Not In The Mood

[SimplyBeaTifull]

So..we have had sex two days in a row...yesterday and today..i kinda enjoyed it and i kinda didn't..we also had a heart to heart conversation today and tried to come to a solution to our problems...sex..money..etc.. he says i never know when to listen and i am always putting him down..i wasn't aware that my efforts to push him to greatness was actually bringing his ego down...so now i'm just confused..although the sex does help his attitude i am trying really hard to understand why he continues to do things that brings no j0y to himself...riddle me this..

 

[hopeful]

Focus on your joy. Focus on you. He is distracting you with sex and confusing conversation. Stay focused.

 

[SimplyBeaTifull]

One thing I will not lose is focus! Thanks huuny!!

 

[prettyinpurple]

Sis, please think strongly again about why you are marrying him. Work out the these problems and the in-law problems too before you get married. Because girl none of this is bringing you joy and that makes me sad. Don't start your marriage this way.

For emphasis:

Please do not marry this main. If he's treating you this way before marriage, I can only imagine what life would be like for you after the wedding. You are being entirely too patient, understanding, loving toward this selfish, entitled man. Stop it! Make yourself a priority in your life. Take good care of YOU. He is not a good guy. He is pretending, putting on a show, like @Lucie said, he is good on paper. Run, run while you can. Save yourself. IMO he is not going to change. This is who he is.

 

[syze6]

Please do not marry this main. If he's treating you this way before marriage, I can only imagine what life would be like for you after the wedding. You are being entirely too patient, understanding, loving toward this selfish, entitled man. Stop it! Make yourself a priority in your life. Take good care of YOU. He is not a good guy. He is pretending, putting on a show, like @Lucie said, he is good on paper. Run, run while you can. Save yourself. IMO he is not going to change. This is who he is.

Yep...he really will be the same once married. He is comfortable with the roles you guys play BEFORE marriage. He will surely not see anything wrong with those same roles AFTER marriage. If you are dog tired, you will not enjoy sex at all. He should understand that you are dog tired. I wish I would work 12 hours, go home and do cleaning and such. My hubby would be scared to let his fingernail rub up against me for some sex! You got to find your happiness within yourself NOW! You will struggle to find it in your marriage if you don't! Good luck to you and I hope it gets better. It will get better when you start to nurture YOU!

 

[SimplyBeaTifull]

So its a new year....same drama...I think its over... And the fact i don't feel any type of "feelings" (after being with someone 5+years) Im just ready to be free..tired of asking for stuff that is common sense...Cant Raise A Man!

 

[prettyinpurple]

Did you marry him?

 

[SimplyBeaTifull]

Did you marry him?

No..still living with him though.

 

[hopeful]

No..still living with him though.

Glad you didn't marry him. Make your plans for the life you want and start moving toward them. Get away from him as soon as you can. There is a reason that you feel the way you do. Trust yourself and trust that life will support you once you make a move, a definitive decision. You don't need him.

 

[beingofserenity]

Glad y'all didn't marry!

 

[SimplyBeaTifull]

I want to make peace with him and be adults and just conclude we don't belong together..But how do you do that with a person who is obviously still is a child inside..and will most likely think "he was used"...just only so I could get on my feet and then leave...

Glad you didn't marry him. Make your plans for the life you want and start moving toward them. Get away from him as soon as you can. There is a reason that you feel the way you do. Trust yourself and trust that life will support you once you make a move, a definitive decision. You don't need him.

 

[SimplyBeaTifull]

So..we have had sex two days in a row...yesterday and today..i kinda enjoyed it and i kinda didn't..we also had a heart to heart conversation today and tried to come to a solution to our problems...sex..money..etc.. he says i never know when to listen and i am always putting him down..i wasn't aware that my efforts to push him to greatness was actually bringing his ego down...so now i'm just confused..although the sex does help his attitude i am trying really hard to understand why he continues to do things that brings no j0y to himself...riddle me this..

^^^^^^^^this happen recently...smh

 

[SimplyBeaTifull]

Did you marry him?

No...still wearing a ring though..smh

 

[LostInAdream]

I want to make peace with him and be adults and just conclude we don't belong together..But how do you do that with a person who is obviously still is a child inside..and will most likely think "he was used"...just only so I could get on my feet and then leave...

You don't have to make peace with him. Make peace with yourself about the situation, it seems you have. Are you ready to move out and be on your own? If so, tell him when you have all that set up and are literally about to walk out the door. If not, keep up the same charade until you do.

Either way do what you know you want and need to do. Don't think about anything nor anyone else. These are your thoughts and how you are being treated. Remember, you only have ONE life this is it and live it how you want it!

 

[hopeful]

I want to make peace with him and be adults and just conclude we don't belong together..But how do you do that with a person who is obviously still is a child inside..and will most likely think "he was used"...just only so I could get on my feet and then leave...

You are dealing with a highly manipulative man. He knows every button to push. He may seem child-like but his manipulation skills are not. He is a master at making you feel guilty and getting his way. Are you really going to keep putting your freedom and happiness on hold for this man? He is never going to make it easy for you to leave. Nor is he ever going to be a loving, supportive partner. You have to put yourself first, make a decision, then act. Who cares what he or anyone else thinks? You have the right to live a happy and peaceful life. You don't owe this man anything at all. And I know it's hard to get but you will never get closure with a man like this. You will have to give yourself closure.

 

[hopeful]

Also you started this thread almost a year ago. At that time you said you guys had been together for more than 6 years. So now you have been with this man for 7 years, 7 years. Still not married, still unhappy, still burdened down, still making no progress.