My family hates my natural hair

N

NaturalNative

New Member
I have kinky hair, i think it's 3c/4a, and have got relaxers from age 5 until I was 21, in November of 2011. I'm Native American from the Lumbee tribe of NC, and since my other Natives do no have hair like mine, my mom has always gone to great lengths to keep it straight. Last year after I told her I was going natural and expressed excitement about it, she hit me in my face because she thinks I'm "trying to be black". She still today continues to make very negative comments about my hair. My cousins have called me "trashy" and said that i "probably have lice." Other family members make it a point to try to intervene about my hair (like I have a drug problem) by telling me how bad they think it looks or offering to pay for a relaxer or even sending my mom pictures of it curly and asking if it's okay if they say something to me about it. I am home for a few weeks this summer before beginning an internship in DC and am on the verge of becoming depressed at all of their comments. Could any of you please give me some advice or feedback on how to deal with the negativity? Anything would help.
 
You have to do what is best for you. If you love your natural hair and continue to embrace it maybe your family will come around in time. I think you should find images of women wearing beautiful natural styles and put them on a board. This images will help you become even more fond of your hair. I'm sorry about the way your family is reacting. Good luck and stay positive. Remember you can't please everyone body and you'll die trying to.
 
as long as you are happy with your hair I see no reason to care what they think, wear your kinky hair and wear it fierce :)
 
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Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about all of this. It really makes me sad that naturally kinky, coily hair can possibly be associated with something bad..
It's hard standing alone and feeling like everyone else is rejecting the way you are. Many people in your situation would cave in and just straighten/relax their hair just to appease family and friends, so I applaud your decision to continue what you're doing.
And for the comments and negativity. Maybe ask candidly why your hair is affecting them so much. And to the answer, ask exactly why to that. Have them explain themselves and hopefully they'll hear themselves at least and be ashamed for what they've said.
Sweetie, you are beautiful just the way you are naturally. Just know that. Unfortunately family (I know all too well) sometimes isn't very encouraging of some, if not all the things you do, but you're just going to have to trust yourself. It's so hard when everyone that you have ever thought would have your back seems to be against your choice but honestly, be true to yourself.
If your hair is kinky/coily/curly whatever, and that's how you like it, then flaunt it like no other. Since you are the only one there with that kind of hair, you must've got a recessive trait from somewhere :rolleyes: and that makes you a rarity. Expect backlash; I don't want to say that some may be jealous but that could be the case (especially when it grows out a lot), and many may just not be used to it and associating it with negativity... Move on.
You were made just the way you should've been made and no one should ever make you feel unhappy about that. You're loved from afar unconditionally and should accept yourself unconditionally even if no one else does.
Once again, I'm sorry you have to deal with this but I know somewhere, someone is going through the same thing who may not have the courage to keep going and I hope you stick to what you want to do because you can encourage someone else to flaunt their Native kinky coily hair (which sounds really awesome btw):yep:
Sucks you'll have to put up with who knows what back home but just know that it isn't your fault that your hair is that way and you shouldn't be disparaged for it.
Good luck!
 
Yeah, I thought (and still kind of think) this might be a troll but in this particular case, what is the harm in answering her honestly? Her situation - made up or otherwise - sounds extreme but not overly controversial by LHCF standards. Just very different. It won't hurt to "feed" her. :yep:
 
Hey OP,

There is a model from the Lumbee tribe of NC. Her name is India Lowery Jones King. Have you ever heard of her? She's not a pro or anything...but I thought her blog might encourage you.

Turquoise%2BSoul%2B-%2BChained%2BFeathers.jpg


Turquoise%2BSoul%2B-%2BFeather%2BDawn.jpg


She rocks her kinky hair and seems very proud of it. :)

Turquoise%2BSoul%2B-%2BGreene%2BEnvy.jpg


Turquoise%2BSoul%2B-%2BFeather%2BDawn.jpg


You should read the blog: http://beyondbuckskin.blogspot.com/2011/07/model-profile-india-lowery-jones-king.html

Maybe this will give you some inspiration or encouragement. Your hair IS beautiful and you should wear it however you want.
 
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NaturalNative, over 20 years ago, my Mom, sister and I went to Lumberton, NC, to see some friends wrestle. Once of the guys wrestling was Chris Chavis, later known as Tatanka in WWE. When we stopped to ask directions and then when we got to the location, my Mom was all amazed at the pretty browned skinned children with curly hair, obviously members or descendants from the Lumbee tribe. To this day, if anyone mentions Lumberton, she will tell them about the children.

In other words, at least the three of us would love to see you with curly hair.
 
Really? You paid extra money just to post this thread? :lol: I guess that's disappointing because you didn't even get the reaction you were probably expecting.

ETA: I'll reserve judgment for now. I hope you look at my post above.
 
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I'm sorry, but what is a troll? And should I post a picture to make people less likely to think of me that way? I have no reason to lie about what has happened to me but am just really trying to figure out how to combat negative remarks and comments, as I am currently home with my family.
 
Hi everyone, I was really hoping to get some good feedback, which some of you gave, and I am so thankful for that. Learning to really embrace my natural hair more so that my family will see my inner confidence shining through is really good advice.

To those of you calling me a "troll" and questioning my Native heritage...I am sickened. I paid money to post to this site because I am at my wit's end with my family's hatefulness and needed some love and support from people who I thought might be going through similar issues. I am pretty frugal with my money so I would never pay for something like this unless I were desperate. Please, to all of you being rude, stop, and thank you to all of you who gave good sound advice.

To answer a question earlier, though, yes, my mom did hit me. When I went to college, there were very few Natives on campus, so I hung out a lot with other people of color, especially Black women. I saw how many of them were going natural and their hair looked so strong, thick, and shiny, and seemed to grow much more than mine. When I showed my mom some pictures of these women's hair on facebook, she got so mad, that she said that I was trying to be black, and then hit me. Maybe this story sounds too ridiculous to be true, and I wish that were the case, but it is something that very much did happen to me. Thank you to all of you who have been so kind. I look forward to more feedback.
 
Wait...so yall think I am a troll because you don't think my tribe is legitimate enough for you? Oh, thank you. No really, thanks a whole ****ing lot. As if we don't get that enough. It's ****ing bad enough that a group of WHITE MEN decided the criteria for what it means to be a ****ing Native American, but now there is a group of people of color who have undergone similar struggles to Native peoples who are also telling me that I am not Indian enough. Thank you, really. We are on the eastern seaboard so we obviously came in first contact with European settlers and African slaves, so of course our tribe has some triracial heritage. But that does not making us any less Indian, just like Barack, Beyonce, and Halle are no less black. Thank you all for reinforcing the sterotype that in order for me to be Indian enough I have to look like a ****ing Pocahontas Disney Princess. This **** is bogus. At least now I know where not to look for support about my struggle with my hair. Yall are the ****ing trolls with your rude, racist asses.
 
NaturalNative said:
Yes, people from the Lumbee tribe tend to be very very anti black. Racism is rampant in our county and among our tribe.
Click to expand...

NaturalNative aww, you look very cute w/your curly hair. The fact that your mom hit you shows her lack of respect for you. You are a grown woman, why is she hitting you? You need to call her out and anyone else...when they do this. Demand respect. I mean that. No one should ever hit you or forcefully try to change your hair choices. No need to ask them their thoughts on your hair either-- unless you want a negative response. As far as the Lumbee people being anti-black-- show them a better way by your actions. We deal with it from all angles, so I'm not surprised-- just disappointed.
 
NaturalNative said:
I really don't know how to post pics...hopefully yall can see that. I'm the one on the right, obviously, the other is a fellow Lumbee who I attend church with.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/428479_10201084109766200_1117433108_n.jpg
Click to expand...

Sorry, OP. Now I just feel bad. It shouldn't matter so much to us that you're legitimately this or that. I guess the main point is that you've been criticized and bullied because of your curly hair. The only thing I can say is embrace your hair, but then again, family situations are complicated. I wish you the best of luck, and I'm sorry for not offering better advice. :bighug:

Despite the awesome introduction to LHCF you've received :lol:, I'm sure your time on LHCF will make you feel better and not so alone!
 
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