My family hates my natural hair

Okay,

The reason for the suspicion was because of a post about the Lumbee indians that was posted less than 24 hours before this post.

This has been done countless times in the past. A new account created and the first post in their history is basically a spinoff of a very, very recent controversial subject. It is always is less than 24 hours after the "hot" thread. It is always their first post. The op usually feigns innocence and lays low when they get called out and then they come back raging when some innocent posters defend them. It is a pattern. I have seen it numerous times.

I am sorry, but the timing is what did it and the fact that she knows her way around the forum. I have never seen a newbie come at people like this.

I know the board has been different lately but in this case I understand why they came to this conclusion. It seems fake. I thought the op was being funny because the timing was ridiculous.

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y
 
Before anybody quotes me, responds to me, or anything else. Here is my disclaimer. I actually read the entire thread, not just the "gritty" bits. Thank You.


NaturalNative said:
To those of you calling me a "troll" and questioning my Native heritage...I am sickened. I paid money to post to this site because I am at my wit's end with my family's hatefulness and needed some love and support from people who I thought might be going through similar issues. I am pretty frugal with my money so I would never pay for something like this unless I were desperate. Please, to all of you being rude, stop, and thank you to all of you who gave good sound advice.
Click to expand...


Actually before you made this post no one was attacking your heritage. That thread that was linked on page 1 was completely unrelated to you, it was made before you even signed up. If I'm correct, you signed up for LHCF on May 14th, 2013 correct? That thread on Lumbee people that was created in the Off-Topic (a section you cannot even SEE until you are a paid member of LHCF) Try not to take personal offense to a discussion that wasn't even about you.

Also, the reason people were suspicious was not because they are malicious, b*tchy, rude, etc. Maybe the comments were uncalled for, but you cannot make people feel guilty for having doubts about someone they have no prior knowledge of therefore no motive to dislike. I have never seen a LHCFer jump down a newbie's throat for no good reason, maybe another frequent poster, but not a newbie. It is because there was a controversial thread made not long before you made this one. If you are an actual Lumbee person with hair care problems then I am sorry that you took it as a personal attack, it was just a simple series of unfortunate events.


To all the people who are "appauled" by the lhcfer's who didn't believe her immediately, please stop acting brand new. Please stop acting like you haven't been here for years and haven't seen many a gate thread created by "new members" just to stir the pot. There have been instances in the past where people have done this same thing as HanaKuroi stated so let's all cut the nonesense and stop acting like it's never happened before.

People on here stay getting hyped over the internet, you can log off with all that.

NaturalNative I don't know who you are and frankly it's not my job to find out. MY advice to you is not to spend your time attempting to make your family accept you. Some people are just hateful human beings, I've known people who've been disowned, abandoned, and left by their parents and ostracized by their families. Do not ask them what their opinion of your hair is. And if they ask you, just roll your eyes and walk away. You are a grown woman, why the heck are you letting other people run your life?? If being natural makes you feel good about yourself, then keep doing it. Not saying it doesn't hurt, just saying that not everybody in this world will love you unconditionally and if your family is included in that crowd then do everything in your power to get away form them. There is not amount of advice we can give on this forum that will make you do anything. And frankly, it seems you're having a Domestic Violence, self-esteem, and Family issue, not a hair issue. We only know about hair and various other topics, you either need to involve the authorities or find someone who is certified to help you with this emotional trauma.
 
Man y'all really tried it...honestly I read the other thread also and it wasn't even that controversial and the OP that wrote it wasn't even a Lumbee (sp?) or saying she was one so I don't see how anyone thought this was her. Even if she was the other poster this thread is asking specifically about her hair and dealing with family who doesn't agree with it.

OP please do stay and learn from others. These women really are nice and helpful and give wonderful helping information and resources so there is much to learn. I do hope you find what you are looking for and good luck on the rest of your journey.
 
DanceOnTheSkylines said:
To all the people who are "appauled" by the lhcfer's who didn't believe her immediately, please stop acting brand new. Please stop acting like you haven't been here for years and haven't seen many a gate thread created by "new members" just to stir the pot. There have been instances in the past where people have done this same thing as HanaKuroi stated so let's all cut the nonesense and stop acting like it's never happened before.
Click to expand...

THIS.gif


Thank you.
 
OP don't let anyone slap you. Even if its your own mother. My family didn't like my natural hair either and although now they do, it would not have mattered to me in the least. This is between me and God.

By the way, I'm confused by your mother's comment about you "looking" black with natural hair. I'm not sure what you're mixed with but you look black or mixed to me. I know nothing about your tribe, but is your tribe mostly mixed? True question.
 
OP, I have been mostly lurking as I have been kinda busy. However, this thread caught my eye so.....

Human behavior never ceases to amaze me. I don't understand the concept of making yourself ridiculous over an "alleged" troll. Even if OP is a troll, is all the extra necessary? Where is the prize for who spotted the troll first? One post and people jump?

Whether OP is a troll or not is not the concern. The post in itself was at the very least an opportunity for others to post advice that may be helpful to others going through the same situation. If OP is a troll I am sure she would show herself at some point. Some thanks and e-high fives are just not worth a show of immaturity but then that is my point of view.

OP, hang in there and do you. Responding with profanity laced posts is unneccessary and will change nothing. Stick to your purpose for posting and glean what you can from it.

My dear cousin transitioned for a year. She finally caved under the criticism her mother gave her constantly. My cousin's mother would tell her that her hair texture was too ugly and slave looking to be natural. She would say these things in front of everyone and try to solicit approval! My cousin has beautiful thick hair. She permed and now wishes she had hung in there. Whether you decide to stay natural or go back to perming, let it be your decision, it is your hair.
 
Thank you to all of you for your recent support. It's draining trying to respond to the people who are being unnecessary and unhelpful, so I'm going to try really hard not to do so. I know that a lot of it comes from ignorance or boredom. Idle hands are the devil's playground, right? Keep the good advice coming though people! I've been writing some of it down so I can read over it before entering into the gladiator arena that has become family outings.
 
DanceOnTheSkylines said:
Before anybody quotes me, responds to me, or anything else. Here is my disclaimer. I actually read the entire thread, not just the "gritty" bits. Thank You.





Actually before you made this post no one was attacking your heritage. That thread that was linked on page 1 was completely unrelated to you, it was made before you even signed up. If I'm correct, you signed up for LHCF on May 14th, 2013 correct? That thread on Lumbee people that was created in the Off-Topic (a section you cannot even SEE until you are a paid member of LHCF) Try not to take personal offense to a discussion that wasn't even about you.

Also, the reason people were suspicious was not because they are malicious, b*tchy, rude, etc. Maybe the comments were uncalled for, but you cannot make people feel guilty for having doubts about someone they have no prior knowledge of therefore no motive to dislike. I have never seen a LHCFer jump down a newbie's throat for no good reason, maybe another frequent poster, but not a newbie. It is because there was a controversial thread made not long before you made this one. If you are an actual Lumbee person with hair care problems then I am sorry that you took it as a personal attack, it was just a simple series of unfortunate events.


To all the people who are "appauled" by the lhcfer's who didn't believe her immediately, please stop acting brand new. Please stop acting like you haven't been here for years and haven't seen many a gate thread created by "new members" just to stir the pot. There have been instances in the past where people have done this same thing as HanaKuroi stated so let's all cut the nonesense and stop acting like it's never happened before.

People on here stay getting hyped over the internet, you can log off with all that.

NaturalNative I don't know who you are and frankly it's not my job to find out. MY advice to you is not to spend your time attempting to make your family accept you. Some people are just hateful human beings, I've known people who've been disowned, abandoned, and left by their parents and ostracized by their families. Do not ask them what their opinion of your hair is. And if they ask you, just roll your eyes and walk away. You are a grown woman, why the heck are you letting other people run your life?? If being natural makes you feel good about yourself, then keep doing it. Not saying it doesn't hurt, just saying that not everybody in this world will love you unconditionally and if your family is included in that crowd then do everything in your power to get away form them. There is not amount of advice we can give on this forum that will make you do anything. And frankly, it seems you're having a Domestic Violence, self-esteem, and Family issue, not a hair issue. We only know about hair and various other topics, you either need to involve the authorities or find someone who is certified to help you with this emotional trauma.
Click to expand...


This right there is the best advice so far.
By the way, am i the only one noticing that the OP is the only one using profanities in her posts? She seems to be pretty efficient at defending herself, and putting people back in their places, and ignoring the "non-helpers". Maybe OP can use some of that energy and confidence with her own family.
Welcome to the forum.
 
My hair regimen i'm sure is not nearly as good of any of you all on here! My last relaxer was November of 2011 and have been gradually chopping it off, so i still have some relaxed ends which make any kind of twist out or braid out or bantu knot look horrible. For the first year of my transition I was mostly just getting it blown out every week, thinking that since my new growth would be able to withstand heat better than relaxed hair and also just having a general preference for straight hair. Recently though, thanks to sooo many youtube channels, I learned about the importance of protextive styling and all the products I need to use, so my regimen of the past couple of weeks has been to:

Co-wash in sections With Tresemme
Then leave some conditioner on while i shower (finger combing it through hair, still in sections)
Then do a deep condition, leave it on for 30 minutes or so, then wash out (im planning on starting to do protein deep conditioners every other week, too)
Then I rinse that out, and put in the leave in Cantu Shea butter, working in sections
The front pieces of my hair are either damaged or just naturally coarser and more frizzy than the rest, so I had been using tight headbands to hold it back, but I've recently stopped that.
If I'm going out, I'll just scrunch my hair for a wash and go, but if not, I'll typically twist it and cover w/a scarf. Sorry if all that sounded complicated! And also, i'm certainly new to all of this, so any feedback on how to do my hair better would help. I know i need to get an oil.
 
NaturalNative said:
My hair regimen i'm sure is not nearly as good of any of you all on here! My last relaxer was November of 2011 and have been gradually chopping it off, so i still have some relaxed ends which make any kind of twist out or braid out or bantu knot look horrible. For the first year of my transition I was mostly just getting it blown out every week, thinking that since my new growth would be able to withstand heat better than relaxed hair and also just having a general preference for straight hair. Recently though, thanks to sooo many youtube channels, I learned about the importance of protextive styling and all the products I need to use, so my regimen of the past couple of weeks has been to:

Co-wash in sections With Tresemme
Then leave some conditioner on while i shower (finger combing it through hair, still in sections)
Then do a deep condition, leave it on for 30 minutes or so, then wash out (im planning on starting to do protein deep conditioners every other week, too)
Then I rinse that out, and put in the leave in Cantu Shea butter, working in sections
The front pieces of my hair are either damaged or just naturally coarser and more frizzy than the rest, so I had been using tight headbands to hold it back, but I've recently stopped that.
If I'm going out, I'll just scrunch my hair for a wash and go, but if not, I'll typically twist it and cover w/a scarf. Sorry if all that sounded complicated! And also, i'm certainly new to all of this, so any feedback on how to do my hair better would help. I know i need to get an oil.
Click to expand...

Your regimen sounds pretty good so far. I think it would be easier to help you make tweaks to your regimen if we saw pictures of just your hair alone. Do you have any progress pics from back when it used to b e straightened up until now that you're taking care of it?
 
NaturalNative said:
My hair regimen i'm sure is not nearly as good of any of you all on here! My last relaxer was November of 2011 and have been gradually chopping it off, so i still have some relaxed ends which make any kind of twist out or braid out or bantu knot look horrible. For the first year of my transition I was mostly just getting it blown out every week, thinking that since my new growth would be able to withstand heat better than relaxed hair and also just having a general preference for straight hair. Recently though, thanks to sooo many youtube channels, I learned about the importance of protextive styling and all the products I need to use, so my regimen of the past couple of weeks has been to:

Co-wash in sections With Tresemme
Then leave some conditioner on while i shower (finger combing it through hair, still in sections)
Then do a deep condition, leave it on for 30 minutes or so, then wash out (im planning on starting to do protein deep conditioners every other week, too)
Then I rinse that out, and put in the leave in Cantu Shea butter, working in sections
The front pieces of my hair are either damaged or just naturally coarser and more frizzy than the rest, so I had been using tight headbands to hold it back, but I've recently stopped that.
If I'm going out, I'll just scrunch my hair for a wash and go, but if not, I'll typically twist it and cover w/a scarf. Sorry if all that sounded complicated! And also, i'm certainly new to all of this, so any feedback on how to do my hair better would help. I know i need to get an oil.
Click to expand...
I notice the little straight pieces here and there in your pic, but the style still looks great. Try rodding up those pesky ends on a perm rod (not all the up to the scalp, unless you want a shorter look) and it makes a world of difference.

Definitely get an oil, or a non-waterbased cream or a butter to seal the hair afterward. But the reggie looks fine! Are you planning on shampooing at all or just cowashing?
 
NaturalNative said:
Thank you to all of you for your recent support. It's draining trying to respond to the people who are being unnecessary and unhelpful, so I'm going to try really hard not to do so. I know that a lot of it comes from ignorance or boredom. Idle hands are the devil's playground, right? Keep the good advice coming though people! I've been writing some of it down so I can read over it before entering into the gladiator arena that has become family outings.
Click to expand...

NaturalNative

Good idea

Glean the good advice in the thread you started, search for information in other threads, ignore anything that is hurtful and unhelpful (in here and in real life) and you'll be fine...
 
Aww, I'm always saddened when I read about Black women (or women of ANY race or ancestry) getting flack for embracing their natural texture. It is especially hurtful when the b.s. comes from loved ones who you'd hoped would be supportive of an often life-changing journey. My family HATED it when I wore wigs and definitely when I went natural. I just focused on my goal, ignored the comments, and kept transitioning. Once I was fully natural, the next thing I heard was, "Your sister is growing her relaxer out...she just blow dries it to blend the two textures."

That came from my mother, the biggest opponent to me going natural. I just smiled, and said, "Well, good." I let my hair show what natural hair is and could be. That sister didnt like me going natural either but then did it herself. Ha ha :lachen: And today my sister is still natural, though it's heat-trained. I'm texlaxed for convenience, because my shrinkage was bananas and I never heat-trained. Plus, I had ssk's and mats...which led to frequent trims since I rarely wore my hair stretched. I hope to go natural again at some point once my children have grown up some and I have more free time to myself to play with my hair and spend time on it (they are 4.5 yrs and 5.5 months).



Do what is best for YOU. People often resist change, then come to enjoy it. I wish you all the best!
 
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DanceOnTheSkylines I could post some pictures of me with a relaxer, but honestly, my hair was fly when it was relaxed lol. I took very good care of it. The only problem was that it wouldn't grow too much past my bra strap, and I had been trying to grow it for 8 years. So though I would say that my hair is healthier now, there was never really a dramatic moment of breakage or or a bad relaxer that prompted this switch. So if i posted before and after pics, I don't know that it would necessarily prove that natural hair looks/is better on me than relaxed, if that makes any sense. But I of course could do that if you'd really like to see.

Amarilles I plan to shampoo maybe every other week with the ORS Aloe Shampoo.
 
DanceOnTheSkylines I could post some pictures of me with a relaxer, but honestly, my hair was fly when it was relaxed lol. I took very good care of it. The only problem was that it wouldn't grow too much past my bra strap, and I had been trying to grow it for 8 years. So though I would say that my hair is healthier now, there was never really a dramatic moment of breakage or or a bad relaxer that prompted this switch. So if i posted before and after pics, I don't know that it would necessarily prove that natural hair looks/is better on me than relaxed, if that makes any sense. But I of course could do that if you'd really like to see.

Amarilles I plan to shampoo maybe every other week with the ORS Aloe Shampoo. I kind of want to get some Tea Tree shampoo or the Giovanni kind i see a lot of people talking about.
 
NaturalNative said:
DanceOnTheSkylines I could post some pictures of me with a relaxer, but honestly, my hair was fly when it was relaxed lol. I took very good care of it. The only problem was that it wouldn't grow too much past my bra strap, and I had been trying to grow it for 8 years. So though I would say that my hair is healthier now, there was never really a dramatic moment of breakage or or a bad relaxer that prompted this switch. So if i posted before and after pics, I don't know that it would necessarily prove that natural hair looks/is better on me than relaxed, if that makes any sense. But I of course could do that if you'd really like to see.
Click to expand...

Oh, I don't think it would prove your natural hair is better, I don't feel like it is. However, we're big on pics here and seeing your progress can inspire both us and any other newbie who wants an idea of good ways to transition and what to expect. Also if we notice anything else you need help with we can bring it to your attention
 
DanceOnTheSkylines This is a picture of me in 2011, a few days after my last relaxer. This was the longest my hair would grow to.
https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/318589_2176175049385_1091273029_n.jpg

This is me 8 months post realxer w/ my little sister. I had done a mini chop of my relaxed ends a few months prior. I was still wearing my hair mostly straight then. Like half of my hair was still relaxed then.
https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/205271_10151034974538259_718076297_n.jpg

This is my hair 2 months ago, almost all natural, as I said, I wear it straight a bit too much. The picture I posted earlier in the forum is one of the only that I have of it curly. I can take a few this weekend to post though.
https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/528769_4612188308281_1958791909_n.jpg

This is like the only one I have of it curly. It was from about 2 weeks ago.
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/943581_4881031789113_1554268362_n.jpg
 
NaturalNative your hair looks nice and healthy. How are you straightening? Do you blow dry, flat iron, use a heat protectant? Looks like you don't have a problem with trimming or hanging on to raggedy ends.

OT: Where did you get the shoes in the last photo? What brand/style are they? TIA

ETA: Beautiful young lady!
 
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MileHighDiva I never straighten my own hair, Ive tried before but haven't been successful, lol. And where I'm from I can get it done for 20 so that's not all that much. But they usually wash and condition it, roll it, and then i sit under the dryer, then they blow out the roller prints and flat iron. They never use a heat protectant :-( But I do trim quite regularly.

In the last photo though, I got those shoes from a company on ebay. The name brand is Wild Rose. I saw Beyonce wearing a similar pair, but hers were Louboutins, so I bought the knock offs lol
 
I thought I'd seen Kim K. and Kerry Washington in those shoes. Someone had a yellow pair but I don't recall who. Off to Ebay.
 
I never understood why "trolling" bothered so many people on forums. Some of you guys REALLY need to understand the beauty of ignoring people or things that you don't like or agree with. Regardless of the OP's ethnicity or "trolling" status, she asked a sound question and I just don't understand why people who feel like she was a troll felt the need to say anything, PERIOD. Don't we all preach "Don't feed the trolls"? So why even bother posting in a thread that some people felt was created by a troll? I digress...

To the OP, I personally do no think you're a troll. I agree with others points about doing what is best for YOU. Unfortunately, family can be toxic and sometimes has to be tuned out or eventually completely cut off for your own sanity. Your hair is beautiful and has the potential to be long and healthy with the right regimen. I say reach out to the friends or people you mentioned in one of your posts who were also going natural near you for advice and support, because your family won't grant that. Also, consider looking up some natural hair events in your area to go to meet other naturals. This can help you gain a support system IRL to help you on your journey. Going natural is a big step for many people, and criticism and disapproval from the people closest to us can really be discouraging. I'm just saddened that you're going through disapproval IRL along with prejudice online on a site that has so much to offer to women like yourself.
 
NaturalNative said:
DanceOnTheSkylines This is a picture of me in 2011, a few days after my last relaxer. This was the longest my hair would grow to.
https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/318589_2176175049385_1091273029_n.jpg

This is me 8 months post realxer w/ my little sister. I had done a mini chop of my relaxed ends a few months prior. I was still wearing my hair mostly straight then. Like half of my hair was still relaxed then.
https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/205271_10151034974538259_718076297_n.jpg

This is my hair 2 months ago, almost all natural, as I said, I wear it straight a bit too much. The picture I posted earlier in the forum is one of the only that I have of it curly. I can take a few this weekend to post though.
https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/528769_4612188308281_1958791909_n.jpg

This is like the only one I have of it curly. It was from about 2 weeks ago.
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/943581_4881031789113_1554268362_n.jpg
Click to expand...

Love the second pic with the bob. Very cute! I have a short wig like that whenever I feel the urge to cut my hair.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
Sorry to hear about your situation. I have family roots in the Lumbee tribe. Anyway, I have had african americans tell me I need a relaxer and they are not even family. My mom kept pushing my to straighten my hair and never accepted my natural hair as being nice. I gave up relaxers when I found out the damage to my hair and health they pose. You will have to be strong in this world because people will try to put you in their box irregardless of the negative effects it will have on you. You simply state once why you gave up the relaxer. Tell them once. You don't owe anyone else anymore than that. Then go on with Your life. You were created the way you were and so the Lord thought it was good enough so let that be that. :yep:
 
Just wanted to say that you are so pretty!
I think your family will embrace your hair once it's all natural and you learn some styles that work for you. I can see your curls in an awesome twist-n-curl (see CurlyNikki.com)
The thing about natural hair is that you have options to wear it straight or curly. I think you look great both ways. And maybe while they are getting used to the natural look, you can do the straight styles. Once you go back to school, you can be footloose and fancy free! LOL
 
NaturalNative said:
I have kinky hair, i think it's 3c/4a, and have got relaxers from age 5 until I was 21, in November of 2011. I'm Native American from the Lumbee tribe of NC, and since my other Natives do no have hair like mine, my mom has always gone to great lengths to keep it straight. Last year after I told her I was going natural and expressed excitement about it, she hit me in my face because she thinks I'm "trying to be black". She still today continues to make very negative comments about my hair. My cousins have called me "trashy" and said that i "probably have lice." Other family members make it a point to try to intervene about my hair (like I have a drug problem) by telling me how bad they think it looks or offering to pay for a relaxer or even sending my mom pictures of it curly and asking if it's okay if they say something to me about it. I am home for a few weeks this summer before beginning an internship in DC and am on the verge of becoming depressed at all of their comments. Could any of you please give me some advice or feedback on how to deal with the negativity? Anything would help.
Click to expand...

Well, as a fellow Native woman of similar descent, I'd say....STAND. I want others reading this email to know that not all Lumbee people are this way. And there are plenty of Lumbees who have kinky hair. Whether they are enrolled or not, well, that's another story. But Black intermingling with Indians is nothing new....it was the first encounter here. So, back to the OP, do YOU. If you cave, some other kid in future will have to deal with the same. We have to pave paths to change and the only way to do that is to be proud of who you are. BTW, a mother hitting her child in the face for any reason...THAT'S NOT NATIVE!!! :yep::yep: If she didn't want a kinky-haired child, then why marry a kinky haired Lumbee man? Honey, you are more majestic than the coveted buffalo. Think Buffalo Calf Woman, symbol of us all via the Lakota. You are beautiful.

If, in fact, this was a troll thread, there are probably lurkers who absolutely ARE dealing with this issue. This post is for them. :yep:
 
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