My friend wants me to straighten my hair for her wedding!

[qchelle]

A friend had a theme wedding and that's EXACTLY whats she did. The entire rainbow of races she had as her bridesmaids rocked Afros, false eyelashes and somehow the worked in gold lame'.

Another theme wedding was the shot gun wedding. Whoa! That was fun. The bridesmaids had to be barefoot and the groomsmen wore overalls and it was held in a barn. It was the best. I am sure the bridesmaids weren't to thrilled with their out fits or the bits of straw in their hair, but they went along with it, because the bride was their friend and it was her special request on her special day.

The 1st time I heard of theme weddings a few years ago I said 'I'm gonna have a theme wedding!' They sound like so much fun!

 

[CocoBunny]

Wow. I'm not married but these comments about "IT'S HER DAY" "UNIFORMITY" IT'S HER SPECIAL TIME" really bother me. Being a bride does not mean you are a dictator. If I get married the only requirements for bridesmaids are to have the same dress color and length.

It kind of disgusts me how women get so wrapped up in the party/event and not the actual sacred concept.

LOL! Easy to say since you aren't in the position.

But let's suppose the big day is looming and you've selected your bridesmaids, someone you cherish and adore. Someone you want to include in your special day.

Suppose your bridesmaid is against wearing dresses? Says that dresses are a sign of oppression, created by the male gender to oppress women and a reflection of a sexist society and then goes on to become "livid" because you dare asked her to put on something that goes against what she wants to do. Now of course you've seen her in dresses, in fact she owns quite a few. But that's not the point. The point is she upset that you dare to ask and is insulted that you are so insensitive.

 

[qchelle]

^^ Then the bridesmaid can respectfully decline to be in the wedding (I no I did )

 

[iri9109]

is it straight hair you're against, or direct heat? maybe you could try a rollerset? i'm heat paranoid, so if thats the case, then i understand. since its only 1 day you could get a inexspensive wig or lace front and then not have to deal with straightening your hair at all...it is her wedding though, so she has in her mind how she wants things to look, including bridesmaids hair, and she has the right to ask you to straighten your hair, and you have the right to tell her no, or not participate if you dont want to straighten or wear a wig.

 

[dender]

In a previous life.. someone asked me to LOSE WEIGHT to be in their wedding.. and I did it...

You lost weight for your friend, woaaah, I think your a much better friend than I ever could be.

 

[mahogany66]

I absolutely would NOT straighten my hair to be in anyone's wedding because I don't straighten my hair anymore. You style natural hair, natural hair is NOT a hairstyle and some hair styles can be damaging, straightening is one of them. I would politely explain that to my friend and respectfully decline if she still feels strongly about it. Now, if the OP straightens her regularly (or wears wigs)then I can see why her friend would make such a request and the OP shouldn't make a big deal about it.

I personally would never take someone out of their comfort zone for my wedding. Certain requests are understandable but to have someone alter themselves to please me is totally selfish.

We have to remember that everyone is not going to love our hair (natural or not) just because we do, so there is not need to get offended.

On another note, most women (black, white, etc) take pride in their hair and it is not "just hair" to us.Hair products, accessories, hair care (salons), I'm sure is a multi-billion dollar industry. There are hair forums all over the place to prove this, including this one.

 

[lawyer2be371]

I wouldnt be offended if somebody asked me....to straighten my hair for the wedding.....or any other occassion......but thats just me or rock a wig

Its only a request...

 

[SelahOco]

If the girl comes back and says to OP, "Can you please straighten your hair or wear a wig. I don't want all those naps in my wedding pictures," how would yall respond to that?

Would OP be overreacting then?

I'm not saying the girl will say that, but I'm guessing that OP wonders if that's the real motivation behind the request.

The question is probably best posed to naturals on the board, who have heard this same thing over and over again in various ways since being natural.

 

[Lovelylocs]

If the girl comes back and says to OP, "Can you please straighten your hair or wear a wig. I don't want all those naps in my wedding pictures," how would yall respond to that?

Would OP be overreacting then?

I'm not saying the girl will say that, but I'm guessing that OP wonders if that's the real motivation behind the request.

The question is probably best posed to naturals on the board, who have heard this same thing over and over again in various ways since being natural.

We won't know until the OP comes back.

I think the question has been answered ten times over. This is getting repetitious. Where's the OP?

 

[SelahOco]

We won't know until the OP comes back.

I think the question has been answered ten times over. This is getting repetitious. Where's the OP?

It is getting repetitious, but it seems that because OP hasn't been back people are really answering different questions.

I was talking about the question I posed in my post, not the OP's question.

 

[LunadeMiel]

Wow. I'm not married but these comments about "IT'S HER DAY" "UNIFORMITY" IT'S HER SPECIAL TIME" really bother me. Being a bride does not mean you are a dictator. If I get married the only requirements for bridesmaids are to have the same dress color and length.

It kind of disgusts me how women get so wrapped up in the party/event and not the actual sacred concept.

It really is ridiculous I laugh whenever I hear women screaming it's my day, it's my day There's got to be more to life

ETA: When my bff got married last summer (I was the MOH), everyone wore their hair straight and pulled back. I wore my hair natural and pull back. I think the need for complete uniformity is ridiculous.

 

[Lovelylocs]

It is getting repetitious, but it seems that because OP hasn't been back people are really answering different questions.

I was talking about the question I posed in my post, not the OP's question.

I see. Sorry if my response came off harsh.

I thought your question was rhetorical. My hair is relaxed so I hope you don't mind that I'm about to answer your question. I don't think anyone on this board would say the OP would be overreacting in your hypothetical.

 

[FemmeFatale]

It really is ridiculous I laugh whenever I hear women screaming it's my day, it's my day There's got to be more to life

ETA: When my bff got married last summer (I was the MOH), everyone wore their hair straight and pulled back. I wore my hair natural and pull back. I think the need for complete uniformity is ridiculous.

Sorry but unless it is YOUR wedding, what you think is or isn't ridiculous is irrelevant. People have different visions of what they want their wedding to look like, different strokes for different folk.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

I see it like this: if the bride wants such uniformity in her wedding, and people cant/arent willing to comply, then the person shouldnt feel compelled to be in it. For example if the bride wanted me to wear a certain type dress that I didnt feel comfortable wearing then I just wouldnt be in her wedding. End of story. She gets her uniformity and I wont feel uncomfortable. Problems solved with no drama involved.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

1. I have had heat damage before so I understand your frustration....so I would be screaming.

2. Being that I am married, I understand planning and getting bridesmaids together....But this is unreasonable. I think for me, I never bought into the "do whatever the bride wants no matter if its inconvenient for my FRIENDS who are being my bridesmaids."school of thought.....................Being a Bride doesn't mean you have to be unreasonable. I would never ask you to wear a wig if straightening is uncomfortable to you. WIGS don't look good on everyone...What I would do is ask you to wear it in a similar or neat style within your natural hair's length, etc....

3. I was asked to wear my hair in a style too short for my length when I was relaxed, and in trying to please the bride I wore the side bun (done by HER stylist) to please her and wore the MUGLY dress too....I still want to burn the dress and cringed when I saw the pics of my short hair sticking out in the back by the time we got to the ceremony! At my wedding I only insisted on the same color and a dress that complimented their body type, and that their hair was done....I don't understand the brides these days...

A girl who got married the same day I did insisted her HOSTESSES spend 250.00 on a dress! EXCUSE ME? A HOSTESS? At the same wedding....a natural who had just put braids in her hair was told by her so-called friend she had to axe the brand new braids and wear a SL weave of yaki straight hair....that the BRIDESMAID would have to pay for on her own....These girls were in COLLEGE!

4. If you did this for her, its still okay. She's your friend and its your decision.....But she should pay for the WIG or whatever hair care is involved....

5. Finally, no matter what people tell you....the BRIDESMAIDS are doing the BRIDE a favor....not the other way around....You don't have to spend your hard earned $$ on her ABCDEFG to make her smile.....Just like you'd be there for her, she should treat you as a friend and make you comfortable too......She probably didn't mean any harm being white....but you need to have a conversation with her about the cost...If it were me getting married, I'd pay for all your hair care needs since I want you to look a certain way for MY wedding.....JMHO.

HTH....As a bride who has spent thousands on brides...who has now said...enough is enough...

 

[2sweetnsugarland]

You have every right to be upset. I understand it's her wedding but it's your hair. If she is your friend she loves/accepts you as you are so why ask you to change??? I'm sure she does not understand the importance of natural hair. If she did she would not have asked you to change it. A wig??? How rude! You look adorable with your natural hair. Stand strong!

 

[CocoBunny]

You have every right to be upset. I understand it's her wedding but it's your hair. If she is your friend she loves/accepts you as you are so why ask you to change??? I'm sure she does not understand the importance of natural hair. If she did she would not have asked you to change it. A wig??? How rude! You look adorable with your natural hair. Stand strong!

OP says she wears wigs already. So why is it rude?

 

[CocoBunny]

....... multi quoting not working I will try again

 

[2sweetnsugarland]

@CocoBunny -- my bad I did not read to the bottom of all the threads. I was answering based on what OP said in her very first post. I have "nothing" against wigs or women who wear them. My very bestie wears one and she looks fabulous!!!! Don't misunderstand me - I am for whatever anyone wants to wear if it makes them feel beautiful or better about themselves. I just remember how I had to change myself during every one of my friend's weddings to meet some expectation or another and it got to be very expensive -- at least for me and frankly it kind of hurt my feelings too. Almost like I wasn't good enough the way that I was -- anywho -- that is why I made the statement about the wig and no other reason.

 

[CocoBunny]

Nothing's wrong with a wig, I guess. I have three that I LOVE.

I guess it just hurts my feelings that she feels MY hair isn't good enough for her wedding.

I wouldn't feel different if she was black. Actually, I'd probably be MORE offended if she was black.

I don't know why I threw her race in there, to be honest.

I haven't given it much thought, to be honest. A pulled back puff? I don't know. I don't feel like my hair is long enough to really 'do' anything with it.

In case there were those who overlooked some of the OP responses.

I think there are folks getting upset on behalf of the OP without reading some of her responses.

IMNSHO OP friend may have been concerned that OP wasn't going to "do" her hair and wasn't able to relay her concerns.

Like it or not just because someone is natural doesn't mean their hair is "done" or that it looks good all the time or that it's sophisticated, polished or wedding party appropriate. Not everyone can rock a wash and go, twist-out or a puff (including me).

I remember rocking what I thought was HWAT twist out and a fully natural friend asking if that was the look I was going forerplexed.

YMMV

 

[CocoBunny]

@CocoBunny -- my bad I did not read to the bottom of all the threads. I was answering based on what OP said in her very first post. I have "nothing" against wigs or women who wear them. My very bestie wears one and she looks fabulous!!!! Don't misunderstand me - I am for whatever anyone wants to wear if it makes them feel beautiful or better about themselves. I just remember how I had to change myself during every one of my friend's weddings to meet some expectation or another and it got to be very expensive -- at least for me and frankly it kind of hurt my feelings too. Almost like I wasn't good enough the way that I was -- anywho -- that is why I made the statement about the wig and no other reason.

No worries. I am sorry if my response was snarky, it wasn't my intention.

LOL! Another poster mentioned being asked to lose weight by a bride. Yup I've seen that, I've had brides insist on spray tans for everyone regardless of race or natural pigmentation. I've had brides ask members of the bridal party to remove facial piercings and cover tattoos. You want to see someone get indignant and vexed ask them to cover up that full sleeve tat they paid big bucks for and and are so proud of.

 

[LunadeMiel]

Sorry but unless it is YOUR wedding, what you think is or isn't ridiculous is irrelevant. People have different visions of what they want their wedding to look like, different strokes for different folk.

Again, people put too much emphasis on one stinking day I've been to and been part of enough wedding to know that your guest aren't going to GAD if your bridesmaids don't look stephord.

People have their priorities twisted.

If I were in OP's situation the bride would be paying for my hair

 

[CocoBunny]

Again, people put too much emphasis on one stinking day I've been too, and been part of enough wedding to know that your guest aren't going to GAD if your bridesmaids don't look stephord.

People have their priorities twistded.

If I were in OP's situation the bride would be paying for my hair

So if the OP's friend offered to pay OP should be less insulted and "livid"?

 

[CocoBunny]

BTW when was this wedding? What has OP decided to do? All of us over here giving advice and speculating and OP has gone silent.

OP where are you? Enquiring (nosey) minds want to know!

 

[LunadeMiel]

So if the OP's friend offered to pay OP should be less insulted and "livid"?

If I'm not spending my money to comply to someone else's ridiculous demand then yes, I would be less insulted

 

[Anew]

I'm late I see but I'll answer anyway

I personally don't see the big deal. I'd just do a wig or a sew in if I didn't want to straighten my hair

 

[Anew]

still reading,but I have a question. so if you're the bride and you request a certain style for the bridesmaids that makes you a bridezilla?

*reading on*

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

5. Finally, no matter what people tell you....the BRIDESMAIDS are doing the BRIDE a favor....not the other way around....You don't have to spend your hard earned $$ on her ABCDEFG to make her smile.....Just like you'd be there for her, she should treat you as a friend and make you comfortable too......She probably didn't mean any harm being white....but you need to have a conversation with her about the cost...If it were me getting married, I'd pay for all your hair care needs since I want you to look a certain way for MY wedding.....JMHO.

And this right here folks, is what people forget. The bride can request what she wants all day long, but if my graciousness or wallet wont allow for your wants then you wont be gettting it from me and I wont be in your wedding. I still love you and all but come on now. If a person is doing you a favor and doing the best they can for you and the bride is being unreasonable????? Nawl son. I'll just see you get married from the audience.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

still reading,but I have a question. so if you're the bride and you request a certain style for the bridesmaids that makes you a bridezilla?

*reading on*

I dont think so. But if you ask your 200 pound friend to drop 75 pounds to be in your wedding you may be considered a bridezilla or if you demand that the person do something that they really really dont want to do for personal reasons then yes, a bridezilla you may be. IMO of course.

 

[LittleLuxe]

I've had brides ask members of the bridal party to remove facial piercings and cover tattoos. You want to see someone get indignant and vexed ask them to cover up that full sleeve tat they paid big bucks for and and are so proud of.

...LMAO.

still reading,but I have a question. so if you're the bride and you request a certain style for the bridesmaids that makes you a bridezilla?

*reading on*

Apparently so, I think it's amusing and likely full of some level of irony. If you ask her to make changes you're insulting the way she looks, the spirit of her nature, etc etc. but I betcha if she's a close friend and she's sitting in the pews while all the other bridesmaid are at the alter 'hurt' feelings would pop up too.

It's a no-win situation for a bride, lol. I don't personally have tattoos or piercings and in the future would have 0 interest in having them at my wedding. I don't think it would look good, just like I don't think jeans would look good - but apparently if jeans are an integral part of the woman's lifestyle I am deeply wrong to ask her to change it.

OP needs to get back and explain what happened, lol.