the bridesmaids to have the same hairstyle.

Me, too.

And if she says no, I would like to know what her hair looks like on a day to day basis. Poor thing!

 

[qchelle]

I'm still waiting for the OP to come back

The only wedding I've ever been asked to be in I declined. She asked everyone to get a sew-in and wanted the hair to be waist length. I told her thanks, but no thanks I'm just not comfortable with that. And we're still good friends today

Good luck with your decision OP

ETA: I hope I'm not a bridezilla

 

[Lenee925]

Wow, some of you ladies are oversensitive about hair. It's not like she asked the OP to do something permanent like cut it, relax it, or dye it. If you don't want to straighten it, just wear the wig and be done with it. It's not that serious.... *shrugs*

I agree. I also agree that it's not that serious for her to opt out of doing something she's not comfortable with.

 

[Lovelylocs]

I agree. I also agree that it's not that serious for her to opt out of doing something she's not comfortable with.

Exactly ... especially since she wears wigs anyway.

 

[Janet']

OP,

I am in a wedding in October and my friend told me up front, "no natural styles"...Then she proceeded to send all of her bridesmaids pictures of how she wants us to style our hair for her wedding...Part of me is offended, but the other part of me says, "Whatever, it's her wedding and I can choose to be in it or not"...By the way, she's very black and she's transitioning!!!

 

[krissyprissy]

I had a situation similar to this when I planned my wedding. I wanted all my bridesmaid to wear their hair up and only one had a problem with it because she had a weave and was concerned about the nape looking good. She always wear her weaves in long down styles and I wasnt having it because I wanted my girls to look a certain way for my pictures. Although she didnt like it, in the end she wore her hair up for the ceremony and let her hair down for the reception. Its all about compromising.

 

[Lady S]

And that's why I don't like being in people's weddings.

I think my knee jerk reaction would be very defensive. But like someone else said, white people don't really think about straightening hair like we do. It's not the same cultural implications (even though I do know a lot of curly haired white people get as frustrated with the idea of curly hair being wild as we do).

Really good friends are worth the temporary insanity that comes with weddings and being a bride. We would have to discuss the different scenarios. My hair resists straightening like nobody's business. And I'm not getting a relaxer for anyone's wedding. Period. If it's an outdoor summer wedding where's it going to be a 100 degrees, a wig is going to be HOT.

 

[Kash]

Some of y'all exemplify what people keep on telling me about black women being so difficult. It's her wedding, either do what she requests or don't be a part of it.

It's just hair, I promise it's not that serious. If one of my closest friends had that request I'd do it to make her happy. My assumption would be that anyone that would invite me to be in their wedding would be someone I know and love enough to straighten my hair for one day (or wear a weave or wig if I weren't into straightening). I'm shocked that you described this woman as a friend and then proceeded to complain about something so trivial.

...black chicks and their hair...good gracious!

 

[LadyRaider]

Brides are crazy. If You love her, just go with it. She'll probably come up with other weird requests before the big day.

 

[WhipEffectz1]

Maybe, she observes OP hair and think its too ummmmmm free looking chewed of sortsfor the wedding. You never never know OP. If in doubt then ask...some of them don't understand our natural styles.

 

[Mahalialee4]

I see where you are coming from but I don't think its a personal attack against your hair. It's just how she prefers your hair for her wedding. A fro is not the look she's going for and can you blame her? If our people can't even accept our hair, why would expect others to?.....I see you mentioned she was white. Would you feel different if she was black?


My brother is getting married next year and his fiancee prefers if all of her bridesmaids hair is similar. For my wedding, I will want my bridesmaids to have somewhat similar styles as well. This is HER day. I feel you if your feelings are so strong about wearing your hair straight, you should either try to explain it to her (which you will then have to give her a history lesson) or you shouldn't be in the wedding.

ETA: Not to mention, you wearing a fro will take away some of the attention from her. Maybe you can unleash the fro during the reception....and after the wedding pics are taken.

Stepford Bridesmaids Hair...for real?

 

[Chan_USMC]

So....did you talk to her OP? What's the verdict?

 

[PhonyBaloney500]

Do some of y'all really think the only style a natural can wear is a Big Ole Afro? There are plenty of "wedding appropriate" styles she could wear including up-do's, buns, etc. Why does it need to be straight? I would want to clarify that with the bride myself.

 

[curlyninjagirl]

I can understand OP's POV. And why is it that everytime someone has a dilemma or a situation about their hair, and asks for advice or opinion, someone says "its just hair." Its not just hair. If that was the case then you would not be on this forum. This is not directed at anyone in particular. Its just an observation.

^^Thank you! If I could thank you twice I would! Why do people on a long hair care forum keep saying that??!! It's just hair???? LOL.

Hair is kinda my thing! Uhhh, that's why I paid the 7 dollars to post here!!!

ffrant: Um, but yeah, SOME of us have to fight tooth and nail for every inch we got on our heads! Like giving up cute styles for PSs, and spending hours carefully detangling and deep conditioning and Searching and Destroying for days!!! So NO, IT'S NOT JUST HAIR! Some of us worked our a$$es off to get to the length and health we got and some bridezilla has the right to end months, years! of work just cuz it's her special day! Somebody asks me to hide the natural hair I've just become OKAY with? Or burn up all my progress with hot tools and I can't even feel offended?? Oh, I don't think so! So you can run and tell that...homeboy! (Thank you Antoine Dodson.) Okay I'm done.....That last part got away from me a lil bit hehe

 

[bermudabeauty]

I'm gonna be honest sometimes when friends are getting married they ask for the ridiculous. IIf you wearing your hair straight for her wedding is something YOU want to do...then do it. Now if YOU don't want to wear your hair straight and you are very sure of your decision.....politely tell her that that isn't something you are willing to do and that is a deal breaker for the bride she should find a replacement bridesmaid.

 

[StopMakingSense]

My comment had more to do with the people getting up in arms like "*** that! she's trying you". It's not that serious. Hell I didn't know black women were so touchy and extra about their hair until I joined this board.

I think that comment is a bit 'extra' as seems to be stereotyping. For some women, especially with Afro-Textured hair you have to acknowledge that hair is difficult at times and mysterious because the science to maintaining it is not common knowledge. I do not think anyone is getting up in arms. In all seriousness, if I had the length to achieve the style required for a wedding and I was still asked to wear synthetic hair or even worse to straighten and risk hair damage I would be upset. I would decline or discuss this previously, but still. It is not being touchy; it is sticking to what you are comfortable with/protecting and maintaining your appearance. Hair, for many on this forum, is so much more than 'just hair'. It is about the dedication, the ritual, the patience, self awareness, acceptance... I could go on.

And I personally think historically Eurocentric notions of beauty have been 'extra' all the while. So we must also contend with that.


I'll answer to this because I said that as did others. Hair isn't that serious. I probably have more posts per day in the Random Thoughts (OT) thread than I've made total in the hair forum. It's RARE for me to post about hair. I have been here since 2006 (lurking in 2005) and I've posted possibly 3 pictures of my hair the entire time. I was directed here by another site and joined for OT. There's more than a handful of those types of posters.

I will cut my hair, straighten it, bleach it, not comb it until it dreads...for me personally it's just hair. Don't get me wrong, mine is gorgeous, but it doesn't make me.

And that's great, but I can't help but think that the overwhelming majority of people paid the 7 or so dollars to learn about hair care and discuss hair because that is what the forum caters to. It isn't wether or not hair 'is that serious' or that people who care a lot aboout their hair are loons--it is the meaning behind their concern for their locks, which you can not know. You never know what parts of people are inscribed where and hair and its maintenance is a very intimate experience. I haven't let someone into my hair in over almost 6 years and it would reveal tremendous and unwanted vulnerability if I had to visit a beautician because of a last minute request out of left field. Just sayin'....

 

[CheLala13]

*** that. I wouldn't go. But I'm stubborn like that.

 

[Prettyeyes]

I just wonder why people are attacking the OP for venting...She has a right to ask our opinion, give yours and let her decide...

 

[Lady S]

Okay, my beyond nosey butt wants an update, stat!