My Dh Keeps A Record Of Our Love Life....

[JoBaker]

In our house, we have multiple phones and tablets, but only one computer with different profiles. My DH and I will often leave our respective profile up when we're finished. No big deal. We just switch to our own, then go from there. However, I was in a hurry today, so I decided to use his profile to print out a spreadsheet that is in the Public Documents folder. I got my file, but then decided to snoop around in his personal files. Nothing bad, no love letters, no weird porn. Except, there were several files labeled "2012", "2013", "2014" and "2015".

I opened one and it was obviously a spreadsheet that kept track of the days that we had sex!

It had of all of the days/months in a year broken into 4 Workbooks listed as Quarter 1, Quarter 2 etc. Column 1 was"Month" with all of the days underneath. Column 2 was "S" with a "y" under (sadly) only a few days each month. The "y"'s coincided with that last few times we had sex. He's never said anything to me about keeping track of our sex life. He's never specifically thrown it in my face (i.e "we haven't had sex since March 27th". He has, on occasion said "it's been a while...", but that's about it).

I don't know if I should say something to him about it or not.

I'm sad to admit that we really don't have sex very often. Our daughter sleeps in our bedroom with me, while he sleeps in her room (his choice). I'm usually just tired or really don't think about sex that much. I know that he thinks about sex a lot, but not to this extent.

What should I do? Ignore it? Say something?

 

[MrsTimberlake]

Obviously sex is important to him. How old is your daughter? Can she start sleeping in her room so that he can come back to your room? You might want to rethink your views on sex. As for the spreadsheet, I don't know if you should bring it up or not. But if you start having some sex, he won't have time to update it.

 

[TayMac]

He might be feeling neglected (especially if the frequency decreased) so I would try to work on that. Is your daughter an infant?

 

[LiftedUp]

I don't know how you can say something without admitting that you went through his personal documents. Maybe have a date night and casually bring up each other's needs in the relationship, whether it is being fulfilled, and how can it be better fulfilled.

 

[sweetvi]

Girllllll...you better put it on him. Or someone else will. Like a poster mentioned earlier, make it so he doesn't have time to update it.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I don't think anything is wrong with keeping track, some people are OCD like that

 

[ladysaraii]

I don't think anything is wrong with keeping track, some people are OCD like that

It's funny you say that b/c my first thought was 'wow that is really creepy' Especially 4 years worth. I mean, I love my spreadsheets like the next girl, but....

 

[Honey Bee]

I'm sad to admit that we really don't have sex very often. Our daughter sleeps in our bedroom with me, while he sleeps in her room (his choice). I'm usually just tired or really don't think about sex that much. I know that he thinks about sex a lot, but not to this extent.

What should I do? Ignore it? Say something?

I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping track either. But alladis right here?

Why are you not sharing a bed with your husband? How old is your daughter and why is she not in her own bed? You know he "thinks about sex a lot," but you're not having it with him??? Um, how do you see this all working out?

There's an underlying problem. What is it?

 

[Layluh]

Girl just go put it on him. Yeen gotta say nothin.

 

[kandake]

Is he typically OCD like that? If not, he's documenting that stuff for a reason. You guys definitely need to talk about it. I don't know if you share that you saw his files. But maybe just a general conversation about your sex life. Did you always have different sex drives?

 

[Ivonnovi]

Don't say anything ....it's time to UP your game and give up the y to get more Y's. He needs more coloring time and less spreadsheet time.

 

[Cheekychica]

OP the spreadsheet thing is weird and creepy in my opinion. Also, wasn't there a viral story about the same thing?

http://www.people.com/article/husband-excel-spreadsheet-sex-wife

There was a thread about it here- I guess it's more common than I thought.

 

[Foxglove]

Why do you all sleep in separate beds? To me the lack of intimacy would be a red flag and obviously it bothers him. How old is your daughter? Why doesn't she sleep in her own room?

ETA I agree the spreadsheet thing is weird and there's no way of telling him about it without him knowing you went through his files but it is a shared computer

 

[Leesh]

Why do you all sleep in separate beds? To me the lack of intimacy would be a red flag and obviously it bothers him. How old is your daughter? Why doesn't she sleep in her own room?

ETA I agree the spreadsheet thing is weird and there's no way of telling him about it without him knowing you went through his files but it is a shared computer

She did say that it's HIS choice to sleep in the other room...What lead to that may be the issue altogether. OP what was his reasoning of why he wants to sleep in the another room? It's time to put your daughter in her room and tend to your marriage before it's too late.

The spreadsheet thing is a little weird. There's no good reasoning to do that.

 

[hopeful]

Was your daughter born in 2012? Just connecting the dots. Assuming the spreadsheet thing began when she was born and the sex dropped off. I feel really sorry for him. You are neglecting your husband and your responsibilities as a wife. The spreadsheet is odd but nowhere near as odd as your daughter sleeping in your room and your hubby sleeping in hers. The spreadsheet thing should resolve itself once you guys resolve the real problem (sleeping in separate rooms and rarely having sex). Don't you miss your husband?

 

[curlicarib]

Girl, just go have sex with your husband. A lot.

There is really nothing to discuss. Just have more sex.

 

[JoBaker]

He might be feeling neglected (especially if the frequency decreased) so I would try to work on that. Is your daughter an infant?

I hate to admit it - but she's almost 7....

 

[JoBaker]

Girllllll...you better put it on him. Or someone else will. Like a poster mentioned earlier, make it so he doesn't have time to update it.

Yea, I know that's what I gotta do....

 

[JoBaker]

Was your daughter born in 2012? Just connecting the dots. Assuming the spreadsheet thing began when she was born and the sex dropped off. I feel really sorry for him. You are neglecting your husband and your responsibilities as a wife. The spreadsheet is odd but nowhere near as odd as your daughter sleeping in your room and your hubby sleeping in hers. The spreadsheet thing should resolve itself once you guys resolve the real problem (sleeping in separate rooms and rarely having sex). Don't you miss your husband?

I love him. It just got "easier" to have her stay in our room. To be honest, he had been suggesting that I help her fall asleep in her room since she was out of the crib. He said that he would do it, but didn't think it was right since she's a girl. I guess he just go fed up and moved over to her room. I had been telling myself that I would get her into her own room, but just got used to things being like they are now. On reflection, in many ways we're like roommates. He's never mean or anything, but looking back, there is definitely a lack of affection from him. We laugh about things, joke about whatever, but not much sex. I don't know how to start things up again...

 

[JoBaker]

She did say that it's HIS choice to sleep in the other room...What lead to that may be the issue altogether. OP what was his reasoning of why he wants to sleep in the another room? It's time to put your daughter in her room and tend to your marriage before it's too late.

The spreadsheet thing is a little weird. There's no good reasoning to do that.

To be honest, he had been suggesting that I help her fall asleep in her room since she was out of the crib. He said that he would do it, but didn't think it was right since she's a girl. I guess he just go fed up and moved over to her room.

 

[JoBaker]

OP the spreadsheet thing is weird and creepy in my opinion. Also, wasn't there a viral story about the same thing?

http://www.people.com/article/husband-excel-spreadsheet-sex-wife

There was a thread about it here- I guess it's more common than I thought.

I just went to the link. I don't know whether I feel better or worse not being the only one....

 

[kandake]

If you want your marriage to work you need to get your daughter out of your room and start having sex with your husband on a regular basis (whatever that means for you all). A seven year old in the bed with you and your husband in her room is just unacceptable. I really think he's keeping those records to use against you if he chooses to file for divorce.

 

[Leesh]

To be honest, he had been suggesting that I help her fall asleep in her room since she was out of the crib. He said that he would do it, but didn't think it was right since she's a girl. I guess he just go fed up and moved over to her room.

Ok I see. I think.

I think it may be time to get her situated in her own room, so that you can get your marriage back on track before it's too late.

 

[JoBaker]

Is he typically OCD like that? If not, he's documenting that stuff for a reason. You guys definitely need to talk about it. I don't know if you share that you saw his files. But maybe just a general conversation about your sex life. Did you always have different sex drives?

He's only obsessive about football. He's reasonably neat, easy going. No hint at all of anything like that. He's always had a strong sex drive, since we were dating. So, I guess if I'm being honest, this shouldn't come as a surprise. It's really an eye opener....

 

[Honey Bee]

To be honest, he had been suggesting that I help her fall asleep in her room since she was out of the crib. He said that he would do it, but didn't think it was right since she's a girl. I guess he just go fed up and moved over to her room.

Of course, he has. What you're feeling is a lack of intimacy... not exactly sex but close. You feel like roommates cuz you're living like roommates. Move the baby and build some intimacy with your partner.

 

[hopeful]

She's 7? So you sit him down tonight and you guys start working on this immediately. Both of you need to explain to your daughter that things will change. This is the best for everyone, including your daughter. This is setting a bad example for her about what marriage and intimacy looks like. This weekend plan a date night. Get a babysitter. Have sex. Reclaim your marriage bed. Let your daughter grow up and enjoy having her own room.

 

[Honey Bee]

She's 7? So you sit him down tonight and you guys start working on this immediately. Both of you need to explain to your daughter that things will change. This is the best for everyone, including your daughter. This is setting a bad example for her about what marriage and intimacy looks like. This weekend plan a date night. Get a babysitter. Have sex. Reclaim your marriage bed. Let your daughter grow up and enjoy having her own room.

 

[Honey Bee]

If you want your marriage to work you need to get your daughter out of your room and start having sex with your husband on a regular basis (whatever that means for you all). A seven year old in the bed with you and your husband in her room is just unacceptable. I really think he's keeping those records to use against you if chooses to file for divorce.

That's a possibility, but I think it's equally as likely that he's keeping the records just to make sure he ain't going crazy. I've heard of men who do that in situations like these. Normally, they're husbands who want things to work out and are actually trying not to beast on their wives, but they just need an objective record.

Most men could do it every day, real talk.

 

[hopeful]

That's a possibility, but I think it's equally as likely that he's keeping the records just to make sure he ain't going crazy. I've heard of men who do that in situations like these. Normally, they're husbands who want things to work out and are actually trying not to beast on their wives, but they just need an objective record.

Most men could do it every day, real talk.

I agree. I think it's a coping mechanism, a way for him to deal with the lack of intimacy between you two. It's like he's trying to make sense of what's going on. It's actually very sad IMO.

 

[lux10023]

very good advice given in this thread..if you love him and want to make it work, it doesn't have to be this grandiose jester just get a sitter and cook a nice meal, slip on something sexy after and enjoy some foreplay, a nice kiss always gets things going..glass of wine..... cue the bom chicka wa wa music...

lil momma def has to sleep in her own room....STAT!!!!

oddly enough i know many couple's living as like their roommates just living..not enjoy engaging one another and keeping the fire lit..let it blaze or simmer but keep it lit.....