My ex husband had a baby.....

[kellylinn77]

My husband had a baby.....

With somone else. He was deployed to Iraq and 9 months later this girl contacted me and said she had his baby. The baby has his first and last name. He said he doesn't know if its his or not. Still waiting on the paternity test results. Can a woman give a baby a man's last name if he hasn't signed the birth certificate? He said he didn't sign it. I am so sick right now and I don't know what to do. I love my ex husband and can't imagine life without him. The bad part about it, we didn't have any kids. We tried to get pregnant when he came home on his 2 week leave (was tracking my ovulataion, the perfect time) Obviously we weren't successful. When he came back for good, the whole baby making process stopped. Should've known something then. He told me that he was getting out of the Army and thought we should wait until he had a job. Then he started talking about getting a divorce because he didn't want to be a burden on me because i'm still in the army. He siad once he got back on his feet we would be together. So like a dumby I lied on the seperation paperwork and gave him a divorce. Mind you we were still living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed. I just relocated to a new duty station (this is when the girl contacted me). My Ex husband is living back at home with his parents. So many signs....I guess love is really blind

 

[caribgirl]

I just want to say that I'm shedding tears for you as I read your post. It's never feels good to be left out in the dark but I can tell you that you WILL get through this and all things work together for good. I don't have to bash him but I will say that he doesn't deserve you at all.

You will give God thanks for this outcome one day.

 

[drasgrl]

I don't get it. He's your ex. You didn't want a divorce? Why didn't you sign the papers? Does he still want to be with you? I'm confused.

Then he started talking about getting a divorce because he didn't want to be a burden on me because i'm still in the army. He siad once he got back on his feet we would be together.

Burden my butt. This sounds like pure BS. If the man still wanted to be with you no way would he be asking for a divorce. That was his excuse. Is he back on his feet now? He's your ex keep it that way.

 

[kellylinn77]

Thanks caribgirl...But this pain is unbearable. We were still talking about getting back together and having a baby once he got on his feet (before I found out about the other baby of course). I feel so betrayed.

 

[kellylinn77]

I don't get it. He's your ex. You didn't want a divorce? Why didn't you sign the papers? Does he still want to be with you? I'm confused.
He's my ex now, we were still married when the baby was conceived.
Burden my butt. This sounds like pure BS. If the man still wanted to be with you no way would he be asking for a divorce. That was his excuse. Is he back on his feet now? He's your ex keep it that way.

Like I said love is blind. We were married for 8 years, I guess I believed him when he said we would work it out

 

[drasgrl]

Like I said love is blind. We were married for 8 years, I guess I believed him when he said we would work it out

Ok I thought the baby came after the divorce. That's just awful. I'm sorry he hurt you like that. I'm angry for you You deserve better and you will find better.

 

[FlawedBeauty]

aww girl i feel so bad for you. look at it this way: everything happens for a reason so maybe it's best that you didn't have a child with him. just imagine where you would be right now if you were however many months pregnant, or had already had a child with this man and this happened. I know this is soooooo much easier said than done but i would just leave him alone.

 

[MariposaSexyGirl]

I'm sorry Kelly but I'm not even gonna lie.. you got played. If he wanted to be with you he would have not wanted a divorce. And the fact that he say he doesn't know if it's his or not simply means he was still having unprotected relations with this woman. He basically was just telling you what you wanted to hear. And to answer your bolded red questions yes you can name your child whatever you want to on it's birth cetificate. He doesn't hve to sign it for the child to have his name. You can name your child Ass Hole and they couldn't do anything about it but suggest you change it. I know your in love but I think you should let all this baggage go. You are a pretty girl and you deserve more than what he s giving you trust that. Maybe you should read your post again but I know love is blinding. I give you hugs. And anything that doesnt kill you makes you stronger and you learn from it.

 

[kellylinn77]

Thanks for all the responses ladies, I just really need some strength right now. I'm all f@#ked up over this.

 

[MariposaSexyGirl]

Thanks for all the responses ladies, I just really need some strength right now. I'm all f@#ked up over this.

Girl that strength comes with time. I know its hard but try your best whatever it may be to get your mind of it.

 

[JLove74]

it's a good thing he's the ex----

 

[ThickHair]

You can name a baby anything you want too. A name does not establish paternity.

 

[Keen]

Sorry to hear that... So why did the baby mama called you? Is he trying not to claim the baby? He admitted having sex with her.

 

[Country gal]

Despite all the pain, God did you a favor. He is playing games with your emotion. Isn't marriage for better or for worse? There are countless women who have husbands that lost their jobs or have financial setbacks. I am not sure why the divorce had to take place because he was leaving the army?

 

[kellylinn77]

Sorry to hear that... So why did the baby mama called you? Is he trying not to claim the baby? He admitted having sex with her.

She called me out of spite. She was under the impression that my ex was gonna be with her after we got a divorce, so she kept quiet about it. Apparently he does not want to be with her and her 3 other kids (this one makes 4). After all of this came out about the baby,he told me the real reason for the divorce. He felt like it would hurt me more if we were still married and I forund out. I guess he figured if the baby wasn't his, he would find a way to get back with me. If it is his, being married to me is one less thing he would have to deal with

 

[Butterfly08]

She called me out of spite. She was under the impression that my ex was gonna be with her after we got a divorce, so she kept quiet about it. Apparently he does not want to be with her and her 3 other kids (this one makes 4). After all of this came out about the baby,he told me the real reason for the divorce. He felt like it would hurt me more if we were still married and I forund out. I guess he figured if the baby wasn't his, he would find a way to get back with me. If it is his, being married to me is one less thing he would have to deal with

BS Alert...BS Alert!!!!

@ your ex for even uttering those words! How can tricking you to signing a piece of paper lessen the hurt you will feel from his betrayal???? Boy I tell you....SMH.....

I'm sorry this happened to you, and after 8 years I know it just hurts so bad, but it sounds like he has a LOT of growing up to do.

 

[january noir]

Thanks for all the responses ladies, I just really need some strength right now. I'm all f@#ked up over this.

Hugs Kelly. And this, too, shall pass.
Hang in kiddo. You'll wake up one day and this "event" will be only a memory and not worth your time. Nurse your wounds and get on with living. Don't let some knuckle-head, dishonest (seemed honest) man steal, yes, steal, your sunshine!

 

[WhipEffectz1]

These men are scandalous yeah!!!! I say we start chopping and cow branding again to get their mind right!!! I'm so sorry you're going through this but it shall pass. You probably don't realize it now but you don't need that type of drama in your life. Let the baby mama deal with it now!!! There's someone else out there for you. Good luck!

 

[Honey6928215]

Girl that is some scandalous s**t! Man, you are better off without him. I'm sorry about the way you have found out but there is a reason for everything. I wouldn't go back with him after that stunt he pulled. This is too much.

 

[Princess4real]

I'm sorry Kelly but I'm not even gonna lie.. you got played. If he wanted to be with you he would have not wanted a divorce. And the fact that he say he doesn't know if it's his or not simply means he was still having unprotected relations with this woman. He basically was just telling you what you wanted to hear. And to answer your bolded red questions yes you can name your child whatever you want to on it's birth cetificate. He doesn't hve to sign it for the child to have his name. You can name your child Ass Hole and they couldn't do anything about it but suggest you change it. I know your in love but I think you should let all this baggage go. You are a pretty girl and you deserve more than what he s giving you trust that. Maybe you should read your post again but I know love is blinding. I give you hugs. And anything that doesnt kill you makes you stronger and you learn from it.

Good advice!

kellylinn77, I'm a military spouse, send me a pm if you need a shoulder. You will get over this!

 

[Princess4real]

These men are scandalous yeah!!!! I say we start chopping and cow branding again to get their mind right!!! I'm so sorry you're going through this but it shall pass. You probably don't realize it now but you don't need that type of drama in your life. Let the baby mama deal with it now!!! There's someone else out there for you. Good luck!

Yep She wanted him and because of the way it went down, they will never be happy.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Wow Im sorry I think its a good thing that you were not able to get preggo by this baffoon..could you imagine raising a baby and then hearing that there is another child on the side? its not cool and you would be tied to him forever. Everyone here has offered good advice. you'll bump back from this.

 

[DragonPearl]

Kelly, that sucks. I am mad at your ex and I don't even know him. What a jerk!!

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

He needs to be shot.

 

[kellylinn77]

Thanks ladies......

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

She called me out of spite. She was under the impression that my ex was gonna be with her after we got a divorce, so she kept quiet about it. Apparently he does not want to be with her and her 3 other kids (this one makes 4). After all of this came out about the baby,he told me the real reason for the divorce. He felt like it would hurt me more if we were still married and I forund out. I guess he figured if the baby wasn't his, he would find a way to get back with me. If it is his, being married to me is one less thing he would have to deal with

I'm not sure if you are collecting alimony but the fact that he f'd up the marriage could have landed you more money during the divorce. He played you girl. That baby is his, and you should just let the past be the past. Don't go back cause if he couldn't be honest than and made you go through some crap, then he can't be trusted. You got lucky cause you don't have his kids.

Let's see he does not value marriage; 1. he cheated during, 2. he used divorce as an option to escape.

Count your stars and move on, you can definitely do so much better!!!

 

[WhipEffectz1]

Yep She wanted him and because of the way it went down, they will never be happy.

Yep, yep!!! Shame shall return and he shall cheat on her as well. Such a vicious cycle.

 

[Nola Darling]

She called me out of spite. She was under the impression that my ex was gonna be with her after we got a divorce, so she kept quiet about it. Apparently he does not want to be with her and her 3 other kids (this one makes 4). After all of this came out about the baby,he told me the real reason for the divorce. He felt like it would hurt me more if we were still married and I forund out. I guess he figured if the baby wasn't his, he would find a way to get back with me. If it is his, being married to me is one less thing he would have to deal with

Well I'll be....that's great that you two are divorced with no kids. Take this situation as a great opportunity to move on with your life. Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Keen]

I'm not sure if you are collecting alimony but the fact that he f'd up the marriage could have landed you more money during the divorce. He played you girl. That baby is his, and you should just let the past be the past. Don't go back cause if he couldn't be honest than and made you go through some crap, then he can't be trusted. You got lucky cause you don't have his kids.

Let's see he does not value marriage; 1. he cheated during, 2. he used divorce as an option to escape.

Count your stars and move on, you can definitely do so much better!!!

Well she already lied on the divorce paper. Since she's in the military, I don't know if she can go back on her words. He probably figured if he told her the real reason he wanted the divorce, she would have taken him to the cleaners.

 

[cutebajangirl]

He got you good but you know what even with all that God still protected you. It is truly a blessing that you can walk away from this thing (I wont call him a man) without any ties, allowing you to be totally free for a real man to share your life with.